Stay Out of the Tall Grass

++++++++++++

[damianimated]

I feel like I have to state this once a month, but it’s really uncool how often people jokingly use the word “triggered.” 

[modmad]

UM

YES

[betkho]

The Triforce (トライフォース Toraifōsu)

[theartofanimation]

Casimir Lee  -   http://casimir0304.cgsociety.org  -  https://www.facebook.com/CaSiMiR0304  -  http://casimir0304.deviantart.com

[smadsel]

me, after making any trivial mistake

[adynamia]

her name is bug 🐛✨

[susiephone]

do yourself a favor and read “Oh God, Not Again!” by Sarah1281

it is a harry potter fanfic from like 2009, 160k words, 50 chapters

basically, adult Harry accidentally goes back in time and wakes up on his 11th birthday again, but with all his memories of the future intact

(the way he travels back makes no sense whatsoever but it doesn’t really matter)

harry decides upon 3 goals:

fuck up as much shit as possible

make a shitload of money

save some lives or whatever

it is

H I L A R I O U S

his go-to explanation for how he knows what’s going to happen?

he has a psychic scar

(hermione is SO PISSED about this)

(neville’s like “either he’s psychic, or he’s the greatest conman alive”)

everyone just sort of assumes harry’s insane and he doesn’t do much to dispute this

harry also decides to make it his mission in life to LOSE the house cup every year

“snape is my sole ally”

he also goes out of his way to befriend neville, ginny, and luna earlier this time, so they’re part of the gang throughout and it’s great

even draco is a friend!

(kind of)

(when harry’s not spreading a rumor that draco’s the lovechild of narcissa and snape, anyway)

harry’s motivation for everything he does in this story is basically, “oh, this will be hilarious”

either that or, “it’s probably a tax deductible”

because the way lockhart is written in this story is also amazing and harry ends up teaming up with him to merchandise The Boy Who Lived so he can have cash to burn

(so he gets a LOT of shit done via bribes)

it gets to the point where harry is able to convince everyone that he’s not the heir of slytherin…. because if he was, he’d have found a way to make money off of it

and everyone’s like “yeah ok that checks out”

in this timeline, neville’s boggart isn’t snape…. it’s harry as the minister of magic

harry also decides to make sure cedric lives by quizzing him constantly on what to do if he ends up in a graveyard

harry: by the way, that reminds me – cedric. graveyard.

cedric, not even really listening: run like hell.

the sheer magnitude to which harry does not give a fuck in this timeline is truly awe-inspiring

he mouths off to everyone, and i mean everyone. lockhart, snape, the dursleys, malfoy, friggin’ voldemort

everyone is like “what… what the fuck, harry”

(though by the end of first year it’s more like “… *deep sigh* … fine.

snape is so angry

it’s fucking hysterical and just about everyone ends up better off

here’s the link

thank me later

[jammeke]

[kalajorn]

“…But to my credit, I think I’ve managed to annoy him (Snape) so much that he’s somewhat stopped seeing me as my father and now sees me as my own extremely irritating person,“ Harry said proudly. With a little effort, he’d managed in one year what he previously hadn’t been able to accomplish in six.

-Chapter 11

[arcaniumagi2]

I need this as a Book please

[thebibliosphere]

Oh my god I REMEMBER THIS. YES!

[chronolith]

If you are, like me, physically incapable of reading things on FF.net. Here’s the AO3 link.

[girldadlestat]

snape could’ve been an awesome teacher if he wasn’t a disgusting waste of a human being. he knew from age 16 that the instuctions that the textbooks were giving weren’t as good as they could be. he improved the potions and recorded his methods at age 16. if he weren’t such a shitbag, he could’ve either written the damn textbooks himself, or taught his students his alternate methods. he could’ve revolutionized how potions were being brewed, teaching whole generations a superior method of potion brewing. instead, he spent his time bullying children. 

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

He could have become rich and famous and been one of the most well regarded wizards of his age with his knowledge of spells and potions

But instead he decided “The girl i hurled racial slurs at put me in the Friend Zone so I’m gonna go become a Magic Nazi and then spend the remainder of my adult years emotionally abusing twelve year olds”

[evillordzog]

He could have become everything a Slytherin should have been instead of the epitome of what everyone else thinks they are.

[reystars]

I really want a movie where there’s this Dark Brooding Male Hero who’s like, a total badass, and during all the fight scenes he keeps getting flashbacks to happy images of his wife, and like his whole narrative is framed around his wife, and all the other heroes on his team know that he’s got this passion and vengeance and think it all has to do with his dead wife… but then near the end of the movie his wife shows up and he’s like “hey babe” they’re all shocked and they’re like, “Wait I thought all your power and passion came from avenging your dead wife?” and he’s like “no bro, I just really love my wife, she’s really cool, she’s what keeps me going” like… a reverse fridge

[correct-vampire-opinions]

Unfridge your wives 2017

[roundinviciouscircles]

Unfridge your wives 2018

[oliverqueenlance]

“This whole saving the world thing has kept me from seeing my wife for like, three days and I was really starting to miss her!”

[bendingsignpost]

It turns out he’s normally a ray of sunshine and is only Dark Brooding Male Hero mode when he misses her. 

[quillsy]

All is right in this dog’s world today. #dogsofinstagram #pupper #pitmix #happydog (at Mobile, Alabama) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv2AqIoDXi_h2FbhXtupWWZHytdkA-8ojz80Fk0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10a84ruw0461g

[captainrogersbucky]

IM DEAD 💀😂

[prettyinpixiedust-deactivated20]

So one day a dwarf is talking to a human and finally realizes that when humans say woman, they generally mean “person who is theoretically capable of childbirth” because for whatever reason, humans assign social expectations based genital differences. (What a fucked up culture, the dwarf thinks.) But hey, better communication! So the next time the dwarf introduces theirself, they say, oh, by the way, I am what you call a “woman.”

And the trade negotiations just stop. They just stop cold. The tall people insist on speaking to the man, they insist on talking to the lady dwarf about all sorts of irrelevant bullshit, like recipes and childrearing and perfume

so the dwarf goes back home, enraged

and is like “BTW guess what happened, we’re all just going to be men forever now as far as the tall ones are concerned”

and everyone is justly horrified at this barbarism but they all agree to do whatever  it takes to squeeze those tall bastards for all the resources they are worth

and the dwarves get surlier, and the trade agreements less generous

and the tall people are all “what a miserable and greedy race”

but really they’re just still nursing a grudge about how goddamn backwards and sexist the tall people are

because their best negotiator, one of their sacred cave people, got snubbed the instant she said she was capable of childbirth - and a mortal insult like that can never be forgiven

[sunspotpony]

Because Pi’s tags are great:

#yes good #personal headcanon: dwarves have fundamentally misunderstood human pronoun usage #and gender roles #they are very perplexed by it #eventually they went ‘fuck it apparently ‘he’ is the correct word’ #‘it’s their language and they keep using it for us’ #so then you have this situation where dwarves are cognizant of the words ‘mother’ and ‘wife’ #but not the usual use of ‘she’ secondary headcanon specific to Tolkien dwarves #dwarves that choose to bear children are held in high regard #because they are making new dwarves it is the ultimate craft #that’s what mahal did you made a new person #it is very impressive #everyone is impressed

[avelera]

Just as an additional thought, we hear that women dwarves generally stay within the mountain and are a protected, guarded subset of the dwarves. There’s not many of them, so there’s an implication that women dwarves are too precious to be allowed out.

But what if this too is a mistranslation? What if the dwarves were talking to the Men and when asked “where are all your women?” they hit a wall. They whisper amongst themselves, and eventually come back with a question, “What’s a woman?” The Men are incredulous.

“Why, the members of your race that bear children, of course!“ 

More dwarven whispering.

They reach the conclusion that Men mean dwarves who are currently pregnant. Well! Of course those dwarves are currently safe within the mountain, well cared for and generally loathe to travel until the child is born. The Men take this to mean that all dwarven women are discouraged from traveling, and that their primary purpose is childbearing. Dwarves find this a satisfactory outcome, especially with the way Men treat their women, and so even when the misunderstanding becomes clear to them they never correct it.

[monoclebubblepipe-deactivated20]

I have never converted to fan-canon so hard before.

[queen0fheaven]

I’m in love with this.

[roryscribbles]

How to other eye

ALRIGHT, so, I know a lot of people have trouble making eyes match. Yesterday I found out a way to make it significantly easier! Here’s a small guide.

Well, first of all, you have your face. mark where the eyes should be on it.

Then mark the corners of the eyes and go over the middle again, to make the next step easier

Alright, I know it sounds a bit crazy, but draw this shape, trying to make it as symmetrical as you can.

Draw the eyes using that shape as a guide and TA-DA! They match! For different eye shapes you tweak the angle of the two guide lines.

And it also helps with angles where the size and shape of the eye is distorted, you just put it in perspective.

I think the theory behind it is that the thing that makes it hard to make the eyes match is the angle of the corners, and this type of guideline helps make them even, which makes the eyes look symmetrical. Welp, here it is! I hope it helps someone!

[pastaplants]

reblog to save a life

[sexybritishllama]

hey quick question, why is this the funniest reddit comment i have ever read in my entire life

[sexybritishllama]

[whitepeopletwitter]

That sounded expensive

[sunder-the-gold]

What are your elected officials doing with all of your tax money?

[asswatthama]

Embezzling

[techmomma]

When draft horsies do that loping run reblog if you agree

[ayellowbirds]

simultaneously adorable and terrifying. All that mass and power….

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Me, giving a guided tour of the farm: And if you’ll direct your attention to this field you will see that this horse is evolving into a Fighting Type

[baggytrousers27]

*Blomp*  *Blomp*  *Blomp*  *Blomp*

[arrdeearr]

[blairellisorwhatever-blog]

this never gets old

[therothwoman]

I met the creator of this a month ago and he said he got a lot of hate mail from dudebros who thought that he was a woman complaining about these problems.

[smitethestate]

Gold.

Bolding mine.

[commandtower-solring-go-deactiv]

Watch the real thing. Its perfectly creepy

[margbarcis]

this is also the guy who made “night in the woods” btw