when people treat trans women's breasts as if they aren't real breasts and when they treat our vaginas as if they aren't real vaginas they are contributing to the idea that when we are raped it isn't really rape
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@random-crutch
when people treat trans women's breasts as if they aren't real breasts and when they treat our vaginas as if they aren't real vaginas they are contributing to the idea that when we are raped it isn't really rape
It's so hard to feel like a person
I've got to be real like. time after time after time after time after time after time, within transfem voices project and beyond it, I meet and hear from trans women who are expected to top, who are coerced into it, who are raped by people who intentionally downplay dysphoria and discourage bottom surgery
it's incomplete to identify this only as a problem of consent, though that is a very large factor. the downplaying and erasure of dysphoria and the negativity surrounding bottom surgery are very much components of the rape culture that harms a staggering proportion of trans women
this is a culture that ingrains in the minds of trans women that we must love topping, that all trans women love topping, that any negative feelings we may have about it are just regressive internalized transphobia. it is ingrained in our minds that our value comes from topping
trans women actually do need to be told that there are other options, that what we want and don't want out of sex is important, that our limits and boundaries are important, that if we don't want to top THAT IS OK, and the negative feelings we might have surrounding the idea of topping are not regressive internalized bigotry that we just need to get over. it is very likely literally just dysphoria and THAT IS OK
a trans woman's dysphoria is not an obstacle to overcome so you can get in her pants
if she says she's dysphoric and she wants bottom surgery, too fucking bad. it's not your body and you don't get to decide what she does with it. she's not your fucking sex toy. if she says she's not going to top you then get fucking used to it cause you are not entitled to it
To be a trans woman is to be perceived by polite society as lying on a spectrum from “creepy male pervert” to “feminine object of sexual desire which can be freely beaten, raped, and murdered with no societal consequences.”
The best part is that not only can I not choose where I lie on this spectrum, but anyone who isn’t me can freely move me around on it however they like.
please make sure your transfem friends don’t get excluded. please listen to their needs.
You should do more than just listen, actually. You need to ask her. You need to go up to her and ask her about things you can do to include her. We are taught to take up as little space as possible, you need to go out of your way to account for that.
This is 100% me
if this is you, you absolutely NEED to start reading transfeminist theory and spending time with other trans women. your self esteem is this low because transmisogyny is an omnipresent danger that degrades and punishes our mere existence so much that you'll accept anyone who gives you the smallest crumb of affection, no matter how bad they are for you. this makes you extremely susceptible to being abused in all of your relationships, and possibly worse. you do not have to accept crumbs from people who don't genuinely care about you. you are a human being, and you deserve respect and dignity. people should not tolerate you; they should be grateful that you're willing to extend your time and attention to them. educate yourself on transmisogyny, ally with your sisters, and demand respect from others. this used to be me, and I promise you that when you begin standing up for yourself, you will form relationships with bonds so deep that you'll wonder how you ever used to let people walk all over you like this.
as a trans man who is also a survivor of sex trafficking, peoples' reactions to that latest Epstein thing is so fucking sickening.
yes. it was disgusting on both sides of the spectrum. fetishizing trans women while being disgusted with trans men is horrible and disgusting for both sides.
but saying that trans men don't have it as bad because it wasn't fetishization just isn't true. i'm going to be a bit explicit here about my own experiences, so please keep that in mind if you continue to read
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being a trans man did not save me while being sex trafficked. being a trans man WAS used as a commodity and was commercialized like any other part of me. why? because that's what sex trafficking does. just because those emails were some sex traffickers who thought trans men were too disgusting to be trafficked or raped doesn't mean that's the fucking truth in the industry.
and i'll be honest with you. my experience as a trans man is part of my sex trafficking experience. being a child who was able to perform in androgyny enough to satisfy anyone's sexuality wasn't a fucking privilege. and you're absolutely sick if you think that.
being trans while in an active trafficking situation is so, SO confusing and absolutely horrible in a way that i don't think you can fully comprehend without experiencing it. my identity wasn't my own. i was a male survivor as much as i was a female survivor. i was used as a boy as much as i was a girl.
so don't you DARE act like trans men are somehow less affected or less fetishized. don't use those documents to form your opinions on the intersection of being trans while being sex trafficked.
I literally never post on here, and it quite honestly feels weird to, but I just want to send this into the void. Fucking hell valentine's day is messing me up. I remember there being more demand from "clients" today, and I've been getting somatic flashbacks of a shock collar on my neck all week. It's not been fun.
Satanic Panic, The False Memory Foundation’s Shaky Origins, and Why You Should Believe RAMCOA Survivors
(TW: mentions of RAMCOA, False Memory Foundation, child torture & death, cults, trafficking)
Pretty disappointed to see a fairly popular and well known blog on tumblr is encouraging the idea that RAMCOA doesn’t exist. Just came across this post and was pretty bummed to see the comments too.
For those that agree with them (most of my followers won’t but who knows who will stumble across this), please know that RAMCOA has been going on for much longer than the Satanic Panic. The Satanic Panic was fabricated in an effort to discredit RAMCOA survivors. It was supported by the False Memory Foundation, which was created by a man (and his wife) trying to prove his daughter’s repressed memories of trauma involving him did not really happen. [Explained further in the third article further down in this post]
For the record, false memory/planting false memories has been disproven, it’s not possible to fully plant false memories in patients. Some memories can be altered to an extent because memories can be disjointed and influence from others can cause memories to shift slightly, which is why it’s not encouraged for trauma patients to share exact detailed memories with each other. For example, if two trauma patients were abused by their father and had a similar situation happen and patient A spoke about their experience in detail, if both fathers wore glasses and patient A describes their father to have black rimmed glasses, patient B’s memory might shift to believe that their father also had black rimmed glasses, even though his glasses were gold rimmed. However, it’s not possible to fully plant memories that do not exist in a patient’s memory. The “base memory” so to speak has to be there in order for any alterations to occur, and those alterations that are possible are often rather minuscule, such as glasses or whether or not their abuser had facial hair or not, or the color of the person’s eyes. Not an entire scene of RA. [Again, explained well by the third article below.]
Repressed memory has been proven to exist. (Though it’s more accurately called dissociated memories by clinicians) It can even exist in people who have traumas that happen in adulthood. Pieces of a traumatic event may go missing in a patient’s working memory, and they may not retrieve it until they are ready to process the memory and all the emotions and information that comes with it. However, it still exists stored in the brain, just in a different area than working memory. It’s why triggers to the traumatic event (that the patient may not even realize are triggers until they occur) can cause flashbacks and memory resurfacing during said flashbacks.
Some sources explaining the False Memory Foundation and the harm they’ve caused: [a good overview of a woman who was major in the development of the idea of repressed memory being a myth, by a researcher of child psychiatry], [while this is a psychology today article, I think this explains well how misused the idea of FMS - false memory syndrome - is.] [A comprehensive article explaining the roots of the FMF and how the studies used to “prove” false memory are terrible and easily debunked, with several assertions from professionals in the field.] I want to add that while the FMF has dissolved and rightfully so, the British False Memory Society is still alive and well, as well as the Satanic Temple’s Grey Faction, and both groups still cite False Memory Syndrome as being real and claim that RAMCOA survivors have false memories of their abuse.
However, before Satanic Panic happened, people were starting to actually believe in the existence of RAMCOA and the concept of DID was brought into the mainstream. A survivor on tiktok has a very good video on this situation. And that scared people, especially the abusers themselves who didn’t want to get caught. That’s when the False Memory Foundation stepped in on the heels of Satanic Panic and literally rewrote the textbooks therapists learned from, and basically taught everyone that repressed memory doesn’t exist. Any therapists that spoke about their patients’ experiences with RAMCOA were sued. Therapists stopped wanting to treat RAMCOA patients for fear of being sued and/or losing their license or being told they planted these memories in their patients’ heads and possibly losing their licenses. It led to generations of old therapists not treating RAMCOA patients and generations of new therapists learning it doesn’t exist.
But it does exist. To outright deny that child torture cannot exist is absurd. 1-2% of reported child abuse falls under the definition of child torture. [source, TW: photos of children with serious injuries from torture included on page 7 of this document] For the record, my abuse was never and has never been reported, and most survivors—RAMCOA and non-RAMCOA, whose trauma falls under the definition of torture—never reported or plan to report.
Even if you find the mind control aspect to be far-fetched, ritual abuse most certainly does exist. I’ve seen videos on the surface web on fucking tiktok of all places of child torture and ritual abuse. Organized abuse such as sex trafficking and labor trafficking does exist. Two out of those three things in the acronym are well documented to exist. And for the record, ritual abuse and cult abuse even in adults can cause extreme mind and identity alteration, upwards to the point of nearly being mind control. Look up OSDD-2 in the DSM-V. Look up just about any cult survivors testimonies and hear how they talk about how they nearly became a different person within their cult, how the cult uses torture and mind altering drugs to get their initiates to commit terrible acts of violence to each other. Now imagine if that same stuff were happening to a child whose mind is significantly easier to mold and change. Even if the child RAMCOA survivor does not develop DID, it can cause extreme conditioned responses in which the child (or now grown adult or teen) will still do the responses even now because as a child they were threatened with torture or death if they didn’t do it.
Mind control is essentially an extreme form of conditioning, and with the plethoras of research on DID and how it functions, it’s not even a difficult concept to grasp that a cult member might learn how to split new alters in a child via torture and then manipulate those alters to do what they want individually. Anyone who knows fuck all about DID knows that alters can be triggered out via positive and negative triggers. All mind control programming is, is creating a specific trigger for a specific alter and then when that child is exposed to that trigger, that alter comes out and does the task it was taught to do—usually via torture, manipulation, and threats of harm to the child or those the child loves. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp, and with how long TBMC (torture based mind control) programmers have had to perfect their work, it’s no surprise that they’ve learned how to make alters do extremely complex tasks or hold onto specific functions, always at the ready for their specific trigger.
RAMCOA research doesn’t exist in mainstream spaces because it’s nearly impossible to be taken seriously because of people who claim it doesn’t exist when it’s not even a complex topic to understand. They just don’t want to accept that it exists. The concept is terrifying, harrowing, and at some times almost absurd—and that combination makes it easier for people to put their blinders up and decide it doesn’t exist. [Edited to add: On top of this, what little research is done on it is steeped in conspiracy theories that often have roots in antisemitism. While I’ve asserted that Miller’s deprogramming books are good reads for RAMCOA survivors, she does often sound conspiratorial, and quotes Svali, a known antisemite. While I don’t think RAMCOA is exclusively related to the Illuminati stuff she often talks about, Miller’s work cannot be completely discounted because of her beliefs of where the abuse originated. Where it originates matters much less than the fact that it happens. However, not from dark, underground, secret societies—but from normal places like churches, children’s own homes (yes, RAMCOA can be done by a single parent to a single child, it just may look different than say, a trafficking ring), trafficking rings, militaristic groups, political cults, etc. I wanted to put the above put there because I know someone is going to come at me and try to say the researchers who talk about it were conspiracy theorists. Yeah, they were. Maybe they were the only ones willing to talk openly about it because of the fact they’re conspiracy theorists? I don’t know. However, I think it should also be noted that just because the researchers sucked doesn’t mean the information taken from them isn’t useful when you weed out the conspiracy stuff. For example, a LOT of modern understanding of medicine was taken from Nazi and Japanese experiments during WWII. Arguably some of the worst doctors on earth. Do we discount everything we learned because they were horrible, evil, people? No. While those who studied RAMCOA went about it in shit ways, that doesn’t discount the information learned completely. Likewise, much of modern psych understanding came from roots that included incredibly unethical experiments that would never be allowed today. Do we throw out all of that info too? No, we don’t. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t hold these people accountable, I’m saying we cannot throw out all discussion of RAMCOA because the doctors who talked about it were shitty people.]
I wish I could decide it doesn’t exist. I have permanent scarring that proves what happened did happen. I have doctor’s visits that prove I am disabled because of the traumas I went through. I have a DID specialist who didn’t even know programming to our extent even existed before our parts started telling her what they went through and she heard it from our own mouth. She had to learn how to deprogram us on the fly because she’d never done so before. So fuck off with your “oh, RAMCOA patients only have RAMCOA because they’ve been influenced by their therapist to believe they do” bullshit.
I relive my traumas in flashbacks and nightmares daily. There have been periods in my healing process where I couldn’t leave the house without someone with me for months. I couldn’t hold a job for nearly a year. I didn’t know any of this happened to me until I was in my 20s. I thought my memory was just bad and the only parts of my childhood I remembered were little blips of good things, usually involving my parent that was not involved with the cult or memories with friends at school or when I was hanging out with my sports teammates. Living with this stuff is hell. You think I want to live with this stuff? If I could permanently erase it all from my memory forever I would. But I can’t. I don’t have that luxury.
It happened. And I’m not the only child it happened to, both in the area of my country I live in and in areas all over my country and the world. This is not an isolated phenomenon. It is more common than anyone tends to realize (though still rarer than most DID cases, thank fuck). I was lucky to survive. I survived because they wanted me to. I saw a lot of children, teens, and adults who were not as “lucky” as I was. If you won’t respect survivors and their stories, at least respect the ones who didn’t survive. They didn’t deserve their final moments to be so full of pain. All of the children in these groups deserved to be loved and cared for and treated with softness and compassion. So do adult survivors like me and many others.
If I could end on one thing, it would be to urge the doubters to have some fucking compassion and empathy for people who have been through things they cannot even begin to understand. My past feels like a nightmare I will never be able to escape. I cannot erase it. I can only try to heal from it. So heal I will do, and in the process I will continue to speak the truth of my experience as safely as I can.
You want proof it’s real? Survivors are your proof.
WE are the proof.
[Edit: changed some wording for clarification + added a section after rereading a couple hours later]
[Edit 2: I realized I said my abuse has never been reported, I meant my RAMCOA related abuse. Want to make that clear. I reported sexual abuse done by my church to CPS and nothing came of it. CPS actually wrongfully claimed that since they had no reports existing of that church harming kids they wouldn’t pursue it since it happened so long ago, when a cursory google search of said location shows they’ve been reported multiple times and all reports were dropped. Why, I’m not sure.]
why do people program kids? what's the point???
(TW: ramcoa, programming, mc, trafficking, torture, child death, csem)
This is a question that has been rattling around in many people’s brains for a long time. I will rephrase your question in a way that is even more blunt: why do people torture kids? Because that is what programming is. Torture.
There are two answers, one is the one that programmers would say. One is the truth.
What programmers say: to create a perfect slave, someone who will do what I want with a simple gesture, phrase, etc. No matter the risk of harm to them or others.
The truth: thrill seeking egocentric sadists derive pleasure from torturing kids, raping kids, and making them bend to their will. They often film it and sell the media to other sick fucks for profit. These sorts of videos are unfortunately extremely profitable. One snuff film made over the course of a night could be worth thousands of dollars. That is why they do it. They like hurting people, kids are easy to control, and they like making money doing it.
There is no real, justified reason why programmers do what they do. There is no justification for torturing children and animals, no matter what they say. And if they truly believe what they tell others, it is because it helps them distance themselves from their heinous acts. If they are creating something with it, it makes the actions seem justifiable to the right people. They may claim they are building an army of programmed soldiers, but don’t realize that if they sent their programmed system into a combat situation the gunfire would trigger them so such a degree that they would be rendered useless. They make subservient sex slaves for profit, but once they get too old to not draw in the same crowd, they dispose of them and let them out into the world with no care to the mental and physical toll that life as a sex slave has done to the child.
They are insidious, evil people. They do not see children as human beings, but products to sell. Animals to put down. They care a lot less about the final product and more about the product that is made along the way—the torture films they make money off of and the excitement and thrill they get from torturing kids to program them.
Programming is not like how Alison Miller and many other conspirators make it seem. They are not making super soldiers or spies. They are profiting off of child torture and then either killing them by the end or letting them go. The only true reason things like callback programming or loyalty programming or silence programming or omega/suicide programming exists is so that they don’t get caught. If the system goes back, they will either be killed or reprogrammed or retrafficked or convinced to become a programmer themselves. They will not be going to complete some sacred duty that the programmers told them. Loyalty is only so they never tell secrets. Silence is so they never tell secrets. Suicide programming is so that they will die before telling secrets.
Programming is all about profit and not getting caught. That is why they do it. My programmers told me all the time that I would eventually become a spy for them. Black Widow style—a seductress who would kill their targets. The reality? I was a sex slave who had to commit heinous acts on camera that they sold, and when they were done with me, they cared less about that “end product” they claimed I was working towards. They’d rather see me kill myself than say even a modicum of truth about their motives.
To which I would say: kill me yourself, you cowards.
I hope that answers your question.
-Jade 🐉 (she/her)
i remember being like 13 years old and thinking about how nothing anyone does in this world is purely selfless, because to me the choice to do something good always had a motive. the way i saw it, even being kind because it made you feel good was self-centered, you did it because it made you feel good. i couldn’t imagine choosing to inconvenience myself without a clear payoff.
✨ then i grew up & got diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder ✨