destination: reach my personal best

Bonnie, 23. From anorexia, binge eating, alcoholism & various mental health issues living in a mental health rehab...to self discovery, happiness and mommy to be. Runner, writer and big foodie. This is my journey. Join me.

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#pukka #twinnings #juice #lush #bathbomb #coconutwater

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#pukka #herbaltea #teajunkie

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#fruitbowl #tkmaxx #sketchers #Tupperware #colouring #stickerbook #lost #fringe #llama #horse #farmtrip

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#carrot #banana and #walnut #cake #homemade #baking #herbaltea #pukka

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#Hairdye #crazycolour #curlingwand

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#tuna #potato #fishcake #salad #herbaltea #pukka #healthylifestyle #Healthyeating

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#pukka #tea

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#Thanks #dad #goodies #sportsbra #facemask

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#teaselection #pukka #herbaltea

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#crossstitch #keepingbusy #eatinghealthy #egg #tuna #salad

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#Sunday #selfie

[reachyourpersonalbest]

4 days left of August, enjoying an Americano in the sun in Gloucester. Things are Ok, got my first appointment with a midwife on the 5th of September. Looking forward to my first scan. Will be so nice to have a picture, however I'm pretty sure my little one is the size of a peanut right now. Maybe a Brazil nut! Struggling with overeating. In the it's the last few days of August just start a fresh in September mindset. Not a good mindset to be in. Really not liking my reflection in the mirror right now I am keeping up with my running though. Hard to run when you've hinged the day previous you just feel so heavy and God do you feel poorly... why I continue to do it i dont know... going to start listening to my brain over binge audio book again and finish it. It makes some really good points. And it is all my choice how I tackle the urges. I am in control and i need to stay more accountable. Other that things are good at my rehab. Moved to the last ward now. Allowed out unescourted. Hoping to get longer soon and be able to go to the town on my own. Been with my parents now so know my way around a little bit and not to worried about getting lost in an unknown town now!

[reachyourpersonalbest]

#Costa #Americano

[reachyourpersonalbest]

Moved in.

All moved in and unpacked well reorganised my things. It's amazing how just moving you stuff from one place to another can make such a mess. Had some nice food today. Sushi, porridge, salad, homemade stirfry - made a big batch to last me a couple of days which is great stuff. It's nice to be in this ward feels so settled and out of the way. It makes me only want to push further into recovery. And it also makes me want to get my eating really into a healthy place. Not obsessive and I know there is a fine line. But just eating the rights food. Nurturing my body. And working out. Bettering myself. Step by step. Be the best you you can be. Never compare yourself to others. It's pointless it's futile we are all made different so making comparisons it's just idiotic. So simply try to better yourself and no more. Life isnt a competition.

[reachyourpersonalbest]

It's time to move.

So today I'm moving, I've seen my new room. The kitchens open, free reign to a knife and fork. Living the dream. Back to 5 minute observations for the first 24 hours then hopefully get my fob for garden access. All is moving in the right direction. Done my run today, 28 minutes. Most I've ran so far, here at least. Off to the supermarket in a little while then I'm going to have my cooking assessment. Then I can cook at my own leisure. Which will be brilliant. I am writing down recipes i want to try, including a veggie bean burger. Today I'll be making a batch of stirfry, great when I did so last week. Lasted me well. Helped me stay on track. Had 2 good days, salads, sweet potato, lean proteins, stirfries, porridge, fruit, yogurt, seed, smoothie. I am looking forward to cooking omelettes again! It's nice to be able to look at a recipe without having to worry about the calories. God it used to be so time consuming weighing each abd every fucking ingredient out... Then dividing it all into portions... that's all in the past now. I really do think being pregnant has saved my life. Especially in the terms of sobriety. It's not just about me anymore.

[reachyourpersonalbest]

Evolve.

They say people can't change, I dont think that's true. People do change, we evolve. It takes time, self awareness and understanding of our true selves. It is a journey, and it's enlightening to discover who you are and decide where you want to be in life. You need to one day decided what you want. Learn from the past, learn to forgive yourself. Move on. Remember bad decisions dont make for a horrible person. We all make mistakes and as long as we learn. There is value in these mistakes. Life does get better, it can be hard to see sometimes when we are in that place where we feel like we are in a brain fog, and there are constant lingering clouds over head. Just remember it gets worse before it gets better, the rain has to fall. The tears have to be shed for the rainbow to shine bright. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dim. Just keep moving forward, take each day at a time and this too shall pass.

[reachyourpersonalbest]

Progress.

So i found out today they may be moving me to the third ward if the 3. This assessment ward is  too risky for someone with child, like the unpredictability of other patients. And the fact I am low risk, as a patient. It's really positive. 5 minute obs for the first 24 hours at first just while I settle in to the new environment. And then i can continue with my progress. If more leave and what not. I really do believe I will be an informal patient soon. So, my eating went well yesterday, not too much not too little. I swam, I've ran this morning. Even had a smoothie. I'm in a good place right now. Looking forward to a kitchen assessment tomorrow to be able to cool in the kitchen unsupervised. It's brilliant how things are moving forward. Filled on one of those depression and mental health surveys today. Just so they can review it in a couple of weeks. And most of my answers were very positive. And all true to how i feel. The obky issues i have is with the way i look, but eveb that's better than it used to be. Easily. I'm working on it everyday. To better myself but by bit and the physcial exercise is doing me so well mentally and physically that's for sure.