my friend Alex, whom i shot

"there was the poetry" - aaron burr bren or erin. 17. they/them. pretentious and angsty. welcome to hell inactive (except for curating diagnosis info)

[queercryptids]

this new blog theme is fun but it's so bright.....it was like beige before and it hurts my eyes now

[queercryptids]

surefire way to decrease anxiety/stress/increase time for school: quit pit orchestra. quit band. cant quit clarinet choir did that already. start sobbing. imagine the conversation with the director. start sobbing during the hypothetical conversation.

[queercryptids]

THROWBACK MOTHERFUCKERS

[queercryptids]

cons to having bpd: you will actually want to kill yourself because of a small misconception and until/unless it's turned around, you will literally spend hours crying and wanting to die

pros to having bpd: the second that misconception is turned around you will literally and instantly stop feeling suicidal and start making fun of yourself for making such a big deal out of whatever it was that fucked you up

[queercryptids]

them: hey are you alright?

me: yeah im fine

me on the inside: why are you asking me this have i manipulated you into asking me this somehow bc the truth is im not fine at all but i cant tell you that bc ill feel like i am manipulating you into -

[mooncoffin-deactivated20160403]

what i say: i feel like everyone is mad at me

what i mean: i got the impression that one specific person is mad at/dissatisfied with/disappointed in me and that feeling has bled over into my perception of literally all other people, because emotionally i cannot grasp the concept that negative feelings or reactions to me are not 100% universal, and as i mostly define myself by what other people think of me i can barely imagine what it feels like to be an individual with free-standing feelings and depth of character separate from what is decided by the judgement of others, thus enforcing the idea that when one person is upset at me then everyone is, because when someone else decides what i am it becomes true

[singular-they]

I hate trying to explain autism hypersensitivities by saying “x thing that people think is generally minor, is like y thing that people think is generally major/unbearable to me.” Because it’s NOT! I didn’t understand for YEARS why people would say “The quiet sound of someone talking can be like a loud industrial grinding noise to this autistic person!” because I’ve HEARD loud industrial grinding noises and it is nothing like someone talking. Someone talking sounds like someone talking to me. It also (sometimes) sounds grating, irritating, frustrating, and infuriating. But it’s not because it’s loud, or because it sounds somehow different to me, it’s because of my brain’s reaction to the sound.

Similarly, like… I’ve tried to explain why being around people makes me so tired before, using the analogy that to me, being around people is like being at a crowded amusement park. But it’s not like that. It’s like being around people. It’s just as draining as being in a crowded amusement park might be for someone far less sensitive. My actual experience is nothing like being at an amusement park.

I think it gives people the idea that autistic people live in this radically different world, where lights are literally brighter, sounds are literally louder, etc. Which isn’t the case. My brain reacts to quiet sounds like some peoples’ would to very loud sounds, but they still sound quiet to me.

I don’t know how to explain this or why it’s so important to me. For years I couldn’t relate at all to descriptions of what the world is supposed to be like for autistic people, because I would read descriptions like “Jake is autistic. To him, the sound of a mosquito’s whine sounds like a running chainsaw.” I’d think, “Oh, mosquitos don’t sound like chainsaws to me… they’re really quiet - I just overreact to them. Clearly I must just be [insert derogatory adjective here], not autistic.”

It’s just a misleading way of explaining sensory hypersensitivity, it completely misses hyposensitivity and other issues like misophonia that don’t fall neatly into these categories, and it lacks nuance.

[p-3a-s-life-resources-blog]

Atypical Autism Traits

The [ original source ] for these is highly gendered.

Under the cut, I am retyping the original source in gender-neutral language, as atypical autism traits do not only appear in girls.

If you are Autistic and your autism matches this profile, it does not mean that you must be a girl; it just means your autism is a kind that often gets missed by traditional diagnostic profiles. These traits were commonly found by researchers in cisgender girls, but they are by no means exclusive to cisgender girls.

The traits are split into four categories.

Keep reading

[nichtigkind]

bpd coping methods

I’ve never seen stuff abt how to cope with bpd when you’re like mid-breakdown and shit so here’s some things i do to chill out or at least block out my symptoms long enough to calm down

music- no sad music. stuff you know all the words to. turn it up loud enough to block out your bad thoughts and anxiety and sing along until the mood swing passes

airplane mode- if ur anxious bc ur fp or anyone isn’t responding to you/ignoring you, turn ur notifications off and turn ur phone on airplane mode so you won’t be sitting there waiting for them

reassuring yourself- when you start feeling like ur fp doesn’t care about you anymore keep something around to remind you of a time when you KNEW they loved you. keep screenshots, stuffed animals, the ticket stub from when they took u to a movie, just something to remind you of that feeling

venting- write your bad thoughts on a piece of paper and then destroy it. set it on fire in the bathtub, tear it to shreds. post on the Vent app. tell it to someone u can trust, tell it to me. getting those thoughts out and having them validated helps so much

that’s pretty much all I can think of right now but if u have more pls add it so I can rb it!

[actuallyethereal-deactivated201]

I hate when people turn ~gullibility~ into a joke because….listen, my grip on reality is not that great. I am constantly questioning my perceptions. If you tell me something, I’ll probably assume it’s true because you must know better than me

[iridescentoracle]

#i also relatedly hate that post that’s like #‘so you don’t have your own opinions?’ #that’s a comment not the op’s post but #no. i try but i have a hard time forming my own opinions. #i get anxious disagreeing with people and i have a really hard time with being easily influenced. #i have a weak grip on both reality and my own emotions and opinions #please do not make fun of me for this I am trying my best (via bookhobbit)

[slimeandsensitive]

Autism Self Diagnosis Tools

Quizzes:

Quiz1  (this is similar to what my psychiatrist made me take for my diagnosis, also pardon the mention of Asperger’s) Quiz 2

Traits:

Asan’s list A good chart of traits (pardon unnecessary gendering/aspergers) More traits (pardon asperger’s) List #1 I created List #2 I created List #3 I created Dsm-5 Criteria Alternate Criteria Atypical Traits (warning super gendered) Resource Page Asan Resource Page

Videos: 

This channel has amazing videos on all autism topics! (neurowonderful’s channel)

Autism Tumblrs:

Actuallyautistic tag @autismproblems @askanautistic @autisticliving @neurowonderful @piggyschuyler @butterflyinthewell

Autism Merchandise:

Masterpost

[shitborderlinesdo]

Alexithymia

The word comes from the Greek words lexis and thumos and literally means “no words for emotions.” Alexiythymia is a clinical inability to recognize and define the emotions of one’s self and is commonly associated with BPD, among most other psychiatric disorders. Some people with alexithymia may also struggle with empathy and have trouble defining and recognizing emotions in others as well as themselves.

Signs you may struggle with alexithymia include:

When asked how you are feeling, you have no idea how to answer.

You are unsure of which words to use when describing your feelings.

You tend to state facts of your current situation rather than describing how it makes you feel.

When others are hurt are upset, you have difficulty imagining what they are going through.

When you are upset, you find it difficult to pinpoint what is causing it.

You have difficulty expressing how you feel about other people.

You are often unable to guess people’s needs.

You often depend on others to know how to react to a situation and/or how to handle it.

You have odd physical sensations you don’t understand and physical hypersensitivity.

[indiegaymes-deactivated20191208]

for ppl who don't have bpd:

• our trust levels can be very small. it’s hard to trust someone fully unless they consistently show that they care about us. little reminders like “i love you/value you/care about you” can help a lot • we seek approval. for everything. we cannot do anything without someone’s consent because we are too afraid of being judged for our actions • at the same time, we can be impulsive and do things without thinking. these things can be considered manipulative, although this is not our intent. they can be seen as “crazy” or “annoying” • we are not crazy. we are not annoying. we can’t help being the way we are • for as much as we crave attention, we don’t want to ask for it. we want it to come naturally, and if we have to ask for it we feel like you hate us, because why else would you not text first? • our self esteem can vary from loving ourselves to death to hating ourselves to the very core, often within the same day or even hour. we can think we’re the hottest thing, but minutes later one flaw leaves us thinking we’re the ugliest thing on earth. we are o b s e s s i v e about our appearance. we are not vain, we just can’t help but worry constantly. if we think we are ugly, we want to be reminded otherwise • we can be very sensitive. often little jokes against us that most people would laugh at/think nothing of will hit us deeply and cause us to get depressed or emotionally scarred for hours at a time • we take pride in our interests, and judging them or making fun of them hurts us a lot • we can go from valuing someone to hating them over one small flaw in their character. we have trouble distinguishing someone acting up once from being a horrible person • we get attached VERY quickly. someone simply being nice to us can cause us to think we’re in love with them or that this will be the person we’re gonna marry. we interpret the smallest things as flirting too. this person can be known as our “fp” or “favorite person” and they usually cause us to be obsessed with them or have strong mood swings over them. we interpret things like not replying in a few minutes, lack of emotion in text or simple not wanting to talk as them hating us. it’s a good time • if we apologize a lot it’s because we’re worried you hate us or that we have something to apologize for even if we don’t. if we don’t, remind us it’s okay and that we did nothing wrong • mood swings are a huge part of every day for us. we range from being at the top of the world to being super depressed in any amount of time. we can be seen as “moody” but sometimes it’s just too hard not to be sad • we don’t hate you even if we sometimes act like we do. we can lash out for no reason. don’t worry – you’re fine • we sometimes can’t speak for ourselves as again, we are so afraid of judgement. we are TERRIFIED of anyone thinking negatively of us, so often we just don’t say anything if anyone upsets us bc we don’t want to upset THEM. also if someone raises their voice at us it can be p scary • we talk a lot :)

[queercryptids]

the signs as stims

Aries: squishing stress balls

Taurus: rocking back and forth

Gemini: chewing on things

Cancer: happy hand flapping

Leo: listening to songs on repeat

Virgo: jumping up and down

Libra: spinning in a chair

Scorpio: fidgeting with hair

Sagittarius: tapping fingers

Capricorn: looking at a sparkle jar

Aquarius: echolalia

Pisces: touching soft things

[petalsoftie-blog]

side effects of being numb due to mental illness:

not crying for weeks and weeks on end til one day breaking down over something not actually worth getting upset for

not being able to tell if your feelings for people are platonic or romantic or if you’re just lonely 

instead of caring too much not caring at all about anything 

not being able to process anything going on in your life and when you try your brain stalling out

losing your train of thought every five seconds so when you try to have a conversation having to pause and remember what you were trying to say 

word vomiting 

mind ‘STATIC’

[rainydaysghost]

Least favourite part of special interest hell: the point early on in a special interest where you want to infodump but you don’t know enough about it yet

[queercryptids]

*posts sneakily to my personal* skdhhdkdkskkakksfbdbbd friend!!!!!!!!!! :)

[queercryptids]

ahshjdjd god bless ppl who post bootlegs