Cosmic Joke

I care about brains and cats

[funnytwittertweets]

[dkpsyhog]

An apple farmer and a garlic farmer team up to fight their mutual nemesis, a vampire doctor

[doriansbutt]

Dr. Acula

[paranetics]

sorry this is by and far the funniest way to announce you’ve lost a leopard

[thestuffedalligator]

[emiko-matsui]

“you push everyone in your life away, but i’m the one you’re always chasing” is a pretty bold line seeing how it’s from lego batman (2017) said by the joker to batman after he turned wayne manor into a circus and killed the eye of sauron

[nonsensical-innuendo]

This, but I’m so fucking serious.

[beardedmrbean]

absolutely could sell the daylights out of something like that, this feels brilliant to me

[filmnoirsbian]

Every single time a trivia show has a question that I know the answer to but none of the contestants do I’m like God if only I was there…I would win that whole game…ignoring the fact that I cannot answer the other 19 out of 20 questions

[omghotmemes]

No, no it isn’t.

[moonlit-aura]

this gif is perfectly timed because it gives you enough time to read it, comprehend it, and still have this too-long-for-comfort moment of suspense before being punched square in the solar plexus

[thedragonemperess]

@genuine-possum

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[quasi-normalcy]

He needs two years of real life full time kinging experience and a prescription from a recognised government expert. Waiting times are currently seven years.

[libraryoftheancients]

Hormone royalty therapy

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

Frodo: Sam hates Gollum, but that is what I shall become once I have lost myself to the ring… he’ll despise me… 

Sam if Frodo did turn into a Gollum: That’s a very nice fish you caught with your bare hands, Mr. Frodo, and its very smart of you to eat it raw, saves us the trouble of starting a fire. I knitted you a sweater in case you get cold running around in that loincloth of yours. Is the sun hurting your eyes? I’ll kill it if it’s bothering you. I’ll kill the sun

[kesus-deactivated20180911]

The only good thing reddit has ever produced https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/65788g/im_3_i_know_everything_ama/?st=1Z141Z3&sh=f48ba715

[surprisebitch]

wholesome

[eroticcannibal]

This post missed the best one

[ringsofpowersource]

A Guide on Procuring a New Table from the High King of the Elves as demonstrated by Durin IV

[myguiltyotpleasures]

[quasi-normalcy]

Culture is so obsessed with the idea of lone geniuses that it doesn't really appreciate that most of the progress of science (and likely every other discipline) occurs collaboratively, in babysteps, and usually through a lot very tedious, utterly unsexy, work.

[quasi-normalcy]

[fousheezy]

This is what’s so faulty with our short sighted coverage of scientific discoveries. You hear politicians question why we spend money on science studying insect wings and then decades later that research gets used by NASA for the most efficient way to fold/unfold solar panels on spacecraft. All of science is connected and useful because it enhances our understanding of the universe

[everythingfox]

“Wait for me!”

(via)

[everythingfox]

“Wait for me!”

(via)

[penandinkprincess]

my balcony blocks my view of the playground, but I heard one child yell "I FOUND A FROG" with a great deal of excitement and now there is screaming, so I'm filling in some blanks

[penandinkprincess]

situational update: a little girl screamed "LEAVE HIM ALONE" and now there's noises that sound suspiciously like a child getting wailed on by a wiffle ball bat

[penandinkprincess]

further update: parent has been called to the scene. distribution of fault is underway. bat appears to have been confiscated.

[penandinkprincess]

bat has been returned under the promise of not deploying it once more against brothers. the pause and "but tell him to leave the frog alone" tells me it will likely come back into play shortly.

[penandinkprincess]

as expected, frog was bothered again and frog warrior took up her weapon once more. all children are being collected to leave on charges of acting "like y'all have NO sense"

personally I stand with frog defender on this issue

#justiceforfroggirl

[valtsv]

ra ra rasputin is objectively the funniest song ever written it's like "rasputin was an advisor to the romanovs and honestly he was a bit of a power-hungry conman (oof)... but you're not here for a history lesson! you want to know how much he fucked, don't you? well i'll tell you: he fucked. he fucked often and severely."

[valtsv]

and it's a banger

[dirteater5000]

everyone shut up and look at this