so this happened to me today
fucked up some bird tried to steal your car like that
He’s not stealing, he’s robin
(Clasping your shoulder gently)
You’re right. And he looks like a real tit doing it too
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Not today Justin

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@probablycrazy
so this happened to me today
fucked up some bird tried to steal your car like that
He’s not stealing, he’s robin
(Clasping your shoulder gently)
You’re right. And he looks like a real tit doing it too
apparently, I joined this tumblr place at 1/21/11, 10:02:41 AM.
A king has no sons, no daughters, and no queen. For this reason he must decide who will take the throne after he dies. To do this he decides that he will give all of the children of the kingdom a single seed. Whichever child has the largest, most beautiful plant will earn the throne; this being a metaphor for the kingdom. At the end of the contest all of the children came to the palace with their enormous and beautiful plants in hand. After he looks at all of the children’s pots, he finally decides that the little girl with an empty pot will be the next Queen. Why did he choose this little girl over all of the other children with their beautiful plants.
The seeds were all dead (burned, fake, etc.). The other kids cheated and got different seeds and planted them. The little girl didn’t cheat and was not able to grow anything because the seed was dead. She was the only one who didn’t cheat.
damn
Nothing like original fairy tales!
i get the moral it’s trying to convey but that king is an idiot and the kingdom’s doomed. you don’t appoint an honest kid who will forthrightly admit a failure like that to leadership of a country, you put that kid in charge of like… the army, or something. the department of agriculture.
i’d send out dead seeds, then appoint the kid with the biggest and most beautiful plant anyway. ideally the same kind of plant as the dead seeds were from. and ideally a kid with a really good pokerface. that kid knows:
a) how to perceive failure early (a well developed second plant means they knew how soon the first seeds should sprout and didn’t fuck around when they didn’t)
b) how to fix the situation (a second plant of the same species means they got someone to help them identify the seeds and plant more, or are observant enough to do it themselves)
c) how to get the best people for a job in to do it (kids aren’t great gardeners. a beautiful science project probably means mom did all the work— just what you want from a child ruler and their regent)
all around, that kid (or their mom) is the kind of devious results-oriented bald-faced liar you want to go toe-to-toe with the lords of your country and the rulers of your neighbors. not a little kid who admits defeat so early and in a situation with such high stakes. ‘whoops i didn’t grow a plant’ sounds a lot less sweet when you phrase it like ‘i give up on ruling my country’.
you know, i think i’d also send agents out to encourage the kids to destroy each other’s plants. let’s see who’s good at seige warfare, too.
Did Lord Vetinari write that post?
If I were an evil emperor in a fantasy world, I would have a an enormous aviary full of exotic birds that are exceptionally well cared for. They would be from a distant enough land that there would be very few people in my kingdom that knew much about them, they would be a friendly but not overly territorial species, and moderately intelligent. Like puffins. They would not, crucially, be able to imitate sounds and 'speak', but they would be very trainable and curious. Occasionally importing new birds for my aviary would be the Big Frivolous Indulgence that my political enemies make fun of.
I will also have a sorceror in my employ. When a hero or a renegade or a political rival is in a situation where I can safely kill them, they will instead be turned into a bird and added to my aviary. I would not brag about this; it would be a complete secret, known only to me and my sorceror. In situations where I capture multiple people working together, only one would go in the aviary;the others can be imprisoned or killed or whatever. If they escape and I reacquire them later, another one can go in the aviary. The point here is that nobody going in the aviary can safely assume that another bird in there is their teammate.
Because I would be trickling real birds in there, too. And I would train some of them to do 'intelligent' things like tap out prime numbers or scratch shapes into the dirt with their beaks. I would train some of them to pick at the locks and bars as if they were trying to escape. I would not train them all the same way, or train many of them at all.
Sometimes, a new bird goes into the aviary -- fellow revolutionary? Or just a bird? Is it trying to communicate to you that it's human, or just being friendly and imitating you because that's what smart friendly birds do? People would develop opinions and theories over time. They'd amass in a group of the smartest ones, pretty sure that they're closest four or five friends are humans, are using their invented little language of wing-flaps and trills with a human mind behind it... but can they ever really be sure?
Most people, when going into the aviary, would assume that all of the birds are captured enemies. So why are some of them hard to have ongoing communication with, to learn about, to plan with? Are these the natural communication barriers of someone in a bird body, or does being a bird make them stupider over time? Will that happen to them also?
Sometimes, if I capture a pair, I'll imprison them separately, then turn one into a bird and put them in the aviary at the same time as a real bird that's trained to have a couple of their partner's mannerisms.
When I interact with the birds, even in private, I won't secretly mock them or make clever veiled references to their past or act at all like I remember that they were once human. They are my birds, that I imported at great expense. And I've brought a treat for them; some fresh fruit, and another friend to share it with! A new bird!
Or is it?
If I were an evil empress I would also have exotic birds and they'd all be real birds. I'd name them after enemies I had killed.
Social media company tells MPs of continual fight against state-backed efforts, with Russia being most prolific
Russia is the most prolific state actor, followed by China and Iran.
ALMOST 1 BILLION ACCOUNTS.
That is the level of mass manipulation we're looking at, guys. Almost 1 billion accounts in the year of 2024 were suspended as being part of various psyops efforts from state actors.
If you get your news solely from social media, you are laughably vulnerable to propaganda.
Thank goodness I am here on Tumblr, where there is no evidence of Russian or other foreign actors trying to manipulate me /sarcasm
They have been gradually feminizing the Water type starters each Pokemon generation
Gens 1-3, big, bulky, masculine Water type starters, Blastoise has cannons in its back, Feraligatr has sharp claws and fangs, mega Swampert is a muscular beast
Gens 4-6, sleek, androgynous, still badass and powerful looking but definitely not as masculine
Gens 7-9, thin, feminine, cunty, skittle squad incarnate, these starters are for the girls and the gays
Now here we are in Gen 10 and there's no more holding back. First stage and she's already got the wings and the bedroom eyes. They're putting chemicals in the water to turn the fricking Water types gay.
My allies and I will not ride at dawn. First we will shower and eat breakfast and go to the bathroom and recheck that we packed everything
guy who is definitely not about to fall into a surprise midday nap with an aftermath worse than a hangover: it seems like a really good idea to lay in bed and get cozy under the blanket as part of my plan not to fall asleep. I do not know why.
at the euthanasia party everyone gets a sip of the forbidden lean
Yeah, same
me n the girls walkin into target headed straight to the clearance bread rack
jerrod how long did it take you to photoshop all that bread
Did it the lazy easy way:
It may be less than stellar, but I have a strict personal rule: “don’t put longer than 30 minutes’ effort into a fetish joke”. The second you hit 30:01, the exposure becomes lethal and the fetish becomes unironic.
FETISH?????????
god i wish i were you
Whitch part is the fetish? Bread or Pokémon?
I’m so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but it’s the bread
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS THE BREAD
PHRASE ADDED!
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS THE BREAD”
he thinks he's being so smooth with his little face on my leg. i SEE you, villain
ONLY bcos loves u. love u DESPITE ur dinner actually
fuck it 10 pm post we like to party
this video feels like seeing an old friend for the first time in a decade
Rip to the haters but I for one am excited for the new HOTD season. I cannot wait to watch and piece together the plot of the show through the gifs my mutuals reblog. I hope the white haired dragon lady in black finally gets to have freaky sex with the lady in green this season. Godspeed.
i just can't convey the frustration and sorrow that it's been to grow up at first without the internet and then watching it bloom into this useful, fun, connecting force you sometimes spent time on, only for it to degrade into this constant oppressive waste of time and energy where people are constantly pumping out algorithmically designed content for max algorithmic appeal and even the most simple search generates either no results or an infinite abyss of ai generated slop none of which is usable or correct. we briefly had a library of alexandria and then fed it into a paper shredder so advertisers could sell a random mash of pulp back to us at a premium.
Ominous bird valentines.
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