Guess who's back on their bullshit

I'm Nikki. they/them pronouns. Whatever hyperfixation ravages my soul and random stuff I see. That's it. The art belongs to not me but i can't remember who exactly

[strike-another-match]

heartbreaking: well intentioned person who needs detailed instructions to function is giving extremely detailed instructions to person who gets overwhelmed with large volumes of information

[weepingchoir]

So stupid when a piece of fiction impacts your identity. Like ok bitcj. It worked. Now what.

[sealofphobos]

@funnier-as-fictionkin

[vetchtibbles]

welcome to my farm where I keep my dark horse my black sheep my scapegoat and my underdog. my canary in the coal mine died ages ago

[your-personal-ghost]

It’s a mess here: someone looked your gift dark horse in the mouth, led it to water, and jumped back on it. Your ducks aren’t in a row, someone counted the chickens before they hatched. Your geese are silly, your brown cows aren’t explaining how, and every one of these sheep is a wolf but they don’t even notice with the amount of wool over their eyes. I’m fining you one million gold coins.

[vetchtibbles]

it was the goat blame the goat

[plaguedocboi]

We need to go back to using sailing ships full time like immediately. Yes it would take longer to get places but the Aesthetic is unmatched

Like there is nothing sexier hthan this

[theboboshow]

Can’t wait for OP to get scurvy

[plaguedocboi]

Are you under the impression that the ships themselves are what caused scurvy

[plaguedocboi]

Once again. Do you think this is the fault of the ships themselves

[legsloveless]

[stitchposts]

what is your LEAST favorite stitch?

I don't like counted work at fucking all. So: the cross stitch.

[rabbitindisguise]

reading this as someone who does cross stitch but is scared of the other kinds of embroidery is like overhearing an incredibly tall and buff person say they have beef with Mr. Tom, the kitten that chills at the bookstore

[stitchposts]

FUCK Mr. Tom and his stupid little fluffy tail ok. And his little charted designs.

[the-dragongirl]

Okay, but this neglects the true villain of embroidery stitches: the French knot

[stitchposts]

Don't you dare malign my girl again

[im-a-dream-wizard]

Ok the french knot is very useful but it is a BITCH to do it consistently

[stitchposts]

[ao3-anonymous]

We talk about how this website’s hate mail game is insane, but this might just be a new level

[anais-mirliaz]

frolicking with mama :)

[snow-nose]

ID: an animation of a foal prancing around its mother while she grazes. as it turns around the corner, the mother swings her head so it can pass. end ID

[officeshelpdesk]

Went to Catholic school my whole life and when I was 14 I had to do confirmation classes and since I went to school in a different diocese all the other kids had already done their confirmation and shit and it was weird as hell. I had to commute an hour home and then go to the basement of a church where I argued with the teacher all the time because he didn't actually understand philosophy, basically a protestant, very tragic.

Anyway part of the confirmation class was that I had to go to confession and so I went and I confessed all my sins or whatever but the next day my school also decided we needed to go to confession. So I'm waiting in the line for fuckin ever and then I get to the little confessional and I'm like "forgive me father for I've sinned it's been one day since my last confession" and the priest goes "huh?" And I explained the whole situation to him.

He asks where the hell I live and I tell him and he tells me he actually used to be a parish priest at one of the churches in town, and then he's asking me about priests he used to know and we get to talking about sandwich shops and restaurants and parks and it goes on for 10 minutes or so before we realize there's a whole line behind me so he tells me I don't gotta do anything and I leave.

The kid behind me in line grabs me as I walk past and goes "Dude what the fuck did you do?" And I almost told him what happened but I decided it would be funnier if I didn't so I was like "a lot lol" and he was like "do you gotta do like 10 hail Mary's now or something?" And I said "no it turns out if it's bad enough he just tells you you're going to hell, no contrition no nothing" and this kid was like Uber Christian and I think he felt bad for me forever because afterwards he was way nicer to me

[a-delicate-touch]

some of y'all are in denial that you have a fetish and it makes me sad fr

[a-delicate-touch]

if you:

can't cum unless x is involved in sex

get incredibly horny and aroused when x IS involved in sex

don't find interest in sex if x is not involved in some way shape or form

then congratulations, you have a fetish!! and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! fetish isnt a bad or ugly thing, it's just something that's a part of your sexuality, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

unless you're into that 😉

[i-suggest-vore]

Hey if you don't have a fetish but are on the lookout for one then I have a suggestion

[a-delicate-touch]

and what fetish would that be user i-suggest-vore

[i-suggest-vore]

Feet

[mariamlovesyou]

new uterine lining just dropped

[ocqueen]

[loveridden1999]

[necronomicon]

honestly it’s kind of upsetting how much of the autism experience is just being shamed out expressing yourself in any way that’s normal for you and learning to keep everything to yourself so you’re not shamed for being weird and then being shamed for being so quiet because it’s also weird to be quiet but if you tell this to anyone else they’ll say “why do you care so much what people think” and that’s when the ancient ape part of your brain gets ready to beat them to death

[flowerbleedme]

Guy who transforms into a swarm of locusts when shaken vigorously: hey can you turn the music down it's resonating kind of hard and shaking the ground and I don't want to endanger anyone

DJ Loudmusic: SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THESE SICK JAMS! HERE'S MY NEXT SONG, "EPIC JUNGLE BEAT THAT GIVES LOCUSTS THE DESIRE TO KILL HUMAN BEINGS"

[translatingpostsinfrench]

boule-de-feu-moi

Mec qui se transforme en essaim de sauterelles quand on le secoue vigoureusement : hey est-ce que tu peux baisser la musique ça résonne fort et ça fait trembler le sol et je veux pas mettre des gens en danger

DJ Musiqueforte : DÉSOLÉ JE T'ENTENDS PAS AVEC CES SONS DE MALADE ! VOILÀ MA PROCHAINE CHANSON, "BEATS DE LA JUNGLE ÉPIQUES QUI DONNENT AUX SAUTERELLES LE DÉSIR DE TUER DES ÊTRES HUMAINS"

[only-tiktoks]

[xeansicemane]

Ya'll ever think that except for stuff like ren fairs are the only time adults get to play when the human animal never stops needing play behavior?

[death-limes]

the cultural perception that play is an inherently childish thing is one of the worst ideas to come out of modern civilization (in my very not-humble and objectively correct opinion)

[tarragonthedragon]

always fascinated by which things people assume are unique to their culture and which they assume are universal. listening to an australian podcast right now and they are very confident that nobody will understand that 'cozzie' is short for 'swimming costume' and explain it every time it comes up, but they give zero information about swooping season because surely everyone gets attacked by birds for like a month a year

[shametheshadow]

WHO GOT CAUGHT!?

[thetrashiestoftrash]

I love that the highlight is on playing Flight Rising when everything else on this list is objectively funnier

[rabbitpyromancer]

Wanted to see the entries covered by the circle. Heres a clean version for others.

[spacefinch]

Tag yourself

[flowersfromunderground]

Be yourself so ppl looking for u can find u

[ri5k]

[sisyphusshrugged]

[what-even-is-thiss]

“Cats don’t actually love you”

A cat is a small creature in the middle of the food chain that is fully aware that you are a very large thing that could stomp its head in at any moment and yet it chooses to rest its tiny little head on your leg for a nap and spreads out on the floor near you exposing its belly and its most sensitive organs. It brings dead mice and bugs to you to share food.

Don’t you get it? This tiny thing trusts you. It wants to help you too. It licks your leg thinking that it’s helping. It kneads on you to find comfort. It shares its body warmth with you in the cold and gives you your space in the heat. It hisses at other mammals it sees outside including other cats in an effort to protect its family.

Cats love you so so much. But they will keep trying to eat plastic.