Babette didn’t feel herself. Not that she had in a rather long time, but it was more of a depression feeling. Her attention was taken by just glancing out a window, thinking about moments that weren’t so clouded in her life. The sound of a someone speaking to her she turned and gave a small smile. “I think.. some fun would be rather nice, mon amour. Where did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know! Anywhere! Somewhere to make you smile for a little. Any bars you like more than others? I mean we are limited right now, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time!”
Gaston caught the sway and just assumed she pre-gamed. He could get down with that. He loved a girl who could party. Although, he always took Aquata and Arista as the party sisters. But he shouldn’t sell people short. “I’m an equal opportunity charmer; be it at school or in town.”
“Oh really?” Alana laughed a bit at that. He was probably telling the truth, but Alana had a hard time seeing Gaston as the ultimate stud. Then again, she hadn’t really looked at anyone that was in a long time. “Charm can be a dangerous thing, you know.”
“Alana,” Gaston chuckled, “Gaston doesn’t turn down dancing with a beautiful woman.” She giggled. That was a good sign. “Apres-vous,” he said motioning for her to lead the way.
She started walking, swaying a little more than she thought she did. She was feeling light-headed, but she didn’t care. It was the greatest feeling in the world. “Gaston is too much. But that’s okay, it’s charming. I’m sure the girls at your school fall for it rather easily.”
Gaston was best friends with Aquata. He knew there were some things that were off limits. Her sisters were a murky area. He knew he wasn’t supposed to want to cross more off his list, but it was hard not to try. He already crossed two off. Attina was off the list because he wasn’t about that level of drama. Ariel was about to be off that list. He wasn’t about to try and bang Gagnon’s fiancee. Dealing with Emma Leah’s wrath over a lay wasn’t on his list. Not when he was trying to join the militia. And with all of this, he couldn’t find it in his heart to turn down Alana’s invite for a good time. She was the prettiest of the sisters. “How about we do both?” Gaston asked in response. “Both would make choosing a lot easier.
Alana was pretty satisfied with Gaston’s response. She wasn’t sure if he was going to actually agree to hang out with her since he was Aquata’s friend, but that didn’t seem to be the case! “Really? You’ll dance with me? I expected a yes for the drinking since you and my sister seem to like your fun. But dancing? I’m sure you definitely have all the right moves.” She giggled. “Let’s go, then.”
“Out?” Vidia turned to the woman that spoke to her. “I can do drinks.” She knew who she was talking to. Alana Atlantica. An Atlantica. The family was practically royalty in their world. If she was seen out with one, then that would up her social value. Of course, she’s going to go out with her.
She clapped her hands together and squealed. “Yes! Excellent! What’s your name? I want to know the name of my new buddy. At least for the night.” She smoothed out her clothes. “I’m Alana, by the way.”
Alana was wired. She wanted to do something different, something fun for a change. She wasn’t sure when she had fun....actual fun. She felt like she was floating on air, surely someone could have a fun time with her as well. There was so much darkness and so many bad times....she needed to get her mind off of that stuff. Turning to the person closest to her, she grinned. “Do you want to go out? Get drinks, dance....who cares? As long as it’s fun!”
Here I am again. I tried my best to avoid this, to do better. But I can’t anymore. The attack in Adamsville stressed me out so much I missed a meal...and then another....and then another. I know I should feel guilty or bad but I’ve never felt better. Attina is busy with her new life and the rest of my sisters are dealing with their own trauma. I want to be brave like them and handle things okay but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to be the strong one or the motherly one or the smart one.
All I know is how to be the beautiful one.
I ignored my own needs for so long that doing this again was the first good thing to happen to me since I got caught. It feels better than landing a job, than hugging a sister, and I hate that a little bit. My sisters....they aren’t going to like this. I don’t plan on telling them but if they see me slip, if they see one thing out of the ordinary....I could be sent back. And everything would be shit all over again. How could they understand how I’m feeling right now? I feel like I could conquer the world right now. I could get a job, I could get two jobs! I could sing and dance and smile more. I feel like the world is mine as long as I feel empty.
But that’s apparently wrong.
But it doesn’t feel wrong.
So what’s right?
I’m not so certain. All I know is that this deserves another chance. This time I’ll do better at hiding it. This time I will be smart. No one will know, no one will worry. I will be the beautiful, strong, sister that my sisters need. I will do whatever it takes to make this work. They can throw whatever dangerous thing at me and I will rise above it. It’s funny that the one thing everyone tells me is wrong is the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning. I guess that’s how these things work.
The book that Alana has always held close was the book Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. Lia Overbrook really speaks to her as a character due to the reasons behind her eating disorder (for control as her personality starts to disintegrate) and her battle with mental illness in general. The book itself is almost like a cautionary tale. She never wants to see herself get that bad, but often worries about relapsing so bad that she does end back in treatment. The book is like a slap in the face to her. It reminds her that it is possible for her to have a will to live her life again.
It wasn’t that he was having a bad day, Scar was just having an average day, and it was rather boring. He had already run all of his errands, and Madeline was busy with her actual job. Which meant he needed to do his own scheduling and planning and things, and he didn’t really want to do that either. So as of right now, he was procrastinating to the farthest extent.
As he looked down at his phone, someone ran into him as he walked down the sidewalk. He was bulky, he knew that, and it must not have felt too nice running into him. “Sorry, miss,” he responded with a surprising amount of politeness as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Is everything okay? You look rather…bummed.” He didn’t really have another word besides bummed to explain her expression.
Alana nodded her head at him. Things were far from okay, but she was an Atlantica and that meant that she had to keep it together a little better than she was. “I was just a bit distracted. I just got out a job interview and...Well you know, those are always uncertain.” She decided leaving it at that was best and she looked up at him. “I didn’t...make you knock anything over did I?” She looked around, just make sure. “I know I’m not made of steel but I still bumped into you.”
“I know quite a bit,” he said, “probably enough to concern you. I could list it all out for you if you like but that seems unnecessary. I can say pretty succinctly that despite being dealt a bad hand and despite flying somewhat under the radar as of late, you’ve not ruined your reputation. You hide your pain well…unlike many of your other siblings.”
“I have to,” she said matter of fact. “So much is put on my sisters...so much pain...Attina tries her best to handle it all but she hurts too. I just want them to look at me and see someone ready to take care of them. Even when I’m falling apart myself.”
Aquata shook her head. Wiping quickly at her cheeks. “No.. it’s.. the hunters it’s not them. I mean they helped.” She bit her lip to try and stop crying so much. “It started with my … substance abuse, then my baby, losing Herc, Ursula dying… a-and.. Lana, I was .. taken advantage of.” She couldn’t say the word. She didn’t want to give it power over her, even if it was breaking her to the last pieces. “Everything is falling apart, and all I want is for him to at least sit and talk to me. I shouldn’t depend on one person so much, but god I want to tuck myself away in his stupid bed and fight over blankets cause I was safe there. I didn’t know how painful loss was, or death, or… or..” She said softly in a whisper. “rape.”
“Am I allowed to hold you?” she whispered, tears falling from her face. Aquata was breaking her heart. So much has happened to her sister and Alana couldn’t help but feel like she failed her a little. She was her sister and sisters protected one another. Alana knew that she couldn’t protect Aquata from everything...but more could be done. She wanted to kill, a feeling she was starting to get too used to. She didn’t like that one bit. “Aqua, listen to me...” she said softly, her voice only shaking a little bit. “You are not alone...I refuse to let you be alone with this...with any of it....this is not the end, my sweet Aqua...” She hesitantly reached out to her, unable to wait any longer. “I know you want him, I know you want him more than anyone else in the world....but your world...it’s beyond him. I know this. You..You are so much more than what you think you are right now..”
The girl still wasn’t sure about roaming the hallways at school. Aquata could hardly sleep or eat again just when she thought she was getting better with everything else, another blow to her life took the floor from under her. This time thought .. it was just too much to try and carry by herself. When things got too much she had two people she could let herself be honest with. Attina, and Alana. And those were it for her. Wondering around school risked running into Gaston or Hercules and they would try and reason with the matter their own ways.
As the door opened she wanted to start balling right then and there, but she wasn’t even sure where to start on her train-wreck of a life. Walking in she sat down and just stared straight ahead. “I .. just haven’t been sleeping.. or eating.. really anything that could be considered living healthy.. for a long time not Alana..”
“What?” She sat next to her sister, close but not too close in case she would be uncomfortable with even their shoulders touching. “Is this because of the hunters attacking the school? Are they not feeding you right..?” She ran a hand through her hair. Food was already not her best friend but...her sister needed to eat. “Can I cook something for you? Please?” She just wanted her sister to be fed, rested, and happy. “What’s going on, Aqua?”
Alana always left her apartment as a place that select sisters could visit anytime. It was the one place where she didn’t glamorize her appearance or try to look less tired than she was. It was where she was most vulnerable and most herself, whatever that could be. All in all, she wanted her home to be a safe place. And even though Attina came and went nowadays, she made sure she had the place ready for two at the most.
She was reading a book, trying to pretend she was interested in the contents of its pages before she heard a soft knock at her door. Weird. None of her sisters were soft; it was just another thing about them that she loved about them. She opened the door and was shocked to see Aqua. They had seen each other on her birthday, but the Aqua before her now looked...fragile. Almost like when she told her about losing her child..
“Oh, Aqua,” she said softly before opening the door so that she could enter. She locked it behind them and made her way over to the couch. “Come sit. You look faint.”
Alana felt so stupid. She should have never agreed to have her job interview over lunch. She said yes because it was for a hair and nail saloon and she wanted so desperately to go for something she was good at doing. Beauty was her passion, the only thing she knew she was good at, so this interview should have been a cakewalk! But then she couldn’t get a sentence out without stuttering; she was too focused on the disgusting plate of food in front of them. It looked god, she wanted to have a bite, but..she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. There was even a point where she needed up ignoring the woman because she was staring at the plate.
Feeling defeated, she started to storm off, her mind swarming with thoughts of how it could have gone better or how stupid she was for letting something so simple get in her head. She wasn’t looking where she was going, so when she bumped into the rather bulky man in front of her, it just added to her embarrassment. “Sorry...” she mumbled, visibly shaking a little. “You take up a lot of the sidewalk...”
