We talk a lot about how it’s homophobic to tell lesbians that they need to be open to dating males. Which is true. It’s a huge problem and the majority of the hate is directed toward us.
But by focusing only on how harmful this is to lesbians, we leave bisexual women behind.
Many trans people have an attitude of “If lesbians/gay men don’t want me, at least bisexuals do.” And that’s just not true, and not fair to bisexuals. It leads to a culture of expecting bisexual women to be okay with any configuration of biological sex, hormonal status, and body parts.
Bisexuals are therefore framed as a group of women who are supposed to be available as a potential partner for anyone who wants them.
So it’s not just homophobic, it’s part of rape culture. Because it aims to teach (mostly) women that they’re not allowed to form their own feelings about their sexuality and their attraction. It teaches women that their sexuality isn’t for them. Their sexuality is a political statement, and there is a right and wrong statement to make.
The fact of the matter is that no one has to date someone they’re not attracted to. No one has to try to develop attraction for someone they’re not innately interested in. No one has to “examine their preferences” when it comes to who they want in their bed. This includes bisexuals.
Yes, women standing up for ourselves does lead to a lot of lonely mtfs who can’t get dates. No, that is not women’s problem.
This affects all of us, and it affects bisexuals in a unique way that’s worth talking more about.
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