So!!! I did a commission based on the first drawing. [LOVE YOUR ART BTW @awhphooey !!!] I Hope you all enjoy it and uhmmm...yeah!!!
Here is the commission @louve-garoue !!!!
Thank you @mej2235, @marshmel-l0w7 and Jazz for the help and helping me go the right direction!!!
When you dream normally you don’t see yourself smaller and... neon.
“What’s your name? I’m Michelangelo, but everyone calls me Mikey, Micheal, Miguel, Angelo, Dr. Delicate Touch-“
Mikey just stares at the other turtle that has yet to stop talking.
"I...uh...my name is also Michelangelo, or uhm Mikey, Mike, Dr. Prankenstien," I answered, earning a happy gasp from the others.
"You're me?! Oh me gosh!!!," he exclaimed, eyes shining brightly as his bandaged arms waved in the air.
"Oh," Mikey smiled a bit. "How are we even...talking? I mean...we are dreaming, right?"
"I don't really know," the other version of him said, shrugging. "I mean, we aren't in danger and if we're dreaming then we'll wake up in our own dimensions, so I don't really know if it matters much."
Mikey hummed walking over. "So why are we here?"
"Don't know. Maybe because you need help with something...," the other started looking at him intently.
"I-I don't need help with any-"
Mikey froze for a moment. This other me had an intense look, he hadn't expected. It wasn't like he could read his thoughts. More like, he could feel something more abstract than that.
But I'm not sad," he protested. He wasn't crying. He wasn't upset. What did this turtle mean?
The other him sighed. "Maybe to you you are not...but....your eyes say otherwise," he started sitting on the ground.
Mikey looked at him warily. "What do I have to be sad about?," he asked, frowning.
"I don't know...maybe you can tell me....," the other started looking at him with wise eyes.
Mikey frowned at that. "I don't...I don’t have anything to be sad about!! I mean...yeah my dad died...that was a few months ago...my brothers treat me like I am a complete idiot...not thinking that it hurts me...yeah we have been training for years to be ninjas and never had a life outside of that...but I'm over that."
The other hummed , messing with his bandages. "Have you talked about it? To your family I mean. About how you feel."
That confused Mikey some. "Why would I need to...tell them? This is how we all are...we don't talk about our feelings...and why do you even care!!!," a snarl coming out of his voice.
The other Mikey sighed. "Gosh you are worse than my Donnie. Telling your family your feelings is a way to bring your bond closer than it ever will be."
Mikey scoffed, his fingers digging deeper into his arms. "It's weak," he said. "My brothers would think I'm weak if I told them anything."
Micheal frowned. "Your brothers are a lot different than mine," they said. "Do you know what communication is?"
"Yeah. I'm not that dumb."
"You're not dumb at all," Micheal said softly.
"If you're dumb then so am i...so you are not dumb.," Michael stated sternly looking at his other self.
"Tell that to my brothers..."
"Oh I plan to...I feel like I am going to have to talk to all of you at some point," Micheal started watching Mikey.
Mikey blinked looking at him. "They won't listen to you..."
"I'll make them listen to me.."
Mikey looked at him warily, tears shining in his eyes. The other smiled softly at him getting up and walking over. Mikey flinched when his other self came over and hugged him gently. "You don't deserve to be treated this way, Mikey...you deserve love...care...and to be free to be yourself...," he heard him whisper, causing Mikey's tears to fall.
"I know you don't feel like you do...you are like my Leo in that sense...but you are perfect the way you are...I love you me."
Mikey clung to Michael whimpering. "I...love you too..."
Raphael was many things. He was short-tempered, he was a big brother and he was a fighter. He was *not* tall or spikey. The big guy reminded him of Spi- Slash almost, but this guy was smiling and wore red. That was Raphael’s color.
He already didn’t like the guy.
"OK," Raph almost yelled. "Who the fuck do you think you are?!"
"..Huh..? What did I do..?" the bigger mutant asked.
"Red's my color, Dipshit," Raph pointed a finger at the other mutant's red bandana. "And you aren't me."
"Oh- uh- well," the other mutant looked down at him. "I mean, I've always worn red since I was a kid. And I've never met you before..."
"Let me guess your name is also Raphael?," he growled glaring at the taller one.
"Uh...yeah actually...I like going by Ralph or Raphie with my little brothers though," the bigger one answered, grinning at him nervously.
"Da fuck!!! You stole my color and my name!," Raph hissed, glaring at him reaching for his sais...that weren't there.
"UGH- where the hell are my sais??" Raph growled.
"Wait," Raphie looked at him. "You're a mutant turtle, right?"
"Yeah?" Raph put his hand on his hips.
"And I'm guessing you have 3 other brothers named Leonardo, Donatello, and Michelangelo?" he asked.
"..Yeah..?" Raph looked at him, confused. "How did you know that? And why do you ask me that?"
"Dang...I owe Donnie twenty dollars...so I also have 3 brothers named Leonardo, Donatello, and Michelangelo," the big guy started grinning sheepishly.
"So...you're a different version of me...dammit I was done with that after seeing those stupid version of us.....," Raph snarled out.
"Me and my brothers once met different versions of us," Raph said. "Except they were more...stupid, I guess. Cracked jokes that are just dumb."
"I mean, cracking dumb jokes doesn't make you stupid," Raphie said. "It just means you like dumb jokes."
Raph raised a brow. "Are you sure you're me?"
"Hey...my dad named me Raphael or he calls me Red. I am the oldest...and the biggest so I have to keep a calm mind on this stuff."
Raph shook his head. Now there was a phrase he had heard a thousand times.
"Oldest, huh? That's finally something new. In my dimension, Leo is the oldest and...the clan's head. He gives me some serious headaches sometimes with his parental attitude..."
Raphael hummed. "Leo is the 3rd oldest of mine. I was the leader for a while, but I needed a breather, so Leo took over."
Raph blinked at that. "How does that feel?"
"He is impulsive, goofs around...doesn't take anything seriously...but he is a good leader when push comes to shove."
Raph couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at that. He glared at the turtle staring at him with wide eyes, “Not. A. Word.”
Raphael blinked, but grinned and his fingers slid across his mouth, “My lips are zipped.”
Raph tapped his fingers on his arm for a bit, before sighing, “My Leo? He’s got a stick up his ass, always used to be his way or the highway,” Raph shrugged, “Not as bad anymore. He’s... he’s good at leading, but he’s one of the most impulsive idiots I know,” Raph’s hands clenched, “Always jumping headfirst and getting himself-,” Raph growled, “Going to the surface was supposed to be fun and games, not this.”
Raphael laughed at that. "Oh my gosh...I wish mine was like that...though...knowing us we wouldn't want them to change," he started looking at him. He wanted to hug the guy...but he seems to be like his Donnie, not one for touch unless initiated. So he just patted his shell, giving him a smile. "So...why are you so angry," he asked calmly, looking at Ralph curiously.
Raph blinked at that. "What do you mean?"
"Well...I didn't do anything wrong...and you seem angry for some reason...so why?," Raphael asked, sitting down.
Raph frowned looking down at his hands some. "I don't know...I guess...I don't know..."
"Usually, anger can be a side effect of not knowing how to deal with other emotions," Raph remembered what Mikey told him once. "...So do you want to talk about something..?"
"What?!" Raph looked back at him, offended. "I don't need any help with my emotions! They're perfect!"
“I’m fine I said!” Raph growled, hands flying into the air.
“I’m not stressed like Donnie to fix everything or always forcing myself to be happy and ending up with my willingness to trust blowing up in my face like Mikey or throwing myself into danger like Leo! I’m happy! I have a girlfriend! I have a best friend called Casey! I beat up bad guys all the time!”
He looked at his other self, eyes shining. "Why the hell do you even care!!"
Raphael sighed, humming. "I was like you, you know...angry all the time. Until I saw that my anger was scaring my baby brothers. I decided to do something about that. I asked my pops for advice...and I want to relay that to you..."
"If he's anything like my dad was, it is going to be cryptic..."
Raphael chuckled at that. "Well...no. He told me, 'Red...when you are angry or scared and feel the need to strike or lash out. You breathe in deeply...you relax your mind...meditate on it.'"
"At first...it did...but then I started doing other stuff."
"Like what...," he growled out looking at the bigger one.
"Well...I knit...I make all my brother's clothes....then I go out on missions by myself...talk to friends outside of my family that I can vent to."
Raph blinked at Raphael confused.
"..Wouldn't that make you seem weak to them?" Raph said, frowning.
"I mean, not in my opinion," Raphael said. "I think sharing your emotions is healthy and makes you stronger."
"...That's not what my dad taught me," Raph whispered.
"Sensei taught that we have to be strong willed...only think about the mission...emotions are invalid."
Raphael frowned at that. "My pops...was going to have been like that...before our fight with the Shredder...but he saw that it was doing more harm than good and stated this, 'You are special because you are you....you are who makes you..you..'."
Raph blinked. What makes you you? Raph was his family’s protector, but he was also the hot-headed one. He was *supposed* to get into trouble and cause his family strife, because that’s just what he *did*. And maybe he preferred those quiet moments where Leo used to watch Space Heroes as Raph read his comic book or when Mikey would hug him without hesitation or when Donnie would infodump, before Raph *ruined* them because he couldn’t keep his mouth *shut*.
"Hey," he heard his other self say, placing a hand on his shell. "There is time for them to forgive...and for you to forgive. Just because I changed long ago doesn't mean you had to also...we went through different stuff, " Raphael pulled Raph closer and poked his chest, "But if you want to change...you have to work up to it....forgive yourself....love yourself...okay, bud?"
Raph didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. The way his shoulders shook with restrained sobs told Raphael enough. Raph’s preferred action to words, but sometimes words were needed instead.
But sometimes actions spoke louder.
Raph didn’t fight the large arms that wrapped around him, acknowledging his struggles, reminding him that he wasn’t alone, that he could do better.
"Anatawa Hitorijanai, Little Red..."
"You are not alone...remember that bud," Raphael whispered, hugging him tighter.
Waking up in a void wasn’t as strange to Donnie as it should’ve been. Dying once kind of changes your perception of a lot of things.
He turns when hears a voice. "Nardo! Did you mind melding with me again!?," he heard a taller turtle yelling out a purple bandana on his head before turning around and seeing Donnie.
A purple turtle calling out for a ‘Nardo’? That told Donnie everything he needed to know.
“So you’re also Donatello then?”
The taller turtle turned and blinked at Donnie before facepalming and muttering some choice words under his breath.
"Raphael owes me 20 dollars!! I knew there were alternate versions of us!!! Evil Laugh!!," the other Donnie started walking over to Donnie with a light grin.
Donnie laughed a little. "First time meeting one?"
“First...” the other Donnie’s arms were suddenly squeezing Donnie’s shoulders uncomfortably hard, “This *isn’t* your first time?!”
Donnie chuckled, wrapping his hands around the other’s wrists and removing the hands from his shoulders, “Yeah. They were... interesting.”
"So there are multiple versions of us...fascinating...," the other started looking around. "Though I assume you met not in a dreamscape," he asked Donnie, looking at him.
"We...actually went to their dimension on accident...or not on accident...hard to explain really."
“What part of our lives is anything but 'hard to explain'," he sighed and his counterpart didn't have to consider this hypothesis long: "Have to agree with you on that."
The other one checked his phone: "No reception... was kinda obvious but I had to try anyway."
"Seems like nothing ever could surprise you huh?" Donnie mused.
"I live in a dimension of Magic...and just fought alien creatures that almost killed me and my brothers....nothing surprises me anymore."
Donnie blinked at that. "What?"
"You've no magic? Mystic powers?" To underline his words, he summoned a few of his own brand of mystic-tech gats. The markings that he was born with glowed and sizzled with energy.
At first, Donnie feared this would be some kind of nightmare. Now he felt like he was actually in his version of heaven!
"That is amazing!!! Holy chalupa!!"
The other grinned at that. "Yes yes praise me," he started bowing to the other before looking at him calmly. "Now...this...doesn't normally happen to us. This mind-meld unless someone needs help or guidance...or in my most incapable reasoning emotional well-being...so...what do you need?"
Donnie blinked at that. "Nothing? I feel fine...I think...what do I have to be upset about. Are you upset about something?"
The other laughed a little. "There it is. You have to be me then, you have the Classic Donnie Overthink."
"So what?" he pouted, "I like to overthink, help my family to keep them alive."
"You really believe that?" his counterpart asked. Not pitiful. Not skeptical. It was the question of someone who had asked himself the same things over and over again.
Donnie deflated. "No, of course not. But what else am I supposed to do? I'm not good at anything else, you know?"
The other turtle hummed. "I thought the same. But..we are more than just our tech...we are Donatello Hamato, geniuses of our family...we are more than our status."
Donnie frowned at that. "Why do you say that?"
"It seems like you have trouble getting validation that's not just about your tech from your family," the other purple turtle said. "I am correct, right?"
Donnie swallowed. "I mean- I- well-"
"Don't over think...it's a yes or no question."
“So there’s the answer,” Donatello hummed, pulling out their phone and tapping away at it (and Donnie swears the screen was blank), “No. Score one for Bootyyyshaker9000.”
Donnie blinked at that. "Bootyyyshaker9000?"
"Don't judge me! I love to dance," Donatello hissed glaring at the other.
Donatello hummed what seemed to be a tune of a song and sighed. "I'm not really good at emotions but..." Donatello looked at the other turtle. "How does only getting validation for your tech make you feel?"
"I mean-" Donnie looked away from the eye contact. "I'm- I'm fine with it."
Donatello raised one of their eyebrows. "Uh-huh."
"I'm not lying, or whatever," Donnie said defensively. "I don't care about it that much."
"I'm saying this from personal experience, so it might not apply to you, but," Donatello paused. "I want validation for all of the things I'm good at, my tech included. If I only get complimented for my tech, then I'll start thinking that I'm only good at that and nothing else."
Donnie frowned looking down, unsure what to say.
"You seem...to feel that way...," Donatello stated. "Sit...you and I are going to talk about this...okay?"
Donnie blinked while sitting next to the other. "I thought you weren't the feeling type...."
"I'm not...I'm taking a page out of my little brother's book. You are enough...to hell with inventing for them. Invent for fun..."
“Heh...” Donnie chuckled, wiping his eyes, “Sure you aren’t the feelings type?”
“*Scoff!*” Donatello crossed his arms, eyes still darting across the surroundings, much to Donnie’s confusion, “I am just a great listener and brother.”
Donnie hugged his counterpart.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Donatello squawked, “UNHAND ME FIEND!”
“I think we could both use a hug.”
Donatello growled at this. "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! A DISGUSTING FEELING!!"
Donnie giggled, hugging him more. "You know you like it, Dee...come on.."
Donatello huffed, hugging him begrudgingly. "I hate closeness..."
"Tough!," the other said, grinning brightly at him.
Donatello sighed looking at him with a somewhat small smile. "Nerd.."
The void wasn’t something unfamiliar to Leo. He had spent a lot of time here over the years, during his many meditation sessions.
However, it was rare that he got company.
Leo didn’t open his eyes to glance at the familiar, yet different turtle kneeling beside him, “No I am not.”
“Soooo... some sort of mystic shenanigans?” The other turtle asked.
“It could be,” Leo admitted, “I am Leonardo, but you may call me Leo.”
“Leonardo, but er, you can call me Leon?”
"Interesting...you go by Leon in your family?"
"Or...now they call me Fearless...," Leon said, looking nervous.
"They don't normally call you that?"
"I just...began being a leader two years ago...so this is new for me," Leon started sitting down and summoned tea for them. "Want some?"
Leo blinked at that and nodded sitting across from him.
"So, who led the team before you were the leader?" Leo couldn't help but be curious. The other time he and his brothers saw other versions of them, Leo was still the leader.
"Raph," Leon said, sipping some of his tea. "He's also our older brother."
Leo choked on his tea in surprise. "Raph?!" he almost yelled. "And you're not dead??"
Leon looked at him, confused. "..Why would we be dead?" he asked. "He was a pretty good leader. He's a constant worrywart, though."
The last part was *very* familiar to Leo. He guessed these counterparts were also pretty different to himself and his brothers. His hands tightened around the ‘tea’, a reminder that this was his counterpart’s domain. Leo still had no idea about the inner workings of this place, despite spending much time here.
"...you okay? You seem...upset about something," Leon stated, sipping his tea watching the other closely.
"What? No...nothing is wrong.."
"Okay I know that is a lie...and I would know...I do that too," Leon stated calmly.
That shocked Leo some. "You seem...very mature for a 17 year old..."
"You seem very old sounding for someone as young as you...so I guess we are both mature," Leon started looking at the other, pouring himself more tea. "...so this doesn't happen to me unless my brothers are in distress...so..why am I connecting to you?"
“This happen to you often?” Leo asked, forcing his jaw to not drop.
“Mystic mayhem etcetera etcetera,” Leon’s hand flew around, waving the question away, before his eyes locked onto Leo’s, “but don’t change the subject.”
Leon barked out a laugh, “Buddy I practically invented that little trick. Only one to ever catch me out was April, but that’s to be expected from a reporter,Leon's smile softened, “So do you want to talk about it?”
Leo chewed the inside of his cheek.
“I can talk first,” Leon grinned, refilling the tea in Leo’s hands, “I’m good at talking, but trust me when I say that you will get fed up with me quickly. It’s natural, people just can’t handle my awesomeness-“
Leo’s lips quivered upwards and a chuckle escaped him.
"Ah...so you can smile and laugh. Good good. But really bud...what going on in that head of yours...," Leon stated drinking his tea.
Leon frowned looking down at his tea. "I...don't believe anything is wrong with me...what about you?"
Leon raised an eyeridge at that. "Hmm...this isn't an intermission for me, bud...if it was I would be with Donnie..."
Leo blinked at that, “Your Donnie does this mystical stuff? Mine tries to figure it out with science.”
Leon chuckled, “Yeah, Donnie’s the same, but they’ve accepted that sometimes science can’t explain stuff,” Leo shrugged, “It isn’t always by choice that we end up here. Seems to be the case here.”
“So you have mystical experience?” Leo asked, sipping at the tea.
Leon shrugged, “Our world and our family have a lot of mystical stuff going on. We’ve all had practice, just like how Mikey’s been teaching us to stop avoiding our problems and talk them out.”
Leo’s throat was suddenly dry.
Leon grinned lightly at him. "Talking about your problems doesn't make you weak, Leo...it makes you stronger...so what I'd go-"
"I DON'T KNOW!!," Leo screamed, making Leon flinch. "I'm always scared all of the time! Worried that something is going to happen to us! Then my brothers don't even listen to me! They disobey my directions!! Especially Raph!! He never takes this stuff seriously!! I am the big brother, but I feel like I have to...father my brother...," Leo screamed glaring at Leon.
"So that's the problem then. You don't love yourself.."
“What?” Leo stared at his counterpart.
Leon simply sipped his own tea, before speaking, “You’re scared. Scared of losing others, scared of not being enough, scared of *failing*. There’s no fear for *yourself*, no pride, no love. You don’t love yourself and that means you put so much value on others, which only pushes them away, makes them refuse to listen,” Leon smiled up at Leo, eyes wet, “You make them think that you’re okay, when you’re not, and they believe you, because they trust you, but they don’t listen to you, because you don’t listen to you."
"...speaking from experience...," he muttered looking away.
"That...doesn't matter....what matters is what you think of your-"
"Now who's changing the subject...."
"Shut up. You called for help...and I am giving you help. Not the other way-"
"You are in the same boat aren't you Leon? You..."
"....yeah okay fine. I hate myself. I hate that I don't do anything right. I hate that brothers were hurt in our last battle with the Kraang...I hate that I scared them so much that they check on me every night to see I am home...."
Leo chuckled but there was no humor in it, “My brothers are always so scared of losing me... I have a... *habit* of pulling ‘stupid stunts’. There’s always one of them hovering... I know that fear... I’ve felt it myself,” Leo looked up at Leon, “I’ve lost two of my little brothers and come so close to losing *everyone* so *many* times, so I understand.”
Leon’s throat felt tight, but he forced himself to say *something*, *anything*, “Does it help?”
Leo took a slow, long sip of his drink, “No. I blame myself, over and over, but I *know* it wasn’t me who did it, that it wasn’t my fault, but...”
“It’s never easy for us in general.”
“Here here,” Leon clinked their cups together, “To life trying to keep us down.”
"Heh....that's a weird joke..."
"Eh it's how I cope...with everything...jokes...fake my happiness. Heh. You won't believe how many times I have annoyed my brothers...heh...," Leon whispered, smiling some.
Leo looked at him, noticing the dark circles under Leon's eyes and his hands shaking. "You okay? You seem..."
"Tired? Ready to pass out at any second? Nah...I'm okay," Leon said, smiling tiredly.
“It may be a Leo thing to hate ourselves, but it also seems stubbornness is another shared trait,” Leo sighed, placing the tea down, “We are lucky to have people who can remind us that we are wrong, that we deserve love, even if we don’t always believe it.”
“Heh,” Leon smiled, placing his tea down as well and leaning against Leo’s side, “Our families are the best.”
Leo chuckled and wrapped an arm around Leon, “They are.”
Leon smiled, hugging him back. "So...do you like science fiction films?".
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