floof

pls ignore random bouts of crochet posting, have not been hacked by an old lady, am just a 21 yr old with grandma tendencies, she/her, i accept cute cat pictures as currency, i will beat any transphobes to death with my cane :)

[txttletale]

the funniest thing about 'computer, enhance' is that it implies that everyone in those shows has their computer set to Piece Of Shit Blurry Image Mode by default for no fucking reason

[txttletale]

computer activate Useful Mode

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[asteroidtroglodyte]

It’s a Tree. There was a tree there. Folks cut down a tree, they usually don’t pull the roots, it’s like a Whalefall for fungus and burrowing invertebrates. They feast for decades.

It’s tree roots. I know that’s not cool and adventurous but I promise you it’s tree roots.

[wecanthavethat]

No, that's where they dumped the body of my good friend, Mr. Five by Five. We called him that because he was five feet tall and five feet wide. Perfectly spherical.

[sageofstars]

“Rejection” erasure poetry by Ben Aaron

don’t get into grad school? make it art 

[cyborgteen-deactivated20180718]

ive said it a million times but poetry sucks

[sageofstars]

“i sucks” erasure poetry by Ben Aaron

[wahbegan]

chill the fuck out Ben it’s a rejection letter from grad school now a love note from your ex

[sageofstars]

“Love Note” erasure poem by Ben Aaron

[maybe-im-on-nobodys-side]

I love that vince gilligan isn't even from Albuquerque and didn't live near there until he was making shows about it. he's like a weeabo for New Mexico specifically

[mellosdrawings]

Maybe -- just MAYBE -- don't spit on other characters and ships and works when the artist you congratulate and reblog from also draws those?

[comedydoctor18]

FANDOM ETIQUETTE NEEDS A RETURN SOOOO STRONGLY

[czech-hunter-reject]

Teeheehee, off to do my little schemes 😜

[czech-hunter-reject]

Teeheehee, on my way back home from doing my little schemes 🤪

[monster-at-the-end-of-this-book]

How were the schemes Were the schemes successful

[czech-hunter-reject]

Oh- hehehejehe huhuhuhu hæhæhæ, my little schemes were an astounding success!! 😝 they never saw it coming teeheehee

[segamascott]

such a good listener hard to find those sometimes

[loveridden1999]

[dogpuppy]

[cuunos]

for a long time now, one of my go-to phrases is "shake it like a can of beans." im not really sure where this came from, but i've been saying it for three years or so. it never really occurred to me that this was unusual until yesterday when i was bouncing a baby in a rocker a little too violently (he was having a great time, it just wasnt exactly sending him to sleep) and i went "sorry, im shaking him like a can of beans over here" and both my coworkers reacted like i had said something insane

[cuunos]

list of other things i've said that my coworkers really like:

everybody in the club getting baby (when 5 or more babies are fussy)

going absolute baby mode over there/he's activating baby mode (when the 10 month old is having a fit)

i play my blue eyed white baby (said when setting a specific baby on the floor)

sick 'em! (said when setting any other baby on the floor)

call her regina, she's a little bit dramatic (this is one of my go to phrases)

into the gladiator pit!/hey have you ever seen gladiator? (when two babies start wrestling/fighting) (i have not seen gladiator)

she's ready for college (when the three month old lifts her head to look around)

lock in, brother (i say this the most)

i say most of these phrases at least daily.

[cuunos]

one of the babies was getting picked up and started screaming as soon as her dad pulled her from her crib (where she'd been sleeping) and i instinctively said "that's what we in the industry call: baby moding" and he started laughing so hard he almost dropped her

[energyprison]

every political scandal has to be called ____gate now because 54 years ago a guy named blowjob told reporters there were bugs in the democrat offices

[nonlynear]

i’m haunted i’m unfuckable and i love you

[hotvampireadjacent]

[hotvampireadjacent]

[byjove]

Everyone makes fun of the millennial overpriced burger restaurants but the worst part is that they got you hooked on some bullshit and promptly shut down because their polycule broke up or whatever. You’ll never get to eat the caramelized onion apple parmesan sex bomb burger again. And it was $23 and good.

[byjove]

The Cajun Herbes de Provence fries were like $17 but what’s worse is you’ll be craving them for the rest of your life.

[guiltfactory]

everything is a reference when you're crazy

[apricops]

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving