Fuck Police Lives

If you like the Venture Bros check out Totally-True-Venture-facts Profile pic and cover photo by @Bapzdraws on Instagram. Instagram: logifer

[golongbyjoannanewsom]

obsessed w this person in the replies

[decadent-hag]

Definitely one of the Top Images of all time I gotta say

[brucebocchi]

[madhopz]

[acrylicnightmare]

I’m very stoked on how my Kelsey Grammer art turned out 🥳 done in procreate app

[halondrus]

[cutecipher]

can you put that thing on a leash?

[halondrus]

ok

[danielwaldorf]

customers today included:

- middle aged man who ordered matcha and then just Stood There and watched me make it. when i handed it to him he said i did a good job whisking it and handed me $1.25. ten minutes later when he and his wife left he shouted across the store that i have "good whisk technique" and "don't lose that!"

- woman who ordered a drink with the word "salty" in the name and then said "but with salted caramel." and when i said yeah that one comes with salted caramel she said "really? not just normal caramel?" and it took every ounce of my self control not to say yeah girl that's why it's called. Salty.

- extremely generic looking straight couple. woman wearing a trans pride pin that says "you're worried about the wrong 1%". i say "i like your pin!" she says "haha me too!" we finish the transaction and the man drops a bill in the tip jar. like five minutes later my coworker says emily what the fuck why is there a Twenty in the tip jar. i realize we haven't had any customers since that guy. i say holy fuck. i love you trans pride couple i hope you have the best day ever

[redstonedust]

its probably a normal sign for the economy that all of my adulthood fantasies are like "imagine having your own kitchen living room and bathroom to decorate" "what if i could get on a train" "maybe one day i could purchase a sturdy pair of shoes" "i should save and invest in a single bicycle"

[maidthings]

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

[oneheadtoanother]

[beemovieerotica]

[liirker-at-thresholds]

I really like how the scientology speedrunning trend is developing, in this clip we see that the participants are

Not deterred by the closed door

Working as a group

Protecting their identities

Inflicting material costs to the institution via property destruction

Getting away at the end

These ideas were not all here from the beginning. They are genuinely gaining experience that can be applied elsewhere

[liirker-at-thresholds]

The church of scientology is on tumblr and they are sending me anon asks telling me that they can't even commit to reporting a post

[syzygynephile]

Me, trying to impress my date with a display of my boundless humility: I would like to order one single, solitary crumb.

Waitress taking my order: Such arrogance! Not only do you presume to boast under the guise of being humble, but your order employs the most decadent of linguistic excesses - the tautology!

My date, who until recently thought "tautology" referred to the study of tensile strengths and upon learning her mistake compensated by reading through its Wikipedia article: That would be more correctly identified as a "pleonasm".

The editor I hired to curate my posts who styles himself as a sort of scheming court advisor: My liege, this one is getting away from us. The punchline loses much of its impact when the rest of the joke is derailed by this increasingly self-indulgent meta humour. Were it up to me, your Grace, which of course it is not, I would cut the others and leave myself as the only supporting character. You need noone else, Your Majesty...

My card: Declines

[cop-disliker69]

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

This is what Willem Defoe was writing on his detective pad

[br1ghtestlight]

spent MONTHS looking for this stupid tumblr post bcuz i constantly want to reference it and it wouldn't come up no matter what i searched despite it being (what i thought) was a popular well-known tumblr post only to find that the original blog turned off reblogs and deactivated and that it only got 12k notes total. but im posting it anyway to preserve its legacy

[thecheatinghomunculus]

new reaction image

[rural-panoptes]

[saintjosie]

[damnpharos]

[captain-price-unofficially]

[deerkibble]

[sneakyspades]

[neraiutsuze]

[shoezuki]

obsessed with the canadian ghoulmaxxing acecel

[jame7t]

dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say “is that everything “ but fumbled and said “e ga thebythin” and me trying to say “yeah” or “yup” just went “YIP!” in response. No survivors

[lichtenbug]

[targetedknowledge]