randmag

[perkistani]

[maddersahatter]

lol

[allisonpregler]

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

Ultimate curse:

Take the full and correct name of someone who’s harmed you.  Go to a Catholic church, give the priest a small donation, give him the name, and tell him that it’s the name of a dear loved one who has recently passed away and you’d like to have their name included in prayers for the newly deceased.

On Sunday, an entire church will affirm your enemy’s death.

[blackbearmagic]

Gentler version:

Do the same as above, but rather than saying they have passed away, say that they are very, very ill. Think of the harm they have done you as a sign of their illness when you do so.

On Sunday, the whole congregation will think of your enemy as being broken, sick, and in need of healing from their behavior.

[itmustvebeenthefairies]

I would like to take this moment to thank John Mulaney for forever giving us “that’s what I thought you’d say you dumb fucking horse” as a way to react to literally every noise that comes out of trump’s mouth

[sixpenceee]

Watch the whole thing. The artist is dr_mederos. More interesting posts here: @sixpenceee

[moomyclam]

BITCH WHAT

[di9ital-bunny]

how the fuck….

[tfry1440]

Whet?!??

[cat-with-glasses-and-pen]

DUDE!

[silent-violet-echos]

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT

[space0dd17y-deactivated20240311]

Whoa

[porterr-robinson]

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

scientist: hey dad, I discovered a new spider today! and I named it after you

dad: thanks son! I really needed this today, the boys at work were making fun of my long legs again. what did you call it? :)

scientist: uh…

[incognegroo]

[sunflowerbutch]

im waking up to ash and dust i wipe my brow and i slap my nuts

[mythmica]

Thank you Canada that is a great name

[mythmica]

I’M FREAKING CRYING I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WAS THE INSPIRATION

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[flanelltees]

[sopranoandthealtoclef]

*me at my senior voice recital*

Hello and today I will be singing Flight of the Bumblebee for you

[gimmekurtisconner]

parenting an angsty teen

[beyonceblockedme2]

leak the full track

[drinkpisspissblood]

Me from 2005-2009 like literally

[ghosthierophant]

leak the dad’s track instead

[yesterdaysprint]

Feather River Bulletin, Quincy, California, March 20, 1924

[gablehood]

[oukime]

[andrewbelami]

[dimedog]

i can’t stop sending this cat to people so I may as well draw him