DEAR READER
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
trying on a metaphor
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

titsay

@theartofmadeline
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Show & Tell
Three Goblin Art

JBB: An Artblog!
cherry valley forever
hello vonnie
Stranger Things
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Cosimo Galluzzi
we're not kids anymore.
h
RMH
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

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@powertothepatients
“You should support disabled people because you might become disabled one day”
Or you fucking support disabled people because were people who deserve equal rights and not use us as a threat
it’s just a phrase to teach empathy, relax.
Getting people to imagine themselves in that situation is how to people are taught empathy. How the person imagining would feel in that situation helps them understand how other people actually in those situations feel.
Disabled people shouldnt be used a threat or a possible future tragedy for abled people to view us as human or as equals.
Disabled people and their struggles with their disabilities are not here to teach abled people how to care or understand or accept others. We are not your empathy story. We’re people.
Disabled people shouldnt be used a threat or a possible future tragedy for abled people to view us as human or as equals.
It’s not a threat, it’s a thought experiment. One of the most common ways of teaching empathy and compassion.
Disabled people and their struggles with their disabilities are not here to teach abled people how to care or understand or accept others.
Well good luck teaching people to be accepting and accommodating of other people’s struggles without telling them about them! You really think people are going to change and adapt society just because some people are “different?” Disabilities are serious things, they’re not like preferences, if you don’t teach people the seriousness of it and how people are negatively effected no one will care. And no one will care not because they’re not empathetic or compassionate, but because they don’t understand how seriously disabilities effect people’s lives and that people with disabilities can’t just choose not to be disabled.
If someone asks that everyone only wear black because they just like the color black, no one will take them seriously or care. Why? Because people are not going to radically change their lives and society on other people’s minor whims. But if a person asks that everyone wear black because other colors give them seizures, people will be more willing. People are more willing because the harm this causes the disabled person is worse than just not being able to wear the clothes you want, and it’s not like with whims where you can just turn it off or get over it.
There’s practicality in compassion. Compassion is not innate, it is learned. Disabled people don’t have to be the ones to teach it, but someone has to.
I seem to be running into a lot of people who talk about teaching people compassion, but actively oppose ways to do it. You expect compassion but have no interest in teaching it or having others teach it. I wonder if people’s concept of compassion is skewed, because compassion certainly isn’t just believing and doing whatever you’re told because “[insert marginalized person here] said so.”
First question- are you disabled? If not you shouldn’t even be commenting on this post.
And there’s a lot of ways to teach compassion, basic understanding and ya know, respect for human beings without dehumanizing disabled people, and making us into your example, or your fear, or your tragic “what if” scenario. We are not there to be your thought experiment, we are people. You dont need to make abled bodied people who are already ignorant on disabilities AFRAID OF THEM by using us as a “this could be you some day” shit.
Asking abled people to actually respect us and acknowledge the fact we are human is not HARD. You shouldnt have to teach people that they should care about others, and if your way of teaching them involves demonizing and turning us into a worst possibly scenario- its not good! Its ableist!
I cant believe “dont use us like bad examples- Treat us like people” is controversial.
If you need to be threatened with the prospect of disability to have empathy for us, the problem lies integrally with you as a human being.
when you wait too long to take your meds and the pain starts slowly back creeping in
[gif is ralph wiggum from The Simpsons sitting on a bus talking to himself. the gif caption reads “*Chuckles* I’m in danger.”]
First Time Cane Users
I was talking with the very lovely guardian-system about canes and I wanted to compile what I said and some other stuff in a list!
What cane to buy:
Make sure it’s the proper height. My cane is adjustable and I have it on the heightest setting because of I’m 5’8”, 5’9” on a good day. If you’re shorter, you’ll need a shorter cane.
If your disability requires support from both sides of your body, maybe consider some form of forearm crutch. Personally, while both my legs are in pain, I normally take turns with what leg I lead with to give the other a break.
Have fun with the colors! I got a black one and I decorate it with duct tape depending on the season. Be proud of your cane and enjoy looking at it!
When walking with a cane:
Your arms are gonna hurt. The arm you use the cane with will be incredibly sore, especially in the elbow area. Your other arm will get tired from doing stuff like opening doors, holding things, and doing everything you can’t with your cane hand. I’m predominantly right handed, and while I’m able to write, brush my teeth, and open things with my left hand, it’s hard to get used to using my secondary hand because I use my right to use my cane.
Carrying things is gonna be a pain. You’ll struggle to lift things and walk, and back packs drag you down. If something can’t be held with one hand, don’t lift it. Ask for help.
Canes fall over. A lot. When you sit, put it in a place that you can reach it and it won’t fall over. This sometimes means putting it under your seat or on the floor.
Dealing with other people:
There will be people in your life who you didn’t realize are ableist who totally are. I have friends who don’t consider me disabled even with my cane and doctors saying I am. You’re gonna learn the hard way who supports you.
On a happier note, those who support you are wonderful! Hearing them politely offering their help or having them defend you from ableist jerks is a true sign of love.
As for the actual ableist, I know it’s hard to ignore them, but if you spend more time interacting with them, it’ll make you think more about it. remind them and remind yourself that yes, you’re disabled and you don’t owe them anything.
Internal ableism:
Walking with a cane comes with the horrible side effect of thinking you’re not “disabled enough”. This is where I’m here to tell you that everyone has a different way of dealing with a disability. Some disabled people use a wheelchair, and some don’t even need a mobility aid. Not being completely immobile doesn’t make you a faker or not disabled.
I personally practice paganism and all rituals that come along with that, so I find that doing spiritual work helps me feel more myself, but if you’re not pagan, try whatever helps you. Whether it’s your religion, spending time with friends, doing self care, reading, writing, drawing, WHATEVER, do it. You deserve it.
I hope this helps y’all! If you have any questions or just want to vent, send me a message!
decorated my ears!!! gonna do a couple more but with black rhinestones instead. these ones r cute but not super practical lol
[ID: a metallic gold cochlear implant where the transmitter has been decorated with tiny succulents - the first image shows it laid out on a table surrounded by scraps of fake succulents, and the second shows a redheaded CI user wearing it. /end ID]
Punk AF!
Growing Up Autistic without a Diagnosis
Please don’t dismiss children because they’re children. They’re not a one-size-fits-all personality. They’re a human person, an individual and need to be treated as such. This means not simply dismissing “bad” behaviour as bratty or spoilt.
Example: I’ve known a child that I met during a party of family friends. Within knowing this child a few hours, I could spot it a mile off. When the father was talking with me about his son and his tendencies, I asked him if the child had been checked for autism (not in those words precisely.) I didn’t mean in a nasty way, I’m autistic myself, but that did not go down well. He was horrified and insulted, and I was later yelled at for suggesting it (which in itself was deeply insulting to me.) Year or so later, everybody is starting to see it in him, too.
I can’t stress this enough:
Autism is nothing to be ashamed of, undiagnosed or otherwise.
Every once in a while, when I can remember my life (long story), it amazes me how nobody picked up on my autism until I was nineteen. I don’t even mean that in a vindictive or bitter way, it just strikes me that nobody noticed what was essentially a flashing neon sign over my head.
“Bratty” behaviour in kids needs to be studied a little more carefully. I believe there’s a difference in children screaming because they weren’t allowed a toy vs seemingly innocent things like food, clothes, or physical contact can result in consistent freak outs.
Girls/afab exhibit exhibit differently to boys/abaf. Typically, girls are more isolated and withdrawn while boys are more ‘stereotypical,’ loud and troublesome. I can’t go into semantics and definitions because I can only tell my story.
Severe meltdowns over food and clothing textures
By the time I was six or seven, I’d learned every possible anorexic trick that adults know. It had nothing to do with my weight but I would literally rather have starved than face certain textures. I would bury food in the backyard like a dog or keep it in my mouth then go to the bathroom then spit it out. “You’re not leaving the table until you eat it,” and I would be sitting there until I was falling asleep or throwing up involuntarily.
Food was my worst tripping point, and would result in what looked like epic bratty tantrums but I didn’t have the words to explain why food made me so sick. I would get routine stomach pains before every meal from anxiety.
Specific fabrics would reduce me to tears in seconds, particularly wool or inseams touching my stomach.
Freaking out with touching
Older kids at school seemed to think I was cute and they used to pick me up without asking. This would freak most people out but for me it resulted in aggressive thrashing and screaming to the point of bruising the other kids. It wasn’t funny or cute and my whole brain went into meltdown mode.
I didn’t like hugs or handshakes or people touching me at all (I remember a librarian once was trying to be nice. She touched my shoulder and I practically jumped backwards.)
Little to no idea about socialising
I remember my year 6 teacher telling me I didn’t need to say ‘hello’ every time I talked to someone, as in multiple times a day
No understanding about restraint re info dumping (”Nobody cares!”)
Jokes consistently going over my head and being called immature or stupid
Little understanding of sarcasm and jokes - often at my expense, often a tool used by bullies to gage friendship then do something bad.
Showing OCD tendencies - my room was chaos but things like books and information were stored and sorted compulsively
Just because I’m excelling with an SI (special interest) does not mean I am lazy or stupid in other respects
By the time I was 8 I had read every dog book in the primary library, could tell you almost any breed, where they came from, how and why
I could read five times faster than other students - reading as a class was agonising because it was so slow and every sentence the teacher would stop to explain a word or concept that was so obvious to me I thought she was patronising me. In other subjects such as maths or science I was painfully slow. I learn differently to most people, which I had to learn myself as an adult.
Aggression
There are a lot of other issues that tripping this but I was a very high strung, short tempered child. A LOT of this came from intense bullying and frustration over being different with no idea why. Again, a lot of this was deemed me being a brat - and some of it was, I won’t lie - but most of it came from sheer mental exhaustion.
Sleep deprivation/nightmares/insomnia
Apparently I wanted to sleep in my mum’s bed until I was about six. I don’t remember that but I remember brutal nightmares even as a child.
With all of these things combined plus a bad immune system (I was always sick,) you can how they played off each other. Stress made me sick, being sick made me stressed.
There’s a lot more to it but that’s the important stuff. Guys, I don’t believe children are inherently bad. If a child is displaying meltdowns over innocuous things, there’s a reason behind it. Please listen to children, watch out for them. They don’t have the vocabulary or experience yet to tell you the problem, you need to help.
In the US, a person’s wheelchair is viewed legally as an extension of their body.
1. If you touch someone’s wheelchair without their consent, that is Assault. In some states, this is automatically Aggravated Assault because the assault has been committed against a disabled person.
2. If you grab a someone’s moving wheelchair to stop it, lean on their wheelchair making it jolt or tilt, climb over their wheelchair to get past it, or move their wheelchair because you think it’s in your way, you are risking injury to an obviously medically fragile person and that is Reckless Endangerment.
3. If you grab or hold onto a wheelchair, block it or in any other way prevent the person from leaving, that is Unlawful Detention or Unlawful Restraint.
4. If you start pushing a person’s wheelchair without their explicit consent, that is Abduction.
This is not a moral philosophy or an opinion. These are legal definitions. If you do any of these things, you are committing a crime for which you can be prosecuted and do jail time, and you will have a criminal record which will follow you for the rest of your life.
These same laws are applied in the same way to any mobility device including canes, walkers, and scooters. If you kick someone’s cane, grab their walker, pull on the handlebars of their scooter or in any other way touch or manhandle someone’s mobility device you are committing a crime for which you can be prosecuted and go to prison.
(Source)
Okay but here’s a question: what if they’re drunk/high and not leaving the middle of the street? And when I go to offer help getting them where they want, they become belligerent and uncooperative, which is purposely creating unsafe conditions for themselves and others? And what if I finally drag them out of the street and either get charged with one of the above or later sued? Is there any recourse to fight that kind of charge?
so you would be protected by good Samaritan laws, basically stating if you were acting in good faith you cant be sued for helping. these laws are often used to prevent EMT’s from being sued for breaking ribs on someone during chest compression, but it applies here as well. If you, while acting in good faith, pull someone drunk in a wheelchair out of an unsafe situation, you weren’t assaulting them you were acting in their best interests.
Aaaaaaaand there’s the Ableists.
If you wouldn’t do it to an Abled cishet white man you don’t know, don’t do it to anyone else. JFC it’s not rocket science.
“Here are basic laws and what it means to break them”
“Hmmm okay but I always know better so how do I break them and get away with it”
Seriously. Just don’t touch me. Leave me and my chair alone. Phoenix is right. If you wouldn’t worry about/do it to an abled cishet white man, don’t do it to me.
Seriously. Being assaulted by an Abled and then trying to report it and being told you can’t because “they meant well” or “they were doing it for your own good” or “they were keeping you safe” is THE most traumatic thing.
The infantilization of disabled people is a huge problem. I’m not five years old. I’m a grown ass adult and I have the same right to autonomy as everyone else. If you’re really out there trying to traumatize disabled people then congrats, you’re doing great. Otherwise keep your sticky ass hands to yourself.
We need a more inclusive environment for scientists with life-altering conditions
This is a topic close to home for me. Like the author of this article, I have fibromyalgia and I have been living with it since I was 6 years old. I’ve also more recently been diagnosed with a complex autoimmune disease. Together, these diseases fundamentally impact the way that I operate at all levels of my life. Some days I can’t think, some days I can’t move. Most days are shades of those extremes. Not once have I felt comfortable disclosing my status formally when applying for jobs and grants. My experience has been that academia does not have the time or empathy for people like me. Whether or not universities have a diversity statement is largely irrelevant if there aren’t more concerted efforts to change academic culture and the toxic focus on “producing”, because it locks a lot of disabled people out of a rewarding and intellectually-satisfying profession. I do things a bit more slowly than my able-bodied peers, but it doesn’t mean my intellectual products are of a lesser standard. We need more equitable ways of assessing progress and productivity in academia before we can begin to call universities “inclusive”.
REQUIRED ADHD PLANNING ELEMENTS:
When do I need to leave for X event to get there on time?
What time do I need to start getting ready to leave so I can be there on time?
“6 months from now I will be in a different situation.”
Speak it into existence.
A better situation
A healthier, more peaceful, positive situation.
Becoming ill cured me of my perfectionism. The pain and fatigue stole my focus and my time so I had no choice but to adopt the “done is better than perfect” mindset, and congratulate myself for trying. I am really glad I learned that as young as I did as I feel like a better person for it.
Me in the hospital: I’m in so much pain if you try to move me right now, I’m going to throw up.
Nurses: that’s just anxiety, you’ll be fine.
*tries to move me and I immediately throw up directly on the nurse*
Nurse: oh my God!
Me:
This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?
Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.
So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.
I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.
Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.
Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.
I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.
Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)
I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.
They didn’t like eye contact either.
Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.
Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.
“But they never talked!”
No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.
So you know what happened?
My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.
“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.
1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.
2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.
Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.
I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.
To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.
And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.
Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people
Have you ever read an article about the study that found that teaching the parents to cope with autistic kids yields better results than other therapies? Because this is exactly what they were talking about.
me, gay and running out of breath going up the stairs: I bet I could run a farm
me, gay with scoliosis and a joint problem and depression and anxiety and running out of breath going up the stairs: I CAN run a farm I just have to do it in my own way!!
2 yrs later:
Me, gay with a chronic hip injury, anxiety, depression, ADD and STILL running out of breath from stairs even as I type this from my bed in the farmhouse:
Being someone with chronic pain, you guys are giving me hope for what I can achieve in the future