Queer Advice Hotline

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way a professional, just someone who wants to help in any way I can. Take all advice at your own discretion. With that being said: anyone is welcome to vent, ask questions about identities, or share anything they think could help others! zy/zyr/zyrs pronouns; I'm Synn

[queer-advice-hotline]

Calling All Queers!

This is a blog for all your queer questions, advice, vents, and more! I know it isn’t the typical “our _ experience” blog, but @our-queer-experience and @our-transmasculine-experience and others like that have been super inspiring! I’m here to take your calls and help in any way I can!

Disclaimer: I am not a professional in anything, and any advice I can offer is based off personal experience or knowledge, take everything I say at your own discretion. Please do not come to me in place of professionals should you need serious help.

If it isn’t clear: hate and exclusion are not tolerated here. If you have anything bad to say about anyone's identity or life, don’t.

My name is Synn, and my pronouns are zy/zyr/zyrs

Edit: tagging system explained under the cut, as I realise it can be confusing

1-800-queer- Tagged on ask posts

queer advice hotliine- Tagged on everything

for i have synned- Original posts, personal information, unrelated things

advice calls- Asks where I give advice

question calls- For when I'm asked a question

vent calls- When I'm not giving advice, just for vents

gender calls, mspec calls, aspec calls, romantic orientation calls, sexuality calls, name calls, etc- Tells the specific nature of the advice I'm giving or question I'm answering

you've reached the operator- When a post contains links to outside resources

long distance calls- Long posts

voice mail- Reblogs

the phone number post- the one post with phone numbers to suicide/crisis hotline and other immediate resources. added under its own tag for ease of location, should you need it

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hey this might be a bit of a mess of an ask because I don't know how to exactly articulate this lol. (Feel free to ignore lol)

As of late, I've been pretty sure I'm not cis, and I just don't know at all what my gender exactly is.

The pronouns I use now are She/Her, and I like being a girl, like, I'm pretty sure there's a she in my pronouns somewhere lol. But I also don't think I'd mind they/them, which leads me to think maybe she/they pronouns- and I've been considering demigirl gender-wise, but I know pronouns aren't always the same as gender.

On the other hand though, my friends have jokingly called me a 'gentleman', like, I'll hold doors open, or offer my jacket if someone is cold, and someone will be like "she's such a gentleman" and the feeling I get from that being said isn't really describable, but good. And I think I'd prefer being called 'king' to 'queen' and stuff like that.

Then again (again I profusely apologize for this ask lmao) if I was dating someone, I don't think I'd want to be called their boyfriend- but girlfriend or partner sound good.

Feel free to disregard this because I know it's a mess and there's probably not much advice able to be given because yeah, and I think I just need to tell another human being because there's not really anyone (except for my cousin maybe) that I could say something to lol.

Hope you have a great day <3

You can always say you prefer certain terms/titles, regardless of your gender. You can also try using she/they pronouns if you think they’ll feel better.

As for your gender, there isn’t much I can say beyond just trying a new label and see if it works. It’s alright to be wrong, so trying a new label and deciding it doesn’t fit it completely fine.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I want to come out to my transphobic family. Any advice?

If your safety and/or wellbeing will be threatened by coming out to them, it’s best not to. Your safety should be your first priority, even if staying closeted is difficult.

If you feel you still need to come out, having a backup plan is the most important thing. Make arrangements for places you can stay if you need to leave the house. It will also be easier if you’re financially independent from your family. If you fear a bad reaction, waiting until you live separately from them may be the best course of action.

Anyone with other advice feel free to share.

[queer-advice-hotline]

So I am beginning to think that I may have been just a teensy bit wrong about being aromantic because well there’s this girl but I’m not 100% sure yet help how do I know I’m so confused 😭😭

It’s good to start by recognising that labels change and that’s ok. You may have been aromantic for a time and now you might not be.

If you still think you may be on the aromantic spectrum, you could look into labels like greyromantic or demiromantic, and see if those fit.

Anyone with other advice feel free to share.

[queer-advice-hotline]

hello! sorry if this is confusing or something you cant help with...

but. how do you get over an almost fear of embracing your masculinity? i feel very masc sometimes and it hurts because i feel scared of it. it feels like i have to give up feminine stuff or something? also i always liked the idea of going on low dose T or getting top surgery but the idea of regretting those decisions terrifies me. but i still want to bind, go by he/him (amoung other prns) and dress masc but it just.. idk?? it scares me in a way :(

I think the best way would be to start with small steps and see how that feels. You could start by binding only when you’re alone, for a short period of time and see how that feels. If you have someone you trust you could ask them to try new pronouns and/or names for you when you’re alone with that person.

As for giving up femininity, you can absolutely be masculine and feminine at the same time or separately. You don’t need to give one up to experience the other.

Anyone with other advice feel free to share.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I have a very good relationship with my mom, but I'm not out to her and I'm scared tell her. Today she told me that "I can tell her anything and she will always love me, so I shouldn't think that I have to hide something because she won't love me anymore". I don't think I'm really hiding anything else and its not the first time she has said something like this. Does this mean she knows?

I still don't plan on comming out just yet, but I kinda want to know if this is a sign or something

It could mean that she suspects, and is trying to let you know that she would be alright with it if you tell her, but it’s hard to know for sure.

You can try testing to see if she’s accepting in general by mentioning a queer celebrity or something of that sort if you wanted more conformation.

[queer-advice-hotline]

just asking beforehand, do you take asks about medical transitioning and stuff like that?

I can, though any answers I’ll have will be based off of research and not my personal experience, since I’ve not medical transitioned, and I can’t promise that I’ll be able to find information for your specific location, but I’m more than willing to look into it for you.

[queer-advice-hotline]

sooo im transmasc and bi and i have a crush on a cishet dude. he doesn’t know i’m queer. PLUS he’s 2 years older than me. pls help i’m stuck

Leaving this open to advice from anyone with ideas.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I know this is a bit unusual but can you do a poll for name I’m thinking of choosing? It would be nice to get other peoples opinions :)

It’s

Grey

Or Gray

Help choose a name:

Grey

Gray

Voting ended onMay 19, 2024

[queer-advice-hotline]

I read this recently and I figured some of y’all might appreciate it too. I borrowed it from Seattle Public Library with their books unbanned card (for anyone 13-26 in the US) I used the Libby app to listen to it

Thank you for sharing.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I’m AFAB masc presenting. Whole life have lived as female because where I’m from, the only acceptable gender and sexuality is cishet. But I’ve never felt female or male. I just feel as me.

When friends call me eg “hey woman”, I feel so uncomfortable. But on daily basis, strangers will identify me as a man, often being called sir, Mr, hey man, brother etc. It feels nice being identified as a man. But the weird thing, I don’t have any body dysmorphia, and have no desire to transition.

I don’t know what’s going on with my gender? What am I?

You could still be a trans man even without dysphoria or wanting to medically transition. Since you say you don’t feel male or female though, you could look into being nonbinary, or some other gender labels that are more neutral.

Anyone with other advice feel free to share.

[queer-advice-hotline]

hi I'm just gonna label this ask Richter anon so I can find it

So I have been feeling like partially feminine, partially just... blank. Like not agender blank (I think), not androgynous, just blank. Maybe it's neutrois, but could I be demigender?

Thanks queer advice hotline!

You could definitely be demigender, if you feel that fits best.

[queer-advice-hotline]

ii'm sorry i don't know if this is a rant or a call for advice but i just need to get my thoughts out

i'm a trans guy (17) trying to shop for new bras since i've had the same ones since i was like 12. they don't really fit and keep slipping and it's just super annoying at this point so i took it upon myself to get some new ones. the thing is, i hate bra shopping in the first place. my chest is probably one of the things i'm most dysphoric about. i'd even been making progress, learning to love myself and i've actually been looking in the mirror and not hating myself, but i feel like all these years of progress just got thrown out the window.

i've already ruled out going bra shopping irl, for multiple reasons including 1. i've already come out to my mom and she's not supportive and has just been trying to ignore that i'm trans so i'm 90% sure she'd be super feminizing in the process and it would just upset me (plus i can't drive just yet so i literally cannot leave the house without her and i'm not allowed to have a credit card) and 2. i could get one of my supportive siblings to take me but i'm terrified of the employees making it horribly dysphoric

so i attempted to do it myself. i finally got around to taking my measurements and it sucked and was super uncomfortable but whatever right? i got through it and that's all that matters. then i gound out based on the measurements that i'm a triple fucking D and that almost sent me spiraling into self hatred. but i pushed forward!!! whatever i need to do to just get this over with

so i went online to do some research into what build i want, wires or no wires, design, etc and just. everywhere i turn it just makes me fel worse and worse. "women's sports bras" "feminine, sexy fit" "lacy and delicate"

i really just want to lay down and cry for the rest of time because this is so fucking awful. all the designs are lacy and slim fit and wpuldn't even fucking fit me, much less support me and i fucking hate myself and i hate the stupid fucking bra industry and i want to give up on this stupid endeavor anyway

sorry to vent in your inbox actually i just either don't have any other trans men to rant to and the ones i do know don't have large chests or anythig and uhhhggggg sorry

No need to apologise, vents are very welcome, and I hope you’ve had some luck.

[queer-advice-hotline]

hello!! first, thank you for making and managing this blog. it must be a lot of work, so thank you!!

are there any tips for finding a good and modern therapist/doctor? its one thing finding one that even offers anything regarding being trans but finding someone that isn't old-timey (knowing about non-binary) and not gatekeeping gender affirming care because you don't fit the bill (e.g masculine transfem and/or feminine transmascs, etc)

I really really need to get started on my "getting HRT" journey, as it will take long to reach the end goal, and I'm suffering, and I'm stuck finding a good doctor/therapist.

tysm in advance!! i hope you have a great day/night!!

Since I don’t have experience in this, I’ll leave this open to anyone with advice or experience.

[queer-advice-hotline]

My gf's parents made her break up w me and pretend to be straight. She called me heartbroken over the phone. I'm shattered and I made the mistake of venting to my homophobic parents who said it was all my fault for "choosing to be gay" and exclaiming that's why I "have no friends" and that I have exams in a few months anyway. Her parents are the same way. I'm absolutely heartbroken. What on earth do I do now?

- 🪴 (please can you tag your response w this emoji so it's easier for me to find? Thank you)

Apologies for the late response. I hope everything has turned out alright. If you’re still in need of advice here’s what I have:

If it’s alright with you and your girlfriend, you could try continuing to see each other without letting your respective parents know. You could also try telling them you both just want to be friends.

Anyone else with advice feel free to share.

[queer-advice-hotline]

hi there do you have any advice on picking names i don’t really know how to find the “right” one if you know what i mean thanks so much

I’ve answered a similar ask before, here is my answer.

[queer-advice-hotline]

i need advice.

i’m nonbinary and was assigned female at birth. i get really bad dysphoria over the effects of estrogen (usually the way that the fat collects in my thighs; i’m going to finally get my hands on a binder soon so i’m not worried about that) but i also don’t want some of the effects of testosterone (increased libido and clitoral growth, mostly. No Thank You.)

is there any way i could go on hormone blockers / antiestrogens without having to take T?

Based on my research, no, you can’t take blockers without also taking hormones, since your body needs some sort of hormones in it.

You could look into alternate ways of taking testosterone to avoid unwanted side effects, like micro dosing it.

Anyone with other ideas feel free to share.