Post-Dysphoria

Hoping to be a collaborative blog run by a couple of post-dysphoria people.

[transguys]

Loren Cameron

Sad to hear of the passing of Loren Cameron. In the earliest days of my transition, it seemed like his photos could be found everywhere online where there was a discussion of transmasculinity. His work was so inspiring to me!

When I started Testosterone, I hung this^ photo in my closet as inspiration. 15 years later, it still hangs there.

Cameron’s photography and writing was first published in the 1996 book, Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits, which not only documented his transition but also the lives of #trans men he knew. Body Alchemy became a double 1996 Lambda Literary Award winner.

Cameron also published a pioneering e-book in the late 90s, Man Tool: The Nuts and Bolts of Female-to-Male Surgery. It was one of the earliest collections of photos of transmasc surgeries along with 1st-person stories about surgery experiences and post-op erogenous sensation.

More about Cameron from Wikipedia.

[foone]

When I first signed up for electrolysis, the clinic owner told me her whole staff is trans. Cool. I assumed that meant trans femmes, since we're the ones who usually need the facial hair removal, so it only makes sense that some of us will go into the business.

Nope! My electrolysis tech is a trans man with a full beard. Huh.

[foone]

I like how every reply has unanimously agreed that he's taking the hair for himself. We're all on the same wavelength here.

[canuckerrant]

[post-dysphoria]

Most trans men pursuing phalloplasty need electrolysis. Surgeons shouldn't use skin with hair to fork the urethra, it's a recipe for strictures and infections if they do. And most of us don't care for a furry phallus, even most of us who are proud bears.

It's why I briefly pursued the schooling to provide electrolysis and laser. I encountered too many barriers to continue challenging them given the average and even top end of electrolysis profit. I wasn't looking to make a living out of it, just be able to cover it free or sliding scale, but several schools wouldn't take on a guy, one required I do a prerequisite (which I did) only to tell me the next course wasn't available in the year I had left in that country before I had to emigrate, and the local one wouldn't let me do the certification on a part-time basis nor did they take adequate COVID precautions in 2020. At this point in time, I have given up but I may revisit it in the future when we move again.

[post-dysphoria]

List of reasons to improve physical fitness that have nothing to do with losing weight:

1. Improve functional strength: pick up kids and doggo with more ease. 2. Reduce risk of injury: strengthen external rotator cuff, improve balance, increase range of motion. 3. Reduce “bad” (LDL) c…

[post-dysphoria]

Dangers of Warmer, Dryer Weather

I apologise for not posting as much. There’s been a few reasons, I’ll touch on a few. Summer has started in my neck of the woods, bringing warmer, dryer, weather. Predictably, that mean…

It’s also Pride season. This intentionally raises awareness, but it does so in uneven ways. There’s a lot more acceptance for cis people to be in same-sex relationships, than there is for trans and non-binary people to socially or medically transition. Feminist Appropriating Radical Transphobes are a prime example of this.

Another facet of Pride that can be difficult on queer trans people is the dominant messaging around cisnormative body image.It’s a difficult time of the year for a number of my loved ones, between the increase in violence, and those struggling with increased suicide ideation.

I would love a public health campaign on how we all need to dress appropriately for the weather to not suffer heat stroke. And we all deserve to do so free from violence.

[post-dysphoria]

Prompt: dysphoria in and after intimate relationships

I know that my ex was fine with my penis, but the fact that he started dating cis men (presumably) after we broke up made me feel incredibly

"The time I felt most insecure while dating cis queer men prior to lower surgery was in terms of being a top. I felt quite humiliated they had the genitals I wanted for myself, and didn’t want to use a non flesh cock to penetrate them. Most of them were pretty good at reassuring me that it wasn’t an issue, but it was a source of dysphoria I couldn’t shake. It played a role in my sabotaging of these relationships as an immature way of (not) coping with this."

[post-dysphoria]

Self-Awareness: erections (tmi)

The longer I’m in a relationship, the more it gets to me that I can’t get spontaneous erections. Not because it takes long to pump, or that I can’t pump in advance if I don’…

I wouldn’t be happier had I not buried my natal glans, I know that because I didn’t have it buried until a few years after having phallo, because it wasn’t working for me to have 2 dicks. A semi-malleable rod wouldn’t address this either given the nature of the constant erections it provides.

There are worse things in life, but it’s a nuisance that occasionally makes me hyper aware I’m trans. I’m trying to lean in on alternate non-verbal ways to express erotic attraction with mixed success so far. 

[post-dysphoria]

Body Building Mental Blocks

Objectively speaking, things are going well. I’m in the 3rd period of my workout cycle, doing 2-4 reps at ~90% of my 1RM. I had tendonitis for a while, and linked it to the 150+ push ups I wa…

I have this built in notion of myself as “not that strong.” I frequently think I can’t lift as much or for as many reps as the evidence suggests. Based on the weights I got to during the previous period, which was 6-12 reps, I calculated my new 1RM, and what 90% of that was. Armed with this, I set out to start this portion of my workout cycle. At the end of my second week of it, I was still looking at the weights I wrote down in my workout diary and think “there’s no way I can do that.”

I presume a variation of this mental game is commonplace regardless of one’s medical history. But in my case it feels tied to my childhood of being told I couldn’t aspire to get as strong as (other) guys might. The “motos” I’m repeating to pump myself up to try, and the fact that I’m accumulating successful sets is helping.

[post-dysphoria]

Query: Insecurity in Open Relationship (TMI/NSFW text)

I’ve edited the prompt for a few reasons, but here is the spirit of it. I don’t generally have internalised shame about being trans. But one situation that makes me feel dysphoric is wh…

I want to start by affirming your strength. You’re taking ownership of your feelings around something vulnerable, and you’re leading one of the hardest thing anyone can undertake, that of challenging oneself to enable personal growth. Bravo for that!

Remember that while new relationship energy can come with more sex than within established relationships, it doesn’t mean sex is an important part of why someone wants to date someone else, much less the how of it.

re sex with cis guys, I’m semi-regularly reminded both by own experience and that of others, that it can be quite shit. And that’s not necessarily a factor in women’s attraction to them, or sustaining a relationship with one of them.

[post-dysphoria]

Inquiry: The Infantalisation of Trans Men

This inquiry took place over IM, and was amidst a larger conversation. So I don’t have a neat starting question, but copied and pasted the bit that made me realise this topic, which I’v…

During the earlier years of my transition, as I struggled hard, I did my best to remain accountable for my behaviour when depression and cumulative trauma was wearing me down. It was infuriating to be disempowered with condescending offers, in essence, to spare me adulting. These were reminders that I was considered a boi (lite), rather than an adult man who could be expected to be accountable for his behaviour.

I think many of the cis queer women who default to some degree of parental behaviour towards trans men have had it reinforced by trans guys who play into such a dynamic. This enables them to have zero accountability for their shitty behaviour when they struggle with dysphoria and/or depression. It has echoes of cis het men who expect their partners to handle their difficult emotions at home, instead of learning healthy ways to manage their emotions and struggles with dysphoria.

[post-dysphoria]

Dealing with misgendering at the beginning of hormone therapy

I was asked for tips to deal with misgendering early into hormone therapy. So here are some ideas, in no particular order. Hair cuts Getting or giving myself hair cuts was one of the best self-care…

Repeat your truths, even if others don’t listen, you do Yours will probably differ from mine. But though I intellectually knew the following, it took years of repeating them as required to know these in my bones: – I’m a man. I’m real. Ergo I’m really a man. Not becoming, identifying as or performing. – Boundaries are healthy. I don’t owe anyone my former name. – I have correct pronouns, not preferred ones. – Don’t put myself down, the rest of the world doesn’t need my help. – I don’t owe my parents my life. I matter to me. I have inherent value as a human. – Should I come to regret any part of transition, I will know why I did it. I will know how long and hard I reflected first, how miserable I was, everything else I tried first. I will be able to live with the consequences of my actions.

[post-dysphoria]

Internalised Transphobia Inquiry

internalized transphobia: do you experience it? what do you do about it? I used to swim in internalized transphobia. It helped that I went through the process of challenging my internalised French-…

Cis people who inform me they don’t date trans people, especially when it’s unprompted (e.g. I wasn’t flirting with them) are assured the feeling’s mutual: I don’t date transphobes. It’s less common nowadays because outside the UK, I don’t typically disclose to dates. But the last person I flirted with who knew me prior to transition ended things upon concluding she couldn’t take me home as a date to her mum because of my transness. I know her mum, she adores me, and I presume she knows my medical history but perhaps she’s not been told. At any rate, such people never know how to receive the news that loss of interest can be truly mutual. But since shedding my internalised transphobia, it really is mutual disinterest. It’d be toxic to date someone who wishes I was cis; I want healthy relationships.

I stopped considering transphobia as potentially justified cisnormativity and now recognize it for the gaslighting it is. They don’t know me better than me. They don’t know the science better than my prescribers and me. I don’t have to educate anyone; I don’t care if they accept that the disinterest in dating, for example, is mutual. I care that I know that.

[post-dysphoria]

The 4 Ds of trans and intersex health care

I believe health care should be universal, accessible, equitable, and efficient. Trans and intersex health care should be: Decentralised – gender identity services are generally unsatisfactor…

Trans and intersex health care should be decentralised, despecialised, depathologised, decolonised.

Trans and intersex care should be local, enabling us to remain close to our communities for support, and promoting resilience. It should chiefly be provided within primary care. This would enable more points of access, for less cost, and less medicalisation of trans and intersex lives. It should be led by trans and intersex people, empowered and enabled to have full bodily autonomy, and make decisions that best improve their quality of life.

[post-dysphoria]

A parent’s dementia

My mum’s got steadily worsening dementia. I knew something along this line was coming, but she’s asking more and more frequently why people are calling me by my chosen name. IDK how she…

I’m not worried about this disclosing me, even if she starts having this argument in public. For one, she only speaks to me in French, and few people around us speak it well, never mind our dialect. For two, it is increasingly clear to all around her that she has dementia, so anyone who might understand the conversation would probably chalk up her confusion to her declining faculties. For three, being randomly disclosed to strangers I’ll probably never see again doesn’t phase me. I selectively disclose, and am generally comfortable with disclosure, even if I prefer not to in all areas of my life. She doesn’t have access to the parts of my life where I don’t disclose.

I welcome words of comfort or validation from those in similar circumstances re: a parent with advancing dementia. This was not in the brochure of “what to expect if you go on T.”

[post-dysphoria]

Are you familiar at all with the writings of Julia Serano? Your tone, overall prose, and positions on important issues such as personal autonomy, all remind me of her work. As an author, or as authors, your blog’s writing strikes me as being what I always imagined a male version of her work in trans women’s advocacy might look like! Fyi, that is intended as high praise! I am a trans woman, and she is my favorite author/theorist on feminism involving trans women!

I am familiar with her work, and I’m very flattered, thank you so much! I love her essays and Whipping Girl was a phenomenal read, extremely validating in terms of shared values and beliefs.

[post-dysphoria]

Things seldom discussed in “trans spaces”

This is based on my experience of IRL spaces in anglophone dominated spaces whether IRL in the US, Canada, UK or NZ, or in English language forums online. In no particular order: Anything that happ…

[post-dysphoria]

Surgery inquiry: chest reconstruction

I’m booked for chest reconstruction, but still don’t know what to expect.Exciting!Content Note: this entry will contain 1 picture of JP drains that contains some blood (link contains an…

Advice, regardless of procedure and surgeon:

Lots of rest and liquids

Make sure to regularly take full, deep breaths while you heal

Low key chest/arm activities done with patience.

Do not lift your upper arms past your shoulders for a little while

Consider wearing button down shirts to facilitate the previous point

On a lighter note, you might be surprised at how much colder you get in the winter if you suddenly wear fewer top layers (e.g. no more binder) and/or because you will have that much less fat contributing heat.

[post-dysphoria]

Discussing Trans with Little Ones

Kids are clever, and when it comes to learning, they’re sponges. Discussing gender with them should not be hard. Here are suggestions, with kids under 9 years of age in mind. Keep it specific…