I Like Things That Are Bigger Than Me

Fandoms, poetry, photos & all the feels ✌🏻🖤🌴

[princess-persevere]

Rebuilding

I’ve been bruised,

I’ve been broken.

My heart had been shattered 

Into a million little pieces.

But I picked them up

And stitched them together

With band aids and duct tape.

After a few years of the pieces holding up,

What was a shattered mess has now become a beautiful puzzle of pieces that fit together.

I put the pieces back.

I’ve rebuilt.

[princess-persevere]

Castaway

I feel like an ice capsule floating in the middle of the ocean

Just drifting away

And by 30, I thought I’d be on an island thriving

Not lost at sea

Floating and melting away

In the middle of nowhere

Still not on solid ground

My 20s felt like a sinking ship and now my 30s will be a single floating ice capsule

[princess-persevere]

Glasgow 💜 🐾

They say I rescued you

But because of you, now everyday is filled with:

Smiles

Laughter

Playfulness

Exploring

Cuddling

Teaching

Learning

Resting

Appreciation

Curiosity

Joy

Happiness

Company

So, I think maybe it’s you who rescued me after all

[princess-persevere]

[princess-persevere]

Healing is slow and not linear. 💜🖤 It may take a long time and it may never completely go away and that’s okay. I believe it will get easier and I will get stronger. ❤️‍🩹🙏

[princess-persevere]

Dandelions

I wish it wasn’t like this

I wish things were the way we pretend

I wish you could hear me

I wish you could see me

I wish you were happy

I wish I didn’t have to wish for these things

I wish I had more dandelions

[princess-persevere]

An Object

You look at me but you don’t see me

You say I love you just to hear it back

You hold my hand because you want your hand held

You help others because you need to be needed

There are strings attached to your love

You believe others owe you when you give them your love

You don’t see me

You don’t know me

And you don’t accept me

You only see what you want to see

And all you see is how to get what you want

And all you want is to be loved

Because you don’t love yourself so you need others to love you

None of this is about me or loving me

I’m just a means to an end for you

[princess-persevere]

Growth

Crying in the parking lot of a Target

Because my parents aren’t who I want them to be

And I’m not who they want me to be

I was a child with a lot of struggles

Who grew up to be an adult with the same struggles

But that’s somehow a shock to everyone but me

Because they didn’t try to solve the problems in front of all of our faces

Like an unsolved rubix cube forgotten in the junk drawer

A puzzle missing that one final piece

A broken clock you never fix but never throw out

Sweep it under the rug, hide it in the back of the closet, keep it in a box in the attic and never open it again

Forgotten and ignored

But be better, be different

No, not like that

So now it’s up to me to find the solution

Because it turns out it was a solvable problem that they didn’t even try to solve and just made me the problem

Yet I’m the one who was able to solve it

And part of the solution is distance from them even when all you want is to go to your parents

To be accepted and told that everything will be okay

But I know that’s not what’s best for me, so instead I sit in the parking lot of a Target and cry

[princess-persevere]

Unconditional Love

I want someone who can love me for my:

-weird messy buns

-balding hair

-need to mouth the words while I read

-obsession of Taylor Swift

-constant boredom

-short attention span

-off key singing

-weird dancing

-various moods

-delivery ordering instead of cooking

-dark and twisty vibes

-lack of a desire to clean consistently

-use of sticky notes everywhere to remember things

-weird walrus laugh

-gap between my front teeth

-anxious thoughts

-fidgeting and nail biting

-inability to properly adult

-wounds and scars and traumas

Because I love me for all my quirks, faults, and demons. And I will continue to love me for all of me, whether or not someone else does too.

[princess-persevere]

Security Blanket

I think I need to defrost the Ice Queen

I think it’s easy to be the Ice Queen

Too easy

Too easy to be angry

Too easy to hate

Too easy to shut down

I think there were times I needed the Ice Queen for protection

I think in some situations the Ice Queen served me well

Because it was the only way I knew how to deal with things

But what started as a shield is no longer protecting me

What started as power used against others has tuned into a power used against me

And now I have other ways to handle things

I can be honest

I can listen

I can be vulnerable

I can empathize

I can validate

I can love

So I think it’s time to defrost the Ice Queen

Because I don’t think I am the Ice Queen anymore

And I don’t think I want to be the Ice Queen anymore

And I think that’s okay.

[princess-persevere]

Adulthood

Welcome to Camp Stress

We offer a multitude of activities and amenities for your displeasure

We have an obstacle course filled with all your fears

A lounge where you can watch all your embarrassing memories on a big screen

Duck duck goose to decide what bill you’ll have to pay first

Bobbing for money

A tug of war with your insurances

A individualized nap area with a band that only sings your To-Do List on repeat

A cafeteria filled with all the foods you hate

And lastly we have mandatory guest passes that are exclusively approved for people you don’t want to see

So unpack your baggage and settle in

You’ll be here for a while my friend

[princess-persevere]

Looking for Answers in A River of Doubt

How do you mend a rope when it’s been frayed by illusions of normalcy?

Is it even possible?

Or do you have to find a different rope?

But what if that rope is irreplaceable?

Yet how irreplaceable can it really be if it was able to be frayed?

How do you rebuild a bridge that has fallen because it was built on bricks of denial?

Where do you find other bricks?

And is it worth rebuilding the same bridge just to have it fall again?

How do you take the past and the future and sew it together to make a quilt without any patches of pain?

Because until it can be sewn together the patches are just patches.

Nothing more.

Not whole.

Until a strong enough thread can be found.

A thread that can mend the divide of hope and hopelessness.

But where do you find that thread?

How do you sew it together?

And when, when will that thread be found??

[princess-persevere]

Shattered

You spend your whole life staring at one window

You can see it’s a tall, epic stained glass window

It depicts an image that you think is so breathtakingly beautiful

You think that’s how a stained glass window should look

Then one day that window is shattered

To a million tiny pieces

And the beautiful stained glass image that you loved is now broken into an unsolvable puzzle of pieces all around you

And beneath your feet that walked you here to this moment

But for the life of you, you cannot remember how you got here

All you can see is that what you loved is gone

And then you realize that you never knew anything at all

That stained glass window didn’t depict the image you thought it did

Or maybe it did but you didn’t realize that other people could see it insurmountably different than you

That other people could stand in front of such beauty and only choose to see hate

That other people could take away that beautiful stained glass window from you

You feel confused and angry and hurt

That someone could see such beauty and use it as a catalyst in their dominos of hate

You ask yourself, where do you go from here?

How do you pick up those stained glass pieces

And how do you put it back together in a way for everyone to see what you saw

To see the beauty of it all and to appreciate it

You find yourself stuck

Trapped around the broken pieces with your feet glued to the floor

How do you put back the pieces?

[princess-persevere]

Fight or Flight

You’re in a hallway. It’s a very familiar hallway to you. There’s two doors in front of you. The same two doors that are always in front of you. The first door, if you choose to open it, means you ignore it. The second door, if you choose to open it, means you face it. You’ve been down this hallway too many times to count. You know what door you always open. Do you open the same door? Or do you make a different choice today? Both doors could bring you pain. One is a pain you know very well. And the other is an uncharted pain in an uncharted territory. What door do you open? Is today the day you face it?

[princess-persevere]

Clean Slate

As we fall down, we have the opportunity to begin again.

We can start fresh.

Be whoever we want to be.

Embrace journeys we never would have trekked on before.

Chase the dreams we were too scared to make a reality.

Pave our own path when there was none to follow.

Say all the things we could never articulate.

As we fall down, we have the opportunity to begin again.

So stand up.

And begin again.

[princess-persevere]

26 Things I’ve learned living on this earth for 26 years (aka happy birthday to me)

1. You can do more than you think you can. Yes you can.

2. Eat the donut. Unless you have a food intolerance. But even then sometimes you gotta risk it for the biscuit.

3. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. And that includes yourself. Every day.

4. All of this is bigger than you and me. We are all who we are because of how we were raised so use that to try to understand people and not hate them

5. Hating only eats you up inside. So get angry, feel it and then learn to deal with it and move on. And it’s okay to walk away from things that aren’t good for you.

6. Complaining can be fun tho. Find people you can complain with.

7. Feel your emotions, every emotion, for as long as you need to feel it. It is okay to feel however you feel, your feeling is valid.

8. Worrying about something before it happens only causes you pain twice: when you’re worrying and then when the thing happens so why make yourself be in pain twice?

9. Take every thing one day at a time. You will get to where you want to be but learn to enjoy the ride. It’s about the journey, not the destination.

10. Be present in the moment as much and as often as you can

11. Sometimes you do just gotta say fuck it and have waffles for dinner

12. People may hurt you but most of the time they’re not doing it to you, it has nothing to do with you

13. You are enough and you deserve to be enough. All that matters is that you try to be your best, whatever that is. Some days it’s okay if you’re best is just getting out of bed.

14. Be yourself and also be a kid as much as you can. Go to Disneyland. Watch cartoons. Enjoy the nostalgia

15. If it’s not hurting you or someone else then what’s the problem

16. Love what you love and fuck all the rest. Be your weird and don’t apologize for it. Collect all the teapots.

17. If you’re gonna do something, then you do it. Full force. All the way. Go if you’re going. Don’t look back.

18. Sometimes regret is a good thing because it means you did something. Make mistakes. Learn from them. It’s better than living a life without any mistakes because then that means you haven’t lived at all.

19. Write it down, because you won’t remember. No you won’t.

20. Look for moments of authenticity. Do things because you want to, not because you have to. Be open and let people in. Unless they’re jerks. Look for the deep, meaningful friendships and know that family (whatever that means to you) is everything.

21. Take care of yourself. Create good habits. Wash your face and brush your teeth. It doesn’t take long. Go to all your doctors every year.

22. You have to unlearn a lot of things from your childhood and learn better ways to handle things and that’s what growing up really is

23. Find an exercise you like and forever and ever try to exercise. Also, eat your fruit and vegetables and hydrate everyday or to the best of your ability. And shower, you’ll feel better once you’re in it. Yes, you will.

24. Get out of your comfort zone. And when you start to get comfortable again do something new, try something different. Find new ways to keep putting yourself out there and keep challenging yourself.

25. Find your thing. Chase your dream. Do what you love. It’s not about the money. But always pay your credit card bill completely. And material things can be nice but they’re never more important than the things that matter, like your happiness.

26. Smile through the good and the bad. Find the balance in everything you do.

[princess-persevere]

My Pumpkin Pie Recipe

1 cup of love

2 cups of hugs

3 cups of laughter

4 cups of old traditions

5 cups of new traditions

6 cups of missing you