aziraphale, tenderly, taking one of adamās hands while crowley does the same with the other: whatever happens, for good or for evil, weāre beside youĀ
adam: cool. who are you

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@probable-disappointment
aziraphale, tenderly, taking one of adamās hands while crowley does the same with the other: whatever happens, for good or for evil, weāre beside youĀ
adam: cool. who are you
tbh I canāt imagine aziraphale growing attached to puppies or kittens or anything like that bc it would break his heart each & every time he lost one to age , but I can picture him palling around w a giant tortoise, who lives upward of 100 years
aziraphale, lying on the floor to be face level with his tortoise friend: when you donāt age, time has far less meaning. I could never understand the urgencyāwhy go hurry eternity? just because the tortoise and the hare went different speeds didnāt mean they couldnāt both envision the finish line. but after the experience of almost losing him, Iāve begun to wonder, I have left him waiting an awful long time, havenāt I?
tortoise: *chews a piece of lettuce*
aziraphale @ any minor inconvenience
Parrots also live for 80-100 years or so but are incredibly high-maintenance, so the turtle definitely seems like a better option here
nanny crowley, buying a present for younger warlock: would you like a hot wheels or barbie toy?
his mother: uh⦠heās a boy.
crowley: congratulations!
crowley: do you want a hot wheels or barbie toy?
his mother: i want a boy toy, please.
crowley: aha, donāt we all.
his mother:
crowley:
crowley: so do you want a hot wheels or a barbie toy? you have to choose one.
Warlock: only one? I want the barbie to ride the hotwheels
Crowley: both it is!
His mother: ā¦
Mum:hey -
Me, returning from a walk in the woods after still being unsuccesfull in getting abducted by the fair folk: I donāt wanna talk right now
Ye olden days: ā we must never go in there, the fair folk may take us away from this worldā
Millennials: *banging pots and pans together in the middle of a mushroom circle during a full moon on an equinox * āIT WOULD BE A SHAME IF SOMETHING ABUCTED ME RIGHT ABOUT NOW!ā
Well if youāre bring iron/base metals in youāre actively repelling the fae!
Ways to attract fae:
1) mirrors - they like seeing themselves
2) sweet smells - a little vanilla extract goes a long way; as do cookies
3) glitter/sparkles - they looove them
4) music - if you wanna talk about getting snatched, at least give it a sick beat/melody; fae love to dance
Come on millennials: do a little research!
Ironically, Hemsworth credits the movie he almost left ā āGhostbustersā ā with priming audiences to accept Thorās turn to screwball comedy. He would have liked to have done a āGhostbustersā sequel, and he still hasnāt forgiven the online fanboys who viciously attacked the reboot because the new stars were played by women. āThat whole period I was like, āWhat ownership do you guys have over those characters?āā Hemsworth says. āOh, you watched the film, therefore you should have a say over where it goes? I thought it was very unfortunate and kind of disappointing.āĀ
- Hemsworth speaking some serious truth about the toxicity of entitled fans
Chris Hemsworth is a good dude.
Heās gay, Mr. Shadwell.
New one in the saga of Tony Hawk trying to live life as Tony Hawk
Area Demon Traumatized by Ineffable Plant Loving Angel.Ā
Comic Commissioned by the beautiful @pocketseizure(Please donāt upload without permission)
Iām sorry but the things Michael Sheen does with his eyes are utterly obscene. Giving Crowley the Gay Once Over? The way he oh-so-slightly turns his body towards him and then turns away? Heās looking at him like a Victorian lady who has just found a handsome and rakish highwayman crawling through her window and sheās nominally protesting just to protect her honour. Aziraphale you fucking tease. I know Iāve said this before but heās literally eyeing him up like a fucking crepe. This is peak NSFW. I should not be seeing this before the watershed.
The way he says āOh, good Lord,ā as if itās Crowley whoās done something obscene (which, yes, he is sprawled out in black and scarlet like a late 18th century pinup) but itās 1000% Aziraphaleās thirsty brain that sees his demon and immediately goes to carnal thoughts. If he was pure of mind he wouldāve just been like, ah yes, there he is, but instead heās flustered and blushing and chiding Crowley in an āoh behave!ā sort of way, when really itās him who needs to get ahold of himself. Crowleyās literally just said how awful humans are and all Aziraphale can think is āoh fuck he looks so hot, I was not prepared, I need a moment but also let me scope that out one more timeā š
I have to say I do think the funniest implied running joke in good omens is how Crowley has decided that the best use of his demonic powers is to make life just a little bit more irritating for everyone who lives in London but without ever considering that HE LIVES IN LONDON
Heās like. Haha. I shall leave these rakes strewn about and surely someone will tread on one and it will snap up and clock them in the face and they will be mad. And then without fail 48 hours later he treads on a rake
This happens every time and every time heās like ARGH how could I have foreseen this >:[
Monday Crowley: [glues a 50p coin to the sidewalk]
Wednesday Crowley, walking down the street: Oh hey! 50p!
Crowley arriving in Hell once every century to take credit for something he didnāt do
14 year old me at the mall: i am most certainly not a lesbian, and to prove i am not a lesbian, i will very deliberately pretend that that womenās lingerie store does not exist.
This is my favorite celebrity headline of today
John Mulaney voice: It was even weirder, though, when I went out for the night with some money, black out, and wake up with more money, because that means that I earned money. That means that I traded goods and/or services. Which is scary.
Why is Marvel like this?
Anthony Mackie:
Brie Larson:
update: apparently canberraās skywhale was harpooned and diedĀ
Local resident Michelle Bedford says what she saw can only be described as āincredibly unlikelyā and ābizarrely beautifulā.
āThe guy got on the roof of his van with a crazy look in his eyes Iāve never seen before, as if in his universe there was only him and the Skywhale. He hurled the broomhandle like a harpoon, got it right through the eye.
āWe all clapped and cheered, not like we hate the Skywhale or anything but it was just unbelievably cool.ā
It then took several hours for security staff and onlookers to disentangle Ahab from the corpse of the Skywhale which had slowly but majestically fallen directly on top of him, like a heavenly blanket with massive breasts.
The sculpture, a hot air balloon depicting a whale as it may have evolved if it lived in the air rather than the sea, has had a mixed reception since it was first launched in 2013. Critics of the Skywhale cited its outlandish appearance, large breast-like appendages and ādumb, smug whale faceā.
ā¦
Artist Patricia Piccinini, who designed the sculpture, has asked that charges not be pressed against Mr Ahab, claiming that she was āinvigoratedā to see the public engaging with the artwork on such a meaningful level and that she couldnāt ask for a āmore fitting way for a big balloon that looks like a whale to complete its lifecycle in the public eye.ā
When asked if the ākillingā of the Skywhale had any allegorical significance or if the quest to find and destroy it was in some way symbolic of a larger tale Mr Ahab told reports āNah mate, just f-ing hate that bloody whale.ā
ā¦.This. THIS is art.Ā