RACHEL VS. THE WORLD

// RACHEL // MIDWESTERNER // WRITER // PHOTOGRAPHER // DESIGNER // AVID READER // DREAMER #5 THINGS I LOVE THIS WEEK #WISHLIST #CURRENTLY INSPIRED BY... #WOMAN CRUSH

[rachelpolicano]

🎄 Spent my Sunday evening decorating and putting up our tree and stockings (and watching Ever After and How the Grinch Stole Christmas) hoping it will put me in a more joyous, festive mood... Cause lord knows I'm having a little trouble with that lately. I just want to be happy this time of year. Here's to hoping things brighten up.

[rachelpolicano]

Erin: How many books did you buy?

Me: A couple.

Erin: Which means?

Me: Upwards of one.

Erin: HELPFUL.

Me: I BOUGHT SIX OK

[rachelpolicano]

Happy #NationalCoffeeDay! ☕️

[rachelpolicano]

A useless summer dress? I say nonsense. #fatshion #latergram

[rachelpolicano]

Ahhhh, much better. 😉 And one of these days, I'll get my all my hair that brighter red color. #soon #latergram

[rachelpolicano]

Yasssss Serena. Still kickin’ ass and takin’ names in the game of tennis. 

I first decided to add Serena Williams to the ranks of my #WomanCrush posts when she won Wimbledon this year (2015) for the 6th time... but then I started reading about her as more than just a tennis player and she’s more amazing than I could have ever believed. So in honor of her 34th birthday today (September 26th), let’s talk about all those other things that make her fantastic.

There is an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to Serena’s career achievements. So I think her talent as a tennis player goes without saying. 

If she were not playing tennis, she would have wanted to be a veterinarian. 

She is a certified nail technician. AND EVEN used what she learned to give Oprah a pedicure. 

She is a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador and has traveled philanthropically around the world to help children, including Africa and Asia. 

Have you seen Serena on The Simpsons? Not only has she been Simpson-ified, she’s also appeared on episodes of ER, My Wife and Kids, and The Bernie Mac Show. 

More recently, she called out a reporter who had asked her why she wasn’t smiling (Why is this a thing with skeezy reporters and dumb questions??!?!) with the following response:  “Um, it’s 11:30. To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t want to be here. I just want to be in bed right now, and I have to wake up early to practice, and I don’t want to answer any of these questions, and you guys keep asking me the same questions, so it’s not really making it super enjoyable. Just being honest.”    

Serena and her sister Venus have traveled to Africa to promote the “Break the Mold” organization, one in which encourages women to break the molds that have stood between them and their potential. 

And from that same trip, can be quoted saying the following:  “It doesn't matter what your background is and where you come from, if you have dreams and goals, that's all that matters."    

In 2012, Serena severely sprained her ankle in the middle of a match, but “refused to lose” and came back to win the match before being forced to withdraw from the tournament. 

She uses her background to push herself forward, having grown up in Compton, California, and the strength it has given her as a tennis player: "If you can keep playing tennis when somebody is shooting a gun down the street, that's concentration. I didn't grow up playing tennis at the country club."    

Although she was recorded saying that she didn’t need to break records in order to succeed ("All I want is to have fun in what I'm doing every day. I don't want to break records. To become the greatest player ever could take me like ... 10 more years, and I don't think I'll still be playing at 31."), she changed her mind shortly after and chose to shoot for the moon instead... and absolutely succeeded.

Serena is constantly defying antiquated notions of femininity. Many comment on her muscular body, calling it “too manly,” – even newly female Caitlyn Jenner made disgusting comments about Serena’s figure. But what does Serena do? Becomes a fashion icon, even launching some of her own collection and fashion line (called Aneres), and looking absolutely fabulous off court.  Sidenote to this: she often uses the hashtag #strongisbeautiful on Instagram. 

And even though her sister is her competition on the court, Serena always maintains that family comes first. Her relationship and friendship with her sister, as well as their love and support for one another, truly exemplified #sistergoals (or #siblinggoals). 

[rachelpolicano]

Everyday, I always pick the same shade of eyeshadow to use from the Urban Decay Naked palette I splurged on last year to complete my makeup routine. A great nude with just the right amount of sparkle, “Sidecar” is my go-to eyeshadow, even for the days when I do a “barely there” face of makeup. So when I figured that I will probably want a single of the color in the future (instead of buying the whole palette just for one color), I went on a mission to find the closest thing. As you can see from the side by side comparison, YDK and Sidecar are essentially the same thing. While I stood in the Urban Decay section of Ulta trying to scope things out, I will give the internet some kudos for helping me out here. If it doesn’t work out, Sidecar is sold online. So I’m not entirely out of luck. 

For those days when my makeup is spot on and I absolutely adore an outfit I’m wearing, I would LOOOOOOOVE to take Outfit of the Day pics... but to say that I lack the perfect spot for it, or even that I lack a lovely photographer friend to help me with #OOTD posts, is an extreme understatement. Having a ginormous floor mirror would at least aid in my endeavors. The more antique/vintage, the better, though beggars can’t be choosy ;) 

And if you can’t tell I’m on a vanity binge right now, here’s a fashion item for my superficial self.  Empire Records is one of my favorite films and Liv Tyler may not be my favorite character in the film, but she’s high on my list of leading ladies for reasons I have yet to pinpoint. ANYWHO, as Corey in Empire Records, I have always wanted her tartan mini skirt. If anyone can find something like that in a size 18, LET ME KNOW PLEASE. 

[rachelpolicano]

I thought my summer was going to be crappy... but it definitely wasn’t :D

In honor of the first days of autumn, I thought it might be perfect to reminisce about my summer. And it was really probably one of my best ideas. 

When I learned that I wouldn’t be going on the annual “family” vacation this summer (though only me and my mom go these days), I thought I had lost the moment that typically defines this particular season for me. Ohhhhhhhh, was I wrong. 

Turns out, this lack of vacation instead became motivation for me. Not that I forced any of these things to happen this summer, but still. It was motivation to see what other great things I could do the past couple of months. Now that I’m writing it down, I’m realizing it’s actually a lot. 

I cancelled all but two of the magazines I subscribed to. Why is that a big deal? Because I was literally subscribed to like... at least 10 of them. It was not only obnoxious, but incredibly stupid considering I hardly read them. I had my subscriptions sent home instead of to my dorm when I was in college, so I basically have/had 5 years worth of magazines sitting in boxes. Ewwww. Over the past couple of months, I’ve actively gone through them (which in itself sounds silly, I know) and started tossing them out. In reality, I was going through them to see which ones I was really reading and if they were worth keeping... and it turns out most of them weren’t. To make it sound profoundly philosophical, I was realizing what I wanted to surround myself with as a person. I no longer wanted the “you must wear these clothes” type of articles or pages upon pages of items I can’t afford within all the fashion magazines sitting in front of me. Trust me, I love fashion, but I have developed my own style and it is definitely NOT haute couture or any of the other things these magazines spew at me.  Instead, I’ve got my eyes on entertainment magazines, like Entertainment Weekly and Rolling Stone... Much more me, wouldn’t you agree? lol. EDIT: I have since subscribed to EW :D Absolutely worth it.

I made homemade pickles. This one is incredibly important. Many times in the past, my mom has made these homemade sweet pickles that are essentially the only pickles I will ever eat EVER... but we had long since eaten all of them and I’ve missed them a lot. Soooo, I decided to take on the venture myself. Fourteen days of stirring a crock pot of pickles with your hands, heating vinegar and sugar on the stove that makes the ENTIRE house smell like vinegar/pickles... but now that they’re done and we’ve eaten a whole jar already, IT WAS SO WORTH IT. It’s just a shame my batch is such a small one. And of course you’ve got my grandma gushing about how great it is that I’m upholding the family tradition lol. 

I dyed my hair something crazy. Oh alright, crazy may not be the best word, but it's definitely something new. My mom called me a "follower" instead of "original.” Which is absolute crap and I’ll admit it hurt a little bit because I can still totally be THAT PERSON while having a common hair style. But anywho, instead of my typical red, I did a brown-to-blonde ombre. And *gasp* I apparently became a Kardashian -_- I will probably go back to my red eventually, because I can't help be feel like one of those bitchy rich people that commonly have this hair style... but for now it's fun. Plus, now when I DO go back to red, it will be more vibrant because of the bleach that they refused to do before. See, it all works out.  EDIT: As of September 23rd, I have put red back in my hair. It’s so much more me than the blonde was and it’s time for fall colors. 

My mom and I built a patio. I mean, don't put a level on it or anything because we didn't put THAT much effort into it, but we built a patio. And it is fabulous! The scraped-up hands and achy limbs were totally worth the final product. Now that the weather has cooled down some (it's been such a scorcher the last couple of weeks) I may just need to get back out there to do the following thing... 

I became one with the grill... with only one minor mishap. That one minor mishap being that I forgot to NOT turn both burners on and singed a few hairs on my arm. But since “mastering” (sort of) the grill, I’ve done shrimp+pineapple kebabs and grilled chicken many-a-time for these amazing grilled chicken sandwiches I mimicked from one I had a restaurant in May. Needless to say, those sandwiches are popular at my house. Even over the Fourth of July, I learned from the master griller in my family himself: my grandpa lol. Grillin’ is serious business.  Also because I knew I would want to grill something when the weather doesn’t cooperate (aka the middle of winter), I also got my hands on a “grill pan” (a really cheap ceramic one, as opposed to the cast iron kind) and my mom rediscovered the “Grill It” pan she got from the State Fair years ago that is actually a grill looking thing that just goes over the burner on your stove. SOOO... I’ve gots options, kids. And it’s gonna be awesome.

I went on mission to find a BB cream, and then wrote about it. Oh this one was fun. Possibly not as fun for my bank account and would have been so much more cool had it been for an actual magazine or something... but it was just something I did for the review blog I created. It gave me good practice for any future product reviews I might write, but truthfully it was also because I wanted to find a BB cream that ACTUALLY worked with my skin and was not just the first one I picked out. There’s a method to the madness, I promise. Certain family members thought this was a most impressive endeavor and said that this fantastic knowledge for the beauty industry. Haha OKAY SURE (but absolutely yes). 

I went to the Minnesota State Fair without my mom. Which is important. Because that means I took the bus there by myself. AND after my Fair companions wimped out on me from the heat, I stayed at the fair by myself ... for 5 hours after they left. Sure, everyone was texting me to make sure I was still alive, but I was there alone. And it was amazing. The freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted, at my own pace and without feeling pressured or judged for what I decided to look at. I’ll agree with my family that being there at certain times by myself is probably not the best idea, but going there during the day time in the future is definitely on my list of things to do.  Furthermore, during my day at the Fair, I did a nerdy social media thing and “live posted” my day on Instagram. While my mother questioned whether people actually cared to read about what I did, and it could be argued that I wasn’t truly enjoying the fair because I was too preoccupied with taking pictures of things, it is fun just for me to have that documentation, especially since it was such a special/different experience. Plus another family member told me (the same one that loved my BB cream reviews lol), after going through those posts, that I’m far too creative for my own good ;) hahaha 

I’ve learned to appreciate the mornings. While this is not something strictly correlated with summer, it’s something I’ve realized most during the summer months. I’ll still sleep in late on the weekends/days off, no doubt about that. But the days that force me to be up early have become less of a thing I hate and more of me finding the ... hmm... beauty in the things I can’t change. Sunrises, cool breezes, a bagel and drink to start my day at Starbucks – all wonderful things. Not to mention the seagulls add to my wanderlust and aid in envisioning I’m somewhere on the either coast.  Even the one morning when it was a major downpour and I made the mistake of leaving Starbucks right as a tsunami decided to fall from the sky. I was drenched two seconds out the door, so I took off my shoes and walked to work in the rain while pretending my umbrella helped, HA! 

And most importantly, I became so much more comfortable in my own skin. And in more ways than one. Though I have no clue where to start to describe it. I had this whole thing typed up about this one, but realized so much of it was superficial. I’ve streamlined my makeup routine to not necessarily include eyeliner to define my eyes every day (something I always felt I had to do in the past) and I’ve learned to dress myself so much better too (people ALWAYS ask me for fashion advice and say I’m stylish as hell)... but this is all surface stuff. My self-esteem has definitely improved, but the truth is that I really just learned to love who I am – every lump, bump, roll, and flaw. And I don’t even truly know how I got here. But the greatest thing is that I did, isn’t it? :D

[rachelpolicano]

I went to the MN State Fair yesterday.

And as I sit here recuperating from the craziness, I figured – since my Instragram photos got a bit out of order – I would put things in the RIGHT order by blogging it here.

I don’t know, I’m still working on the concept. 

And in response to my mom saying that no one cares what I did... well, that’s the point of a blog. IT’S FOR ME, not for other people. Psh. Such discouragement. 

STAY TUNED!

[rachelpolicano]

I bought this back in February with the intention of using it for my jewelry and such... But somewhere along the line, I didn't love the patterned backing and wanted to return it. Six months later, turns out JoAnn's return policy is not as lax as one might think and once there are no more like it left in the store, they don't take them back. Soooooo yesterday after I discovered this is mine for good... I kinda destroyed it. My mother, the genius that she is, helped me hammer out the backing (because knowing me, I would break things) to leave a beautiful frame with knobs that I may now turn into whatever my little heart desires. Now the question is: what do I want to turn it in to? Ideas have been just turning the backing around and having the same jewelry board just with a black backdrop instead of zigzags; instead of the wire mesh that would hold jewelry, remove it and paint the black background with chalkboard paint and have it be a message board with knobs to hold keys, etc. etc.; putting some sort of hook onto the wire meshing (or even putting those adhesive hooks on the backing) so it would hold more than earrings... Anyone have ideas? I'd want to keep the frame and the knobs intact. It's just figuring out the center. Brainstorm with me, people!

[rachelpolicano]

So I’ve learned a few things...

I’ve had my two-toned, brown-to-blonde ombre hair for a little over a month now. And within that time, I’ve seen how ridiculous people can really be. 

Now from the get-go, I will admit that I referenced Khloe Kardashian for my hair; her color is the closest to my natural brown AND, of all the ombre styles, her type of ombre was closest to what I was after. I wasn’t a fan of the blunt line between brown and blonde, and I wanted it to be a bit more natural like hers. 

Also note, I’m paraphrasing some of these quotes.

The day after I got my hair done, I was asked “What, are you a slut or something?” ... Yes, thank you for stereotyping anyone with dark hair that adds highlights and/or any sort of blonde. Well done, jackass #1. 

I’ve been mockingly called Khloe by two different people, one with such disdain, as if it is the biggest insult to be called a Kardashian; the other as if its just a big joke that I have my hair like hers and this person just hides their disdain better. Well let me tell you something: I do NOT CONSIDER IT AN INSULT. 

A lot of people may think the Kardashians are fame-whores who don’t deserve any ounce of what they have because they didn’t do anything to earn it... But what I see is that they are successful entrepreneurs and business people, as well as strong, independent women with no shame for who they are. Furthermore, they are a close-knit family that supports one another. Tell me which part of this sounds insult-worthy? What’s sad is when I just tried to Google what traits about the Kardashians are inspirational and noteworthy, just to see if I missed anything... and there were more “Reasons to hate the Kardashians” posts than anything else. 

But instead of focusing on the insults, I want to mention what I really learned in this situation. Even if the insults are fuel to my personal power. 

What is most important is what my hair has done for me. Not for anyone else, just me in this past month. 

Changing your hair is incredibly fun to begin with, and it makes you feel like a brand new person. I used to get blonde highlights in my hair waaaaay back in the day and this is slightly reminiscent of that... but as my current self – the bold, confident, amazing woman I have become in the last year or so– this ombre/brand of blonde is something entirely new. No one currently in my life (other than family) has seen me with blonde hair. So that’s definitely bonus number one in this endeavor: transforming my current self and having a blast with it :D It has even led to a series of other new things in my life. I’ve discovered a new affinity for boho chic fashion and gold accessories through this whole ordeal (which also gets more bitchy comments about becoming like Khloe and that’s “not someone [this particular person making comments] would want to model [themselves] after”). 

More so, however, what this hair has really done is boost my self esteem. It has allowed me, even if only infinitesimally, to recreate myself, and doing that always boosts my morale. A new me always helps me to... carry myself differently and it is really the most fantastic feeling (which may or may not be why I am always shopping bahaha). Show of hands who understands what I’m saying. And I’m not saying it wouldn’t be this way if I had dyed my hair red again, but who doesn’t enjoy a good experimenting with personal style?

So you can say all you want about my hair – call me a Kardashian as an insult; call me Khloe at every possible moment like it’s a bad thing– I’ll just be over here loving myself even more than I did before.

[rachelpolicano]

Transitioning to Fall: Shorts Over Tights by rachelpolicano featuring fogal tights

[rachelpolicano]

I don’t even know when this happened, but sometime somewhere in the past year or so, I have become the fashionista of the family. I’m the person that always gets comments on what I’m wearing (probably because I am the only one that takes the opportunity to dress up for family functions) and at least two people ask me all the time for fashion-related advice. Heck, I even had someone on Instagram that I don’t even KNOW ask me for fashion tips.

One of those in the latter category – family members that come to me for fashion help – is my aunt. Recently, she’s decided to clean out her closet of the “old and boring” items and has dubbed me her helper to refill it with more youthful, exciting clothing. 

Ever since I started working in retail, it has actually become a dream to be a stylist... (or probably more accurate, a personal shopper). I don’t really have the chance so much to do that sort of thing at Old Navy; the closest I get to it at ON is working the mannequins or wooden hangered shirts in the featured areas of the store. But when I worked at Torrid, I was able to work with people and styling– I actually had shoppers ask me to help them find specific things and for advice, etc. etc. But mostly, when I’m just trying to clean up my room or something, it never gets done due to the fact that I get sidetracked because I love putting outfits together. 

So having my aunt ask me to essentially style her new wardrobe... OF COURSE I SAID YES. 

With two shopping trips in the works for the near future, I came up with one of the most brilliant ideas. To put it lightly, me and my aunt have drastically different senses of style. I am bold statement pieces (especially skulls); she is career woman and... well... “safe.” Which is by no means a bad thing. But I knew when she asked me to help her, it wouldn’t necessarily be easy because of our style differences. 

So what I do, (and I’m still baffled at my own genius here), I ask her to write a statement to help me better understand what she wants in the new garments of her wardrobe. I ask her to write something that explains what she envisions herself to look like in this new updated version of herself... and then we’ll set out to find it when we go shopping. 

Isn’t that exactly what we all need to do though? Not necessarily in regards to a new wardrobe and fashion (although it’s much more fun)... but rather the part where we write down what we want and visualize for our future selves, and then pursue said vision? I love the days and such random moments when I experience an epiphany like this. It is the perfect metaphor for life, for our dreams and goals. I wouldn’t dare take away the spontaneity of life by saying you must make a checklist and only ever refer to that for all aspects of your existence. But when it comes down to figuring out what you want for yourself, it could definitely be a wonderful guide to help you get there. 

I also really need to learn to take my own advice ;)

[rachelpolicano]

Today, I let every curve of my body show. 

Today, I wear a bodycon tank dress – nude in color, with black horizontal stripes of varying widths and a slightly low cut V-neck – to just sit around the house on my day off, because that’s how much I embrace and adore my own body. I sit here feeling sexy simply for myself; there is no requirement that someone must see you in order for you to feel sexy. 

Today, more importantly, I embrace visible belly lines.

Because I am not ashamed of them; I am not ashamed of any part of my body. I am beautiful and I absolutely know it.

I was first introduced to the concept of “loving your belly lines” by Jes Baker/The Militant Baker, here. What a great post that is. Really. And I’d be lying if I said that all the photos included in the post weren’t inspiring to no end. 

You see... My belly has always been a source of my many insecurities. The love handles that define my hips, with the pronounced trench that runs between the bottom of my stomach and my thunder thighs...  I’ve always wished this trench wasn’t there, that I had smooth hip instead of hips cut in half by years of low-rise pants and underwear sitting in the only comfortable spot possible for such garments.

But no more.

I will repeat over and over how long it took/has taken me to have the self-confidence and self-love I’ve always wanted. It’s something I’ve worked for over 7+ years and still continuously strive toward; you can never have enough self-love. 

Even as Jes mentions in her own blog post, learning to love your belly is never easy... but that doesn’t mean it cannot be done. 

Through plus size movements like #RockTheCrop, this new discovery of #VBOs (Visible Belly Outlines) and their surrounding support, AND my own adventure – getting my navel pierced back in February (2015) – my belly has become a true thing of beauty. And to add my own belly to those being positively represented on the web, I’m proud to embrace this part of myself.

Never in a million years, as my younger self, would I have believed I would be wearing crop tops or any other tummy revealing clothing, let alone making people slightly uncomfortable with my copious amounts of body confidence. 

But that’s what happens when a liberal gal like myself – who spends much of her time on the internet, reading and learning about that various walks of life out there – lives amongst a range of conservative, traditional, conventional people. I embrace my curves while they tell me to hide them away. 

I don’t hate anyone by any means because of what they may have said over the years, but I did have a habit of believing something was wrong with me simply because I was a plus size, FAT girl. 

But again I say, no more. 

As of now, as of TODAY, as of how fantastic this dress is... I rock my visible belly outlines in all their glory and become the fierce woman I know myself to be.

[rachelpolicano]

Film Inspired: Corey from 'Empire Records' by rachelpolicano featuring flat shoes

[rachelpolicano]

So I did that thing again where I had something on my wish list, took too long to post it on here, and then bought it two seconds later. This time around, it was a grill pan. The grill pan I am currently using to grill some corn and chicken and... really I need ANOTHER grill pan because I would use this for so many things. And considering I got it from Gordman’s for only $20, I could honestly get two for the price of one super expensive grill pan... Hmm, things to ponder. So far though, I am loving this thing. I was even asking my mom the other day how one might “grill” something indoors, like for example on a rainy day. A little Googling, I discovered the grill pan.... Googling is dangerous business. It makes me spend money ;) haha. My wish list here would be for another one, because 11 inches is just not enough room too cook all the food I cook at once. Orrrrr possibly a slightly more expensive one that’s more similar to a cast iron skillet than a white ceramic one that took far too much scrubbing to get clean. But technically, the stuff leftover gives it that seasoned look, right? haha. Ohhh goodness. Anywho, for those wondering, I got the Green+Life Healthy Ceramic Non-Stick 11″ grill pan. 

I’ve also got my eyes on a Clarisonic face cleansing brush. I can sense a few people’s eyes rolling because it’s an over-priced brush, right? Well I’ve always felt that I could never scrub my face enough with just a washcloth and I’ve heard horrible things about facial scrubs – the little scrubbers within said scrub don’t decompose and end up screwing up the sewage system (or something along those lines). SOOO.... a spin brush for my face is actually a great idea. I like the feeling of a deep clean and I don’t really think what I’m doing now gets me that. I have sensitive skin too, and I’ve heard these brushes are great for that. Not to mention, three different people have recommended it to me. Including a very random woman at Ulta when I just happened to be looking at the box. ALRIGHT, YOU TALKED ME INTO IT. But it’ll probably be on my Christmas/Birthday wishlist more than anything. And, at the risk of sounding dull, I’d probably get the white one; clean and white. 

And just now, I learned a new word: etagere. Also known as those over the toilet shelf thingies. If you haven’t discovered by now that I have a LOT of stuff... I do, it’s obnoxious, and I really do need some more storage space in the bathroom. Currently, I’m still working around the stuff that’s left on my brother’s half of the bathroom (back when he was living here; who knows, he might be back). It’s not a lot but it is technically space I could and should use, so I’m hoping to clean that up, add this lovely etagere, and have a wonderful bathroom with just MY stuff in it. We’ll see how that goes. I’m getting into Fall Cleaning mode. 

[rachelpolicano]

Hi, I’m Rachel, and I’m addicted to Polyvore.