quips with wit. n shit

collecting witty reads & text-based humor, preferably short (but not strictly). minigeist is my main.

[tgirlmaomao]

dangerous new online trend of 2026: buy a red bean bun and eat it. and smile and laugh and discover how wonderful a place this cruel cruel world can be

[smute]

i think the most upsetting thing about american-flavor puritanism is how fucking patronizing it is. it's 2026 but the whole world still has to deal with a cultural hegemony grown from the gnarled vestiges of victorian-era paternalism. tax-paying adults with passports and the right to vote are treated like wayward children because of the antiquated idea that authorities must protect the weak minds of the unwashed masses from depravity and corruption. the average american can send a fellow citizen to the chair, but they can't piss in a ditch without being declared an outlaw. american entertainment media is saturated with sex, but you can't talk about it online without getting your account suspended. it's such blatant censorship at a universal scale, but because sexual content is framed as inherently dangerous, this restriction on basic adult autonomy, this blanket denial of moral and intellectual adulthood, can be reframed as protection, an expression of care, a moral duty. "won't someone think of the children!" I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN!

[smute]

thank god that the video game that features slow motion animations of graphic gunshot wounds and is rated 18+ has a profanity filter in single player offline mode. thank you for protecting this 33 year old mind from the corrupting influence that is a horse named apple slut

[trucyisright]

my mother is playing pikmin and yelling at them in the exact tone of voice she uses for me and my siblings so we go into fight or flight every time. we thought initially that this meant she regarded the pikmin as akin to her children, but I now fear she’s always viewed us as pikmin

[goldensunset]

hi your post reads like a poem to me

[escuerzoresucitado]

[schwarz-gerat]

We gotta come together

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

how to not feel like someone is going to shoot me with a gun every time I open my work email

[snailifier]

🐌✨️ get snailed! 🐌✨️

how to not sneel like snomeone is snoing to snoot me with a snun every snime I snopen my snork esnail

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

gonna be so brave tomorrow when I snopen my snork esnail 🥲

[femmenietzsche]

Vikings didn't have horns on their helmets but I bet if you showed them a single modern Viking depiction they'd all start doing it like gangsters imitating The Godfather

[porz-deactivated20150219]

one time I had this dream that I logged on to amazon and my account had like negative four trillion dollars because i accidentally bought the city of Paris

[markovchaingang]

neoclassicvagina surgery. they add columns and whatnot

[trashcangimmick]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Will Wood made an album called Ichthyofavosaurus. The title track was about how his favorite prehistoric animal was the ichthyosaurus.

[teomodo]

my moms reaction to my bat incident tonight

[radiofreederry]

[aiweirdness]

Christmas carols generated by a tiny vintage neural net trained from scratch on my laptop

The story of the chimney see Santa baby, and blood and joyous so world and joy and good will to see Santa baby bore sweet Jesus Christ Fa la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la.

King of toys and hippopotamuses [sic] full of the light of that stood at the dear Son of Santa Claus He was born in a wonderful christmas tree

Run, run Rudolph, run, run Rudolph, run, run Rudolph, run, run Rudolph, run, run Rudolph, run, run Rudolph, run, run Rudolph, run, run Rudolf the new born King

more

[literary-potato]

This is the charming precursor to one of my all time favorite posts, the 2019 Christmas Carol redux which includes this paragraph:

Using a more powerful neural net has apparently made the problem EVEN WORSE. The neural net is still confused about who exactly had that baby at Christmas time. And, most unfortunately, the neural net apparently saw that the word “flesh” appeared in the carols several times (Thank you, good king Wenceslas), as did the words “sacrifice” and “human”, and so it helpfully suggests “human flesh for sacrifice” as a likely phrase based on how it saw those words used online.

My family still references “Rudolph, the all-gracious king” every year.

[aiweirdness]

Yes so that was because GPT-2 generated this carol

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, with its red belly The All-gracious King of all the earth, Had a baby at Christmas time, On Christmas Day, A true and holy Deity, Went down to earth, With human flesh for sacrifice.

For sinful men such a Deity doth appear, And wink and nod in reply, As he winked and nod in reply, As he winked and nod in reply

The wretched world is run by ox and ass The wretched world is run by ox and ass, And in vain build I.

[worstgirleva]

hi my name is anonymous asker, but you can call me anon. i'm a big fan of your posts and i couldn't help but notice in your latest one that you failed to clarify a couple points. one with good faith would fill these blanks, but as someone who values journalistic integrity i must ask if you actually support the act of launching the state of connecticut into the sun for fun?

[batbetbitbotbut]

Need to investigate the flooding situation on my dash lately

[tiltedsyllogism]

me, adding a new tag to my block list: I’m so glad my beloved mutual has discovered a new source of joy

[rabbiteclair]

a guy shoots at me with a sniper rifle and I catch the bullet in my teeth and eat it, but he saw that coming and put poison in the bullet, but I saw that coming and drank an antidote ahead of time, but all those weird chemicals still give me a really bad kidney stone a few days later and I pass out from pain and crash my car into, by pure coincidence, the sniper

[just-illegal]