Decided to share an old B/road C/ity oneshot! Thanks @polly-pollen (and I/lana sksksks) for inspiring me to dig it up.
“Do you ever wonder why butterflies have to be caterpillars first?” Abbi's eyes were glazed but wise, like a sleepy owl's. “They waste all that time in the cocoon and they don't even live that long to begin with... you know?”
Ilana was upside-down, her hair splayed across the bed and her feet propped above their heads. She turned hers to look at Abbi for a good long while, her gaze channeling a psychoanalytic level of intensity.
“Is this about the time you got stuck in that sleeping bag? Because I know an amazing trauma therapist.”
“No, I'm just... curious about animals and stuff.” Slumping back against the wall, Abbi scowled and hugged her pug pillow to her chest. “I miss my Nat Geo subscription. I used to learn so much.”
“At least you still have Animal Planet.”
“I know stuff, too," Ilana said, flexing her toes to admire her fresh pedicure from a new perspective. "Did you know that koalas, or kangaroos...”
“Shut up, they're both marsupials,” Ilana said, giving Abbi a nudge with her elbow. She could feel a sneeze coming on and she wanted to finish what she had to say before it interrupted. "Anyway, the babies aren't fully formed when they're born. So the mommy squeezes 'em out—” She does a semi-squat against the wall for dramatic effect, pulling invisible pups from her crotch. “—and they crawl up into her pouch and finish cooking in there.”
Abbi grinned, nodding her head slowly up and down. “Awesome.”
“I know, right?” Ilana smirked at the ceiling but then screwed up her face, closing one eye and focusing on the overhead light with the other. “I just read that ihh-ISHHhoo! in a magazine at the old people dentist.”
“Why were you at the old people dentist?” Abbi asked, more disturbed by that than the fact that Ilana just sneezed all over the place.
“I was there with Trudy,” said Ilana, fluttering her eyelashes as she clasped her hands together. "I'm her visiting angel."
Abbi shook her head. “I can't believe they let you take care of an old lady.”
“I don't take care of her." Ilana rubbed at her nose, trying to roll over but failing, like a stranded turtle. "I provide companionshihh—ISHHHhoo! Shit.”
Abbi barked out a laugh. “Companionshit?”
When Ilana finished laughing along with her she sniffled wetly, rubbed at her nose, and held her hand out to Abbi.
“Help me up, bitch, I need a tissue.”
“Are you getting sick?” Abbi asked, narrowing her eyes with suspicion. It was rare for Ilana to sneeze more than once within a twenty four hour period, unless she was sick. “I'm not touching you until you wash your hands.”
“But I can't get up to...”
“In fact,” Abbi continued, sobering up before Ilana’s very eyes. “I don't think we should be breathing the same air until I can be certain...”
“Abbi, I'm—” Before she could finish Abbi grabbed the bags of snacks and bolted. “Aww, dammihh—iHTCHhh!-oo—DAMMIT.”