I love u angry female characters. I love u deeply misunderstood and problematic female characters. I love u cold hearted and sharp female characters. I love you prideful and reckless female characters. I love u unbeautifly destructive female characters. I love u prickly and snarky female characters. not everyone understands u but I do and I'm listening
In Eclipse, there’s that part when Edward is dishing on all the pack gossip, and he says:
His mother moved down from the Makah reservation seventeen years ago, when she was pregnant with him. She’s not Quileute. Everyone assumed she’d left his father behind with the Makahs. But then he joined the pack.
When I read that, I had assumed that Tiffany Call knew about the wolf legends. Maybe her Quileute lover had told her about them to try and impress her, like Jacob with Bella on the beach. And so, she knew since her child’s father was Quileute, that there was a chance he might phase someday, and it would be better to have him among his father’s people so they could help him if such a thing happened. It made perfect sense to me and made her seem like a devoted mom to face all that awkwardness to do what was best for him.
But then in Breaking Dawn, we get this:
Embry’s mom thought he was going through some kind of rebellious stage. He was permanently grounded for constantly sneaking out, but, of course, there wasn’t much he could do about that. She’d check his room every night, and every night it would be empty again. She’d yell and he’d take it in silence, and then go through it all again the next day. We’d tried to talk Sam into giving Embry a break and letting his mom in on the gig, but Embry’d said he didn’t mind. The secret was too important.
So my interpretation was totally off base, I guess.
So why on earth did she move to La Push? So her son could be near his father—even though she won’t name who he is and the father won’t acknowledge paternity? That seems … kinda pointless? Did she do it just to cause ~drama? Just passive-aggressively make Embry’s father have to live with the guilt of seeing him walking around La Push?
Or maybe she DOES know what is going on and is getting on Embry’s case because she’s upset he won’t talk to her about it. He finally is like “OMG I’M A WOLF, MOM.”
“WAS THAT SO HARD?!?!? I just wanted you to be honest with me!”
“Wait, what?”
“Why do you think I moved here in the first place? For my health?”
Still think about this like once a month. What was the point of any of this? Why did she move there? Why can’t he tell her the secret? It just seems like drama for the sake of drama, but it’s drama that doesn’t even go anywhere or get resolved at all.
decided to work on an old draft of a jared and kim fic i've had for years- i've been looking back on this blog lately and marvelled at how far i've come since these days. i apologize for going inactive, but i've been happy these days. this draft has been around for years, and i felt inspired recently to work on it again. life and love has been so beautiful to me over the years, and i figured i'd put that experience to use. over the years, ive come to love the beauty of normal boring stagnant days with your favorite person. i've had lots of perfect boring days lately :)
i hope to post this on my ff.net acc as well once i get access back into it!
jared and kim are still my comfort ship, so i hope i'm still able to convey them with my writing- i haven't written in years, but i hope those that read this still enjoy it. :) <3
jared x kim
a perfect day <3
“NOOOOOO! FUCK!”
Jared’s voice wasn’t usually booming in anger like this. When it was just the two of them, his voice was toned down- less macho-man-like and more soft, and lulling. Kim rolled her eyes and sat up in bed, resting her book onto her thigh. She smiled, and shook her head.
She liked this. She liked how she could come over and do her homework in Jared’s room while he gamed away on his computer, music sometimes floating faintly in the background. She enjoyed being able to do her own thing whilst being in his company. There was something strangely intimate in going about your own tasks in someone else’s room, like it was her own.
It was hot today. Jared had the basement to himself, but it was still scorching inside-- his heightened temperature didn’t help with the heat, and he was already quite whiney on a regular day. His old, beat up fan from childhood was pointed towards where he sat at his desk, completely shirtless, sweating profusely as his fingers furiously pressed away at his keyboard.
“Well, that was a shit game!” He exclaimed in irritation, shaking his head, Kim sure of the fact that he was most probably rolling his eyes into the next century. She smiled wryly. It was fun watching Jared game-- he’d get worked up over the simplest of things and cuss (sometimes quite scarily, if she was being honest) endlessly at his computer screen.
Sometimes, he would let her wear his headset and they’d attempt to win some shooting game together with Kim trying her best to let him know what she was hearing.
Or they’d play a simple game together where she could keep up. Other times she’d just sit there and watch for a while, Jared muttering under his breath and excitedly saying “here watch this, watch this” when he’d pull off some difficult move.
Kim would just sit there and nod enthusiastically, as if she understood what the little characters on the screen were doing.
“Wow, that's so cool babe!” she’d say, only somewhat paying attention, opening her book back up.
Jared rolled his eyes and turned his eyes over to Kim. She was nose-deep in her book, gold-framed glasses perched daintily on her nose. She was about halfway through her newest addition to the collection of books that was piling up in both her and Jared’s room.
He smiled. It was cute how she would try her best to keep up with his hobbies.
She retained quite a lot if he was being honest- she was Kim after all. He’d be impressed here and there with all she remembered. She could hold a conversation about certain games and sports all on her own now- thanks to Jared’s incessant ramblings.
He was proud of her- and quite flattered, although he would be shy to admit it. He wasn’t sure why she paid him any mind sometimes. He was sure he’d droned on and on for far too long about topics that were uninteresting to her many times before.
Although, it was the same for him. He could listen to her explain the workings of plant biology, or other academic topics that typically bored Jared to death, and he’d be fascinated- all because it was her voice that made it interesting.
He supposes all the things about them that didn’t make much sense were just the strange workings of love.
“How’s your book?” Jared asked, as he queued up for another match he would probably end up losing.
“It’s alright.” Kim shrugged, wrinkling her nose in clear disappointment. “These Colleen Hoover books are a bit overhyped, if you’re asking me.” She sighs, shaking her head. She should have known not to trust viral books. Even if they were good, they were always set up to be let-downs.
“That sucks.” Jared says plainly. He didn’t know how to add to the conversation- books certainly were not his area of expertise.
“Yeah. Oh well.” Kim replies, scoffing and putting the book down.
She yawned, stretching her limbs out for a well-needed break. Jared ogled the stretch of skin between her shorts and her tank-top that revealed itself when she stretched.
Perhaps jumping into bed for a cuddle was a better use of his time than getting angry with the poor reservation internet connection that caused his game to lag.
He promptly logged off, bidding farewell to his friends who were annoyed that they now had one less teammate to play with.
Jared shrugged. Who cared? He had better things to do than lose in online games.
He jumped into bed, startling Kim who had closed her eyes for a quick rest.
“I thought you were still playing?” she asked, pleasantly surprised that he had cut his gaming time a little short to snuggle with her.
Jared waved her off.
“They wanna play a shooter I’m no good at- I’ll just waste my time playing.” He explained, crawling underneath the blanket even though it was scorching hot.
“Ah.” Kim said, nodding in understanding.
Jared paused.
“Plus,” he started, a wry smile making its way onto his lips. He wrapped his arms around Kim’s waist and brushed away her thick, dark hair. “It’s more fun cuddling with you.” There was a smile in his voice.
Kim scoffed, though it had no bite. She was happy he was paying her attention again. She liked when he played games- he enjoyed them, and it was funny to watch him grow angrier with every loss. But she liked this best- his arms around her, talking about the oddest topics and having fun with every moment.
“They're not mad you left early?” Kim asked, her eyes rounding out in curiosity. He did say he would be playing for a while longer- Kim didn’t want to be the overly needy girlfriend who asked him to get off his games. She was more than happy to just be in the same room as him.
Jared shook his head, waving her concerns off.
“Nah. They know I’m shit at that game so it's better I’m not playing to be honest.” Jared lied. He was quite good at the game (typically), and Kim knew it- but she didn’t notice, and he'd much rather be talking to her anyways.
“So…” Jared started. “That book is mid?” he asked.
Kim chuckled at the sentence.
“I guess that's the best term to use actually.” Kim mused, looking up at the ceiling of Jared’s room and sighing. “This author is all over TikTok and stuff, but her writing isn't anything spectacular.”
Jared nodded slowly, shuffling about in the bed to make himself comfortable.
“Cool.” he said plainly. “Or- lame, I guess.” Jared shrugged. He tried his best to keep up with her book talk.
There was a pause of comfortable silence as Kim and Jared lied in his bed.
“Sooo…” Jared started. “Whaddya wanna do?” he asks. “Wanna watch Lost? Or a movie?”
Kim grunted as she sat up in his bed, sheets pooling down around her waist.
She placed her uninteresting book onto Jared’s cluttered nightstand beside her. Absent-mindedly, she added the task of organising it to her to-do list that day. Though if she were being honest, most tasks never got done whilst she was at Jared’s place.
It was like a spell was cast over her everytime she stepped into the house. All of her gusto and determination to seize the day would be quelled immediately at the sight of his warm bed. Suddenly, all she would ever want to do was lay around and rot the day away with him.
Kim sighed and slumped back into the sheets.
“I just wanna do nothing.” came her small, resigned voice.
She had fallen victim to the strange spell that Jared had clearly cast over his room the moment she stepped in it for the first time moons ago. Years after they had met, and long after his room became familiar, the magic still had its bewitching potency.
How much of it was still the magic? She would wonder at night how such unexplainable things could work logically.
Had it worn off over the years? Did he truly love her for her? If one day the old magic wore away, how much love for her would be left?
The questions consumed her before- when she first learned the truth of their beginnings.
It was difficult at first, for Kim’s questions to go unanswered. Where could she turn to for what she was looking for? That old tribal magic would always be shrouded in mystery, and Kim’s nature was to try and extract the truth.
She had tried once to research the mysteries of the imprinting magic. She was younger back then- more insecure, and less trusting of the relationship between her and Jared.
Her search yielded little results, and Kim had to accept defeat. She was frustrated for a long time that she may never learn the secrets behind the forces that brought her and her wolf together. But she figured that the mystery was somehow beautiful.
Normal love is inexplicable too, she came to think. She could read research papers about the chemicals in their brains, or books about evolution, and still, love would make people new and strange and beautiful. She had come to realise that even though she could learn everything about love, there would always be something mystical about it. Something nobody could explain in words. Who was she to question its validity?
They were older now, more stable, more intertwined somehow, in a comforting kind of way. She had more faith now- in herself, and Jared, and the realness of their connection.
Ancient magic aside, they loved each other deeply, and that gave Kim all the answers she needed.
Jared chuckled, grunting as he got up to turn off the lights in his room. He stepped over a pile of laundry that had yet to be thrown into the hamper in the corner of his room and switched the lights off, the room becoming dark. The only light came from the sole window in his room that peeked out at his front yard.
“Your wish is my command, sweetheart.” he smiled at Kim as he shuffled back in bed.
The bed shifted with Jared’s weight as he climbed into bed again. His skin was scorching hot to the touch in the mid-summer heat, but she didn’t mind.
What was a light first-degree burn if it meant she could be held in his arms?
Kim curled up in Jared’s arms, sighing as she pressed her nose into his chest, breathing in his familiar scent. He pressed a searing kiss into her hair and sighed, clearly relishing in the moment just as much as she was.
Kim grew sentimental suddenly. This is what she had wished for many moons ago.
She had always wanted a kind, caring man to come and sweep her off her feet. Someone who found beauty in her, and someone who allowed her to be herself. She had worried for long that she just wasn’t pretty enough to be pursued by a good man like Jared.
She knew she was a good person- that she was kind, hardworking, and that she had a good spirit. She just had the same fears as most girls did when they grew up- when they became more aware of their appearances, more aware of their perception by the world.
Would she ever be loved like that? She couldn’t know for certain back then, but she knew now.
Jared had been so sweet to her over the years. Her mind raced when she was alone, and although she didn’t seem like it, she was always anxious, overthinking- it felt like thousands of thoughts were rushing through her brain all the time.
Being with Jared quieted her mind. Perhaps it was more of that old magic- or she guessed it was love. Who truly knew?
Being with Jared felt peaceful, natural. She had little stress when she was with him. She was more laidback, relaxed, more content to just rot in bed if it meant having him as company. She felt truly herself when she was around him.
Kim opened her eyes and looked up at Jared.
His hair was thick, and in great need of a haircut. She brushed away the hair that fell over Jared’s forehead and into his eyes.
He smiled goofily at her and pouted his lips for a kiss. She rolled her eyes, pecking him on the lips and pressing another kiss on his chin, rubbing the stubble that had grown over the last two days.
“You sure you don’t wanna do anything today?” Jared asked, eyes round in concern. He knew that she got lazy around him, and wanted to be sure he wasn’t keeping her from doing anything she wished.
Kim shook her head lazily.
“You’re not bored?” he asked again.
Kim looked at Jared again, and smiled.
“Not at all.” she reassured him, running her fingers along his jaw. Their eyes met and Kim smiled.
“I love these boring days with you.” she said sweetly. “They’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”
Jared smiled at Kim’s words, leaning in for a kiss.
“Me too, boo.” Jared said cheekily, pressing more kisses into Kim’s face, smiling as she laughed and pushed him away jokingly.
Kim relaxed into bed, her breathing slowing as she fell into a light sleep. Jared closed his eyes for a moment, and began to snore as he immediately dozed off into dreamland. Kim smiled once more, rolling her eyes she fell asleep slowly to the sounds of Jared’s room.
His old fan was whirring quietly, fanning the pair with air as it swivelled back and forth around the room. Jared was snoring, a sound she had grown accustomed to over the years. The ceiling creaked as his family walked around upstairs, his dog’s collar jingling as she ran around his house. His window was open, and the sounds of the quiet nature of La Push outside was always soothing to her.
Kim was finally drifting off to sleep. She always had peaceful, dreamless sleeps when she was with Jared. She thought once more about her to-do list, but brushed the thought away quickly.
Today was perfect, she thought. A perfect, boring, beautiful day.
would u ever write fics again? or publish old ones?
i went on a little trip down memory lane recently and reread my old fics and some that never got published. i think i was actually a pretty decent writer and i think it's a shame i stopped, but at this point in my life, i'm so busy that i can't dedicate time to finishing anything.
even thinking about writing makes me feel exhausted. i had the luxury of time back then, which is sadly something i don't really have now.
as for old fics- i do have many still in my google docs account that i would LOVE to publish, but unfortunately, they're all very unfinished and have huge chunks of story missing from them. ive tried over time to chip away at a leah one-shot i still love so much and want to share, but again, i just don't have the time or energy to dedicate myself to it. it's very sad. it's a time in my life i look back on fondly- i cant believe i wrote those when i was depressed and suicidal in college. it was my escape and i'm very happy and glad some positivity and beauty came out of that horrible time in my life. but i'm (unfortunately) an adult now with adult responsibilities :( i got grown shit to do which is so sad lmfaooo.
in your gif about paul and rachel what are some things you would change? anything in your past fics that you think aren't appropriate or you would have left out now?
i'm gonna assume gif meant fic in the first question!
i think i would change some minor stuff- paul still running around shirtless being one, and him still hanging out at emily's even though his wife affected by postpartum depression and newborn baby is home alone. i wanted to show that the pack was still close as ever, but didn't really realize it would make much more sense that paul hangs out more at home and would be irresponsible of him to leave his wife and child home alone without supervision when his wife isn't very capable of caring for the child in that season of their lives. other than that, it's a fic im extremely proud of and still am lowkey kind of impressed by now that my fanfic writing days are over. it's sad, but i think ive lost the magic touch i used to have for writing lmfao.
as for other fics, sure there are some minor changes i would make, but they generally still hold up well years later and there's no glaring missteps i think i took that would make me want to delete a whole work. some things i would change is making the pack a little more mature. i realize now (after getting a bf and getting closer to straight dudes instead of having this image of them in my head that i used for the pack) that i infantilized them a little and made them a little too "mischievous little kid-like". id make them just a little more mature for sure. i also think i would make reservation life a little more realistic, although i'm not sure i have the authority to write about nor do i really have that kind of knowledge on the topic to be confident about posting that, so maybe it's something i would still avoid writing about.
there ARE however some old works of mine in my google docs account that have some very childish and honestly racist/stereotypical tropes to indigenous peoples that i am extremely glad i never published to the internet. although i think they're well written, the inclusion of some of these tropes aren't great at all and i would 100% change them.
Harry Clearwater never died ... and he also had a photo album.
Inspired by @paulxlahotee (took billy and harry photo from third and eighth slide from her) and her amazing gil/billy posts ... and my favorite 4+ year old post by @q--uileutes (even though mine is nowhere near as spectacular). Rest of the photos are not mine. I do not own them. They were found on google, weheartit, and pinterest with sources unknown.
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