F U C K L I F E

Basic teenage bitch

[putonyourredlight]

Well shit, I'm in love.

[putonyourredlight]

I just want you to be happy even if your happiness means compromising my own.

[putonyourredlight]

Everyone's drafting their personal statements meanwhile today I drafted my suicide note.

[putonyourredlight]

You're like a drug. I faced withdrawal symptoms for 5 months desperate to feel the ecstasy again but suddenly I moved on with that part of my life and never wanted to look back. Then I was offered you again and although I knew it would hurt me I was tempted by the memories of the high you gave me that I longed to feel one last time. But now I've relapsed worse than ever before and the comedown is unbearable forcing back into that state of crippling depression that I'd struggled with for so long. You are like a fucking drug.

[putonyourredlight]

I’m addicted to you like I’m addicted to self harm. Loving you is self harm. When we were together you constantly hurt me but it made me love you more because I didn’t think I deserved anything more. It was a dangerous game I was playing. In the end I hurt you to hurt myself; to take away the meaning from my life and to push me over the edge. Now when I see you my head spins, my heart thumps, my hands shake and I feel like I’m going to be sick; like I’m going to faint; like I’m going to die. But at least I find comfort in my tears because I know happiness is not what I deserve. No self harm is greater than being in love with someone who doesn’t give a shit about you.

[sadsuggestion]

I can’t deal with being alive, I wish you hadn’t told me you’d blame yourself if I committed suicide. That isn’t fair. If I ended my life it wouldn’t be because of you at all you did nothing but give me a few more reasons to live but they are running out and I can’t take this much more. I love you, don’t blame yourself for my weakness

[putonyourredlight]

They say it changes when the sun goes down

[endofearthh]

February 3rd, 2016

last night I went for a drive with a boy that I thought I could trust. someone that I thought was my friend. he took me out in the middle of nowhere, and tried to get in my pants. when I refused him he said ‘don’t pull that feminist shit on me’ that’s when I realized, I trust too easy, I give too easy, but that does not mean I can’t say no. be careful out there, ladies.

[putonyourredlight]

FEBRUARY 3RD, 2016

Reblogging because that's the day that I went to his house even though he promised that nothing would happen and we were just friends because he was taken and I was in love with his best friend. But I was to awkward to say no to the kissing but I didn't say yes and "this is bad" repeatedly was me trying to establish I didn't want anything. Then you asked me to take my clothes off and I said no but you kept asking and I gave in. I'm too awkward in situations like this and I don't stand my ground. Then you asked me to sleep with you and I couldn't deal any longer and I said no but you kept asking, then begging, desperately trying to persuade me when I said no and I'm so glad this time I stood my ground. But you were consistent -you put your hands down my pants thinking it would magically turn me on? I didn't ask for that... I didn't want that. You shoved your dick into my vagina through my pants and ground into me like a fucking pestle and mortar. You left me permanently scarred. Congrats:) NO MEANS NO, NOT CONVINCE ME!

[putonyourredlight]

Last Words

“I would say goodbye and I love you but quite frankly you don’t deserve it and that’s not true.”

[putonyourredlight]

I’m really really scared of curing my depression because I don’t know who I will be without it. If I’m not sad, I’m nothing.

[putonyourredlight]

So one day in history I was sitting right at the back of the classroom and my best friend was sat in front of me turned around to say some sarcy comment and I guess I hadn’t realised how quiet the class was and I sang “TURN AROUND (BRIGHT EYES)” really loudly at him and my whole class turned around and looked at me and my teacher who is really fucking judgy won’t let it go.

[putonyourredlight]

My anti-sex mum won’t let me have a double bed because I’ll “take advantage” of it. The ironic thing is I broke my single bed having sex on it.

[putonyourredlight]

Holy shit so I’m sitting watching Mall Cop swedged to fuck trying to avoid my parents and then my dad yells “*insert my name* come here right now!!” in a panic I ask, “why?” and he just repeats, “COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!” I fucking shit myself thinking that he somehow knows but no he was giving me money for tidying my room. He was joking and my whole life flashed before my eyes.