Just Another Human...

Hi, I'm purseplayer... mid-30s, lapsed writer, boss bookkeeper, mama bear, lover of many fandoms but currently stuck on Shadowhunters. I needed someplace to put all my random thoughts, so I finally settled on this! Welcome to my crazy :-)

[thisfeebleheart]

[hollanovarchive]

i hope the trophy room scene makes me feel the way THIS scene did

[rainbow-femme]

I love confident smart competent Svetlana, but I do also need her to be a little bit pathetic and for a big part of her friendship with Ilya to be them lamenting how shit they are at relationships

Svetlana: RED ALERT

Svetlana: GENERATIONAL FUMBLE

Ilya: You asked about their favorite hockey team and then spent fifteen minutes roasting it didn’t you

Svetlana: I thought it was friendly banter and then he went to the bathroom and didn’t come back

Ilya: It’s not banter if you’re the only one talking and he’s sitting there silently weeping into his Bud Light

Svetlana: Remember when you told Jane how much you liked fucking me while trying to lock it down?

Ilya: 🖕😘

Svetlana: 🖕😘

[finny-red]

Summer sketch ☀️

[ok-notgood-probablybad]

I know that when Ilya finally finds out that Shane had put on a suit before their first hook up he's gonna be insufferable about it he'll be like "Shane, kotenok, it's time to suit up we're gonna have sex"

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:

- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!

- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???

- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!

- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-

- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.

- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.

- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.

- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?

[whereisthatfrogomine]

I also think it would be really funny if Shane knew Armando as a real estate connection. Armando reached out to him (because they're both celebrities in real estate, obviously). Shane doesn't typically do networking, but this time he looks into this guy's properties and just thinks, "Oh! This guy actually seems to be really successful at this. I should definitely accept his invite and learn from him and maybe meet some other people with good advice. It would be silly not to." Armando at some point drops the most casual "You do hockey, right? How is that?" that Shane has ever heard from someone who seems to know who he his. Armando never brings up performing because everybody obviously knows who he is (obviously), and Shane never thinks to ask if he does anything else. Armando sends him a text inviting him to dinner or to parties he happens to be throwing when he sees Shane has a game in town, and Shane always accepts. It would be rude not to, and he likes Armando. Shane gets so accustomed to seeing Armando when he's in Miami that the first time he plays there without getting an invite, he texts him to let him know he's in town and ask him if he wants to get dinner. Sorry man, I'm on tour right now. Next time, brother. What does that mean? On tour? Like, on a tour of Europe? Or is this some slang he doesn't know? Doesn't matter, he's busy either way. No problem man, next time. 👍🏽 At least things are still good with his good buddy Armando. Maybe now he'll facetime Ilya tonight, instead.

[shanerozanov]

heated rivalry + text posts // part four.

[torstherapy]

[striving-artist]

something I think we all know about fanfic, but don’t talk about because it would hurt writers feelings is that some fics are like fast food. I mean this as a compliment. I don’t always want to sit down for a six course meal that will be a flavor experience. Sometimes I just wanna dip some fries in a frosty. Sometimes I want something homecooked and delicious and super niche, but super comforting. Sometimes I want to eat an entire dark chocolate cheesecake in one sitting even though I know Its gonna make me sick. Just. holy crap, y’all. Sometimes I don’t even want fast food, I just want to eat an entire bag of chips. and yeah, I’m ashamed of myself afterwards, but at the time it was exactly what I wanted. So, no, we’re never going to say to our fanfic writers that we consider their writing to be the equivalent of a midnight run to taco bell - and we shouldn’t, feelings would be hurt by that. But writers, please, please, please, remember this. You don’t need to create a six course meal if you don’t want to. You don’t have to make something complex and homemade if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to finish cooking it - because someone will be thrilled that you brought a bowl of cookie dough and a spoon, because they cannot even consider sitting down and having a proper meal right now. It’s okay writers, whatever you decided to make. Someone was happy to have it. You gave them what they needed. You made them happy. You did good.

[thou-breath-of-autumns-being]

I don’t know why being fast food would be considered insulting!

A few years ago, I read an essay by a romance writer who openly admitted that her books were trashy, formulaic, and not Great Art. But what she said is that she gets fan letters all the time. From women with six kids whose only time for themselves is reading her books. From women in abusive relationships who read her books to give them hope that loving relationships exist. From women with depression who manage to eke out some pleasure reading her books. From women whose lives are awful and who read her books to give them the strength to live another day.

And– she points out– the writers of Great Art have many virtues, but they do not generally get fan letters from people whose lives are miserable and who seek out comfort and joy from the books. Because most of the time when our lives are awful, we don’t seek out Great Art. We seek out, well, literary fast food. We seek out emotionally manipulative hurt/comfort or fluffy coffeeshop AUs or Mutual Pining where there is Only One Bed.

Be proud of your work! Be proud of making literary fast food. Try to make the best damn literary fast food you can. Because somewhere out there– you might not know who, you might not know when– there might be someone who has just finished their last final, or who got fired from their job, or who is up all night with a newborn, and your fast food fanfic made their lives better. And that is no small thing.

[ariaste]

YES! And! It is not an either-or, fine dining vs fast food, it is a whole spectrum! You’ve got your Olive Gardens and Panera Breads in there as well as your White Castles and upscale French restaurants. You’ve got your grungy hole-in-the-wall Chinese takeout that serves the best dumplings you’ve had in your life. You’ve got your local Jamaican restaurant that seems to operate out of someone’s front room of their house! You’ve got your Mexican food trucks! AND! The best part! There are SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD and they all like different things! So every single one of those types of food/restaurants are necessary and important and part of a healthy community. It’s like ecological biodiversity.

AND. Even the “crappiest” fast-food burger can be made with love and care. Just because it’s not haute cuisine doesn’t mean the chef can’t take pride in their work.

[storm-of-feathers]

a severe thunderstorm warning that doesnt follow through is worse than orgasm denial

[redstonedust]

i think most people accept the idea of "you don't control who you're attracted to" in terms of being gay but imo it can go further. like if you're not attracted to men, but you happen to find a transmasc person attractive, i dont think thats inherently transphobic if you acknoweldge that your attraction is incongruent with their identity. you dont need to run yourself in circles creating qualifiers for your sexuality when we live in a world of infinite gender identites. it's not like you have an inbuilt radar that tells you whether that hot stranger at the bar is a woman or not. man who kissed a twink that turned out to be a butch lesbian that thought he was a butch lesbian. etc.

[flyin-shark]

[lttlewing]

magnus bane in every episode — blood calls to blood

❝ you. in fact, i’ll do you pro bono. ❞

[lavenderprose]

Someone gave Yuna a copy of Love You Forever when Shane was born and she read it exactly once and cried so fucking hard that she had to go lay down afterwards and thirty years later they're in the basement looking for something and Ilya finds the book, practically pristine aside from dust, and blows off the cover and flips through it and that's how Shane and David come down the basement stairs in search of both of their spouses and find them in a puddle on the floor with a children's book.

[bloominflowers]

thinking about Shane's first pride night with the Centaurs ;u;

[historical-nonfiction]

Bugs Bunny accidentally transformed the word nimrod into a synonym for idiot because nobody got a joke where he sarcastically compared Elmer Fudd to the Biblical figure Nimrod, a mighty hunter.

[omegajako]

Etymology is ridiculous and terrifying sometimes

[garbage-empress]

Bugs Bunny is more powerful than God

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

He also solidified the idea of rabbits loving carrots when carrots actually carry very little nutritional value for rabbits. The funniest part of that is that the original joke was a reference to a Clark Gable film where Gable munches on a carrot, it was never meant to imply that rabbits love carrots. The Clark Gable reference would’ve been obvious to audiences in the 40s but it has been pretty much lost to time.

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

Bugs Bunny has too much power and should be feared.

[the-cimmerians]

stop exposing these Bugs Bunny secrets he’s taking out the whistleblowers one at a time in reverse order

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.

[deedala]

[themauvesoul]

we must be honest with ourselves. ilya doesn’t have a domesticity kink. ilya has a deep and abiding desperate need for stability in his life. he grew up in a house where it was impossible to please his father, and his father’s moods controlled everyone and everything. his brother is an addict. he went into a career that is notoriously unstable. sure he’s playing in boston now, but tomorrow he could get traded to fucking tampa and there’s nothing he can do about it. he’s in the US on a visa that hinges on remaining employed in a sport where losing teeth and collecting concussions is a given. he’s never had a romantic relationship last more than like three days. the only person he can really rely on in his life is svetlana. and its like he said. everybody always wants more from him. more money, more effort, more time. its like he’s trying to build a house, but people keep stealing the lumber before he can even finish framing out the walls.

so. when ilya meets shane. a guy who is extremely easy to read. a guy who is a terrible liar. a guy with a routine for everything and a real estate fetish and a very neat investment portfolio. with his reliable british jeep and his practical athletic wear and his repetitive diet. guileless, responsible, predictable shane hollander, who has to be coaxed into asking for what he wants, who rarely ever asks for more than what ilya gives him, who asks ilya if he’s okay like he genuinely cares. AND he laughs at Ilya’s jokes, and has a wicked mean sense of humor that makes ilya laugh in turn, and rides that thang like he wants to die on it. like. Jesus Christ. Of course he fell in love with that. Of course his favorite thing in the whole wide world is shane nagging him about leaving his dirty socks next to the couch, or shane folding the laundry, or shane’s color-coded google calendar where he’s scheduled an hour-long block for sex every day. of course he loves leaving the socks out on purpose to piss shane off and add a little je ne sais quois to the sex that night. its like testing a mathematical equation that always spits out the same beautiful answer.