the joke's on you

Lee | they/them | DC sideblog | main: nonbinary-androids | mostly gotham (fox) and birds of prey | Fish Mooney is an icon and I love her

[queen-pin]

 – wishbone, richard siken.

[s-mscott]

Portrait of a Young Bruce

[fulltimehabibti]

superwholock fighting about who richard siken is really writing about when all his poems are about rural towns and boys with green eyes and blue tshirts

he's writing about clark kent

[captainlordauditor]

Bruce Wayne Pleads City Yet Again To Stop Gerrymandering: “This might be what drives me to buy myself a fucking politician like everyone else in my social class,” says the philanthropist.

[captainlordauditor]

Bruce Wayne Says Luthor, Queen, Gates Could Stop Pandemic If They Took Action, Challenges Them To “Meet Me In The Pit”. 

 "If we fight with bo staff, I can defeat them in single combat while still maintaining social distancing,“ says Wayne, apparently not joking.

When asked if he thought Wayne was serious, son Jason Todd, 24, said, “Timbo’s the best with a bo staff, but Dad can and will bet up Lex Luthor. I’d be willing to open a betting pool. All the proceeds would go to pandemic relief in the Narrows.”

[captainlordauditor]

Mayor Says Red Hood Is Considered Essential, Not His Employees

“It wasn’t like I was gonna have them out there in this shit anyways,” says the druglord. “If anyone does, it’s Penguin or Mask. I’ve emptied out all my warehouses, and they’re open as shelters. Fuck the government.” When asked his opinion on the mayor declaring him essential as part of Batman’s team, Red Hood laughed.

[captainlordauditor]

Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn Beg Nightwing To Wear Actual Mask

“It’s like he doesn’t remember that time I almost died of a bioweapon,” agrees Red Robin.

[captainlordauditor]

Scarecrow Gives Up Fear Toxin, Saying 2020 Alone Is Enough For Him To Continue His Studies

[captainlordauditor]

CDC Warns Joker Safe Gas Masks Filter Gas Particulates, Not Viruses. Bruce Wayne Asks For 2 Weeks

[soupbeast]

I know that the “billionaire playboy” look is important to B’s look but honestly if the joker or smthn tried to kill someone at a gala and Bruce fuckin decked him everyone would probably just be like “damn these Gotham boys are just Like That huh”

[graaaaceeliz]

Too true, the actual reason nobody makes Bruce Wayne the Batman seriously is because the entirety of Gotham is ridiculous and Like That

[jasontoddiefor]

Reporter: Mister Wayne, how did you find the courage to punch the Joker?

Bruce: That clown comes to my party, threatens my guests and my children - of course I deck him. What else was I supposed to do? Wait for Batman to show up?

[thebelgianconspiracy-deactivate]

I

[tygermama]

when Clark read this quote he had to go lie down for an hour

[explorerrowan]

At this point, I’m inclined to believe that Gotham City is less New York and more Philadelphia, Baltimore, or Detroit. Gotham City’s general population has such huge “fuck around and find out” vibes.

[jeromevalseka]

listen since personality quizzes are the new trend i made a 35 question which gotham character are you quiz. super accurate i swear. please take it and tell me who you get!

[queen-pin]

Made this for an edit, but I think it makes a better header?? Like or reblog if saving

[queen-pin]

do you see me the way that i see you? you’re golden and molten and open-armed all the time, and you’re scared. always scared.

i get that. i’m scared too.

let’s play hide and seek, just like we (the other we, the bad we) used to. you be it, and i’ll hide, and when you find me, i’ll tell you that i saw you all along, that there’s no point in me being it

because i can already see you, i know where you’ll hide, and i’ll find you. i’ll take you home and show you your real face and you can show me mine.

it’ll be a trade, it’ll be a promise, it’ll be wonderful– you just have to find me first.

you see, i need you to find me first because i’m not sure what you’re going to find.

(that’s what i’m scared of. i know you won’t see him, but i’m not sure that you’ll know that. it’ll be so hard to persuade you if you see wrong, and then you’ll be stuck, hidden forever, not knowing that you’ve been found. i’m never scared for myself anymore, not since him, but you– dear god, how i’m scared for you.)

i need you, need you, need you– to see me the way that i see you. i’m scared bruce– can you make me not scared anymore?

sh sh sh, it’s okay, stay calm. i promise, darling, it’ll only hurt for a moment. all you need to do is look.

— what is love if not wanting to be seen?

[animusrox]

Baby-Doll Batman: The Animated Series

[twostriptechnicolor]

This is one criminally underrated Batman villain.

[muchymozzarella]

SERIOUSLY THOUGH SHE WAS MY FAVORITE BATMAN VILLAIN

Her physical condition didn’t allow her to age

No one took her seriously as an actress

And even when she was trying to get into a happy romantic relationship (albeit with another villain) he still couldn’t take her seriously as a consenting, sexually active and romantically interested adult

That’s a lot of blows to someone’s psyche 

and Babydoll is both a sympathetic villain and a formidable one

[barnabasdeimos]

I remember this episode fucked me up a a kid. 

[darkslover]

And man, do I wish we could see this Batman again: the Batman that consoles his villains, because the majority (if not all) of them are mentally ill people. And Batman knows this and wants them healthy again, not punished and GOD definitely not dead.

[poppypicklesticks-blog]

Baby Doll is so underrated as a Batman villain 

but her episode was perfect 

[wolvensnothere]

Batman: The Animated Series The story of one fucked up, traumatized little boy, doing his best to help other fucked up traumatized people.

[absentlyabbie]

#this show is the only batcanon that matters to me #dc can burn everything else down but they’ll never pry the dcau from cold dead clawed hands

[albawrites-deactivated20230805]

The Batman that cares about the inmates is my favorite. He doesn’t put up with their shit, but he does try to reach out here and there and he’s as human as he can be to them.

When Harley was re-institutionalized, he got her that dress she wanted.

In the comics based on B:tAS, there was a time during Christmas that there was snow and it was Mr. Freeze’s fault, and he was making it snow because Christmas was his anniversary with Nora and she LOVED it when it snowed on Christmas, so Batman let him finish mourning before calmly taking him back to Arkham.

He never, ever gives up on Harvey possibly recovering.

Sure, Batman is going to throw punches and do what it takes to take these guys down when they’re hurting or threatening people. And he’s not going be a complete bleeding heart; he has to protect the innocent. He’s going to take them down and take them back to Arkham, but it doesn’t mean he’s incapable of being a bit human to the ones who deserve it.

[hoku-san]

Batman needs become human again

[wetwareproblem]

Because it needs to be here:

[lehrastar-deactivated20250708]

[tvandfilm]

Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley dir. Cathy Yan

[queen-pin]

What if I.... kidnapped you and recreated the night of your parents’ death as a declaration of my love for you?? Hahaha just kidding... unless?

[justiceleaque]

everyone in gotham always wants to know who batman is but they never want to know how he is :/

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

He’s a grown man dressed as a bat. They know.

[prokopetz]

Everybody talks about how Silver Age Superman is a dick, but a less remarked-upon quirk of the era’s writing is that Silver Age Lois Lane is obsessed with proving that Clark Kent is Superman specifically because she’s convinced if she does, he’ll be obligated to marry her.

Initially it’s implied to be a blackmail thing, but later Silver Age writers seem to have forgotten that and taken “Clark Kent must marry Lois Lane if she discovers his secret identity” as an axiomatic rule, to the point that Kent would often voice worries that he’d be forced to marry other characters who were close to putting the pieces together – regardless of whether they’d expressed any interest in the first place!

Now, do you know which character apart from Lois Lane has the best track record for figuring out that Clark Kent is Superman across all the various reboots, elseworlds, and miscellaneous adaptations?

That’s right: Batman.

So, logically.

[marlinspirkhall]

Lois Lane, at a bridal shop: I’m going to make superman my bride

Batman, dramatically stepping out from between the racks in a veil: not if I beat you to it bitch

[coolgirl]

(Bruce Wayne voice) I’m Bruce Wayne, from Gotham City, I’m participating in Nailed It! because for years I’ve tried to learn how to bake to impress my father [cuts to old pic of baby Bruce trying to whisk in a bowl, wearing a crooked chef hat, Alfred trying to help him with a really loving look on his face], and- (someone in the background yells LIAR!!) (Bruce covers his face, the background music stops) fine I lost a bet to one of my kids and they thought it would be hilarious for me to participate because I’m terrible in the kitchen [cuts to picture of grown Bruce with a pan on fire, looking absolutely frantic, sad trombone sound] [the people behind the camera laugh]

[coolgirl]

First challenge is recreating justice league cake pops, the camera zooms into Bruce who has the biggest forced smile ever on his face as he holds a cute green lantern pop.

Bruce: nailed it!

Nicole: (cackling as the camera zooms into the ugliest cake pop her eyes have ever laid on) WHAT IS THAT!

Bruce, as the camera pans into the details of the mess of a pop: personally I think it’s an accurate depiction of green lantern

[coolgirl]

The cake challenge is making a giant cake with ALL the known batvigilantes in Gotham.

As bruce whisks in a bowl midway the process, if you edit the clip to make it loud enough you could hear him muttering under his breath why the fuck did I adopt so many kids

Nicole: and I genuinely don’t know what mr wayne is doing over there (cackle) (camera cuts to Bruce frantically counting the figures before adding them to the final cake as he knows if he forgets any of them they would never let him live it down)

Nicole: oh I love the purple you chose for spoiler’s Cape! / Bruce: it’s actually eggplant but thank you nic!

Jacques: as….. lo…vely as this cake looks.. I can’t help but notice.. you forgot to add batman to it

Bruce: (huge bleep)

[brawltogethernow]

Bruce: [makes a paper towel cowl and puts it over his face] Bruce: [stands behind his cake and sort of looms there] Bruce, as foppishly as possible: I’ll be being Batman. [doing the growly voice really badly] I’m Batman. Voices behind the camera: [all laugh]

Paper Towel Batman goes viral in gif form.

(Also Bruce, cutting out Nightwing’s emblem in fondant: I want the vigilantes of Gotham to know that I am making these in a manner designed to be efficient, and not in order of how much I love them. Host: That’s…nice?)

[elf-kid2]

#DCU#camera guy 1: how does he know what every suit design looks like? i haven’t seen him pull one reference. camera guy 2: [shrugs]

[amavris]

Damn Bruce really told Jeremiah "you mean nothing to me"

but he said it in the most agonizing"you hurt me but I still care about you and I hate that I still care" way possible

Like okay Bruce nice try

[raptorific]

bruce wayne maintains a presence on all conspiracy theory boards with the screen name BruceWayneIsTheBatman and all his posts have titles like “BRUCE WAINE IS BAT-MAN INDISPUTABLE PROOF” and it’s just a picture of Bruce Wayne from the back next to a picture of Batman from behind and they both have the contours of their butt drawn on in a shitty MSPaint red line (note: Bruce is in a suit and Batman has a cape, neither of their butts are clearly discernible) and the quote “THE BUTTS MATCH!!! THE FACTS DON’T LIE!!!!!” and he makes at least three of these posts a day, and “Bruce Wayne is the Batman” becomes a meme a la “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” and he gets asked about it on a talk show and he laughs uproariously at the idea and Stephen Colbert just HAPPENS to have a batman mask under the desk and they do a bit together where Bruce Wayne puts on the mask and walks around saying things like “excuse me, bank robbers, can I perhaps offer you some money to stop you robbing this bank?” and “I say, cease and desist your criminal behavior or I’ll have my butler ask you to leave” and the audience is LOSING THEIR MINDS laughing at the idea of this pampered rich guy taking on the Joker on a bi-weekly basis and then anyone who suggests “Bruce Wayne is Batman” in earnest gets met with mocking “oh man do the butts match” comments

[kyraneko]

Joker finds out Bruce Wayne is the Batman and has an honest-to-god heart attack because How Dare. On his way into surgery he keeps murmuring “Bruce Wayne is the goddamn Batman” and and “No you don’t UNDERSTAND! Bruce Wayne is the goddamn BATMAN!” nobody believes him. On his way out of the hospital and back to Arkham Bruce is waiting for him and leans in close and whispers, “I’m username BruceWayneIsTheBatman too” and they have to take Joker back into the hospital and defibrillate him again.

[melleartsblog]

Did I do it right?