❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Discoholic 🪩
NASA
roma★
titsay
@theartofmadeline
almost home
hello vonnie
if i look back, i am lost
Kaledo Art
Misplaced Lens Cap
Show & Tell
dirt enthusiast
KIROKAZE
Janaina Medeiros
Cosimo Galluzzi
oozey mess
Love Begins
Andulka
pixel skylines
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Türkiye
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
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@punkrockdeadpool
Account update
Hey ya’ll
I haven’t used this account in honestly years. I’m back though! I’ll be changing this account into more of a real blog rather than constant reposts and fanbase stuff. So i’m back and all my amazing followers who have stayed with me this long, you will be getting to know me for real. :) i’m not a cringe teen anymore. I’m now a cringe young adult.
love ya’ll and thanks for sticking around! xx
You ever needed dick so bad that ur vagina feels like it just HAS to have something in it? And since there isn’t anything in it ur just frustrated? I’m dick hungry 😂
why am I not getting all the rough sex I deserve
i’m so sorry for being a customer, i want to leave you alone but sometimes i have to buy things or eat. please understand i use self checkout whenever i can
$180,000 Aston Martin killed by $200 pink car
Gavin and Michael in gta
book: “she has naturally red hair”
screen adaptation:
book: “she has naturally curly hair”
screen adaptation:
book: “red hair, freckles”
screen adaptation:
Book: “she was black”
Movie adaptation:
Book: She was asian
Movie:
reblogging for the last two
Dayum y’all went hard
Please, who is the owner of this video? This is the best audience reaction that i’ve found
lol
You can't just casually mention garlic cock man and not tell the story that's against the law
Are you sure you know what you’re asking of me? Are you sure? Well, okay. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. This post is long and contains description of genital injury.
So as you’ll know, I worked three and a half long, hilarious years at an NHS sexual health and contraception clinic. I loved that job, and packed it in because the Tory cuts to the service meant running it became hideously untenably stressful, but that’s a story for another time.
One of my duties at the clinic was to take phone calls. Patients liked me on the phone because I have a nice voice and I’m basically completely unflappable, and they felt happy to tell me things. A vital skill in the wang biz.
One day, a man called. This was not unusual. “Hello,” he said. “I need to see one of your nurses about my, er, my chap.”
“Righty-oh sir,” I said, “are you experiencing any symptoms that you’re concerned about? It’s just a yes or no kind of question.”
“Well,” he said, and I instantly felt a dark and terrible energy pulsate down the phone. “Well… sort of. But, uh, it’s not symptoms of anything, it’s just…”
I would come to regret what I said next. “Is everything all right, sir?”
“Well.” There was a pause. I heard fidgeting. “I got a yeast infection.”
Phew, easy peasy. Yeasties are easy to fix. I sounded reassuring and buoyant. “Well that’s nothing to worry about, sir - if you don’t want to get anything over the counter from the chemist, we can-”
“No, no, that’s not the problem. Listen -” he sounded serious. “Listen, I’ll just tell you what’s the matter, and you’ll see what I mean.”
This is where, whenever I tell this story, I like to ask the listener to play a little game with me. The game is “Where Would You Tap Out?” I’d have already tapped out by going to the chemist and getting some Canestan.
“I didn’t want any chemicals on my chap, so I decided to go for a home remedy. Internet said garlic was good for yeast infections, and I’ve got a lot of garlic, so I figured that’d be all right.”
I made sympathetic noises. Home remedies for yeast infections are normal, and garlic is actually quite effective. “Oh good,” I said.
“I wasn’t sure how much to use, but I figured, I have a lot of garlic usually, so I minced a whole bulb.”
The dark energy wafting down the phone intensified.
“I packed it all over my, you know, knob, made a poultice. Packed it all over the head, like a hat. But, uh, I wasn’t sure how to keep it on..”
I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to scare him off by sounding judgemental.
“..so I just duct taped it all on. Wrapped duct tape all round it.”
Still with us? Tapped out yet?
“So er, that worked, kept it on nice and tight, and I left it on over night.”
Over night. All night with your cock mummified in garlic paste like some sort of fiendish chicken kiev.
“But, uh, when I took it off the next morning, well… garlic is…”
“Caustic,” I said, before I could stop myself. “Garlic is caustic.”
“Yeah! Yeah, it is!” he said, sounding cheerful that I, too, understood the Way of Garlic. “So I unwrapped my dick and, well, it looked kind of like… melted.”
I sat, silent, on the phone. Already I’d missed 6 other calls, watching them sail by on the other line while this saga unfolded.
“So I figured,” he continued, the terrible juggernaut barrelling unstoppably through this phallic disaster, “I should probably exfoliate it.”
“Exfoliate,” I echoed weakly.
“Yeah,” said this abject human disaster, misinterpreting my echolalic expression of horror as hearty encouragement. “So I had a look around the kitchen -” he was in the kitchen for all this “- for anything I could use and got my brillo pad-”
For anyone not in the UK, that’s what we call one of these:
I must have betrayed myself and given a gasp of horror at that point, because he quickly reassured me - “No, no, no, it’s okay - it was a new one!” before going on to describe scrubbing the affected area to remove the alkaline chemical burn that he’d inflicted on his poor, blameless cock.
“So you want to come in because of… this?” I said, assuming he would want a new dick by this point.
“Oh no, no -” he said, jovial again. “No, it’s all fine - it just, my knob’s gone all… well, it kind of looks camo print now. I was wondering if you could do anything about it looking camo print.”
No, sir. No, neither we nor anyone else can do anything about your camo print garlic cock mistake.
i’m both impressed and horrified by his continued cheerfulness in the situation
This is as pure as it gets. (via Filth800)
My last 2 braincells
Isn’t it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings
PUPPIESSSSS!!!!
When I don’t get what u mean
this video is my aesthetic
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
@gallusrostromegalus
This Big Boy is a Brahma, the largest breed of chicken. They’re also one of the gentlest and tamest chickens out there, a bit like the Great Danes of poultry. He lives in Kosovo with his (very proud) owner Fitim Sejfija, and two hens, where he is a good and gentle man and very loved.
Brhamas typically don’t get quite this big (He’s 16.5 lbs and almost 3 feet tall. most are closer to 14 lbs and 2′6″) but they’re really nice and cuddly birds.
I’m sorry but scientifically, that is categorized as a friendly fluff dinosaur.
THIS IS A REAL BIG BOI
soft & squishy ☆
