Damn it's been a while. Today I had an experience where I lost front and it was someone else. This person couldn't be identified as any particular headmate. They were hallucinating a lot and on the border of delusion. Voices were telling them they needed someone to kill them to purify their soul, and that the best way to do this was by getting run over by a car. Thank everything that nothing happened.
It got me thinking about my experience being psychotic and plural. I'm pretty good at identifying what voices are hallucinations and which are headmates. There was a time when I thought my headmates were hallucinations. I'm glad I found out otherwise. Even though I thought they were hallucinations, we came to the conclusion that all of us are people who think and feel. It was awful when we first went onto abilify because we thought it would get rid of my headmates. It didn't but the guilt and anger hurt our system a lot.
Hallucinations and delusions seem to not always bridge the gap between headmates. There have been times where things got really bad and my headmates talked me through the unreality. Once, I had a delusion that made it so I couldn't leave the chair I was on. Henry took control and had no issues getting up and leaving the room.
Some therapists and psychiatrists think that my headmates are the product of psychosis, but others don't. I personally think that they aren't related to my psychosis. I don't exactly fit the criteria for either schizophrenia or DID. I was going to be tested for schizophrenia, but it never happened for some reason. My official diagnosis is psychotic depression. Whatever, I don't know.
