Pocket Full of Foxes

Neurodivergent internet weirdo offering little insights like a person throwing bird feed in a little corner of the internet. "Red Fox" by YellowstoneNPS ^ "Snow" by FHKE ^^

[feminist-space]

The above is a video shared by smrchildsadness on Twitter, showing a person participating in a pride parade exchanging a pride flag with a person standing on his (am using his pronoun based on the TikToks/Tweets of what happened) doorway who had a Portuguese flag. There are sounds of cheers and crying and the two people hug each other as they exchange the flags. The man at the doorway then waved kisses to the crowd within the pride parade.

The Tweet says: "NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HE WAS WAVING THE PORTUGUESE FLAG BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE A PRIDE FLAG AND THEY TRADED FLAGS AND HE'S SO EMOTIONAL TO GET HIS OWN PRIDE FLAG I'M EMOTIONALLY RUINED"

For context, apparently they were worried that maybe he's a nationalist because he was waving the Portuguese flag and some nationalists opposing the pride march were waving that flag. But upon interacting with him, it turns out he didn't have have a pride flag and he wanted to wave *a* flag in support of the pride march. So they had an exchange and now he has his own pride flag 😭🥹.

The image above is a Tweet by kunwara_ladkaa that says "I'm crying so much right now (Image taken by Manuel Fernando Araújo/Lusa)". The image shows the same man from the pride parade crying as he hugs his new pride flag.

The above image is a Tweet by dudz_zZzz that says "ainda não parei de pensar nele," which according to Google translate from Portuguese to English is "I still haven't stopped thinking about him." The image is a drawing of the person from the pride parade, crying as he hugs his new pride flag.

Posts were made on July 1, 2024.

[nevereverbird]

His name is António Fernandes, and you can find the original article where he spoke about this event here

This elderly gentleman lives alone in Porto, when he saw the march coming up his street all he knew was he wanted to participate, so he ran home to get the only flag he had to wave as they passed by, when they did he was overcome with emotion and called over one of the activists, they hugged and exchanged flags, he felt so overwhelmed that he could only hold it and cry.

This isn't a story about a closeted elderly man, António lives and has been living alone for many years now and that little moment made him feel included in something for the first time in many years.

Says the article:

"The act was "of support”, guarantees the man, especially because “each one is as they are and we are all the same”. “The joy I felt at this moment. I cried,” he recalled, still emotional when looking at the photograph offered to him during this report.

However, even though it reached thousands of people, the moment screams a feeling of belonging, of joy and also a portrait of loneliness as a consequence of aging.

Behind that door, whose image spread across the country, António is the portrait of a condition that affects many others like him.  He lives alone, but the walls of his home are full of memories of a life shared and full of love. “Memories I preserve,” he stresses.

He's not gay, nor does he need to be to support and respect the cause.

“We all have the same color blood. We are all the same.”

Still with an emotional look glued to the photograph that immortalized his gesture at the march, António remembers: “I felt embraced by all of them”. After a sigh, he says: “See this photo? I want to take it to my coffin.”

[xiaohongshu-for-you]

This song fucking rules. Mongolian women are so cool.

[buzzfeedtasty]

An Intro To Indian Dishes, by BuzzFeed India

[lebeaunoiseur]

Food Network is shook!

[ablogtitty-deactivated20181212]

Give this girl her own show!!!

[queersamus]

“because mom said so” is literally how i learned to cook i’m screaming

[8foldhero-deactivated20181214]

“you don’t have that kind of time, and are secretly wishing for this emotional release” M O O D

[ranaraeuchle]

This is the best cooking show that’s ever been made! And I relate to the “fuckit” style of cooking soooo hard!

[petermorwood]

Srishti’s enthusiasm would have anyone heading to the kitchen. There’s a definite Bollywood vibe to her performance. :-D

It’s like the way I often cook for myself nowadays, and not just curries. “Chuck it in, mix it up and let it do its thing” works for chilli, goulash, tajine, eintopf - in fact most stew-ish dishes whatever their nationality. They’re meant to be low-maintenance, that’s the whole point.

Much practice means I’ve got the knack of knowing what / how much spices / seasonings work with what meat, fish, chicken, veg, pulses…

Put crushed caraway seeds in goulash, a chunk of plain chocolate or sprinkle of cocoa in chilli, a big pinch of cinnamon and a dash of lemon juice in chicken with tomatoes… That kind of thing.

Then there was the time I made a “we’re-out-of-tamarind?” fake-out for a green lentil & brown basmati khichri. The fake involved HP sauce, lemon juice, balsamic vinegar, brown sugar and crossed fingers, and worked far better than expected - but then HP sauce has tamarind in it already and IMO thanks to the Raj there’s some much older Indian relish in its ancestry.

Don’t worry about forgetting salt: add it later - that’s what ”taste and adjust seasoning” means - and if you know the people at table salt their food before they try it anyway (as so many do) don’t bother. Not enough salt is easy to fix, too much salt is there for keeps.

Cultural diff means I’m okay with beef, also pork.

AFAIK pork mostly belongs in Keralan and Goan cuisine, especially pork vindaloo, though proper vindaloo is far more subtle than the Brit curry-house standard. I read somewhere years ago that the old Imperial Mughals were at ease with wild boar, treating it as clean “game” not unclean “pork”, but don’t quote me. Lamb, mutton and goat also really go well with Indian spicing.

Lentils, chickpeas, beans etc. (dhal - it’s a class of lentil dishes, but AFAIK also just means “pulses”) didn’t get mentioned, but you can sub them for meat in anything, so long as you cook them properly.

If you do add cubed meat or paneer (pressed curd cheese), then depending on proportions of ingredients that lentil-rice khichri from earlier becomes a sort of dhansak, biryani or pilau. For this sort of cooking the names don’t matter, the tastes do, and the tastes are good.

Dried lentils and dried split peas will cook in a masala (spiced veg base) in about 1 - 1½ hours without advance work; just add a bit more water for them to absorb. Chickpeas / kidney beans need soaked overnight to get them cooking-ready; do lots, drain, divide into recipe amounts, bag and freeze. If you use tinned; drain and rinse them to get rid of excess salt / sugar in the packing water.

The finished food freezes fine (ah, alliteration!) and if your takeaway delivers in those little plastic containers with snap-on lids, stop chucking them out because you’ve got portion-size freezer boxes right there.

Use one for the main and another for the starch (rice, couscous, pasta, noodles, mashed spuds, pommes dauphinoise*, whatever): defrost and nuke one of each and you have a light meal for two or a solid meal for one.

(*NB, must do something about my Firefox spellchecker: “pommies diaphanous” isn’t a side dish I recognise, but conjures up some very odd mental images…)

But for now I’m going to watch that video again. :-D

[mousegirlheart]

mutuals please do this to me

[pocketfullofoxes]

AuDHD Annotated Bibliography as of fall 2024. MH

Methodology

The purpose of this annotated bibliography is primarily to broaden the understanding of AuDHD literature and media that is publicly accessible for myself and other interested peeps. The formatting style originates from MLA with some differences based on my own preferences (and the fact I’m not in academia anymore so this is not being graded or peer reviewed). Organization of this AB has also been changed to my personal preferences.

I also want to say that this AB’s focus is primarily research/expression for adults. Some of the content is primarily for adults diagnosed/discovered their neurodiversity later in life. I acknowledge that there is a lot of content on social media (Instagram, tiktok, etm.) but I do not consider these sources to be open access because many of them require an account to view media and the rules around what content is allowed seems to be mercurial.

Posts on here that do not have blurbs mean that I have not fully read the content yet and is basically TBR. If you have an open access media you would like to be added to this list please feel free to contact me and I will evaluate it for addition!

Blog posts

“Support for dual diagnosis (autism + adhd).” Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/audhd Accessed 29 Aug 2024.

Audience is significant other of someone who has AuDHD and new AuDHDers (adults). They sometimes cite their sources and do not use the disease-based model. They use multimedia – pictures, videos, as well as written. The venn diagram is not as good as Dr. Neff’s. Explanation of co-occurrances between ADHD and autism does not feel fleshed out. *they do not cite the studies they discuss in the section of how pregnancy could be connected to autism.

I appreciated that under treatment approaches they say expressly “Please know that the goal of behavior therapy must NOT be to turn you into a neurotypical person. It is to help you find ways to cope while living in an allistic world and be TRUE TO YOURSELF!” [italics in original].

*Clarified that autism and adhd could not be dual diagnosis until publication of DSM 5 which acknowledges the wide range of symptoms clients can experience.

ADDitude Editors "'A living contradiction:' the AuDHD experience" ADDitude, https://www.additudemag.com/audhd-autism-adhd-experience/ Accessed 4 Sept. 2024

Relatively brief, sources cited. Anecdotes from people's lived experience having autism and ADHD. There are a nice variety of perspectives-- some people talk about adhd conflicting with autism, others find that they compliment each other. One anecdote is from the mother of an AuDHD child, multiple anecdotes from people diagnosed later in life.

Hinze, Emma, et al. “Understanding AuDHD strengths.” Attwood & Garnett Events https://attwoodandgarnettevents.com/what-is-the-neurodiversity-affirming-movement/ Accessed 29 Aug 2024.

References cited. Provides a list of strengths as well as misconceptions about AuDHD. Website appears to be informative- has posts on the neurodiversity-affirming movement, autism in women and girls, autism and ptsd in adults, etc. Also host master classes for “professionals, parents and those on the spectrum.”

Peer Reviewed Articles

Craddock, Emma “Being a woman is 100% significant to my experiences of ADHD and autism: Exploring the gendered implications of an adulthood AuDHD diagnosis.” Qualitative Health Research, 2024. https://www.open-access.bcu.ac.uk/15499/1/QHR_final_accepted_version_190424.pdf Accessed 29 Aug 2024.

This article discusses the gendered omission of women and girls from autism and adhd diagnoses and the theoretical and practical implications of the co-occuring conditions. This research aims to “bridge the gap” since previously late diagnosed ADHD and late diagnosed autism have been researched but not both together.

This study was among 6 participants who were white women between the ages of 34-55 in the UK. Two had PhDs, four worked full-time and two were unemployed. The study used Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) and interviews were conducted via email, which was a much more autistic-friendly approach.

Some women identified being weird and also having to perform femininity, learning to be social was considered important but could be somewhat overlooked if the woman performed well in school. Women internalized their experiences and masked for normalcy as well as femininity. Some said that due to autistic inability to read social queues or adhd inattention to situations could lead to bullying and later SA. Gendered masking weighed heavily on women due to sensory sensitivities such as wearing bras, high heels, and other clothes they wore to mimic other women’s style of dress. One woman said that she had trouble advocating for herself, her coworkers and boss did not see her struggles so it felt like a burden to let others around her know that she was not doing well. All participants said being undiagnosed was a traumatizing experience, that they knew they were different but not knowing why led to negative self judgement. The women also said that there was a lack of post-diagnosis support, leaving them to process the information by themselves.

*I liked that it touched on - barriers around AuDHD includes lack of descriptive language to this day. Women are often dismissed when trying to get diagnosed and are diagnosed later than men. A woman with a diagnosis often dismissed when she states that she is AuDHD or otherwise neurodivergent.

Craddock, Emma “Raising the voices of AuDHD women and girls: Exploring the co-occuring conditions of autism and ADHD.” Disability & Society vol. 39, no. 8, pp. 2161-2165, https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/09687599.2023.2299342 Accessed 29 Aug 2024

Hamilton, Inga “An Autistic Aesthetic of Connectivity.” Ought: The Journal of Autistic Culture, vol. 5, iss. 2., 2024. https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1169&context=ought Accessed 29 Aug 2024.

McKay, Erin, et al. “Proactive inhibitory control as a cognitive contributor to social difficulties in adolescents with ADHD traits.” Neurodiversity, vol. 2, pp. 1-13. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/27546330241258329 Accessed 29 Aug 2024.

This article looks at social difficulties between people with ADHD, people with ADHD with social difficulties, autistic people, and a small set of people with AuDHD. The conclusion of this article (that was most interesting to me) was that social difficulties are subtly different between people with ADHD and people with Autism. The subset of individuals with AuDHD they include because of their own interest and the authors note that the group with AuDHD is very small as a limitation.

Rosqvist, Hanna Bertilsdotter, et al. “Naming ourselves, becoming neurodivergence scholars.” Disability & Society, 2023. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2023.2271155 Accessed 29 August 2024.

Websites

Neff, Megan Anna, Neurodivergent Insights https://neurodivergentinsights.com/

Some things are behind a paywall but has good blog posts and nice venn diagrams of what traits overlap between different neurodiversities. Author identifies as AuDHD, discussed in some blog posts. Some posts are also about mental illness, appreciate the intersection. Cites sources.

Ought: The Journal of Autistic Culture. https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/ought/

This peer-reviewed journal (obviously) focuses on autistic experiences, it includes pieces and articles from/about people with other neurodivergent experiences including AuDHD. 

[pocketfullofoxes]

AuDHD Annotated bibliography anyone?

HEY TUMBLR. I am putting together an annotated bibliography for AuDHD of public access media I like or am interested in for me and a colleague of mine. The audience is adults with AuDHD and people interested in learning about AuDHD. Is this of interest to other folks out there? Thx.

[eldritchbauble]

Hard pill to swallow, maybe, but sometimes you are the problem. You may not have been initially, but people around you can only have so much endurance for understanding why you're "like that" and how you got to where you are now. Even if you were the one who was victimized, hurt, or abused to begin with, your behavior affects those around you. There's a point at which personal responsibility needs to kick in, or you will become toxic. You can become toxic even if you never become an abuser yourself. If other people are constantly having to help dig you out of the holes you made but you keep slapping their hands away, you cannot expect them to have an indefinite amount of patience and energy to keep trying. If you're not putting in the work to recover from what damaged you; if everyone else in your life is consistently the only one making a real effort to effect change for you--you're the problem.

[eldritchbauble]

People can give you love, but can't make you treat yourself like someone you care about.

People can offer you resources, but can't make you reach out and use them.

People can lay down stepping stones, but can't make you put the work in to make progress.

If you're expecting everyone around you to keep making the decisions and making things ok for you, you need to take a step back and some serious time for deep introspection. This doesn't mean that others shouldn't have compassion for you, but as difficult as things are and as tired as you are--others get tired too and can't be expected to carry it all.

[eldritchbauble]

And if you blame everyone else in your life because they "gave up on you" when they reach a limit, you have a victim complex. Having been a victim does not mean you should accept perpetual victimhood.

People are allowed to say "I love you, and my love for you does not make me willing to sacrifice myself." There's a point at which people have to let go because they do not ultimately hold responsibility for whether you live, die, or thrive--only you do.

[eldritchbauble]

I mean, this describes my whole life from birth to mid-20s as well as many people I know.

You decide that you want better for yourself and others around you, that it's no longer acceptable, and you start chipping away at unpacking your trauma and changing how you do things.

It's obviously easier said than done, so I don't really appreciate the folks tagging this as "go to therapy," either. Yes go to therapy (if it's available to you, if you can find a decent provider in your area, if you have insurance or the money to pay out of pocket, if you can get around the dozen other roadblocks). Therapy isn't the only way to work on recovery though, and it's avoidant and irresponsible to act like not being able to access therapy means there's nothing you can do. Both of these concepts are true.

[eldritchbauble]

You have to be fed up. You have to be sick of your own problems and negative behaviors enough to not find them acceptable anymore. Then instead of feeling sorry for yourself you do something.

Ok, things I've done to work on myself that don't require seeing a therapist:

- Educating myself by extensively researching the problems and symptoms I live with to better understand how and why I do things.

- Reading about trauma.

The Body Keeps the Score

- Self-help workbooks.

The C-PTSD Workbook

The DBT Workbook

The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook

- Seeking peer support by participating in Discord server(s) related to trauma and mental illness. I couldn't find one specific to my diagnoses that I was comfortable in, so I created one, and 3 years on it's grown and is going great overall.

- Learning to take feedback about my behavior from people I generally trust, and to not take feedback/constructive criticism as an attack, but as a tool.

- Working at communicating my feelings and needs as statements, not out of anger or as demands.

- Reminding myself that other people's experiences and feelings matter, and should be considered. Even people with the best intentions can be self-centered, especially under stress. You have to work at it.

- Learning to recognize my triggers, patterns, and reactivity, and to de-escalate myself. Treating emotions as visitors and not drowning in them; recognizing that nothing is permanent.

- Setting rules with myself as to how I handle things when I'm upset; for example, I will only raise my voice to others as a last resort, and I will not physically act out my anger in an uncontrolled way. Breaking dollar store dishes in a specified area is relatively safe, controlled, and thus non-harmful.

- Asking myself, literally, if I'm being the problem. Is my behavior the actual reason things suck right now. It's too easy to have a tendency to blame others or situations outside of your control so you have to ask. Sometimes it really is someone else's fault or nobody's, but you have to ask.

Obviously I'm not perfect at any of these skills, by any means. It's about consistently putting in the effort until you get better at them.

[specks-of-time]

[rozecrest]

hey don’t cry. spiro the bald eagle failing at catching a crab, okay?

[mrsmarlasinger]

[pocketfullofoxes]

A thing that sounds deceptively easy and is in fact pretty damn hard.

I'm talking about DRINKING WATER. My best friend told me about an app called water cat she was using to try and drink more water. My doctor has told me at yearly health exams I need to drink more water. I had a psych teacher who told us about a student he had who was really dedicated to eating a diet that had the correct amount of nutrition and drinking water who said that people think they are doing fine but people don't know what actually being hydrated feels like, and they were RIGHT. I have experienced drinking the actual recommended amount of water and sometimes I have mixed feelings about it. For serious.

Because drinking roughly the recommended amount of water does bring about a feeling of resiliency and a bit of brightness of mood but drinking that much water is a goddamn job. Humans are made of a bonkers amount of water and I had no idea it required such rigorous upkeep. People refer to "drink like a fish" as someone who drinks a lot of alcohol but my newfound perspective is that I think fish are recommended to drink less water than humans because oh my god. Water cat recommended drinking 72 ounces for my weight, activity level, something else.

There is a meme that I like that is a simple and cute reminder that is a bloom and it says "Get some sun, drink some water, you're basically a houseplant with complex emotions." I used to think it was cute and wrong in one way (we don't know how plants feel emotions, we barely understand how humans do and these things are not the same). Now there is a second falsity because that flower is a bloom and the amount of water humans require is much more akin to fucking bamboo shoots.

I drink less water now than what is recommended on an average day now because I forget, I've neglected my water cat app, and it is irritating to go to the bathroom that much. I will endeavor in future times to drink more water, but something that I definitely have taken away from the experience is when I feel uncomfortable or grouchy, et cetera, I check on whether I feel like I need some agua because I now know what actually feeling hydrated feels like and it is a thing that feels accomplishable a good amount of the time (find potable water, put in face).

I'm not going to bang on about all of the benefits because while I love researching my interests I can't really be arsed to care enough to investigate. I mainly want to convey that people talk about self care and just keeping a bottle of water around like it is no thing, but it IS A THING, especially for people who have an eh relationship with water. You know what I have noticed makes me feel more dehydrated? Drinking coffee and drinking soda which is a huge bummer because they do have water in them but, idk, I feel a want to have some water afterward, which means that I have to find a goddamn water bottle. SIGH.

If this sounds like it might help, awesome. If not, idk why you read this far, but I appreciate the company :>

[pocketfullofoxes]

Some recommendations:

I'll probably add some hyperlinks later, but for now.

Books -

Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. A lady in Texas with physical and mental health issues, semi-autobiographical, pretty funny. She also has a blog, thebloggess.com. Some of her stuff is really meaningful, sometimes it's out of the blue and hilarious. Sometimes Both.

Brad Warner - Hardcore Zen, an introduction to zen buddhism and also part autobiographical about a white guy in Akron Ohio. If this does not sounds gripping or relatable, no worries. He wrote Sit Down and Shut Up that focuses way more on the buddhism and breaking down concepts and perspectives I find really good.

Pema Chodron - The Places That Scare You. Honestly, I don't remember right this moment what was so moving about it, but I do remember that it was fucking good and really helped me in how I thought about stuff.

Peter A Levine - In An Unspoken Voice. He talks about stuff having to do with C/PTSD in a voice that I find easy to read for the rough concepts it covers.

Brene Brown - I Thought It Was Just Me or Daring Greatly. I say "or" because I do not remember which on ereally clicked with me straight off the dome. Honestly both of them are pretty damn good. I strongly recommend I thought it was just me to start with. She is a social worker who studies shame and does an amazing job sharing information.

The Rook by Daniel O Malley - this one is purely for mental escape. The first chapter is not gripping but if you make it to the second chapter it grips you harder than duct tape for the rest of the book.

Cinder by Marissa Meyer - also escapism. A retelling of Cinderella in a space punky future by an incredible word smither.

Kind Words - a video game that you can get with a free steam account. You can send little anonymous letters and the mail deer will deliver you three responses from anonymous strangers that are usually pretty tight. You can also anonymously respond to anonymous strangers. I find that doing this can bring me some calm, sometimes a little feeling of accomplishment.

Juniper Fox on instagram - Check out this fox and other exotic animals in the little exotic animal sanctuary. They are so cute, and some of the posts you learn about the sanctuary and stuff.

[pocketfullofoxes]

Hello strangers! I don't know how to make different pages yet or if that is possible here, so like an old person who does not know technology well, I'm taking this space to say that here I will be posting some mental health stuff, recommendations for mental health, that cool shit. I am not preaching or saying how anyone should do anything, I'm just offering some shit that I've tried, because while there are lots of curated lists out there and numerous MH websites, forums, blogs, discord etc., sometimes I've found good help from internet randos. I have decided to become one of those internet randos. Hey buds, you are not alone in this, even though it can really feel like it sometimes. We'll make it, even if it is fucking hard.