OK I just wrote this whole thing out on mobile and then tumblr swallowed it? I am just petty enough to do this all again. @ayabai I hope this lives up to expectations! Without any further ado…
The Living Legend of anything baking related, his specialty is bread. The Breaker of Hearts, the Puncher of Underbaked Ciabatta. He entrances and terrified in equal measure and his handshake is said to impart some of his gold skill through skin-to-skin contact. He had run his own bakery since he was a teenager, and now control a whole chain of bakeries while personally overseeing the flagship shop in Marylebone.
The one, the only, the original. The Mary to Victor’s Paul, or something like that. the Nations Favourite Grandfather, he is famous for his cakes and biscuits and..well…everything really. He taught at top culinary schools and built his own business brand alongside wife and Chief Lindt Chocolatier Lilia. He can’t stand to see people cry on camera over a failed bake because he knows life has to go on, so he lets Victor be petty and vicious. Secretly can’t deal with people crying for good reasons either. The way to his heart is liquor.
Phichit: He is the Sue-equivalent here. He tells terrible puns, runs off around the world to try new and exciting things and when a contestant tries to cook something with Thai food or flavours, he tries to taste the spice mix and give them hints on what to change. His boyfriend, Seunggil, is a good amateur baker at home and runs the sound board for GBBO.
Chris: The Mel-equivalent by default, he is however, a lot more gay. He is married to a mysterious producer for ITV (a scandal! the BBC execs roar). He knows more about baking than he lets on and is more than willing to help waft bakes when he can. When the contestants are making French bakes (fairly often, it gets exhausting) he too tries to give hints, much to the producer’s dismay. He often comes up with the more sexual puns.
Both hosts will stand in front of crying contestants and swear as much as they can in all the languages they know. It makes the contestants laugh and the footage unusable. They live in surety that every season they will get booted and every season their popularity goes up. The nation LOVES them.
In the order they occur to me…
anxieté but also ambitious, big Victor fan
very good at everything, everyone spends the time crying at him
loses tasks due to anxiety not lack of skills (dw, Vic is on this)
angry at lack of breakdance skills, big Yuuri fan
can do both sweet and savoury snacks very well
expert at booze balancing
competitive and knows it; a bad bitch and living life, in love with Sara
the bae ™, high key in love with Mila
very good at desserts and pastries (sweet like her personality)
not very adventurous with spices
the sweetest child imaginable, baby of the group
favours traditional chinese cooking with a twist
not the biggest repertoire
spicy boy he knows what to use
over dramatic and favours difficult bakes that he rarely is able to finish
can do cool shit with spun sugar
cannot do cool shit with his love life and/or chocolate
a certified Yuuri fanboy from the minute he met him
bless his heart, he is a close friend of Sara’s brother Mickey
10. A Vietnamese woman, Tran Thi Long
she had to leave in the middle of Ep 1 for family reasons
her child grew very sick and she wanted to look after them
she would have made final 3 if she was able to stay
11. A Swedish grandmother
She could throw down with the kids
she broke her hip in preproduction and dropped out
12. A French girl, Elodie Chevalier
she goes out in the first episode
no-one remembers her name
At the end of preproduction, the bakers and hosts got to know each other at a little party, where Yuuri had his banquet moment and got thoroughly wasted, naturally making the entire room fall a little in love with him. He remembers very little the next day, but thinks it is very kind of the others not to obviously show their disdain for him, except for staring at him a little too often for just friendliness. ‘Why’ they whine, watching the brunette acquaint himself with his bench, ‘why is he so beautiful? what did we do to deserve this? how do we do it again?’
The exception of course is Yuri P of course, who delights in beginning a massive rivalry with him from day one. it is NOT that he thinks the way he dances is good and the way he bakes is sublime! Of course not! He, Yuri, could beat that pig any day of the week! This does not stop him from getting the brunette’s attention any time he can. He is just trying to save Victor from the pig. The spot in his bakery can only go to one Yuri, and that’s him!
Star Baker: Mila Babicheva
She came number 1 in the technical (jaffa cakes) and had delightful showstopper white chocolate and raspberry mirror glaze cake
Going home: Random French girl, Elodie Chevalier
she folded like too soft marzipan
Victor falls in love over a beautifully presented Yuzu drizzle cake with edible flowers, winces at the state of the jaffa cakes, but watches Yuuri come back with a top-notch matcha and dark chocolate mirror glaze cake.Yakov sighs a lot. Yuri P is angry.
WEEK 2: Biscuits
Star Baker: Sara Crispino
She wins the Signature round with her bouquet of cinnamon biscuits, and the Technical with her Viennese Whorls. She also ranks high with her gingerbread church, though narrowly comes second in the showstopper to Yuri P’s gingerbread pub.
His biscuits tasted like cardboard and his viennese whorls were over baked. His showstopper was ok, but he had to go.
Victor loses his mind over the deliciousness of Yuuri’s short bread biscuits and spends his time hovering over his table handing him things and tasting the dough. Yuuri is close to tears of anxiety but keeps it together, coming fourth in technical and again, ranking high for his presentation skills in his showstopping ninja castle. Yuri P loses his mind at the bench behind Yuuri, and his expressions become an instant meme.
Star Baker: Mila Babicheva
Her second win, she doesn’t do so well with the signature’s yorkshire puddings, but her lace pancakes were very good, putting her in a narrow second for the technical to Yuuri, and her showstopper was a clear winner, the Lemon and Anise churros coming out just perfectly. Much like her, when she snogs Sara on camera.
Poor boy had no idea what to do with batter and his attempt to go too far outside his comfort zone with spices got him booted.
For the first time Yuuri, with Victor’s encouragement wins technical and he ranks well in both other tasks as well, his matcha pistachio churros getting him big praise. Everyone is very envious of Victor’s hands on Yuuri. They get punned at by Chris and Yuuri ends up guarded by Phichit in the showstopper, where they make instant best friends.
Star Baker: Yuuri Katsuki
Yuuri spent his life training to be good enough to work for Victor. He sweeps the entire three tasks, his chocolate and raspberry loaf, his dampfnudel and he made no less than seven different types of plaited loaf for his showstopper. Victor nearly dies of happiness.
Going home: Minami Kenjirou
He was so happy to be against his idol and now friend that he completely failed the dampfnudel. Yuuri comforts him and he comes back a little for the bread plaits but too little too late. He was happy in the end, because he got to see Yuuri win.
Victor is now convinced this is true love. Yuuri just wanted to be good enough, and hopes that with this he can show his love to every bakery in Britain! Victor drags him off at the end and they kiss for the first time, though Yuuri asks that they do nothing more until the competition is over - it would be unfair to the others. Everyone listening outside the closet door they’re in beams at each other. Yuri P is worried he is at the middle of the pack and vows to out do himself next time and impress Victor more (even if he does look unfairly good with Katsudon at his side).
Star Baker: Leo de la Iglesia
A week all about herbs was not one he was going to loose. His meringue was spiked with cointreau, and though his fougasses were not perfect, his three tier cake was delicately flavoured with different flowers.
Going home: Georgi Popovitch
Georgi fell apart here, the strain from his long-distant relationship with Anya getting to him. His meringue was burnt on the edges and his fougasses were not above average. His final cake didn’t come together and his presentation was very poor.
Both Yu(u)ri’s did well here, Yuuri’s presentation as high as ever and Yuri P’s flavours were well balanced. Neither won a task - but neither lost, either. Victor’s fawning was by then a well known in-tent joke, but he and Yuuri detach long enough for him to hurry over and low-key help save the day for Sara, who struggles with her fougasses.
Star Baker: Yuuri Katsuki
Yuuri trained himself in bread but with the real pastry experts already gone due to their narrow focus, his natural talent for pastry shines out. His breakfast pastries, inspired by different Chinese steamed buns went down well and his Bakewell tart netted him second place. His 48 amuse-bouche were split between a savoury prawn and a sweet tochiotome (strawberry) and chocolate samosa.
Going home: Sara Crispino
Sara unfortunately fell down a bit last week and did the same this week. her American Breakfast pinwheels were ok, but her bake well tart was average and she ran out of time in the showstopper, only finishing half the required number.
Victuuri, as Phichit dubbed them, seemed to have a fall out this week as Yuuri and Victor were both more distant this week. Yuuri concentrated on his baking as he works through his anxiety and eventually asks Victor to just believe in him more than he believes in himself. Yuri P wins over Yuuri in the technical and ranks highly overall but almost falls apart in the showstopper - and Yuuri takes precious minutes to held him fill his pastries. Yuri P does not know how to deal with this.
WEEK 7: Desserts (semi-final)
Star Baker: Yuri Plisetsky
Finally, after many runs near the top and an excellent technical scoreboard Yuri manages to blow everyone away with his Piña Colada roulade, his dacquoise and his 24 mini mousse cakes in black berry and raspberry and also apple crumble.
Going home: Leo de la Iglesia
Leo’s roulade crumbled and his dacquoise was very average. His mousse cakes also didn’t quite work, with one melting into liquid before the judges could taste it.
Victuuri are back and better than ever this week - but everything seems to be going wrong for Yuuri. His roulade was alright, but he was at the bottom of the technical and only scraped through by the skin of his teeth. he vows to do better next time. Yuri P gets some character growth and doesn’t lord his win over Yuuri, but views to fight him to the death in the final. Mila is smugly taking in the drama with Chris and Phichit.
WEEK 8: Patisserie (final)
Runners up: Mila Babicheva, Yuri Plisetsky
What else can be said? It was very close, with Mila just taking it for the best palmiers and Yuri P only barely winning the technical with the best Savarin. But Yuuri’s 36 fondants were far and away the best ting the judges had ever eaten, just clinching him the win. Finally there was a live Victuuri kiss and they were surrounded by their friends and family as Yuuri clung to the trophy. even Yuri P deigns to give him a hug and a congrats.
In the end, all three finalists are invited to work in Victor’s bakery, though only Yuri P takes him up on the offer. Instead, Mila decided to work with Sara in her families sweet shop and Yuuri opens his own shop, selling asian inspired sweet treats and immediately hired Guanghong and Minami to help.
In the end - three seasons later there was a new judge on GBBO. And the husband and husband team never stopped baking.
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