too curious to perish

23 • they/them • diary for a health journey • knock-off jillian michaels apparently

[live-to-100]

I’ve decided that I want to live to 100 so this blog is a record of my efforts. How much control you have over your future isn’t black and white but that doesn’t mean your attempts to improve and the joy you experience along the way are all for nothing!

What to expect:

Discussions of BED recovery and healthy weight management

Anti fat acceptance

Fitness progress - weigh-ins, lifting and hiking primarily

The occasional recipe

Maybe mental health/mindset stuff

A little background:

I’ve been obese basically my entire life, according to my parents I ballooned as a toddler, but in October 2024 I started making the necessary changes to successfully lose weight. I still have to actively manage binge eating but it was only once I started recovering from the concurrent mental health conditions that I could manage my disordered food behaviours. The most important part of my recovery and the inspiration for this blog is regaining the desire to live a long and healthy life, that that was what I deserved, and with that necessitated a health journey.

I don’t exactly know my heaviest because I stopped weighing myself past 100kg/220lbs. But I started off at 98kg/216lbs at 168cm/5ft 6 and have had consistent progress. The minimum goal is to get to 65kg/150lbs for a normal BMI and anything past that is for breathing room/aesthetic/fitness.

Wish me luck!

Disclaimer:

Sharing information about the health risks related to obesity is not fatphobic nor does it hinder someone’s self-agency. You’re free to do as you please but if you post about it, I think you should expect a response. I don’t, however, go out of my way to comment on people and their lives, instead just the rhetoric/misinformation they put out.

Dividers are by @ saradika

[prettipunkjunk]

the beauty of living for yourself and all around you ₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎

[kosmogrl]

[thevirgodoll]

[live-to-100]

Can’t reblog using my sideblog so @transandrogyny--turtlebug

I do find this argument pretty funny because it’s just food. You don’t have to support the weight loss industry nor do you even have to spend time working out (everyone should within their ability but it’s not necessary for weight loss). Like you have to eat regardless! Consistently eat a little less than you usually do and you lose weight, you probably should aim for whole foods and a macronutrient breakdown that suits your needs but even just smaller portions will get you somewhere.

A severe preoccupation with food to the point that it’s debilitating (too few/many calories or a deficiency in certain nutrients) is a problem that you should be trying to recover from. Your life is valuable and I don’t think you should put your health on the back burner for any cause. And yes, I do think people who are obese inherently have a disordered relationship with food if they’re maintaining or gaining weight (or losing at a very rapid pace). I know now the sheer amount of calories you need to get to that point and honestly I don’t think it’s possible without a preoccupation with food.

I know OP may not have meant obese people or those with EDs, perhaps this statement better suits people who are already at a healthy weight aiming for a look that is closer to being underweight or anyone opting for objectively unhealthy beauty treatments/participating in the more dangerous parts of the weight loss industry, I would more strongly agree on that. But I promise you, weight loss doesn’t HAVE to look like that.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

There are so many messages out there that tell you that you need to be thin in order to be attractive or desirable. You’ve probably been told at some point that if you lose weight, your peers will look at you in a whole different light. This is all based on the idea that being thin is always better than being fat and that you can change your body at will. But in reality, 95% of diets fail. Trying to force your body to become a size that it isn’t is probably not going to work and in fact, may cause you to gain more weight (or stay the same weight and become unhealthy). So get rid of (or limit your exposure to) the unhealthy people, magazines, TV shows, and influences that are telling you that your fatness is a problem.

Erin McKelle, Navigating Sexuality As A Fat Teen

[live-to-100]

I’m not disagreeing with the idea that society pushes a narrow image of attraction but I really do think it’s just a stereotype that fat people don’t find connection. Yes you have people saying that they wouldn’t be with fat person but I think a lot of that is in response to people fat acceptance who think that dating preferences are fatphobic. Or they’re assholes who you probably shouldn’t want to date anyways. I can’t believe I’m saying this, because it’s very obvious, but fat people fuck and find love. Around 70% of people in my country (not from the US but you guys too) are overweight or obese [1], do you really think 70% of people aren’t getting with anyone?? Why reinforce the stereotypes y’all try to break?

And I don’t really think being attractive automatically means people think that you’re healthy. I do recognise that disability/scars/ill-health etc. aren’t often seen as attractive (I’m not saying that’s how things should be, just how I think things are currently). But people find incredibly thin/underweight models attractive while understanding that they aren’t healthy. Some people might find muscular women unattractive despite them being healthier [2].

And you know what, you’re right, 95% of DIETS fail [3]. It’s why lifestyle change is particularly emphasised now, slowly stopping unhealthy behaviours and adding in healthy ones, and that’s going to look a little different for everyone. I would struggle to get back up to my highest weight without relying on fast foods and other ultraprocessed foods, and at this point I simply don’t have much of a desire for them. The challenge is to get to a point where you’re not actively holding yourself back from unhealthy foods, they’re just there.

[1] according to BMI standards for Asians, if compared to the US it’s closer to over 50% but my point still stands

[2] I’ve mentioned this before but I’m trying not to exaggerate it because I don’t actually think it matters whether other people find you hot

[3] I’ve heard people have success with the Mediterranean diet or keto but both seem pretty sustainable and the latter addresses specific health concerns. Personally I prefer certain guidelines like keeping ultraprocessed foods to a minimum, generally eating within calorie limits for a healthy weight, macronutrient proportions to fit my activities.

[live-to-100]

I was trying to figure out why I don’t like getting Ozempic allegations* and I think it’s because it reflects a similar understanding of weight loss as when people ask you what you’ve done and expect a crash diet that they can try. Every defence of GLP-1s is purely reactionary because I know that most people demonising them on here would have similar issues with intentional weight loss. Weight loss is mentally hard especially if you’re actively dealing with bingeing and GLP-1s are a tool but I honestly don’t think they’re necessary.

*I say this because I was watching a SunnySideUpGal video and Robin was joking about liking them because it just means that the weight loss is noticeable. I do want to note that I’m not thin enough where it’s comparable to when celebrities get those allegations

[fatgirlgetsfitatlast]

Can't find the ask now...

A few days ago, someone asked me if I thought "AGE WAS JUST A NUMBER" and it was late at night when I saw it, was going to come back to it, but now I can't find it. Anyway, I hope whoever asked sees this...

Kinda?? I know 80 year olds who are climbing mountains, and I know 60 years olds who can barely get up out of a chair. There are so many factors involved, including GENETICS, but also lifestyle through your whole life, injuries, illnesses, the type of jobs you had, etc. There are things you can do to mitigate the effects of aging, but most people in their 30s or 40s are too busy just LIVING to really think about what will happen in another 20, 30, 40 years.

The good news, I HOPE, is that it's never too late to start getting stronger, improving your balance, and stimulating your mind. I guess I will be my own N OF 1 experiment and find out if I can get fitter as I get even older.

The really weird thing about the passage of time is, you can see other people getting older. Your kids or grandkids grow up, your favorite sex-symbol movie star is suddenly playing the old geezer, but you don't see it in yourself. You still identify as younger... like time stopped for you but no one else. So, the next time you see an older person who you think is dressed 'too young', give them a break. They still feel 23.

Here are my 80 year old friends who just climbed Stone Mountain, workout at the gym regularly, do tai chi, do Plyojam dance fitness, travel, go to martini night every Thursday, and are just the cutest couple in the world. They are absolute inspirations!

[npctomc]

I love this post and want to "Yes, and" it!

Yes, and, in my opinion, your attitude toward age matters a lot.

I have friends who started saying the phrase, "I'm too old to do that now" when we were 25! "I'm too old to get in the pit at the concert."

"I'm too old to walk two miles to that museum."

"I'm too old to go to anything standing room only."

And what happened when they said that, was they believed it, and they stopped trying. And now, we're all ~40, and they truly, literally can't do this stuff. But, myself and some of our other friends never said, "I'm too old for that now," and time after time, we can still do those things.

I was in second row of the pit at multiple shows at Warped a few weeks ago, jumping around.

I will happily walk two miles to that museum. And I'll walk around in the museum, and I'll walk another mile afterward before I stop to sit and eat something.

I buy seats at shows, so my friends can sit if they need to. But I stand. I stand, and dance, and some of my friends do too, and my partner who is 7 years older and twice my weight does as well.

My MIL is 84 years old, and she has dementia. Her mind is going. But last week, we went to visit her, and she wanted us to see her cat. The cat had gone under the bed to hide, and without a second thought, my MIL got down on her hands and knees. And then she laid down on the floor, and rolled on her side.

She sat on the floor for half an hour. And then she braced herself on the sofa and got back up.

I was grinning the whole time. My dad is the same age as MIL, and my mom is 9 years younger. Neither of them would ever get down on the floor. In fact, I remember my mom being the age I am right now, and refusing to get on the floor because, "I'm too old to get on the floor. I wouldn't be able to get up again."

But it's clear to me that my MIL has never questioned whether she can get on the floor. She's always assumed she could, and so she kept doing it, and now she still can! She can't remember what we spoke about 20 minutes ago, but she can crawl around on the floor and get herself right back up.

So, I refuse to say I'm too old for anything. If I can't do something because I'm injured, then I'm injured, but that doesn't mean I can't get better. I think a lot of times we turn 25, 30, 40, 50 years old, and something hurts or gets harder, and we just give up on doing that thing. We accept it as the consequences of aging. But some of those things are not inevitable -- they're things you can prevent when you're younger, or can work to improve beyond that.

There's a lot you can do, regardless of your age, if your default attitude is to try and not give up easily.

[drtrinitysantos]

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

[lem0nademouth]

had a prescription come into the pharmacy the other day for wegovy. for a sixteen year old patient. i’ve officially hit my limit, all glp1 agonists are getting put in a box and launched into the sun.

“but glp1 agonists are actually effective treatments for [condition]!” cool every disease you can fill in that blank with already has an equally or more effective treatment with vastly fewer side effects. t2d? insulin. sleep apnea? cpap, bipap, surgery. hypertension? beta blockers. high cholesterol? statins. hypothyroidism? levothyroxine.

glp1 agonists are not a miracle drug! do none of you remember fenphen and redux? the documentaries and exposés on these drugs in about 10 years are going to be scathing i stg

[live-to-100]

Honestly I do find it a little extreme to be prescribing wegovy to a 16 year old, because it is specifically the weight loss variant. Of course it does depend on the severity of their obesity and if they really need to lose weight for another health reason, both of which can’t be determined by me.

But to say that all the alternative treatments have far fewer side effects is a little misleading, they are all (including GLP-1s) capable of causing negative reactions. But yes they have the benefit of time to prove that they are relatively safe.

The issue is though a lot of the treatments are about management rather than directly addressing what could be the cause or exacerbating the issue: obesity.

Type 2 diabetes: excess visceral fat increases insulin resistance. The issue is you can’t spot reduce fat and some people are more likely to store fat as visceral fat, so weight loss could help reduce the risks of developing T2D and lessen its effects. And you can’t use ozempic instead of insulin, but it is a stronger option than metformin

Sleep apnea: while surgery can help for the physical differences in a patient’s nasal cavity, excess fat/mass around the neck and on the chest also impede breathing. A person may not fully recover without weight loss and it would likely improve someone’s sleep apnea without the surgery.

Hypertension: there’s quite a few ways that obesity can increase blood pressure but one of them is visceral fat compressing the kidneys, this slows blood supply and increases the time for sodium reabsorption. There are numerous factors to blood pressure and yet weight reduction may help

High cholesterol: also a lifestyle-based issue, lowering consumption of saturated fats and increasing exercise would help lower cholesterol, some people find the former difficult and so semaglutide would help and exercise is easier when you’re smaller too. However excess adipose tissue can also contribute to raised cholesterol. Coming from someone who still has elevated cholesterol but it used to be MUCH higher, weight reduction and lifestyle changes can lower it

Hypothyroidism: again a few pathways, one of them being the release of inflammatory cytokines which can cause thyroid dysfunction. This is a cyclical process where the condition usually leads to some weight gain which further worsens the condition. But I have to note that on its own it doesn’t cause weight gain to the point of obesity, lifestyle is still the root cause.

And coming from someone who used to be obese you usually have multiple conditions and are at risk of many more. Targeting the connecting factor is generally seen as better for the patient in the long-run, for example a taking a lot of these drugs out stress on your liver or I have elevated cholesterol which used to be much higher, long-term statin use runs the risk of weakened bones, and the risk is higher for me with rheumatoid arthritis.

However, I did say I found it a little extreme for a 16 year old (again I don’t know their medical history) because I don’t think everyone at that age is capable of putting in the work to figure out a sustainable lifestyle, or dealing with the reasons for the initial high weight. I think people have to actively choose weight loss for themselves for it to be maintained and I think that comes with age and independence.

[lem0nademouth]

i s2g i live in bizarro world glp1 agonists have been linked to over 100 deaths in the US and over 80 deaths in the UK and there are still jillian michaels knockoffs who will not let go of the idea that being fat is such a severe and imminent threat to health that prescribing a weight loss drug with potential side effects that include gastroparesis and fucking blindness to a sixteen year old is only “a little extreme”

and fwiw, this sixteen year old girl isn’t fucking obese. she’s a top ranking competitive swimmer. she’s pure muscle. but even if she were “obese”, it would be wildly inappropriate to prescribe wegovy to a teenager who is still growing and at the most physically and psychologically vulnerable stage of her life. fuck off.

[live-to-100]

Turns out that kids have a different parameters for obesity, it’s if their weight is above the 95th percentile for their age and sex and this is required for a prescription of wegovy. Granted that muscle is much denser than fat but if she does have condition that is worsened by excess fat it might be required. Bottom line is that I don’t know anything about this kid to really have a strong stance. In general, yes, I do think it’s ‘a little extreme’ but in a case-by-case basis I don’t know.

However, to me, your original post seemed to cast judgement on the general use of GLP-1s not just for minors. Out of curiosity would you be fine with her doctor or her coach suggesting a strict diet for safe weight loss?

Would you think it’s appropriate to prescribe medication to children that can cause heart attacks, strokes, eye pain, changes to and loss of vision? Because those are all possible side effects of Ritalin (maybe you’re anti-psych too so I don’t know this might not be the best example).

I don’t say that to be blasé about the adverse side effects of GLP-1, it is horrible that anyone has had to suffer. But I do think a more neutral, realistic approach to these drugs is necessary. You’re right they aren’t a miracle drug but as far as we know they aren’t inherently poison. Gastroparesis usually goes away with a reduction in dose or stopping the drug while vision impairment and loss is rare but I can still think that continuing to take the drug despite severe effects or ignoring these effects to chase weight loss is unhealthy.

[elliott-co]

[elliott-co]

[lem0nademouth]

had a prescription come into the pharmacy the other day for wegovy. for a sixteen year old patient. i’ve officially hit my limit, all glp1 agonists are getting put in a box and launched into the sun.

“but glp1 agonists are actually effective treatments for [condition]!” cool every disease you can fill in that blank with already has an equally or more effective treatment with vastly fewer side effects. t2d? insulin. sleep apnea? cpap, bipap, surgery. hypertension? beta blockers. high cholesterol? statins. hypothyroidism? levothyroxine.

glp1 agonists are not a miracle drug! do none of you remember fenphen and redux? the documentaries and exposés on these drugs in about 10 years are going to be scathing i stg

[live-to-100]

Honestly I do find it a little extreme to be prescribing wegovy to a 16 year old, because it is specifically the weight loss variant. Of course it does depend on the severity of their obesity and if they really need to lose weight for another health reason, both of which can’t be determined by me.

But to say that all the alternative treatments have far fewer side effects is a little misleading, they are all (including GLP-1s) capable of causing negative reactions. But yes they have the benefit of time to prove that they are relatively safe.

The issue is though a lot of the treatments are about management rather than directly addressing what could be the cause or exacerbating the issue: obesity.

Type 2 diabetes: excess visceral fat increases insulin resistance. The issue is you can’t spot reduce fat and some people are more likely to store fat as visceral fat, so weight loss could help reduce the risks of developing T2D and lessen its effects. And you can’t use ozempic instead of insulin, but it is a stronger option than metformin

Sleep apnea: while surgery can help for the physical differences in a patient’s nasal cavity, excess fat/mass around the neck and on the chest also impede breathing. A person may not fully recover without weight loss and it would likely improve someone’s sleep apnea without the surgery.

Hypertension: there’s quite a few ways that obesity can increase blood pressure but one of them is visceral fat compressing the kidneys, this slows blood supply and increases the time for sodium reabsorption. There are numerous factors to blood pressure and yet weight reduction may help

High cholesterol: also a lifestyle-based issue, lowering consumption of saturated fats and increasing exercise would help lower cholesterol, some people find the former difficult and so semaglutide would help and exercise is easier when you’re smaller too. However excess adipose tissue can also contribute to raised cholesterol. Coming from someone who still has elevated cholesterol but it used to be MUCH higher, weight reduction and lifestyle changes can lower it

Hypothyroidism: again a few pathways, one of them being the release of inflammatory cytokines which can cause thyroid dysfunction. This is a cyclical process where the condition usually leads to some weight gain which further worsens the condition. But I have to note that on its own it doesn’t cause weight gain to the point of obesity, lifestyle is still the root cause.

And coming from someone who used to be obese you usually have multiple conditions and are at risk of many more. Targeting the connecting factor is generally seen as better for the patient in the long-run, for example a taking a lot of these drugs out stress on your liver or I have elevated cholesterol which used to be much higher, long-term statin use runs the risk of weakened bones, and the risk is higher for me with rheumatoid arthritis.

However, I did say I found it a little extreme for a 16 year old (again I don’t know their medical history) because I don’t think everyone at that age is capable of putting in the work to figure out a sustainable lifestyle, or dealing with the reasons for the initial high weight. I think people have to actively choose weight loss for themselves for it to be maintained and I think that comes with age and independence.

[elliott-co]

[live-to-100]

I’m guessing I’ve been blocked so @sporeofmanynames I’ll respond like this. Link to original post

First off, I’m sorry I came off as being particularly judgemental, that’s not what I meant when talking about US American portion sizes. However, I do think it’s at least an interesting comparison, there isn’t any reason for a difference in calories across countries, therefore I would say culture is primarily the reason. And I’m not saying my country has a generally healthy food culture! I don’t find these generalisations helpful and I particularly hate when certain people look to foreign countries as the epitome of health.

And I’m glad you’re able to moderate your soda intake! However, you’re criticising your HPE course and I’m assuming you’re not the only audience of it. When ultraprocessed foods account for approximately 67% of the caloric content of children’s diets, it’s addressing a specific concern.

Admittedly I’m a little on the fence with using UPFs as a treat or a reward to lift your mood. I don’t think, for most people, doing it on occasion is automatically dangerous or disordered in the way that relying on it as a coping mechanism is. This is purely my own personal experience but even in actively moderated portions that way of thinking about any food has encouraged me (someone recovering from BED) to binge. I am not at all saying that this is what’s going on with OP or that other people in recovery can’t have this framework around food, I’ve just found that regularly eating foods that make you feel good (which can literally be any and basically all your food) is safer(?) than actively searching out specifically hyper-palatable foods to make yourself feel better. But that’s just my opinion

On the cost barrier to eating healthier, in my understanding (and experience) eating out is much more expensive than cooking, especially when these foods aren’t particularly satiating relative to volume, but there are ways to keep costs relatively low.

[neshamama]

[newyork]

you can start today btw