well, it’s longer post time!
Why Was Smoked Cheese Sent To The Colosseum?
(I can spell colosseum now, everyone cheer)
When I first made that^ tumblr post, my mutual @glitchedmangle had some thoughts in the replies about how this was probably just meant to be a signal to the audience that “ooh, watch out, this guy can’t be trusted!” and it was weird they never elaborated on it. And honestly with the dramatic way it’s revealed I think that’s accurate, so I don’t know if there IS actually an explanation in mind. But that doesn’t mean we can’t theorise about it!
Here is Everything We Know About The Colosseum:
It basically serves a similar purpose as the real Colosseum did in ancient Rome (which is a lil jarring because otherwise this kingdom is very overtly based on ancient Egypt but whatever) - crowds gather to watch people and animals fight for entertainment. This is both how it’s remembered in history:
and how it’s openly advertised within the kingdom up to the present day:
At some point some enemy they defeated called Cheedas the Mole (most un-intimidating name of all time) was thrown in there for "tyranny over the Cheesebirds". We don’t know what happened after that or anything else about them
As far as we’re aware, only one Cookie was ever sent to the Colosseum.
That last part is crucial to me because it implies that Golden Cheese really didn’t want to be sending her own people to this place. Which tracks for her character - they’re her treasures, this is meant to entertain them, not harm them. So it seems like whatever Smoked Cheese did to be sent there was REALLY, REALLY BAD.
Right. Now let’s speculate.
The first time we see Smoked in-game, in fact, he’s one of the guests of honour at a Colosseum battle:
Putting aside the hilarity of Mozzarella and HPC both getting titles but not him, this highlights the elephant in the room: if whatever he did was bad enough that he got sent to the Death Arena For Criminals, how exactly does he still have… a job? And a reputation to burn? Given that he’s still a relatively-respected high-ranking member of the royal court and advisor to the Queen, his crime seems to have been forgiven. So he probably didn’t go on a murder spree or anything.
There’s also the question of when this happened. Because the way we find out is:
Olive finding a document of past arena battles - on the outside. Not within the Golden City - a physical, tangible object inside the ruins of the actual Colosseum. Which, to me at least, implies that all the battles documented here happened pre-War and pre-digital kingdom, after which the records would most likely be kept within the City. Smoked Cheese’s crime and arena battle happened BEFORE the War.
The fact that it was so long ago could point to why Unspecified Crime doesn’t seem to haunt him too much, as well as why the guy isn’t too fussed about the one actual Colosseum battle we see:
Though honestly this could also be a humble brag. “Oh, it’s nowhere near as exciting when you’ve actually fought one of these beasts and won…”
Anyway - his criminal record doesn’t affect on his position or the roles he’s trusted with in the kingdom. BUT that doesn’t mean it’s entirely forgotten.
Alright. Here’s where things get juicy.
As we know, greed is culturally seen as a positive attribute in the GC Kingdom - in moderation. Extreme unchecked greed can be horribly destructive and Golden Cheese is aware of this. Point being, Smoked Cheese already had a degree of a reputation for letting his greed get the better of him - and this has something to do with the crime he committed.
But there’s more. Let’s take a look at the full conversation this sentence comes from:
She very specifically brings up the Colosseum in response to him bringing up the “old argument” of expanding the kingdom.
Now. We're firmly in speculation territory at this point, but I am FULLY convinced that Smoked Cheese's crime has something to do with that one specific issue.
We know this desire stems from him feeling that the kingdom is unsafe and unprotected in its digital state. But who’s to say these feelings don’t predate the digital city? Who’s to say this argument of theirs hasn’t been going on for far longer than we thought?
“But how could something as benign as expanding the perimeters of a kingdom lead to a death-arena-worthy crime?”
Easy. Ever heard of colonialism?
Because that’s pretty much exactly what he’s suggesting here.
“Take over the neighbouring settlements” - even the phrasing feels insidious. You see the internal logic to it, but at the same time… jesus christ my dude, you got no other plans? We’re jumping straight to taking over settlements (that specific word giving the impression of much smaller, less technologically advanced societies who wouldn’t have the resources to defend themselves) and absorbing them into the kingdom?
Like. More than even the line where he’s like “let’s waterboard children” this feels like something we don’t acknowledge nearly as much as we should. This man’s canonically a wannabe coloniser. (In Crispia, at least. I like to think meeting the Kulfi gave him a new perspective on this whole thing.)
I think the answer to our question is hidden in plain sight, and it’s right in this line. Because I believe that this is exactly what he TRIED TO DO at some point early on in the kingdom's lifetime, and was punished for it.
I think the newly appointed War General struck out on his own to attempt to conquer a smaller settlement, and Golden Cheese had a proportionate reaction to such a thing. Given her emphasis on all being encouraged to follow their desires, and having the autonomy to do so (before she kind of lost her way in the digital world), I imagine she would NOT be happy at the prospect of forcing anyone to assimilate into her beloved kingdom. She's always on the lookout for new denizens, but not like this.
Tl;dr - at some point before the war, Smoked Cheese probably tried to take over a small village or settlement of some kind and assimilate it into the kingdom and got thrown in the Torment Nexus for it
So yea that’s my theory. If anyone else has an idea or headcanon about this I’d love to hear it, this whole thing has lived rent free in my head since I played through Crispia 17-18 for the first time
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