talking to certain trans people is so sad sometimes, it's almost like talking to an addict. all they care about is the next hrt shot, or the next surgery, or how they look or how they present, and they don't care at all how they're affecting other people in their life, and how they're hurting them.
i've heard multiple trans-identified females say that their parents told them "you killed my daughter." and it's heart-wrenching, and I used to really feel for this woman. but now, I can't help but feel for the parents. Imagine having a daughter who's perfectly normal until her life is overtaken by heroin. Imagine having a daughter who was fine until she joined a new religious group that turned out to be a cult, and now she's not the same anymore and has been completely brainwashed and there's nothing you can do or say to snap her out of it. Imagine begging her to get help but she's so deep in the addiction that she can't.
I'm not joking when I say that transgender identity should be understood first and foremost as an addiction. There is a literal chemical element to this that I think is underdiscussed. Testosterone and estrogen are both mind-altering substances after all. But the real high is the feeling of disassociation, or what trans people euphemistically refer to as "gender euphoria." A lot of addiction is about disassociation, it's not just that the focus of the addiction makes you feel good, it's that it makes you forget about the things about yourself that make you feel bad.
This is why trans identified people get mad when you say things like "what's wrong with just being a non gender conforming woman?" or "what's wrong with just being an effeminate man?" They need to believe that they have become a different person because they need that hit of disassociation. It's also why they rely on sexist stereotypes so heavily, they need to believe that the opposite sex are basically a different species. If they admit that their sources of gender euphoria are just things that a person of their birth sex could do anyway without changing their identity, then they are admitting that they are still just themselves. It's also why they get so irrationally angry at "misgendering", no other marginalised group loses their cool this much at not having their identity recognised. No other group goes out of their way to police language the way the trans community does. But when you misgender a trans person, you are doing the equivalent of giving a shot of narcan to an opiod addict. You are bringing them back down to Earth and reminding them that they are still themselves. No wonder they fight so hard to not let people do this.
This also explains the escalating nature of trans identity. Addiction by its very nature tends to escalate. You get accustomed to your current state of addiction, and it no longer gives the same high it once did, so you need to intensify it. You might just start out cutting your hair short and wearing a binder and that might satisfy you in the short term. But sooner or later that's not enough, soon you will need hormones, then top surgery, then facial masculinization surgery and then eventually bottom surgery. Then the many revisions of those surgeries. But you're chasing a dragon, you're never going to catch it. You can't satisfy an addict, it's just not possible. No matter how much they have, they will always want a little bit more.
The frustrating thing is that like most addicts they tend to be very good at subjective rationalization. Addicts are often very intelligent people, and they are very good at explaining to themselves and to others why their addiction is actually rational and healthy. This makes it very difficult to reason with them. Addicts don't perceive their next fix as a want but as a need. It can be very frustrating hearing trans people act is if you are literally trying to murder them, when all you want is to get them to admit that they are still just their birth sex. But in their eyes these two things might as well be the same thing. The ego death of not being able to disassociate is just as scary to them as an actual literal death.
I've never heard this take on it before. Interesting to think about.
