Formed in the Depths

Hey fuck you. 30. 177 / 58.8 / 18.8

[profundis-formor]

I don't usually do pinned posts, but maybe this blog could use one. 🌕✨

⚔️This is a sideblog for my fitness journey, ed recovery, and critique of anti-health culture. Fat acceptance never helped me. If anything, it held me back.

🌊Name-wise, just use my url I guess. Or Profunda. The url is Latin for my blog title, "[I am] formed in [the] depths."

That is genuinely how my fitness journey feels, coming from a deep, dark place and growing from it. Batman Bane style: I was born in the darkness, molded by it. (And you better have read that in the voice.)

🔥I am an adult woman who had severe anorexia as a teenager, particularly a nine-month stretch at 14-15 years old (2010-2011). Back then, recovery wasn't my choice. For over a decade, I struggled to find the relationship with food and exercise, body, and capabilities I want without being tempted by disordered thoughts or habits. Since starting this blog in summer 2025, especially since February 2026, that's been way easier. I have a new, much healthier outlook that is rooted in authenticity (unapologetically being myself and shooting for my healthy goals) and honesty (being realistic about what is healthy and doable and how I've been doing).

My lore: first recovery, and bit on old mentality.

Progress: importance of attention, and beginning maintenance.

I have other related things in #recovery.

Other common tags are #nutrition, #exercise, #workout, #fitness, and #fitspo (which is not the same as thinsp0). Workout tag is specific tips and things to try; exercise tag is more general.

🌳As you may notice, I can be very share-y. On this blog, for this topic, I'm an open book. I'm happy to answer questions or discuss things. I try to keep other details of my life under more wraps for privacy. Be aware that if I ever get more specific about my bad times, especially 2010-11, it could be triggering, but for some things, it can be important context. I won't sanitize or sugar coat or hide any part of my reality in this sphere.

I'm not encouraging disordered behavior or goals. Stats in bio because it's part of my honesty. If you see that BMI go below 18.5, feel free to chew me out, but otherwise, there's no reason to complain.

If you find this content triggering, please see yourself out.

I don't particularly like interacting with minors, but I won't chase you away with a stick. Just maintain a normal distance, please.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I tend to do a lot of cooking experiments and frankly the amount of closed mindedness people have around what food should and shouldn’t look like is holding them back I think

[girlfriendsinjeans]

[live-to-100]

The thing about fat acceptance claiming that fatphobia (any attempt to discuss the health risks of being fat) makes people easier to control (because they’re smaller or so pre-occupied with dieting) is that a part of the appeal of feedism is the loss of control and dependence on the feeder from weight gain. Sure, not every feedee is in FA and not all of FA is into feedism but working on the assumption that FA is generally pro- or at least chill with feedism, is this not hypocritical? And yes, the feedee consents to this but they continue to live outside of their kink, the effects of weight gain don’t go away the next day, they’re still going to be dependent.

‘Oh we’re not talking about them’ so you don’t support morbidly obese people? Or people who choose to gain weight (past the healthy range)? Or people who have mobility/health issues from their obesity?

If you’re a movement you should have some core set of ideas. Either you narrow who you support to people who aren’t particularly affected by being fat or accept you likely will be less mobile fat than at a healthy weight.

At the very least stop saying people are easier to control when they ‘shrink’ themselves/‘widdle’ themselves down/‘take up less space’. There are more body sizes that underweight and obese, I genuinely think more people are interested in being fit and improving longevity/quality of life as they age. This is all so that more people can continue to be independent for as long as possible.

[zooophagous]

I didn't ask if it made sense to keep going. I said I'm going to kick your twisted evil ass.

[bitchydragondoodle]

i dunno what fandom this is from but it also gives me reasonable hope to keep fighting for a better future and i like it :)

[zooophagous]

That would be the "Ancient Egyptian Mythology" fandom

[justsixerror]

[Image description: a comic drawn in three colors (red, black, and white) featuring Set, an Egyptian humanoid deity with a head of an unidentifiable animal that has a downward curving snout and long ears with squared-off ends, and Apep, the Egyptian snake deity of chaos.

The first page shows Apep towering over Set, who looks tiny in comparison. "Just give up" says Apep, "It is reasonable to do so at this point".

On the second page Set replies, baring its teeth and holding up its weapon: "Do I look reasonable to you?"

Set is drawn with a bright red while Apep is pitch black. The background is white on both pages. The text is stylized in all caps.

End image description.]

[zerosugarlover]

The whole "I can't lose weight/xyz condition makes it impossible to lose weight" is what made me stop even TRYING to exercise and form healthy eating habits. It kept me stuck in this mindset of "I'm helpless" and "well what's the point, it's impossible" cycle that gave me the excuses to continue the unhealthy habits that I had formed.

YES you can have PCOS/PMOS and STILL get to a healthy body weight

YES certain conditions can make it harder to lose weight, but also being at a higher body weight can exacerbate the symptoms of a lot of conditions and make you feel even worse.

But continually being in the mindset that "it's just genetics" or "it's impossible to lose weight because of xyz condition" is what's keeping so many people stuck.

[zerosugarlover]

I another situation where a lot of people struggle with wl is the "all or nothing" mindset that a lot of people (including me at times) have.

the mindset that oh I "ruined my diet by eating one cookie, might as well eat the rest of them"

and it's SO hard to unlearn it but has made my progress mentally and physically SO much easier.

[live-to-100]

i hope you gain weight <3 and stop harrassing fat people for existing <3

I probably will gain weight eventually, particularly since I want to be buff, but if it is from excess fat you won’t believe how simple* it is to lose it <3 I don’t harass fat people, never have and never will. The only people I come across as harassing are those that spread misinformation <3

*simple not easy, but I’m sick of only doing things that are easy

[profundis-formor]

I like how they use "I hope you gain weight" as some kind of punishment for your behavior. Mask off, they know being fat is unpleasant.

[profundis-formor]

lol yes you annoying cunt, marxistly! anti capitalistly, unabashedly, counterculturally, and feministly a soldier in the war on obesity on the side of the obesity.

you're so brainwashed by your fatphobic hate-cult that you cannot even process that some of us actually like being fat, might want to get fatter, and even find it a desirable trait in others.

there is no hope for you at all to see reason at this point so the only thing i can say is: fucking kill yourself.

Ok, go on and Marxistly eat your Nestle products, then. Get your Marxist rewards points in the McDonald's app. Marxistly advertise for Amazon Health. Marxistly complain about the lack of options as you buy a new Marxist wardrobe multiple times a year. Marxistly and feministly use sexist slurs. We're all entitled to a little hypocrisy. As a treat.

I don't care if you enjoy being fat or like other fat people. That's your business. The point is that denying that it's unhealthy or saying healthy weight loss isn't possible is medical misinformation that hurts other people who aren't you, which makes it other people's business. Fat Acceptance is the tails to pro-ana's heads.

Don't go throwing stones from your glass house, cultist. Black and white thinking. Excommunicating the heretics ex-FAs. Sweeping the preventable and obesity-related deaths of your influencers under the rug. Telling those who speak against your philosophy to kts. Keep it coming. It's sooo not a cult.

[profundis-formor]

It seems I've made it big on r/fatlogic. 🥰 Upvotes for the lot of you!

[dyna-myght]

I hateeee how much hate scheduled eating gets!! Especially bc it is a game changer for anyone who is actually neurodivergent because you don’t have to rely on poor hunger cues or eat when it’s too late and you are about to crash out or have a melt down. It helps stabilize your mood and mentality so much better than “listening to your body”. 🙃

[dyna-myght]

“Everyone should be able to intuitively eat” some of us don’t have big enough hunger cues, some of us have too big of hunger cues, some of us mix up the feelings of boredom and hunger. Intuitive eating is a skill and more often a lucky genetic lottery win for some people. You have to let someone learn what hunger cues even feel like or resemble before they can actually trust them 🙄. So just let people eat on a schedule if it’s best for them. Eating too little AND eating too much is malnutrition, if you need a schedule to eat the right amount for yourself every day, then you do it.

[strangehorse]

Is anyone else starting to feel kind of wary about the increasingly common narrative that "women's bodies are so different to men's that modern scientific recommendations do not apply to them"?

Like. There is a significant gap between 'a lot of studies do not take into account variations caused by things like female hormone cycles, which can limit how generalisable they are' and 'medical science does not apply to women', and the latter just seems to create a situation rife for bad faith actors and snake oil salesmen to reassure you that actually, THEY have the answers, because THEY listen to women, and if you simply pay them for their online subscription service-

[fit-and-fierce]

“Tough times don’t last, tough people do.”

— Unknown (via explorinqmyself)

[petaltexturedskies]

One day you’ll have whatever it is you’re now so confusedly seeking. That kind of calm that comes from knowing oneself and others. But you can’t rush the arrival of that state of mind. There are things you only learn when no one teaches them. And that’s how it is with life. There’s even more beauty in discovering it for yourself, in spite of the suffering.

Clarice Lispector, from “Gertrudes asks for advice” in The Complete Stories

[tinstol]

I genuinely think any form of calorie counting is disordered behavior. You are not meant to be doing all that

[live-to-100]

“Doing all that,” you mean putting in a little effort to have some sort of understanding and control over what I eat? I’m sure the people who count their calories to bulk/know that they’re eating enough are engaging in disordered behaviour too.

[profundis-formor]

The way I did not count calories when my AN was severe, had to count calories in forced recovery, and now count healthily for health.

Acting like any attention paid to health and nutrition is disordered erases and dismisses the severity of restrictive EDs. If you can't see the difference between normal tracking and disorder, you don't know anything about disorder.

[profundis-formor]

The reel in question has annoyed me.

[live-to-100]

My habits/mindset shifts around food

These are pretty obvious and not at all original to me but I’ve found them pretty helpful. I hope this doesn’t come off as pro-ana or anything like that, the goal is to eat better not as little as possible.

Holding myself accountable: it’s all about being truthful with yourself without feeling overly guilty. Do I actually need more calories after an easy workout or do I just feel like eating something different? And I might still end up eating the calorically dense thing I wanted because I’m at a point where I’m pretty comfortable with my progress. But I won’t let me lie to myself and say that I needed it.

Viewing food as fuel: this is the most obvious one. I need more protein for muscle recovery, carbs for energy and fat for general function, so meals serve a purpose more than just being treats/so I’m no longer hungry. Generally it helps keep my calories within my limits but it also encourages me to eat more when I wouldn’t automatically for example having more carbs before a hike.

I have set timings for meals: if not the meals themselves I make sure I have food available by certain times. This is just so I’m never too hungry that I’m tempted to overeat. Of course if I’m not at all hungry, and am able to, I will wait for awhile.

Relatively balanced meals: personally I’ve found most success in not cutting out any single macronutrient. While protein is talked about as being the most satiating this article discusses how different foods trigger satiety hormones and it’s just easier to maintain in the long term. So, prioritise satiating foods to fulfil your personal goals (macronutrient breakdown is based on what you need)

I stock quite a few fruits: can be great for fibre which helps with satiety and if I’m a little late for a meal they keep me from being ravenous. Unless you have a reason to be, don’t concern yourself with the sugar content in them.

Spicy foods: this is more personal preference and I might have mentioned this before but if you like heat I would suggest it. I’ve found that spicy food is more immediately satiating

Modifying foods you like: another obvious one but my previous unsuccessful weight loss attempts I tried making foods that I was quite unused to. It’s a common idea that local foods can’t be healthy compared to Western ‘diet’ foods, and it just wasn’t sustainable

Meal-prepping is your best friend: my mom still cooks everyday, I will never be her. I cook every 2-4 days, keeping portions/marinated meat in the freezer and I grocery shop every week. My limits are 4 of the same meals.

You don’t have to eat something just because it’s in front of you: the wording of this feels weird but I couldn’t think of a better way of saying it. But I’m basically saying it’s kind of fine to waste food, especially when it’s food that you didn’t want in the first place. Sometimes people get a little weird when you refuse food they’re offering, especially if they know you’re trying to lose weight, but you shouldn’t feel bad (I tell myself).

Wait 10 minutes before getting another plate: your body isn’t a machine, it takes a little time for hormones to be produced and detected, there have been many times where halfway through a second portion I’m uncomfortably full.

I don’t do set cheat meals/days: I do just eat outside of my norm when I feel like it/have to, I’ve gotten to a point where I’m often consistent enough that I don’t find it to be too much of an issue. This is more for days where I have to eat out (impromptu errands for example), if you find that you constantly are choosing to eat out instead of cooking I would not suggest such a relaxed attitude.

Sticking to the perimeter of the grocery store: personally it’s easier to avoid buying ultra-processed snacks than to limit them when you have them easily available. I actually primarily go to a fresh market for groceries but when I do go to a bigger store I rarely explore.

I can’t think of anything else and these aren’t in any particular order, hopefully I’ll add to this if I think of more.

[isl-equ-ay]