tori :)

20- she/they - slut 4 old men

[pontiussy]

This is a super short drabble about Pontius and an autistic reader :)) I tried to keep their special interest kinda vague so that the reader can imagine their own! It was very hard to write it that way so I hope this doesn’t suck aaaa!

Warnings: none

Chris Pontius- Autistic Girlfriend Drabble

“What you doing, baby?”, Pontius cooed as he opened the door to the bedroom he shared with his lovely girlfriend, Y/N.

She giggled and shook her hands a little. “Look look! On the TV!”. She pointed to the screen. It was a sort of documentary about her favorite thing in the world, the thing she’d always ramble on and on about to her boyfriend. He never minded, though. He was always so sweet, making sure to listen and pay close attention to everything she had to say, even asking questions pertaining to the subject. He loved seeing her so happy, so of course he wanted to know everything.

“Oh that’s so cool, baby! Would you like me to join you?”, he smiled at her. She nodded and bounced eagerly, holding her arms out for him to join. He sat down next to her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her waist, and laying a head on her shoulder.

“Fill me in baby, what have they talked about so far?”

It filled her with so much joy that he was so interested in what she had to say. She struggled so much growing up. She could never find anyone to talk about her unconventional interests with, and most of the kids found her strange. It became all the more difficult to fit in as an adult. But with Pontius, she felt so safe. He was her escape from an unaccepting world. That was her home.

She rambled on and on about what they had discussed and her input on it, Pontius giving his full attention, and more. He was excited to hear everything she had to say. As she rambled on she rocked back and forth with excitement. “Having fun?”

She nodded all giddy and sweet. “You’re rocking, you must be happy! Wanna rock with me?”, he asked. “YES YES PLEASE!!”

Pontius crawled to the edge of the bed and held out his hands. “Cmere!”

He took her hands into his. Her hands were so small compared to his. His large hands held hers so tenderly.

She rocked back and forth, using him for leverage. The sight of her stimming so happily made him smile and giggle uncontrollably. He was so happy he could be such a safe space for her, to allow her to show this side of herself. He loved everything about her.

“Faster faster!”, he cheered. She giggled uncontrollably, as she pulled his hands faster and faster.

She let go of his hands and flew back onto the pillows, exploding in a giggle fit. Pontius was just as giggly, hovering over her to attack her with kisses. “Mwah mwah mwah mwah mmmwah!!”.

He pinches her cheeks a little and places another kiss on her forehead. “Have fun, baby? Get the stimmies out?” She nodded, peacefully. “I’m glad. Let’s cuddle and finish this show, mkay?”

Pontius crawled next to her, motioning for her to crawl into his arms. He held her close, and pet her head. “I love you, sweetheart.” “I love you too, Chrissy”

[pontiussy]

Chris Pontius- I Could Never Hate You

I hope you like this, love! It’s kind of just a short blurb and I don’t think it’s my best work aaaa

Warnings: none

“Y/N, you’re being ridiculous. Chris doesn’t hate ANYBODY, well, except for Ehren”, Steve shushed to his aggravated friend. “ME, Steve. He hates ME.” Y/N just didn’t understand what Chris had against her. Chris Pontius was such a joyful soul. What about her brought this agressive and bitchy side out of him? She could handle not being liked. It’s not new to her, and she could not give a shit about anyones opinions, but something about CHRIS not liking her just sent a frustration through her veins that she could not describe. It didn’t make sense, and it wasn’t fair.

“Why don’t you just TALK to him?”

“TALK TO HIM?? Steve O are you CRAZY?”

“Y/N you’re acting like an asshole. It’s not crazy to wanna have an adult conversation and be civil to your costar. Grow up!”

“Steve I’m not doing it. Just forget it.”

“Whatever”

She huffed and threw her head back grumpily. Steve O was right, but she couldn’t admit it.

“I’m gonna go outside for a smoke”, she groaned, just needing a moment away from the confrontation.

She walked outside and pulled a pack of cigs out of her pocket. She sat down criss crossed against the side of the building. She lit one up and took a long drag. So many thoughts clouded her mind. Thoughts of how Chris behaves, their work relationship, what Steve had said… Chris’s beautiful smile. That made it all the more frustrating. Y/N had thought Chris was the most handsome little thing since the moment she met him, but he wanted nothing to do with her. Not to mention the guy’s hilarious. There were so many things about him that she just CRAVED. She wanted to let go of these feelings so badly, knowing that nothing could ever come of them, but it just wasn’t happening. This asshole still lived in her mind every waking second of her day. She sees his light, long hair flowing when there’s a slight breeze in the air, his muscles when he takes his shirt off for a bit, his hazel eyes when the sun is out, and his contagious giggle almost every time she closed her eyes. It was excruciating.

“Y/N”, Steve-O called. “Jeff needs you on set for a bit in 5”. She nodded and took a few more puffs from her cigarette before putting it out. She was still frustrated by Steve-O, but that was her best friend regardless. “Ok”

She stood up and wiped dirt off her pants. She strolled toward the room they were shooting in, and to her shock, it was empty. “I thought this asshole said to come here??”, she whispered to herself. She sat down for a moment until a handsome, long haired man walked through the door. The normally smiley boy just sort of grimaced when he noticed he was alone with her.

There was a jarringly loud sound. The doors were now locked. “Hey Y/N. TALK TO HIM”, she could hear Johnny Knoxville saying from some sort of PA system. “you DICKS!!!”, she groaned. “We aren’t letting you two out of there until you COMMUNICATE. Have fun!”

The first few moments consisted of awkward shared stares. “Well on with it. What’s your problem with me?”, Pontius asked. “MY problem?? What’s YOUR fucking problem, Pontius?”, she raised her voice. “My problem is that you act like THIS! I’ve never done anything to you! I don’t understand your passive aggressiveness”. Y/N almost audibly rolled her eyes. “I act like this because you HATE ME, Pontius. You-“ “HATE you?”, he cut her off. His demeanor softened. “I could never hate you.”

Y/N was unfathomably confused. “Well you sure act like it!”

Pontius sighed and wiped his forehead. “I can’t tell you the truth.”

Y/N grew more frustrated. “WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU!?”

“Sweetie. Calm down.”

The word sent a cold chill down her spine. His unusual sweetness oddly soothed her.

“I want to tell you I just, I’m just scared you just- I don’t know.”

“Pontius please just tell me. Whatever it is. I can take it.”

“I don’t hate you. I never hated you.”

“Then why do you act this way around me”

“God I just. I’m just gonna say it and get it over with. I really adore you, Y/N. I know I act like an ass but I don’t mean to. I’m just frustrated because I know you’ll never feel the same, so I come off like this. I hate that I make you feel so frustrated, I know it’s not right. I just can’t help knowing the girl I’ve been so fond of since the moment I layed eyes on her will never be mine”

Y/N’s mouth parted in shock. She was trying to find the words to say. Mumbles and uneven breaths were all that could escape from her mouth. “I know I made things awkward Y/N but please know I don’t hate you. I couldn’t. You’re so precious and cool and hot and, fuck I’m being weird.”

“Pontius, do you know why this shit really makes me so upset???”

He frowned, fully believing he had made her uncomfortable with his confession. “I’m so sorry Y/N I-“ “you’re so beautiful, Chris. I want you to like me so badly because you’re so fucking cute and sweet and funny and I just thought that I was never gonna be enough for you. It makes me upset when you’re laughing and having a good time with everyone and I feel so excluded. I wanna make you laugh like that. I’ve always wanted you so badly.”

“You’re mocking me aren’t you”, he responded. “No I’m fucking not!!! I adore you and admire you so much, I’ve had this dumb thing for you for so long and-“ Pontius grabbed the sides of her face and placed a passionate kiss on her lips. He tasted like cigarettes and minty gum. She calmed and eased into his kiss. He snaked his arms around her and pulled her close. He kept her embraced as he pulled his face away. He pushed her hair behind her ear and looked at her. “I’m sorry we couldn’t have talked this through sooner. I’ve always wanted to do that”, he smiled. Y/N fell closer into his arms and hugged him tight. “I was immature too. Please Pontius just let this be behind us. I want more of this. I wanna experience sweet Pontius that everyone else does.” “I wanna give you more than that, sweetheart”

“Y/N AND PONTIUS SITTING IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!” The voice on the PA system screamed. “YOU MIC’ED US???”, Y/N screamed back. They could hear the sounds of the guys laughing in the other room now. “You’re such DICKS!!!!”

[pontiussy]

ADDING TO THE REQUEST I JUST SENT

i can totally picture him trying (and failing) to act all tough and macho but failing miserably

AND HIM FUCKING AROUND WITH ALL UR SKINCARE STUFF JUST TO PISS U OFF, CONSTANTLY SAYING WHATS THIS WHILE HOLDING A BOTTLE THAT CLEARLY SAYS CLEANSER OR SOMETHING (like just read ryan)

him jumping about 6 feet in the air if u use one of those jade rollers on him cus ‘it’s freezing’

just an all round blushy fluffy fic

(U DONT HAVE TO USE ALL THESE IDEAS IM JUST BRAINSTORMING)

all wonderful ideas and I’m thinking of several more myself I think would be cute !

[pontiussy]

ME AGAIN!

I CANT STOP THINKING AB PUTTING A FACEMASK ON RYAN AND PUTTING ONE OF THOSE WEE HEADBANDS TO KEEP IT OUT OF UR FACE ON HIM THATS THE WHOLE REQUEST

that’s so cute omg will add to my list!

your other request SHOULD be posted by tomorrow if not tonight !

[pontiussy]

(IM NOT SURE HOW COMFORTABLE U ARE WITH SMUT SO ILL GIVE U A FLUFFY ONE JUST NOW IM LITERALLY IN A PONTIUS BRAINROT RN)

a girl jackass member and maybe some miscommunication but her and pontius hate eachother but r pining for eachother at the same time maybe they get forced to make up cus it’s annoying everyone else 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE BUT

I’m totally comfortable with smut btw!

and I will add it to my to write list, I am always in pontius brainrot mode myself 🙏🏼

[pontiussy]

JACKASS BF HEADCANNONS!!!

warnings: none, sfw <3

I’ve had these in the drafts for so long but my twitter moot mentioned hcs which inspired me to post these, enjoy!

Chris

goofy ahh

you guys r always giggling about dumb shit

annoying everyone bc you guys do NOT SHUT UP AROUND EACHOTHER ur so giggly all the time

he doesn't care:)

WILL PLAY GUITAR FOR YOU SHSJKSKS

even if he's just messing around you love listening to him

he loves how excited you get when he plays for you, his smile is so cute AAAA <33

late night walks

tackle hugs !!

squeezes you to death and does the lil spinny thing when hugging

always followed by forehead kissies

pinches ur cheeks n shit

just the gigglest relationship ever

he just always smiles around you :)) he can't help it

lets you play with his hair

he loves it

you brush it for him, and braid it sometimes

he is so thankful and makes sure to tell you how pretty his hair looks now

not that it needed your help at ALL

always cuddlin

you love watching him do bits

and he loves having you on set

never seen a man so proud of his s.o. being there to witness his boys do silly things to his ding ding

he comes over to you after every one to see if you thought it was funny or not

just like this :D

assuring him that you did think it was funny

calling him party boy affectionately

and calling him chrissy :))

he calls you 'y/n bug' :"")

also has silly nicknames for you for sure based on inside jokes

would still think you are just as beautiful if you hadn't showered in a month and were wearing a garabge bag

this is so specific but I just picture him to make a lil flower crown for you :")

Bam

known each other since you were kids

always hung out with him and the cky gang growing up

corny friends to lovers bullshit when you get older

being his personal nurse when he wipes out

acts like he hates it in front of the guys

loves it

obvi calling him bammy, bambi, bam bam

calling him brandon occasionally to piss him off

bam is a pouty whiny BITCH

he just wants ur attention!!

will not hesitate to grab your hand in public when someone flirts with you

ur his >:-( !!!

buys you jewelry, clothes, shit whatever ur lil heart desires

going to concerts together

money is not an object when it comes to making you happy

does not appreciate it when the guys mess with you on set

he gets very aggressive

"bam its okay it was funny pls calm down" "no its not okay these dickheads need to leave you alone!!!" all POUTYYY

wearing his clothes

he thinks you're so beautiful when you do and makes sure you know

doing his eyeliner

laying on his chest when you sleep, him scratching your head gently <3

rubs your back when you hug him

calls u "my girl" AAAA

matching tats ofc

matching outfits sometimes too

loves buying you new clothes for you to model for him

he just thinks you're so pretty <3

april and phil just love you

Johnny

he calls you so so many sweet names

I think it's his love language

doll, darlin', punkin, sweetheart, etc

"how was your day, doll?"

he's so flirty with you

he never stopped flirting with you even after you became official

king of romance

would take you to the rodeo or some shit

does that whistle thing when you enter a room lookin all dolled up

"now who's this pretty lil thing?"

loves getting you embarrassed by flirting with you in front of people

loves to hold your waist

prefers that you don't watch his really dangerous stunts, he doesn't want you to be scared :"(

he thinks you're beautiful no matter what, but cannot deny that he LOVES when you wear his favorite dress and do your hair really nice

"you know just what to do to drive a man wild, darlin'"

you love wearing his pink jackass cardigan

I feel like he would really enjoy you wearing red lipstick so he can mess it up later

SITTING IN HIS LAP

in front of the guys too he doesn't give a fuck

he babies you a lot

you are his whole world

singing songs together in the car !!

Ryan

simply the sweetest bf ever

arm around you always

"hun" :")

so many forehead kisses

both of u being adopted by april

I just feel like he'd be very comforting, and the best to have deep, late night convos with

will never judge you for anything (make jokes? oh definitely. never judgemental tho)

cuddly asf

would affectionately do that head rub hair messing up thing?? (there's a word for that i just can't think of it)

always there to calm you when you’re stressed or scared, in any way you need

“shh it’s ok I’m here” “I’m not going anywhere hun” and hugs and forehead kisses and shit awwwww

loves hugs

he’s such a gentle lover, I don’t know how else to put it. He’s just so sweet and caring and soft n shit

he would do anything to put a smile on your face

if one of the guys tried to mess with you? he will punch the shit out of them seriously

you are ry’s world ok!!!!

you and him are absolutely best friends

never the arguing type. if there’s a problem you’re gonna sit down and talk about it. he’s an amazing listener and always understands your side of things. of course lots of huggin and cuddlin after the fact :)

he babies the shit out of you

I picture him to always bring you little gifts/trinkets to show his love. like if he was filming out of town he’d bring you back something cool he found at a thrift store or gift shop, or maybe a cool rock he found on the side of the road.

i also picture him to wanna buy you cute stuff too like necklaces, but random cool items are a staple in this relationship!

always wearing his shirts

I picture him to kiss u a LOT. he’s leaving the room for a sec? gotta kiss that cheek. you’re watching a movie? soft kisses on the forehead. going on a walk? kisses your hand while holding it.

Steve-O

calls u babe

respectful king

shows you off at any opportunity

romantic asf

flower petals in your bedroom n shit type romantic

helping him with his elaborate bullshit ideas

partners in crime honestly

matching fits type cheesy

prank wars with eachother

thinks you are an angelic being and deserve the highest of respect and praise

adopting pets together :)) and being pet parents :))

going on trips and vacations together as often as possible!

I can’t even fathom how he would react if someone disrespected you oh god

it would be so ugly

they are absolutely destroyed

if you’re ever feeling insecure, he ain’t having that bullshit

worship!!!!!!

he’s gonna go on and on and on about how drop dead gorgeous and wonderful you are and kiss the shit out of you

you better not dare say anything negative about yourself in his presence, he will give you an ear full so fast

you are a god to him

he definitely buys you jewelry n shit

and cute lil outfits

and compliments the shit out of you in them obvi

“damnn baby you look so good in that”

HANDSY SO HANDSY

hands to yourself has no meaning to him (obviously unless you told him to stop! he’d never wanna make you uncomfy)

Dave

SO SO SWEET!

calls you things like “love” n “sweetheart”

squishes ur cheeks n shit

hugs from behind !!!!

corny ass dates like going to a diner and having a milkshake with two straws

you both baby eachother

comforting him after gnarly stunts

petting and kissing him

if you ever need comfort he will pet and kiss you too

always has an arm around you

loves being close to you!

he is such a kind and loving bf

would never ever want you to be sad and will do anything it takes to prevent it

ehren third wheeling on trips n shit

you have the best times together when it’s you 3! always giggling

but it’s even better when ehren leaves and it’s just the two of you, sharing sweet loving moments where nothing else matters, just you two together, in warm embrace :)

your chemistry is just so good, that it’s almost like you speak a foreign language sometimes to the other guys. no one gets eachother like you do, even if it may not make sense to others

I think he would love playing with your hair

and just holding you

and doing both at the same time actually

he is just the kindest ever and it’s always so considerate of you.

best listener. you could really rant to him for hours and he’s gonna give you his full undivided attention and comfort.

also great advice too I feel. I think all around he’d be amazing to talk to

never ever ever ever judgemental. ever

loves you to death !!!

Ehren

he is baby

you wear the pants in this relationship and that’s cool with him

I picture you two to have met on set. you had been costars for a while. while everyone was making ehren the butt of a joke, you just never participated. If ehren and dave weren’t partnering up for stunts, it was typically you and ehren. you made a great duo, being the underdogs of the jackass crew. you understood eachother and had a great bond. you eventually confessed your feelings to one another one night while you were hanging out at his place.

he was completely shocked

he thought you were far too beautiful and lovely and cool to want someone like him

you assure him he is acting silly

he was so giddy and smiley, and you could practically feel his butterflies secondhand when you leaned in to kiss him

been together ever since

like I said ehren is baby

little spoon energy

he worships the ground you walk on bc he thinks he doesn’t deserve you

you have to reassure him that you absolutely adore him

he loves holding your hand

I picture him to always smile at you the same way he did in the honeymoon phase forever

he’s all yours, he’s such a sucker for you

separation anxiety like a mf

you stay with a friend for a weekend and the second you come home he’s tackling you with hugs, he’s so excited to see you :)))

he would lay his head in your lap and have you scratch his head while watching movies on the couch

he thinks you are the most wonderful person on this planet and will never fail to remind you of how proud he is of you and all you’ve achieved

I picture him to write you little love notes n shit which are so thoughtful and meaningful but with cute little spelling mistakes sprinkled in (how do I spell gorjus headass)

takes anniversaries and v day and all that shit so seriously and WILL go all out

always your choice of food and activities on those days, he lives to please you

a little bit of a jealous type (maybe a lot a bit)

you’ll always reassure him though

sweetest baby ever I love him

[pontiussy]

You Don’t Need Him- Chris Pontius

I’m going through a breakup rn so this is kind of a vent thing for me. Basically Y/N is a fem!member of the Jackass crew, and just went through a messy breakup with her boyfriend.

I stopped posting to this account because I was embarrassed but I have some stuff in the drafts I will start posting soon. I hope you enjoy <3

Warnings: mention of being very sick and not eating

It was about that time to start shooting. Y/N was up to watch the next stunt, but was thankfully not a participant. She was physically ill, and a stunt or bit felt too much to her right now. She didn’t have a cold or the flu- she was so heartbroken that it had made her ill.

Yet another boyfriend, gone. She was used to heartbreak but it was starting to get ridiculous. She was in such terrible condition that she was in a constant state of nausea, causing her to be unable to even eat. She was dizzy and her muscles were tense and sore. She didn’t need to be at work today at all.

They were shooting in an office space building that day. They were currently shooting on the 2nd floor, while the 3rd floor was being used as a break and dressing area. Y/N knew that she had to be to the shooting area in about 10-15 minutes, but she just couldn’t move. She sat on the couch in their break area by herself, sobbing as quietly as possible. She couldn’t have anyone hear her. There was already this stigma around being the girl jackass and she didn’t wanna seem like a wussy.

Chris couldn’t help but notice the sound of sniffles coming from the break area. Y/N was under the impression that everyone had already left, but Chris wasn’t involved in the stunt being filmed at the time. Chris peered around the corner. “Y/N?”

Y/N wiped her eyes and pulled herself together very quickly, something she had mastered in order to not let anyone see her true emotions. “Hey man what’s up”, she said.

“Y/N I saw you upset, it’s okay. You don’t have to hide that from me”. Y/N pouted at his words and sunk into the couch. “Aw cmere”, the handsome man cooed, sitting down next to her and putting his arms around her. He pet her hair softly.

“Now what’s wrong?”

“God. This guy. I’m heartbroken again”, she said, defeated. “He hurt me so bad, I was foolishly in love with him too”.

“Y/N we knew something wasn’t right. All of us could tell.

“Well that makes me feel great”, she hummed, sarcastically.

“Y/N every time you bring him around he gives off this weird energy. None of us liked him much. I could really tell that he made you feel bad. You are normally so outspoken and badass, but around him you get kinda sheepish. And that’s just not you”.

Y/N grumbled and buried her face in Chris’s chest. “I know. And I hate it. He drained me of myself. I had to let go but GOD it sucks.”

“Hey hey I know. I know. I’m so proud of you. You ARE a badass lady. You can do anything these jackasses can do and more. And it makes me so proud that you aren’t letting some guy get in the way of that. You don’t need him”. Chris held her into his chest and pet her hair. He rocked her slightly, and hummed until her sniffling stopped.

“Thank you, Chris”.

“No need to thank me, cmon, let’s go watch this stunt to cheer you up some. You could use a laugh. Hell I’ll stay and watch too.”

Y/N raised up a little, and Chris wiped the stale tears from her cheeks, and held out his hand. She placed her hand in his, and smiled up at him. He lead her out of the break room and to the elevator, never letting go of her hand.

“Hey Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“One more thing”

The elevator doors closed and they were the only two inside. He placed a playful kiss on her forehead, and squished her cheeks a little.

“I’ve always wanted to do that”, he giggled. His giggles were contagious.

The elevator door opened to Johnny standing directly outside, being fully witness to their childish giggling and hand holding.

“Well little lady I was about to come lookin for ya, but I guess Pontius did that for me”. He raised an eyebrow but turned back around towards the filming area.

They didn’t seem to mind. Y/N was too focused on the peace that Chris was helping her to achieve. She hadn’t felt at peace in so long, and Chris was able to bring it out of her. He was a sweet and handsome man, and was always making her laugh. His long hair looked beautiful resting against his toned shoulders, and he had an intoxicating smile. His laugh made her feel warm, and he was always so kind to her. Pontius would have killed someone for Y/N. Everything felt so cheesy and perfect with him. This was definitely where she was meant to be.

I hope someone gets enjoyment out of me trying to cope with a breakup lmfao!! I’m not entirely confident in my writing skills yet pls be nice to me ;(