I am a human shitpost

Disaster by day, actual disaster by night

[lelouch]

[blue0909]

Please stop being nonbinary too. God only created one gender. You must conform to that.

THERES ONLY ONE NOW?????

[miketon]

[despazito]

[evilvillain123456789]

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

[fairycosmos]

sources are saying ohhhhhhhhh brother

[teathattast]

[kingfucko]

i dont care if monday sucks... tuesday cost me sixty bucks... wednesday thursday give no fucks. it's friday im a duck

[deergirlsrituals]

[cryptotheism]

I always wanted to be the guard that tells only lies

[cryptotheism]

I mean I've actually never wanted to be that.

[cryptotheism]

Stupid stupid stupid. C'mon. At this rate I'll never be a lie guard.

[brothermouse-skeleton]

As a professional guard who always lies, don't worry about it, you're doing great.

[slimetony]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

[slimetony]

Why does staff still allow people funnier than you to leave tags on your posts. They should have fixed that by now

[nick-nonya]

[dogpuppy]

[ticklefighthockey]

me seeing a take i disagree with and piously allowing it to pass (mostly) unremarked upon: I'm sort of like a modern day saint

[lokh1]

‘how would other people describe you’ why would i know this

[frodo-of-the-nine-fingers]

immortality as theft (you have to steal life from something else) immortality as parasitism (there is something else inside You that is keeping you alive and you become less of yourself more and more the longer it stays in you) immortality as violence (everything is trying to kill you because everything is supposed to die and the universe will always try to find a way to right the wrong that is You) you understand

[ninewheels]

#at least once a month I think about that one post about laminating a paper towel#and how that makes it immortal but also forever prevents it from fulfilling its true purpose#yes you will live. but at the cost of everything that makes you You

(courtesy of noknowshame)

[boeing747]

i might be mentally ill but at least theres fernando alonso

[boeing747]

sorry for being attached to the mostly very surface level conception of a washed 44 year old spanish race car driver. i just like. he is everything i cannot be but want to be. he has been cruel and vindictive and cutthroat and all in pursuit of one specific goal and just so openly and honestly. people still like him. he is still loved. he has been racing in formula 1 for 25 years. he hasn't won a single race since 2013. He's still driving. He's still driving in a shitty team and a car that gives you nerve damage. fernando alonso knows who he is so unapologetically and will not give it up for anything. i want that. i want to be that.

[boeing747]

like to allow yourself to love anything as much as a racer loves driving . can you imagine

[feldfrog]

The Gaslighting Magician: This is your card