Quit Blaming Narcissism

Everything that gets labeled as "narcissistic abuse" is just the abusive actions that people with power get away with all the time. If you want to stop abuse, you need to stop society from normalizing abuse and giving some people the power to get away with abuse. Instead, many people like to scapegoat psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists, or whatever personality disorder it's trendy to label as Bad Person Disorder while cheering on the people with power who get away with abuse on a regular basis.

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You could easily just say "abusive". But you chose to be ableist because you can.

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When someone is abused by their narcissistic parents, it's funny how saying "I hate narcissists" is accepted but saying "I hate parents" isn't.

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"Narcissists carefully choose their victims in order to make sure they won't suffer consequences for abusing them."

Really? You really think there exists a mental illness that makes someone carefully choose their victims?

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1M views · 3.1K reactions | 5 Strange Things You’ll Notice Inside a Narcissist’s Home Walk into a narcissist’s home and at first, it looks

5 Strange Things You’ll Notice Inside a Narcissist’s Home Walk into a narcissist’s home and at first, it looks flawless. Clean surfaces. Pe

"5 strange things you'll notice inside a narcissist's home" and they all describe a typical conceited rich person or controlling spouse and have nothing to do with mental illness.

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They insist that narcissistic abuse is different from just abuse, because people with NPD have unique patterns that need unique awareness.

But when listing those patterns, they describe every cop, every landlord, every boss, every parent who spanks, every Trump supporter, and every bigot. They also describe exactly how they treat narcissists.

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"But I have many friends with parents who have NPD, and they were all abusive."

That doesn't surprise me at all.

We live in a society that normalizes horrific child abuse. The vast majority of parents are abusive. And parents with NPD are a subset of parents. So it would make sense that the vast majority of parents with NPD are abusive.

But why are you singling out NPD?

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When you throw around the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "evil", people start using it to describe anyone they don't like.

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This is what happens when you equate "narcissist" with "evil".

Eventually, abusive people start using "narcissist" to describe anyone who tries to stop them.

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What do you call the mental illness that causes someone to act like an absolute demon then wonder why people don't like them?

Well, let's see.

Cops openly believe that they should have the full legal right to decide when it's someone's time to die, and they help each other get away with murder, then they're offended when someone says that there's no such thing as a good cop.

The military invade other countries, murder and destroy on command, then convince themselves that they're heroes fighting for freedom.

Parents spank their children, which is a heinous act of violence that would easily be recognized as such if done to another adult. There are countless studies proving how harmful spanking is. Meanwhile, parents still insist that it's good parenting and they wonder why their children don't respect them or why their adult children go no contact.

Men torture women by raping women or by being welcoming of men who rape women, then call it misandry when women hate them.

Rich people create an entire economic system in which they own everything and everyone else exists to serve them, all while the hard workers who maintain their profit-generating machine are paid poverty wages. They then think anyone who hates them is just jealous of their success.

Trump supporters openly support policies that cause harm to oppressed groups of people, and one of their favorite slogans is "fuck your feelings" whenever someone expresses that harm. They then wonder why they're being hated for their "difference of opinion".

So, to answer the original question. What do you call the mental illness that causes someone to act like an absolute demon then wonder why people don't like them? Clearly it's not a mental illness. Clearly it's something normal people do on a regular basis. There's no "evil person disorder" that makes someone uniquely evil enough to do it.

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My father was short and fat.

Could that have contributed to him being abusive? It's very likely. He could have been overcompensating for it.

But it would be ridiculous for me to act like I'm a victim of his shortness and fatness. Him being short and fat isn't what gave him power. Plenty of parents who aren't short and fat do the exact same things as him on a regular basis. Parents openly brag about doing the things my father did and receive widespread support when they do.

And if I talked about how evil short and fat people are, they'd have every right to be angry about it.

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It’s not a fucking scapegoat it’s the fucking opposite. Ur using this now as a scapegoat. Get off the narcissistic abuse tag.

Get off it?

You mean masturbate to it?

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There's a word for someone who uses you for everything you have then discards you like garbage when you're no longer useful to them.

That word is not narcissist.

That word is boss, landlord, military.

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I go on Facebook. I see a post in which a parent brags about abusing their child or complains that abusing their child doesn't give them the desired results. The vast majority of the commenters are agreeing with the parent.

I go on Tumblr. I check my messages for this blog. I see yet another message from someone insisting that NPD causes parents to be abusive because normal parents wouldn't do that.

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I don’t understand your post about people who were abused by narcissistic parents not being allowed to name the diagnosis impacting the family dynamic. I can’t be the only one thinking this, so it’s probably helpful for everyone to just discuss it. Here’s my thought process: all parents have authority over their kids, so that isn’t inherently a problem. I’m pretty sure it’s the NPD that made them toxic if they were parenting with self serving interests. That isn’t typically displayed through physical harm as you exemplified. The takeaway is that if their brains were functioning properly they could have cared for their child properly. But they were disordered, so the family unit was too. Focusing on the abusers’ POV to learn why they behave in harmful patterns is 1) how people survive the abuse, 2) how people process the trauma (necessary for healing), and 3) how people understand their own development, allowing them to grow from their early childhood experiences by filling in any knowledge gaps. Parents looking to break their abusive patterns would also need to work with a therapist or psych professional to specifically understand their NPD in order to treat the symptoms. You can’t understand their POV without the NPD framework being relevant. That lens is the key. I think that those with NPD should learn from these stories so they can get help before having kids. Untreated NPD makes your brain process differently so you have to do the work to understand that it if you want to participate in society without hurting people. Most people (without NPD) would WANT to understand more, or at minimum show sympathy, yet you feel attacked by something that has nothing to do with you. It appears that your NPD is directly impacting how you’re responding to an event and treating a victim. So it’s relevant to name NPD if someone moves through the world with that lens. No? Please explain if not.

The way parents treat their children is horrendous. Parents openly brag about abusing their children and are supported. When a parent abuses their child and the child lashes out at them, the parent can go online, complain about the child's behavior, and receive sympathy.

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"Mental illness doesn't give someone a free pass to be abusive."

Yeah. And no one's saying it does.

But plenty of people ARE saying that being a parent gives someone a free pass to be abusive.

Authoritarian parenting is the enemy, not narcissism.

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"But my parents had NPD and they abused me."

Wow, that's horrible.

Why didn't you call them assholes and tell them to fuck off, like you would do if one of your classmates treated you the same way? Is it because they'd give you a beating, and they'd be legally allowed to because the law saw you as their property?

Why didn't you tell someone what was happening? Is it because you did tell someone and they sided with your parents because they see children as inherently sinful and see parents as the saints who put up with them?

It seems like it's your parents' authority over you, not their mental illness, that made you a defenseless target of their abuse.

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NPD culture is looking at a video representing an abusive situation and immediately rolling your eyes when some corny cunt being like “this is what it was like living w/ a npd mother..” my brother 🫩🫩🫩🫩 she is abusive because she is abusive, not because she has npd. Like if a really depressed mother neglected their kids you wouldn’t blame her for being depressed, you’d blame her for being neglectful my fucking goodness.

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We live in a society where anytime someone witnesses a problem, their first thought is "this happens because parents don't abuse their children enough".

Abuse is normalized. It makes no sense to blame mental illness.