I really just want to make a grocery store AU but all I have worked out is:
George as security cam boy that sleeps and only seems to wake up when something interesting is happening
SBI taking over the deli section, with Techno handling the meats, Phil making the food, Tommy serving people at the counter, and Wilbur who does literally nothing but just vibe and talk and nobody knows how he’s managed to keep his job
Tubbo as the roller-blade help boy who has a headset and roller skates, and does whatever task needs to be done (mainly restocking shelves). He is summoned if his name is even uttered into the walkie-talkie system
Sapnap as security near the doors who flirts with timid cashier Karl and goofball janitor Quackity, and somehow gets in a relationship with them both
Dream as the manager who’s always doing paperwork in his office, but always knows exactly what is happening in his store and takes over the store’s intercoms if need be
Eret as the receptionist at the help desk who every customer loves
Niki as head baker with the help of Ranboo and sometimes Fundy (god help them when Fundy’s in the kitchen)
Fundy and Awesamdude as the dudes in the back of the store who’s always unloading the trucks and keeping everything organized in only a way they and Tubbo can understand. Trust them, Dream and Techno tried.
Purpled as a cashier who if is encountered with something without a tag, will just silently put it in the bag depending on what it is
And Schlatt as the drunkard who buys drinks from the store and is always entertaining when he comes in
And the only scenarios in this AU I’ve worked out so far is:
1. If aggravated at someone(s) who works on staff, Tubbo will just say into the talkie system they have five minutes. When that five minutes is up, Dream goes onto the intercoms and says “Attention all customers and staff, be cautious, as rollerblade-boy Tubbo is now hunting (insert name) for sport around the store. Stay clear if you hear shouting or screaming, and cover minor’s ears in case profanities are used. I repeat, Tubbo is hunting (insert name) for sport. Teens, I suggest you get your cameras out.”
And sometimes, about ten seconds later, he comes back on with, “ATTENTION STAFF MEMBERS, TUBBO HAS THE CELERY STICK, I REPEAT, TUBBO HAS THE CELERY STICK! IF YOU WANT TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY, DO NOT HELP (insert name) IN ANY WAY!” And all staff members are just filled with fear, because only they know how painful it is to get smacked by Tubbo with The Celery Stick
2. The first time Schlatt stumbled into the store, he was high off his ass, and just looked at Quackity and Tubbo who were talking nearby and decided mine, proceeding to pick them up like sacks of potatoes and running towards the doors like a madman while the two teens screamed. This event continued as such: Schlatt being chased around the store at first by only Sapnap, but gains more chasers the more departments they stop by. This ends with him being chased by Sapnap and Karl (for their boyfriend), SBI (for their adopted brother), and Sam (for his unofficial son). It only ends when Purpled drops down from the fucking ceiling to crash Schlatt into the ground yelling “BEDWARS!!”
3. Sometimes, an absolute Karen will just be yelling at a bored looking Purpled for how “disrespectful” he was being, demanding to speak to the manager. He tells them he should be here in five minutes, but then the Karen goes “you haven’t even contacted them! Contact them right now!” After this, Purpled just smiles bitterly at them before going on to the intercom, saying in the perfect customer’s service voice, and I quote, “Attention all shoppers, there is a Karen on Aisle Five. Please stay clear if you see an angry tall man in a green hoodie walking to said aisle. Don’t want anyone unsuspecting to die. Again, if you see an angry tall man in a green hoodie walking towards Aisle Five, stay out of his path. Fellow teens, I suggest you get your cameras out.”
The Karens never come back to the store after listening to an angry Dream teach them common manners while a handful of youth were recording the interaction from a safe distance
4. “Bakery. Cashiers. Deli department. Management. My older sibling used to tell me stories about the old days, a time of peace when Tubbo kept balance between the bakery staff, cashiers, deli department, and management staff. But that all changed when Tommy of the deli department attacked. Only Tubbo mastered all four departments. Only he could stop the ruthless staff of the deli department. But when the store needed him most, he called in sick. A hundred hours have passed and the deli department is nearing victory in the Helper War. Two minutes ago, my sister and her friend journeyed to the cash registers to help fight against the deli department, leaving me and me alone to look after the bakery. Some people believe that Tubbo may not return within the next week, and that chaos will reign until then. But I haven’t lost hope. I still believe that somehow, Tubbo will return to save the store.” -Ranboo, during the Helper War
5. For months Quackity held a grudge against George because he somehow got locked in the supplies closet and the only person that would notice was, you guessed it, the person manning the cameras. But of course, THAT MOTHERFUCKER STAYED ASLEEP, LEAVING QUACKITY STUCK IN THE GODDAMN CLOSET FOR NEARLY FIVE HOURS BEFORE ERET FOUND HIM BECAUSE THEY NEEDED A BROOM
6. One day, nobody noticed that Wilbur wasn’t in the deli department until the intercom clicked on, followed immediately by, “Hello shoppers and staff! Welcome to another episode of Why Haven’t I Been Fired Yet? I’m your host, Wilbur Soot of the deli department. Today, we’re going to fill the manager’s office with as much glitter as possible before he gets back from the local Taco Bell, when I will be inevitability killed. Teens, I suggest you get your cameras out, because today will be a fun episode.”
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