Fools have a habit of believing that everything written by a famous author is admirable. For my part I read only to please myself and like only what suits my taste. [ they/them | 26 ]
What are your ‘human x monster romance’ literature preferences?
Human x fae
Human x demon
Human x werewolf
Human x vampire
Human x orc
Human x merfolk
Human x alien
Other monster/non-human (answer in tags)
This is strange/I have no interest/show results
Voting ended onJul 9, 2023
Curious to see what people’s general preferences are with literature/romance featuring a non-human romantic interest. I’m not just talking short stories on here, but more generally for fiction and published novels too (think ACOTAR etc).
THE MOONLESS DEMO IS NOW AVAILABLE TO PLAY ON ITCH.IO!
You are one of the illune, a moonless guard tasked with the protection of the minds of the Royal Family of Spala, and now with the mysterious disappearances of an increasingly large amount of your people.
Set in a fantasy world inspired by ancient mediterranean civilizations, you play as an illune - a moonless mind guard - of the royal family. Unlike humans, moonless have no magical talents but the ability to walk the sleeping minds of others. It is something which historically has made the moonless outcasts of Spala’s society, but since gaining the trust and favor of both the royal family and the senate, things are changing for the better for your people.
Or they were, until moonless started disappearing under mysterious circumstances from the capital city Amelare.
Tasked by the royal family, with only rumors of the missing moonless suffering from strange dreams leading up to their disappearances, you and a small group of companions set out to find out why this is happening. But what will happen when the very same dreams begin to affect you? And what will you do when you discover a far bigger scheme than you could have ever imagined - and truths about the moonless people that will shake the realms to their cores?
DISCLAIMERS [and mild spoilers] UNDER THE CUT
The current version of the demo contains the first scene of the prologue and is just under 13k words in total. The Moonless is still a game in (very early) development and changes to the story might occur along the way.
The prologue takes place about a decade before the main game and thus Rainn is the only RO that will appear in-game at the moment as they have a previously established relationship with MC. Their relationship will remain unaffected by any choices you make in the prologue (so far, at least).
If you encounter any bugs and/or error messages, feel free to contact me here via asks/DMs, or through my email: [email protected]
Plans for implementing a light mode and adding a dyslexic-friendly font are in progress, as well as adding custom artwork but I was unable to complete that in time because of procrastination and will hopefully be completed within the next week.
kinktober teaser ; day fourteen
female drider (green lynx spider) x gender neutral reader
448 words
lime | lingerie, body worship, Much Flirting
・・・・🕸・・・・
Lace’s long, green fingers pluck at a strand of fabric on your hip, smile growing wide as she pulls it taut. It vibrates, like a signal for captured prey and then she lets go, mandibles chittering. The small snap barely stings, but a prickle of pain isn’t what Lace is after, having you dress this way. The lingerie is just this side of too-tight, skin spilling over the straps that spiral strategically around you from throat to ankle. It’s likely that it should make you feel closed in, but Lace’s work is meant to highlight a body, not hide it.
female half human-half dragon x gender/body neutral reader
455 words
lemon-limeish
prompt was ‘pulled’
“Like this,” Zi demonstrates, fingers careful around your wrist, and strokes your hand over the air in front of her face. There’s a strange sort of catch, like hot air pushing back against your touch, and then her appearance ripples, the glamour falling away like shredded silk.
Your heart thunders against your rib-cage like a captured bird.
Zi is covered in copper scales, the pattern of them so faint in places you can barely tell it isn’t skin. The scales are true copper though, the edges gone faintly green and turquoise with patina. She still has hair, half human as she is, but there is no denying her draconic heritage. Not with her skin, or her eyes, or her tongue, forked and flicking out from between her lips.
“Am I still to your liking?” Zi asks, and her voice too, is changed. It rumbles, and the vibration of it is nearly tangible. Her thumb strokes over your pulse, blazing, fingernail pricking, and you have to shudder, though you note the tremulous tone of her words, the worry. That she would trust you with this, that she wouldn’t just show you, but chose to teach you how to see her true self-
“Yes,” is all you can breathe out, leaning into her as she pulls you off of your feet and into her arms, face close enough to kiss. “Everything about you has always been to my liking, Zi,” you murmur, mouth parting when her lips graze yours. You can breathe in the heat of her, like the warmth of a log fire rolling over your skin, but when she kisses you, it doesn’t burn. The warmth zips through you with lightning speed, leaving desire and languid limbs in its wake.
“Funny,” she teases, forked tongue softer than a feather against your lips, “I’ve always found you to my liking as well.” It’s different, kissing her this way, her tongue is quicker, but no less pleasant for it’s gentleness. You’re so caught up in the feel of her, scales and warmth and sweet kisses, that you don’t realize she’s pulled you down to the bed until your elbow brushes sheets.
“Surely,” Zi adds, smiling when she sees the mild surprise on your face, “we should make sure the rest of me pleases you as well?”
“You won’t hear any objections from me,” you manage to say, shivering when she coaxes you closer with talons, careful on the backs of your thighs.
“You’re quite sure?” She asks, removing a hand from your thighs so she can raise your chin, eyes intent on your mouth.
“Of you?” You breathe out, eyelids falling closed. “I’m still sure, I’ve-” a gasp escapes you as she takes your word for it.
Male orc, afab reader, light nsfw, mention of pegging…
The mug slipped from your hand and sloshed into the washing up bowl, sluicing a small tide of suds and water over the edge and down your T-shirt.
“You want me to what?”
“Not if you don’t want to, obviously…” he blurted, his already dark green cheeks flushing a deeper shade.
You turned and, in the blink of an eye, closed the three steps between you and the hulking, seven foot orc in the kitchen doorway, and placed your hands on his hips.
You watched his throat work as he swallowed, earthy brown eyes sliding away to bore a hole in the kitchen lino flooring.
“Tell me I heard you right, darling…?” you said softly, and he flushed again.
After rubbing gentle arcs across his hip bones with your thumbs where you still stood anchored to him, you looked up into his gorgeous, gentle face and finally found his gaze on you.
“I want you to peg me,” he mumbled around his huge tusks. “I want you to make me come like that.”
“Come here first,” you grinned and pulled him down into a kiss so fierce it took him off guard.
His hands grabbed your hips a moment later, and he hoisted you easily up to hug his waist with your thighs before growling low in his throat and backing you up against the wall.
“You’ll do it?” he asked between kisses.
“Darling, it would be my pleasure,” you beamed back.
—-
It’s not much but I hope you like it all the same. Happy Orctober, friends.
It's still unusual, Haise giving you so much trust over him in the bedroom, but you're coming to enjoy it.
"You're always doing your best, aren't you, Haise?" you coo, combing your fingers through his silky domino hair while he presses his cheek against your naked thigh. The way the investigator shivers against your skin and moans at the praise adds to the lustful flame burning inside you.
Honestly, if you didn't know him so well, you'd be more concerned with how eager Haise is to follow every order you give in bed, and how great an impact his results have on his bedside mood. But it is simply a part of who he is as his own person, you've come to find, and you cannot help but kindle that tenderly.
"Yes, Mistress," he breathes, gazing up at you with pure adoration and a tender smile you can't help but return. For as odd as having such power over your lover feels, even temporarily, you'll keep doing your best, too.
Male elf and female reader, citrus, hair that shines like starlight
male elf x female reader
400 words
citrus | an almost kiss
Aebren’s drowsing in your lap, fair eyelashes fanned out against his cheeks, when you realize that you don’t see him through a romantic haze. That’s not to say that your feelings for him don’t add to it, but- But Aebren’s hair truly does appear to gleam like starlight, spilling over your lap and onto the grassy hill you’re lounging upon.
You brush your fingers gently through his hair, blinking in surprise when the thread-fine locks shimmer, no matter which direction you attempt to see them from.
“Curious?” Aebren asks, softer than breath. His cupid bow lips curl upwards and you have to bite your bottom lip to keep from immediately smiling back. “You’ve been fussing about with my hair for quite a while now,” he explains, eyes still closed. His fingers are tapping rhythmically against his chest though, pinky to pointer finger, right to left, over and over.
Admitting to your thoughts is.. More than embarrassing. You’re going to do it anyway, as the both of you value honesty, but still. Part of you wishes you could simply keep your mouth shut and continue wondering.
“I always thought,” you start, brushing at your suddenly warm cheeks, “that I saw you through a.. A veil of emotion. Every lover waxes poetic, you know? Aebren’s hair gleams like starlight, his eyes mirror the-”
Aebren laughs, blue-violet eyes opening so he can see your face while you spout such damning romanticism.
“Sure, keep laughing,” you urge, still fiddling gently with the loose ends of his hair. “Anyway, I just thought- I thought maybe your appearance might not be quite so dazzling without my feelings behind the admiring eyes.”
“I hardly think you can reason that out on your lonesome,” Aebren points out, arching a single brow. “Wouldn’t you need an accomplice, at least? Someone other than myself.”
You stare down at him, trying to keep your mouth from twisting into a frown. “Maybe you have a point,” you concede, heart speeding when Aebren lifts both of his hands up to frame your face. You lean towards him, more than willing to be closer, but- But he is most definitely correct. You might need an outsiders point of view when judging the vibrance of his beauty.
“Your feelings might blind you,” he murmurs, letting one of his hands drop so he can prop himself up, close enough to kiss. “But I can hardly complain.”
This was March’s Story of the Month over on Patreon! Can you tell that the weather sometimes influences the subject of my stories?
non-binary rain elemental x gender neutral reader
2.5k words
sfw | one showing of blatant interest, mention of drinking, but otherwise read more is for length!
The sound of the rain is making you strangely drowsy.
It shouldn’t be. You’re cold as hell, sitting on the front porch of your new house at midnight, nursing a drink one of your roommates made to celebrate. The false heat the alcohol had made inside you seemed a little too hot, so you thought that stepping outside might give you a jump to your system Might wake you with the snap of the cold. Instead, the heavy rain pouring into the yard and onto the street has you blinking your eyes furiously to keep them open.
The droning noise is just so soothing.
You suck in another deep breath, trying to relish the sear in your lungs - maybe you are fighting it - but then you’re distracted by the figure in the rain. They walk slowly, like they’re walking with something heavy on their legs or their shoulders, the rain bouncing off of them, creating a strange kind of misty aura. You… You can’t see them. Just their shape, the splash of their feet in the growing puddles, some kind of walking stick in their arm that they swing back and forth.
They’re invisible. Their clothes, their body, the stick in their hand- everything about them is invisible.
The lethargy builds, until you’re swaying in your seat on the porch stairs, eyes narrowed as you try to focus, because- because that can’t be right? Can it? And then you feel the weight of their eyes, can see a spark-like gleam where their eyes should be and wind chimes seem to echo in your ears-
You wake, finding yourself back inside on the couch. Cold morning light fills the living room and casts shadows over one of your roommates, sleeping soundly on the floor next to you. Obviously they’d drawn the short straw and remained nearby to make sure you were alright.
“What the fuck was that?” You whisper into the silent room, heart racing loud enough to nearly drown out your words.
Hey! Is it alright if I submit a monstrous may request? If so can I get an arachnid (the half spider bois) X a gender neutral reader with facial scars?
male drider x gender/body neutral reader
400 words
sfw | mild angst, hurt & comfort
・・・・🕷・・・・
The weight of Irilen’s ink dark eyes is heavy upon your shoulders.
Even without looking, you know what you’ll find in the lowest branches of the towering willow: Irilen, leaning against one of the thickest upper trunks, a hint of distrust in the downwards curl of his lips, muscled arms crossed over his chest. He’s well hidden by the curtain of willow branches, but he’ll have at least one clear vantage point, wherever he might be. He wouldn’t dare risk leaving you on the edge of the field alone, out of sight.
He’s never been fond of such wide, open spaces, but even less so, since-
You have to stop your hand from lifting to your face, to keep yourself from brushing the scars. If Irilen sees anything he could possibly mistake for melancholy, for unhappiness, guilt will sour his mood for the rest of the day.
“You could join me,” you call out, forcing yourself to keep your eyes focused upon the golden grasses of the field. You knew he’d accompany you out here, of course. Irilen never tries to hide the fact that leaving you alone makes him nervous. You just wish he’d stay by your side, rather than hang back in the shadows. He feels more like a bodyguard now that a friend. Than- than a lover.
The soft shush of moving leaves reaches your ears, the gentlest clicking as his many legs tap against the bark. Irilen might have started moving the moment you opened your mouth to speak. “This close, I have trouble tearing even one of my eyes from your visage,” he confesses, voice forever rough from years of disuse. His hand lights upon your shoulder, and anyone else might have frozen at the sight of a gigantic spider leg in the corner of their eye. Anyone else might have screamed when the clawed end came to rest gently upon their thigh. You lean into Irilen’s every touch, eyes falling closed.
“And yet I cannot stay away,” he murmurs, sitting carefully behind you. He hooks his chin over your shoulder, hands slipping around your torso, and sighs as the warmth of the sun settles over you both like a blanket.
“We’ll head back soon,” you whisper, unwillingly smiling when tension drains from his frame.
“We’ve time yet,” Irilen says against your hair, the edge of one of his mandibles drawn slowly over your cheek.
forest being x gender/body neutral reader
4k words
lemon | making out, oral, multiple “tongues”, size difference
chapter one?
───── ❝ ❦ ❞ ─────
“Your company is… Appreciated,” you say, glancing back down at the ground. Aspen doesn’t seem particularly keen on putting you down. You’re fairly certain you’re going to have to ask - and they’re stroking over your shoulder again, uncaring of the way your sweater catches on one of the splits in their branch-like fingertips.
They breathe out, a quiet, ruffling noise accompanying their breath. You look back at their mouth, blinking when you catch sight of flickering green.
“Would you like more than company?” Aspen asks slyly, having caught your staring. They cease the stroking of your shoulder, lifting you a bit closer to their face. You can see the tiny ferns that make up their eyelashes more clearly now, and the flickering green when their lower jaw moves. “I am quite confident that I can imitate human-”
“You really have been watching over Makeout Point for years,” you mutter, covering your face with both hands and risking a choked laugh. You’re not sure you can look them in the face for this particular conversation, not if you have to explain how things like this generally work. “So, uh, normally a couple spends a large amount of time together before-”
Aspen laughs, and the sound of it hits you from head to toe, a reverberation that lingers in your bones long after they’ve gone quiet. They shake their head slowly, with amusement, and the way they sway- The branches sprouting from their head almost remind you of horns.
forest being x gender/body neutral reader
3000 words
sfw | size difference, flirting
───── ❝ ❦ ❞ ─────
The rumors around Makeout Point have been flying about for at least a month now. They range from whispers and stifled laughter over Bigfoot jokes, to scared teenagers claiming something large and utterly frightening is living out there in the woods. No two people seem to have the same description at hand, but there are two words that stick out frequently when the rumors come up. Large and hairy.
Despite the clear and utter lack of tracks, the general consensus is that a bear must be in the area. Nothing more than an animal, roaming in the wrong places, the papers have claimed. Skeptics repeat the words so often that outright panic is halted, even though the whispers continue. Especially after forest rangers comb the area and find no evidence of bears.
You’re rather of the opinion that it’s more along the lines of an internet hoax though. Halloween is fast approaching, and people love to seize onto stories eerie in nature, just to give themselves a bit of a thrill.
Besides, you’ve been coming here frequently for years. Makeout Point is just an old hiking trail that ends in a clearing. It’s perfect for teenage parties, complete with a fire pit made out of stones gathered from the woods or brought out specially by people that want to make a mark. During the day it’s nothing more than a nice place to wander about the trees and get away from the noise of the highway.
It… Isn’t particularly hard to imagine the silly Bigfoot stories though. Most forests have always given off that trees have eyes vibe, but there are a few spots, particularly in the mouth of the clearing, that give you more than the chills, the feeling of something lives here. You’ve always simply chalked it up to the fact that the spot is old.
You go out there anyway, despite the strange feeling, despite the rumors, because sometimes dealing with the local populace just sucks. And nature, if not always a forgiving entity, is still more soothing.
Milady please a beg Sae‑Byeok x f reader with 11. "I can't sleep" and 14. Blood please Milady
BEFORE DAWN | endless drabble series (halloween special)
summary: who knows what the next game will bring? there’s a tight feeling in your chest that whatever it is, it’s nothing good.
pairing: sae-byeok x f!reader
a/n: ive never been called milady before my standards are unreachable now thank you nonnie. also since the show is heavy w political commentary so am i lololol
masterlist. ☕. reqs are open for the halloween prompt list.
It’s mild October night behind these walls. If you are tucked away somewhere in the city, then the sky is pitch black, like the ceiling--no, not quite. In the city, light, glowing and ghostlike, bleeds from buildings that reach for the clouds. Brighter than here. Here you can’t even see the hands you hold up to your face. Can’t tell if you’re dreaming, can’t count the fingers.
If you’re somewhere rural and untamed then the sky is glimmering, full with stars sprinkled like glass shards. They’d sink into you or maybe you’d sink into them. If you stared intently enough, you’d see a shooting star, make a wish. It would be to disappear, be swept away like golden-brown leaves get carried into winter. Disappear from this place, but disappear to where? Here is hell, but outside is no better. Outside is, perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, worse.
Can’t see the blood outside these walls. Here you all bleed, the wounds are visible, fatal in most cases. The outside world offers no such luxury. All of those scars get imprinted on the other side of skin. It’s all internal, the bleeding, can’t call a doctor to fix what he can’t see, and you don’t have enough money to phone one anyway.
The piggybank fills with each new death. Mourning means a bigger prize and the sting of guilt gets slowly, meticulously polished into a smooth surface. There is none left after a while, only an inclination that there should be. Guilt and shame don’t belong in this game, in these walls. Only self-preservation with the idea that one day this will end, and you will win, and you will be able to start over.
If it’s even possible to start over after all of this. You’re not sure what’ll be left when these people are done with you. The pieces, if even worth picking up, might be too damaged to repair.
You smell like blood and sweat. The whole room does. Your eyes start to adjust to the dark. Above you hangs the swollen belly of the god called money. The piggybank is a mass grave disguised as the solution to all of your problems.
It takes a minute or so for you to abandon your top bunk and quietly slink downward. Dark contours of laying bodies line your vision. You wonder how can anyone even sleep anymore. You envy them greatly, wonder what they’re dreaming about, wonder if she’s still awake. You remember where her bed is, remember she chose the ground level because it’s easier to fight in case she needs to protect herself from wanderers of ill intent.
You are a wanderer, now, but not the harbinger of conflict. If anything, in this inhuman place, you seek a fragile feeling called comfort.
Quietly you navigate the labyrinth of beds. Too many of them are vacant.
When you find her, her back is turned to you, but you recognize the tussle of her hair, the tense line of her shoulders. And as you reach to gently wake her, a harsh sound of skin-on-skin echoes in the hush and your wrist is caught in a vice grip. Her fingers tighten around you and in the dark, your see a faint glimmer of distrust and alarm in her eyes. It melts away slowly, like snow in spring. And eventually, her grip loosens, but doesn’t fall.
“I can’t sleep.” You admit. She says nothing, simply stares at you through her bangs, and you wish you had a sliver of light to admire her proper, to possibly figure out what she might be thinking about.
In this game, she is the closest person you have. She always holds herself at a distance, and you barely talk, but in stressful moments your eyes always find each other, and quick words are exchanged, and there are brushes of soft touches that last just a bit longer than necessary. You’d almost go as far as to call this friendship, if only she could trust and you could be trusted.
You feel the subtle twitch of her fingers. You take it as an invitation and sit on the edge of the mattress. The weight shifts and she is somehow closer, her knees grazing the small of your back. Her touch remains secure on your wrist. For a moment you feel calmer.
“Sorry if I woke you up,” You murmur with a faint smile, “I just...I kept thinking about the next game. And what it will be. And if I’ll see the end of it.”
A small sound breaks the silence from the other side of the room. Someone is weeping into their pillow. You realize it could’ve been you if you didn’t come to see her.
She lays on her back, and her hair spills dark tendrils on the white pillow, and without her gaze on you, you find yourself lonelier, “You didn’t.” She says. More echoes reach you: whispers, quiet cusses, shuffling and rustling sheets. Everyone seems to share the dread of morning, the fear of overbearing fluorescent lights that mean the approach of masked men in red suits.
You tilt your head and ask, “...What’s your name?”
In the few hundred names that remain you wish to know only hers. And you wish to share the secret of your own, so she could have it for herself for safe keeping, so she could protect it and remember it even if there is no you left to remember.
There’s a pause. You think she won’t answer, but then, “...Sae-byeok.” Her eyes flicker in your direction, “Kang Sae-byeok.”
“It’s a pretty name.” Just like her. “Kang Sae-byeok.” You repeat it, get used to it, let it rattle in your mind. From the way she’s looking at you, you can tell she wants to know yours, so you tell her, in a half-breath near whisper, and something light and pleasant fills your chest. It’s happiness, small and short lived, yet precious all the same.
She mouths your name to herself -- it’s a sacred, secret practice you aren’t meant to hear or see, but you do, and that small happiness returns tenfold, and suddenly you feel like you can’t look at her anymore. It’s slight embarrassment with a dash of delight. The smile on your face is too bright for such grave circumstances.
Neither of you move for a while, content with the distant closeness you had discovered. You look at the ground and she looks at you and the whole world keeps spinning like nothing had ever happened: someone is still crying, someone is still talking, someone can’t sleep, someone makes rounds and goes to sit by the door.
“...Will you go to sleep?” She asks. Then, after a breath, adds your name to her question, but it sounds quieter, like she isn’t sure if she can use it yet, like she wonders if a trial period must first end before she can. It’s careful, the way she says it. Her touch is careful, too. You didn’t expect this of her. She seems so rough around the edges.
You shake your head. It must be close to dawn. You feel tired, and your eyes are heavy, but leaving her seems impossible. You don’t want to, either, not when you don’t know if you will have a moment like this again. You want to cherish it, if only for a bit longer.
Her hand moves away from yours and you blink in surprise. A pinch of fear pierces through your heart -- does she want you to go? -- and she shies away from you, leaving a gap only large enough to fit one more body on the mattress.
“You should at least lie down.” She mutters, inching her head back so yours could join hers on the pillow. She shuts her eyes, and perfectly calmly says, “Who knows what we’ll have to do tomorrow. Better to rest. Your life will depend on it.”
Your life now depends on her, too, just like hers depends on you. Joining her would seal the bond. Only you wouldn’t, no, couldn’t leave her side after. Losing her would be more painful than breaking a rib. Happiness always leads to false hope.
But you lay down anyway, and you feel her breath fan your lips, and her eyes blink open and they are even prettier from up-close. Time seems suspended for a moment, only the hammering drum of your heart propels things into motion. You give her a smile, and she returns a faint mirage of one to you. You catch it, despite how small it was, how insignificant, and carve it into memory. Kang Sae-byeok. She doesn’t realize how much all of this means to you.
There’s a loud noise and you are blinded for a moment. Your heart jumps to your throat and you sit up on instinct, fighting the harsh white light that informs of a new day. The chatter gets louder, the wailing more intense, and Sae-byeok’s hand is back on your wrist with a tremble it didn’t have previously.
The night is over.
The game will begin in a few short hours.
Your life is back to hanging on a thread. You look back at her and see quiet determination on her features, and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to lay beside her again. Amidst choking fear and dreadful anticipation, a part of you is happy that you got to do so at least once.
May I request Sae byeok and an s/o who has trauma from squid game? They both made it out and now their raising Sae byeok’s brother together and one day s/o just breaks down from trying to burry all of the pain they’ve been feeling
/ #. message from the admin … I absolutely adore the idea of the reader and sae-byeok raising her little brother together as a couple. AAAA IT’S SO SWEET. anyways , thank you very much for the request.
𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 .
# / 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗧𝗢 𝗡𝗔𝗩𝗜𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 ❞ 🐞
/ #. characters . kang sae-byeok x gn ! reader .
/ # . warnings . mentions of trauma regarding the squid game , hurt / comfort , established relationship , sae-byeok being a top tier girlfriend tbh. the start of a panic attack , blood , reader accidentally cuts themself. SPOILERS FOR SQUID GAME . gi-hun doesn’t survive the game. mentions of killing.
/ #. summary . you life has changed after the squid game , but there are some things that you just cannot let go of . as much as you try to allow your girlfriend to comfort you , she’s never gotten the chance to see you at your lowest… until now.
“i don’t want to go to bed…” cheol murmured , snuggling into his older sister’s arms as the light from the tv shined on his face. you smiled at his attempt to stay awake, and it seemed like sae-byeok was also having some trouble trying to not drift off into a deep sleep.
“you both look so tired. come on, you two had a long day today, at least do me a favor and get a little bit of rest, okay?” you said , your arm wrapping around sae-byeok as she leaned her head onto your shoulder. “since when were you the responsible parental figure around here, hm?” sae-byeok pestered , shifting her eyes over to meet yours.
being in love with kang sae-byeok was like a dream. half of the time , you couldn’t even tell if you were imagining it or if it was real. moments with her made you stray from the cruel reality that you faced. though you two had money to get by thanks to the violent death games you both had participated in , your life still felt like you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
she stood up from the sofa with her little brother possessively cradled in her slender arms, his head resting on her shoulder, his big, doe eyes threatening to close at any moment. cheol yawned, completely exhausted, “good night, y/n…” he said tiredly, his hand reaching out to yours.
“good night cheol.” you smiled, standing up from your seated position on the couch. “I’ll be up bright and early to cook you your favorite breakfast tomorrow.” you promised, pressing a kiss on his forehead .
“kimchi toast?” cheol asked, “kimchi toast” you confirmed.
sae-byeok left the room to put her little brother to bed, leaving you in the living room, the living room that was only lit up by the light of the television playing a silly kids cartoon. you stared absentmindedly at the screen for a moment before your gaze went to the dinner plates on the coffee table that had not been cleaned up yet.
sighing , you picked up the stack of white, glass plates, carrying them over to the kitchen sink. you got out the dish soap and cleaning sponge , submerging the cleaning utensil in the blue liquid. for a moment, your mind wandered elsewhere, thinking back to the incident that had occurred many months ago.
it was you and sae-byeok against the world. you two standing your ground on that sandy, squid-shaped court. your hands were shaking as you clutched the metal pocket-knife in your hand, the knife that had been nonchalantly ushered to you by one of the guards the night before the final round, during the grand feast they had presented the finalist with.
the sound of the starting pistol rang through your ears, and out of instinct, your feet began to move on their own. you charged at the opposing contestant, who greatly put up a vicious fight against you.
the two of shoved , punched, kicked, clawed, and harmed each other in many ways. the pain almost excruciating, more than it would be if you two weren’t fighting to the death.
“I need to get back to her…!” the opponent yelled, one of his punches landing on your face, bruising up your flesh with a violet display of blood on the surface. he was losing, he was going down… but you just kept fighting. you kept fighting for yourself, yourself and her. that’s all you needed. you and her, together, living peaceful lives without having to give a second thought about income.
the battle felt like an eternity, but the competitor fell stiff, no longer struggling to get away from you or fight back. and before you knew it, he was on the ground. peered upwards to see sae-byeok , with her face as cold as a glacier, and her eyes as brooding as gray skies, and in her hand was a knife, painted with red. you looked back at the man on the ground, his tuxedo covered with his own blood, the white numbers on his name tag being stained with his fate. ‘456’
CRASH !
you were brought back to a sudden reality when you heard that noise, your eyes meeting the broken prices of plate on the ground. a sting coming from your palms. your hands were painted with a natural red , just as number 456 was covered with that day. that day that you ended his life for good.
tears brimmed your eyes , threatening to fall like rain if you dared to blink. “shit…” you cursed to yourself, kneeling to the ground to pick of the shards.
“you shouldn’t pick up glass with your bare hands, y/n.” sae-byeok said, walking over to you. it was clear that she knew that you were having unusual behaviors. you never once acted out of clumsiness, and never once were you so careless. “I feel like a murderer, sae…” you muttered in a silent breath. “I feel like a cold-blooded killer with no sympathy.. I feel like I can’t live with this guilt anymore..”
“y/n, don’t you dare say that to me.” her tone became stern and serious as she reached for a paper towel from the roll on the kitchen counter, pressing it against your bloody left hand. “I was the one who killed him. not you. you are an absolute saint compared to the sins I committed.”
“I know, sae… I know. but he had a family, he had people who believed in him. we could’ve called it all off but we didn’t..”
“you aren’t the only person who lives with the guilt.” she stated , the sadness in her eyes becoming clear to your senses. “ no matter the purpose I had for killing him, I cannot be forgiven. I was selfish. we all were”.
before you knew it, she had pulled you into a warm, tender embrace, your face buried into the crook of her neck against the scar she had, the scar she wore proudly, even before the two of you met. “let me carry this guilt with you…”
this is so random but I feel like sae byeok is the type of girlfriend who likes to act “annoyed” with you but would literally do anything for you – like, literally anything.
· she’s not abrasive and brash as she makes herself out to be
· she’s fiercely loyal and loves telling you that she’s all yours
· you’re on her mind 24/7
· i think she’s the type who offers to drive you to places when you need to run errands as an excuse to hang out with you for some more time
· lives to spoil you and baby you. she likes being in control, and providing for you fills her heart and fuels her ego
· has an excellent memory. makes you blush when she remembers something you like.
· also, the protective type
· like “text me when you get home so I know you’re safe”
· you’re undoubtedly her weak spot. she’s a bit prone to jealousy but she’s never controlling
Hihi! Could you write a one-shot about those last final momments between Sae-byeok and reader when they purposely lost the marble game for the 6th episode? And could you base it off the song "In another life?" I feel like Sae-byeok's reaction was a bit more hurt since reader and her has known each other longer before the squid game. Take your time writing this, I love your work!<333
“ LOVERS IN A DIFFERENT TIME ”
tw/cw - angst, major character death.
a/n - i altered it just a bit but i do hope sae-byeoks personality is still somewhat accurate.
“aren’t we partners in crime? you know i’ll always get you out of trouble kang sae-byeok, and that includes surviving this game.”
you’d laugh at recalling your previous words, leaving a bitter taste on your tongue and a sour expression on your face. how utterly stupid you had been to believe such things. that the rules of these games would ever allow you even a semblance of fairness and prosperity. they were designed for trickery and inevitable calamity, and you had been too blind to realize until now, with two bags of marbles and an opponent with the image of freckles and eyes you adored.
“quite the predicament we got ourselves in huh?” you mused, seated beside the girl on stone steps secluded with a small wall. a silence had settled the moment the rules were explained, the opposite of previous times where you had played with the ends of her fingers and she had rested her head on your shoulder from exhaustion. it was far from the comfortable solitude you were so used to sharing with her. you found a distaste for the feeling.
“stop that.” she muttered, equally as frustrated at the concept. she wouldn’t stop staring into the void of space where she retreated into her thoughts, leaving you to fill the tension with whatever came to mind. you knew she wasn’t trying to be harsh, she was simply upset she too had fallen into the game master’s trap.
you tilt your head at her, nudging her gently with your foot, “stop what?”
since the moment you entered this arena she finally turned to look at you, and you hated the despair that clouded her gaze. she may not have very expressive facial reactions, but her eyes told you everything you needed to know, “acting like this is fine. that you don’t know what this means.”
you smiled gently despite how much it hurt to stretch your lips, ignoring your own troubles in hopes to ease hers, “my dear sae-byeok. i know full well what it all means, i’m much smarter than you perceive me to be. im just…trying to lighten the mood.”
a flash of anger dispersed the muddy gray before she quickly looked away, going back to burning desperate holes into the dirt that covered the path and digging the soles
of her feet within, “it’s not working.”
“appears so.” you sighed, twiddling with your fingers as the tension grew heavy once more.
you didn’t have the heart to start the game to decide your fates quite yet, wanting as much time with the individual who’s leg pressed against your own before time was up. so much you still hadn’t done, opportunities gone to waste because of the choices leading up to this moment. to be seated along the sidewalk eating ice cream that was already melting off the stick, bleaching the strands of her hair because you knew how pleasant she’d appear with just a simple streak of color. would you ever get the chance to kiss her properly, until her breath was yours and so on? oh how you wished the both of you could continue without the regrets that currently shackled your limbs.
“sae-byeok, do you believe in different realities?” you inquired quietly. she was always the one to listen to your sudden rambles and curiosity towards life, and the one to provide her own questions about the things that occurred and the reasons behind it. it
made your heart ache thinking about how this would be one of your last heartfelt conversations you used to look forward to each day.
she ceased her movements of wringing her hands, blinking once before peering up at you with confusion in her gaze, “different realities?”
you hummed, allowing a smile to grace your lips, “i like to think…the universe has endless possibilities. we decide our own fates, but even just one change can alter and dictate the rest of your decisions from then on.”
you turned your body to face her, bumping your knees against her limbs and pulling her hands into your lap. she always let you play with her fingers whenever you felt the anxiousness wrap like chains around your lungs, feeling the white scars that carved into the skin and the roughness of the callouses of her pads. you kept your gaze on the movements of your body, trying to keep the mood light and your voice steady.
“imagine this. in a different reality, me and you would not have chosen each other as partners. we’d clear this game and become rich with our lives with far more money than we needed. you’d buy that big house you wanted and live with your mom and your brother, and i’d visit you every morning and cook because we both know you can’t,” you laughed, remembering the cookies burnt with charcoal that the girl in front of you had presented what felt like years ago but in reality was just mere months, heart squeezing painfully inside your chest at recalling her confused look and down turned eyes. it was the first time she had ever looked so soft and at ease, your light laughs in forms of fits and giggles carried through the night, “maybe then, i could tell you the things i couldn’t before, at least in better circumstances. i could’ve said ‘i love you sae-byeok’ without knowing it’d be my last.”
her fingers tightened, enough so that caused you to wince from the sudden pressure. you glanced up to meet her stare, seeing the trembling lips and the waver in her eyes, “stop it. is this some sick joke?”
you swallowed thickly, hating the expression on her face. she always looked much prettier with a smile, “have i ever lied to you?”
hickory sharpens into daggers that cut through your facade and leave your irises to glisten with tears akin to her own, “no. you cant say that when-“
“when i’ve clearly lost huh?” you laughed once more, quickly choking on the emotion lodged inside your throat, “you’ve stolen my heart kang sae-byeok. my breath, my attention, everything that is me. what’s one game compared to all of that?”
it felt heavier inside your hands, holding the weight of what was to come posed as cerulean glass rounded to smoothness. you didn’t dare to look at her as sae-byeok tossed the marble across the dirt, landing several meters away from the wall. you would feel her hands shaking your body as your fingers stumbled and released the marble far from where her own lay, her frustrated cries ringing in your ears.
“do it again. throw it again please just…” her voice cracked, betraying the composed state she was trying to keep herself within. she lowered her head, forehead pressed against your chest as her body shook with the silent cries leaving her lips.
“i hope…” your voice wobbled, and you cleared your throat while putting your hands around her frail fame and clutching her tightly against your chest as if it was the last time you’d be able to do so, “that all your dreams come true.”
“shut up,” she croaked, trying to release herself from your embrace, “we’re going again. you won’t throw your life away for me-“
“i’d give you everything and more sae-byeok.” your soft whisper causes her frustration to cease, feeling the way you pulled back slightly to hold her face in the palm of your hands. if it was possible, you’d believe that you currently
held the whole world within your grasp, “perhaps…in a different reality…i’ll be able to hold you longer than they allow.”
more tears ran down her cheeks, silent which you wipe away gently with the pads of your thumb. you lean forward and press your lips against the corners of her eyes, one on the right and one on the left, before allowing yourself just one last smile for her memory, and hers only.
“your dreams are beautiful sae-byeok. keep nurturing them until they are in full bloom.” voice hushed, trying to keep the tears from flowing and the ache within your chest at seeing her turned back, and the cold barrel of a gun pressed against your temple.
Summary: You were desperate for the money, just like every other person who decided to call that number on the golden card. But while you came here for the money, you never expected to find the girl who you hated most in this world sleeping in the bunk next to you.
Warnings: canon level violence, mentions of death, blood and violence, angst, heartbreak, mentions of cancer and surgery
-> Masterlist <-
a/n: i don’t know how hospitals and the healthcare system works in South Korea, please don’t cast any hate if i get it wrong, i’m just writing what flows with the story <3
The golden pig above you was taunting you. Along with the other four hundred and fifty five people in the room. You all stared up at the piggy bank with wide, hopeful eyes. Some eyes were greedier than others. You couldn’t deny it, you were hungry for that money. Hungry like a man starved. You needed it. After losing all of your savings, and finding out that your younger sister had been diagnosed with cancer. She needed the surgery to remove it, and that cost more than your house and car combined.
a/n - gonna become a kang sae-byeok blog because it’s a crime that there’s no content for her. we are starved writing community. customer, @keokomi.
- if you could, you’d erase the past and rewrite history. sketch the lines of a story that followed a plot much more interesting than the one you currently lived in. paint colors with a brush that felt more vivid and meaningful than the dullness in which captures your vision each and every morning. shades that portray the shadows of a different reality and the what if’s that could’ve been. with just a pencil in hand, you wished to give much more than what you were capable of gifting.
- kang sae-byeok, a girl you had unknowingly written yourself into her story. it had been just another one of those bland mornings filled with empty mugs stained with coffee and an alarm clock that rattled in your ears, leaving you to rush with untied shoes and ruffled hair. a project for your art school, one you had knowingly left unattended until the looming reminder of the due date startled you to cramp in weeks of work into just mere hours. a late night of blindingly bright lights to keep you from slumber and coffee that no longer worked that left you hunched over the desk with a half finished drawing and empty supplies. all those events led you here, into the small art shop wedged between two buildings to gather more items in hopes of finishing in time.
- a soft ring chimed in your ears, followed by the low sound of music playing in the background. your hands stayed hidden within your sweater pockets in order to keep the warmth that binds them, finding that your steps were automatic going to the aisle that contained what you needed. your eyes scanned the names and the numbers of value, rocking back and forward on your heels before leaning forward and reaching for the box of graphite pencils.
- a small jolt would spark your fingertips, surprised by the brush of someone else’s hands along your own. you both reached back ever so slightly to avoid the lingering touch, staring at one another in a silence that stretched on between the lyrics and drums that filled the store. entranced would better explain the feeling that plagued your mind interlocking your gaze with her own, finding that despite the heavy bags that lined her eyes, the hues of dark hickory rivaled that of azure skies and jade stones.
- you laughed in embarrassment, clearing your throat afterwards to hide the burn that scorched your cheeks, “sorry, you can go ahead.” the stranger would stare at you for a beat longer before grabbing what you both had previously been fixated on, leaving you to retrieve it into your possession several seconds later.
- afterwards you’d grab whatever else you were missing. blending stumps for shading and kneaded erases just to stock up. a couple more colors for the image you had in mind before turning to find your way to the front to pay, already dreading the work you’d have to do and the time you had wasted.
-“hey,” you paused in your steps at the sound of her voice, turning to face her once more. her eyes remained fixated on the supplies you had on hand, still holding only the pencils in her grasp, “are these good ?”
- you blinked, once and then a couple times more to comprehend her words. it made you realize that this was in fact, the first time you’ve seen her at the store, especially considering you were a regular. of course she’d be new to art, you should’ve guessed when you first saw her, brown eyes staring at the abundance of supplies as if unsure of where to start and what to pick.
- “new in art then i presume? can i see some of your work so i can decide what you need? graphite may not be good for everything.”
- “i haven’t started yet.”
- “then i guess i get to be your teacher for now! just remember me when you’re big and famous.”
- a smile broke out onto your face, gentle as you began to recount what the graphite was for in terms of art style and shading. you explained the uses of different pencils and what would be necessary for a beginner, as well as recommendations of brands and videos to get her started. the girl listened quietly with only simple nods to show her understanding.
- eventually you finished, asking her if she had any further questions. she shook her head, bangs swishing with the movement before leaning forward in a bow of gratitude and leaving the aisle. you watched her retreating form, still burning the image of her eyes within your mind. sharp, reflecting of her strength, and yet you couldn’t help but notice the lack of emotion within them.
- days passed, with paper full of sketch marks and shadows. after the completion of your project you were free to do as you pleased, opting to spend your unmarked hours with sketching the things that came to mind. the cat that sat by your window and the way the streetlights glowed beneath the sunset. pages upon pages of drawings decorated your notebooks, however not one worthy of your approval.
- it was upon the following evening that you walked along the familiar stone path leading to the store, cold air brisk against your cheeks and clouds darkening the sky. one hand reached out to pull the knob that led to the entrance, only to pause at the jolt of electricity similar to that of a previous time.
- “we meet again, and similarly at that.” you laughed, hiding your hand within the confines of your sweater just like before. the girl displayed a quick look of surprise as well upon recognizing you, returning your small bow of greeting.
- “you didn’t come for a while.” there was something about her voice, low and quiet with the way it left her throat. soothing you would say if you were being completely honest with yourself, but you’d never reveal such things even to your own mind.
- “looking for me?” you grinned, teasing lilt transpiring through the words. you grew disappointed when you received no reaction.
- “i had more questions.”
- “then shall we speak of such matters over some coffee? i’m freezing out here.” you shivered to further prove your point, smiling in triumph when she nodded in agreement.
- “sure.”
- she’d follow along right behind your figure, no words exchanged and no questions asked about where in particular you were going. her eyes however would glance around the area as if to take it all in, hands stuffed within her own pockets to trap in what little warmth it was able to provide. strangely enough you had no problems with the silence that filled the small walk. the quiet felt…nice. comfortable. not even you, a chatterbox, felt the need to fill it with words.
- a small table in the back of the cafe would be your refuge, seated right across from one another and ordering two coffees for you both. when the steaming cups arrived you would place both hands on the mug to allow the temperature to seep into the palm of your hands, blowing softly onto the liquid of ripples and latte art before taking a small sip to feel it swell within your chest. the girl would stare at the cup before doing the same, keeping her hands around the glass even when lowered completely to the wood.
- questions fell from her lips, and you answered each and every one with a smile and demonstration. you’d pull your own sketchbook out of your bag and with a pencil sketch along with your words, even having her practice to show she understood. she was a quick learner, skills proving to be that of a fine artist with just enough practice, and you felt proud when she littered the page with her own drawings.
- “with enough practice you’ll surpass even your own teacher!” you joked, gaze scanning over the scribbles formed together to create art. you placed the sketchbook back down, pushing it forward towards her end, “do you have a signature? it’s good to sign it that way no one steals your art.”
- you held out your pencil, feeling her fingers brush against yours to retrieve it. this time there was no shock, no jolt of electricity, only warmth to accompany the fleeting touch you had craved. she pulled the book closer before leaning down and writing, dropping the utensil just as quickly once finished and leaning back.
- smiling you picked it up to inspect it, reading through the lines of cursive that revealed her name, “kang sae-byeok.,” you lowered it, meeting her gaze, “a lovely name for a lovely lady.”
- “and yours?”
- “(name).”
- she repeated it, and it was the first time you had ever loved the way it sounded in someone else’s tone. you couldn’t help the smile that began to make its way permanent on your face, never having left since you met the girl by a fleeting chance.
- “sae-byeok, can i draw you?”
- “you want to…draw me?”
- “i tend to sketch things that i find beautiful. allow me?”
- she stared at you, silent in her answer before slowly nodding. quickly before she changed her mind you flipped to a new page, smoothing down the edges and placing the first line. time felt slower now as you switched between the paper and the girl before you, analyzing each and every detail. full lips that parted in a way that left you breathless, freckles that decorated the skin of her nose and cheeks. messy hair that reached just past her chin, and bangs that splayed messily across her forehead. and those eyes, the first thing you noticed about her, still lined with bags and yet still beautiful with the way they stared at you.
- you hadn’t even realized you stopped sketching until she flitted her gaze down to your half finished drawing, leaving you embarrassed as you cleared your throat and allowed only the clatter of glass clinking together and the scratch of pencil meeting paper to fill the tension in the air. each glance up that had you meeting her gaze left your heart beating faster than before and dizzy in the head, until it felt as if she had stolen every single part of you left.
- colors over lined the drawing and splashed like spilt water across the page, leaving little to no evidence that pencil had ever been used. originally you had wanted to keep it simple, but the idea of a black and white drawing to portray the girl before you felt wrong. there was nothing simple about this person, you could tell that much despite only knowing her name. kang sae-byeok deserved a drawing that painted an image similar to that of what you believed to be her soul.
“all done.” you sang, signing it quickly before turning it around to show her your work. sae-byeok gently took the book from your hands, tracing over the lines and colors you had used to replace that of black and white. if you hadn’t been so preoccupied with worry and what she’d think, you’d have noticed the emotion reflecting in her eyes.
- “you draw really beautiful.” she spoke softly, still entranced by the portrait of herself in her grasp. you breathed a sigh of relief at the realization that she didn’t hate it, switching the emotion to pride at her words.
- “you can keep it if you’d like.”
- “really?” she glanced up, as if trying to gauge that you meant what you promised. you nodded, flashing her another smile that left her twitching the corners of her mouth up in response.
- you could barely call it a grin, for it was fleeting and soft enough to have only briefly noticed. and yet you did. perhaps it was due to the fact that you were already so used to the features of her face, and noticed the change of the lines and the way it was able to reach her eyes. it caused a strange feeling in the depths of your stomach to stir, and you came to the conclusion that kang sae-byeok had a beautiful smile.
- weeks passed, and each and every morning you’d find yourself back at that art shop. the owner would give you a small wave in greeting and nod her head towards the aisle you went to each time, feeling your heart flutter at the sight of the girl sitting down and leaning against the structure. knees brought up to her chest and hair falling in her eyes as she remained focused on the sketch she was currently working on. each and every time you’d try to be quiet in approaching her, but the girl seemed to always know when you were near, giving you a quick glance before scooting over to allow you to sit right beside her.
- it was your favorite part of your day, listening to the horrible music that played in the background while the both of you practiced in your respective sketchbooks. half the time you found yourself glancing over and drawing sae-byeok, until each page showed the girl in a different pose and a different reflection of light. heat would always scorch your cheeks when she’d lean over and notice your drawings, and yet she never did allow you a peek of what she decorated her own pages with, despite your laughter and pleads that exclaimed it would only make things even. only the soft smile that she tried to hide behind her book made you cease your threats for that evening.
- you began to notice that moments with her were different than other people. while you hated even a moment of silence when speaking with other art students, you could spend an eternity in solitude seated next to sae-byeok. a fleeting glance was nothing compared to the ones you shared with the girl, never wanting to look away from the gaze she held you within. any touch, even if in the form of a simple brush of your fingers, left you burning and craving for more.
- sae-byeok who you sit with in the aisles of that shop, sketching and basking in each other’s presence while drawing. sae-byeok that makes your breath catch inside your throat at seeing her pull her hair back into a small ponytail when sweat began to form due to the heat of summer. sae-byeok who you stare at and grow lost in the stars that splash across her nose and cheekbones. sae-byeok who you would buy a sketchbook for her birthday, wrapped in the prettiest bow you could find and leather decorated by your own hands. sae-byeok who let you rest her head on her shoulder when she spoke of her time in north korea, and of the predicament she was in with money and her little brother. sae-byeok who told you of her wish and dreams under the sky, gripping your hand when you interlaced your fingers with hers. sae-byeok who has the prettiest eyes, colors of hickory warm like the hot chocolate you made her during christmas. sae-byeok who has the most enthralling soul, and who you wished to gift the entire galaxy to in the form of stars and euphoria.
- sae-byeok who you fell in love with.
- the realization of this fact hit you all at once, in the confines of your room with your chair pulled up to the window and your gaze fixated on the stars that decorated the sky. it left your hand to still against the paper that had, once again, unconsciously drawn her in the forms of carnations and soft berries. no anxiety masked as butterflies fluttered in your ribcage nor a fear in what she’d say to your fondness for her. rather, content would better explain how you felt, for you knew loving her was not a mistake.
- the next time you met with sae-byeok you couldn’t help but feel more elated than before. being in her presence helped ease the heartache that she left each time you parted ways, as well as washed away the stress that came with college as an art major. the numbers that you used to stare at on the screen of your computer meant nothing each time you felt the press of her body against your own, the distance in which the two of you sat next to each other lessening with every new day. by then, you could smell the fresh scent that stuck onto the jacket around her frame, and could recount the freckles you adored.
- “i almost have enough for my mom to leave north korea.” she would speak, disrupting the quietness of time. your pencil stopped with its work, smile gracing your lips as you nudged her gently.
-“that’s amazing sae-byeok! i’m so happy for you!”
- “it’s only enough to get her to china, but at least then…” she trailed off, staring at the pen she twisted between her fingers. you lightly placed your hand over her own.
- “you worked really hard for this.”
- sae-byeok stared at you, flickering between your eyes and something else. it left your heart racing the longer you held the position, suddenly aware of everything. the buzz of the fan, the softness of her hands despite the scars and every dip and crevice of her face. finally she allowed a smile to paint her lips, leaving you even more infatuated than before, “thank you. for everything. i…enjoy your presence.”
- you wished she could understand far more than your words allowed you to convey, “i do too.”
- sae-byeok sae-byeok sae-byeok. the girl never left your mind and plagued your thoughts, and you were sure even if you had dementia and forgot your own name you’d still remember hers. she was like an addiction, and like a drunk man was tied to alcohol you could ever get enough of her. she remained in your thoughts during color theory and kept you staring at the ceiling in your bed during sleepless nights. ‘sae-byeok sae-byeok sae-byeok’, you’d mumble to yourself, fingers touching the lips that twitched upwards in the wake of her image plastered inside your brain.
- it’d leave you disappointed each time you didn’t see her, like that day in particular when the aisle you sat together in remained empty. a small tilt of your head, glancing around to see if she was messing with you to see the lost look akin to a puppy that was your expression. however, no girl wearing those eyes you loved could be seen inside the shop.
- you’d recount the last previous days, where you had noticed a small shift in mood but didn’t press on when you knew sae-byeok wasn’t big on sharing. she’d open up on her own, and you’d never wish to make her uncomfortable with questions she had no intent in answering. despite knowing this however, you still couldn’t shake off the thought of ‘what if’ that entered your mind.
- each day you’d check, and it was the third that you found her, leaning against the aisle as usual but this time with no sketch pad. relief at seeing her in one shape and with no harm down flooded your senses, quiet in your steps as usual to sit beside her.
- “i came everyday and no sign of my favorite person. you’ve starved me dear kang sae-byeok.”
- she gave you a fleeting glance, taking in the sight of your hand over your heart before looking away, “i was doing something.”
- you took note of the expression on her face, clearly conflicted over something as she stared into the void before her. you hummed lightly, deciding to not press on any further and joining her in her gaze, “you’re forgiven. just don’t go disappearing on me like that. i expect a couple days notice.”
- sae-byeok nodded, playing with the ends of her fingers as she allowed a minute of silence to blanket the atmosphere before breaking it, “hey (name).”
- “hm?”
- “do you think…money solves problems?”
- “depends. if the problem is i’m hungry, then yes.”
- “what’s the other scenario?”
- “if it’s happiness…i guess that also depends. rich people will say that it can’t, but they haven’t necessarily ever been poor now, huh?”
- you broke your staring contest with the line of paintbrushes to lock your gaze with hers, seeing a hint of surprise swirling within the brown of her irises. was it the way you answered or something else? you couldn’t tell, “i see.”
- “why? suddenly win the lottery?”
- “if i did i wouldn’t be here.”
- “ah that’s right. a nice house you’d be in with your family.”
- she nodded in confirmation, reminding you of when she had first told you of her plans. she shifted in her spot, scooting closer just the slightest bit to where your knees bumped one another. more conflict clouded her eyes, scanning the expanse of your face as she swallowed thickly, “would you…be there with me?”
- did she realize the weight her words held? the idea that she expected you to remain in her life beyond just simple friendship within the four walls of this store? and the way she looked at you, expecting something, it made it difficult to keep your voice steady and acting as if she didn’t effect you the way she did, “why of course. someone’s got to teach you art. i expect a paycheck each time one of your pieces sell. 30% portion.”
- sae-byeok laughed, brief and small and your chest hurt from how much you loved the sound. and how much you wished she could laugh like that more often. it didn’t seem fair for her to be burdened so much so that happiness like that was rare upon your ears.
- you cleared your throat, pushing your body up to stand, “i feel like going for a walk. join me?”
- she smiled softly, allowing you to hold out your hand and pull her up as well. warmth encases your fingers at the brief moment they touch, and you wished it would linger for longer than it had stayed.
- the two of you would spend your afternoon strolling through the empty streets of your hometown, feeling the cool breeze and watching the lanterns that glowed due to the gray skies that cloaked the sun from view. this time your hands wouldnt remain inside your pockets and neither would sae-byeoks, allowing you to brush your fingers against hers in the form of an accident.
- eventually the scent of rain would become strong within your senses, and the first droplet that splashed onto your face left you appalled and staring at the sky. the girl would stop beside you, glancing up as well only to flinch when it began to fall more forcibly, enough to soak the clothes on her body and the hair that framed her face. she gave you a look, trying to gauge whether you’d move for shelter and much to her surprise you stayed, closing your eyes and extending your arms as if granting the sky your approval of its gift to you.
- sae-byeok wouldn’t realize this, but a smile graced her lips at the sight of you. with tears of the sky sliding down the dips on your face and a carefree expression painting your features. you laughed as you spun in a small circle, dancing along with the content bursting inside your heart. and once you had enjoyed the adrenaline that rushed through your veins you’d stop, facing the girl and pulling her down the street. she remained silent, still watching you as you stopped in front of a bus stop with a bench and cover to serve as shelter from the rain. you shook your head to get rid of the excess water from your strands, spraying in all directions as sae-byeok pushed the dampness of her hair back from her face. stray wisps fell from her grasp, cheeks flushed from the cold and yet, you couldn’t help but think she was the most beautiful thing in the universe.
- “i like you sae-byeok. you and only you.”
- she turned at the sound of your words, eyes widened at your confession. it was a spur in the moment sort of thing, yet you felt as if it couldn’t be more perfect. she swallowed thickly, lips slightly agape as continued to stare at your form, “(name)-”
- “don’t say anything yet,” you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around her figure and burying your face against her chest. her clothes were wet, far beyond saving but she was still warm, “let’s just…stay like this for a while okay?”
- a beat of silence, before you could feel her fingers reach up to return your embrace. her own head dropped to rest on your shoulder, breathing in a shaky breath that shook with her own body. your hands tightened around the shirt they had grasped upon, reveling in everything that was her. allowing her to feel the rapid thump of your heart and the lips that pressed against her collarbone. you prayed that she understood just how much she meant to you with this touch alone.
- it was the last time you saw sae-byeok.
- if you had known, perhaps you would’ve held on just the slightest bit tighter. extended the embrace for a moment longer. if the knowledge had reached you, you wouldn’t have interrupted whatever words she had wanted to express and allowed her to speak of her feelings towards you. you wouldn’t have only scratched the surface in the way you felt about her and instead spoken of the things you wanted to do for her. say how you wanted to gift her everything you were and hang up the stars in the sky for her to see.
- but you didn’t, and the regret felt heavy inside your chest when she didn’t show up for weeks on end. it was the longest you had ever been apart since your first meeting and you didn’t realize just how much it would impact you. how it would impair your focus to draw and leave an empty feeling inside your chest, aching for just even a glimpse of her being. you wondered, had you done something wrong? was this her way of saying she didn’t return the feelings you held so dear to your heart? it ate away at you, the questions that remained unanswered.
- it was another brisk morning, with the same routine of passing by the shop and glancing around to see if sae-byeok would finally make an appearance. she did not, and once more you were left sliding down the aisle and waiting. hoping she was just late or playing some sick joke. your fingers would fiddle with the pencil as your sketchbook lay open, blank however just as before. and when hours would pass with no sign of those familiar eyes, you’d pick yourself up and make your way through the door, ready to tune in for another sleepless night of spiraling thoughts.
- the shopkeeper gave you a look of pity as she ushered you out, knowing of the two individuals that used to come by almost everyday, “i’m really sorry dear.”
- you’d smile, despite how much it hurt to do so, “it’s alright. did she really not tell you anything? at all?”
- “if she did it wasn’t to me.”
- “what are you guys talking about?” a new voice entered the conversation, an employee who began working around the same time sae-byeok left. of course he wouldn’t know of the girl you used to spend so much time with.
- “their friend hasn’t come by lately. it’s such a shame too, you guys made my own heart feel young again.”
- “a girl? does she have short hair? freckles?”
- your heart skipped a beat at his words, eyes wide at the thought that if he knew what sae-byeok looked like, he must’ve seen her before her sudden departure, “yes! that’s exactly how she looks!”
- “she came by a couple weeks ago with a sketchbook and said to give it to this person. i didn’t realize it was you until now. here, i’ll go get it real quick.” he placed down the broom and retreated to the back, furthering your anxiousness with each moment he was gone. it only disappeared when he returned, handing over a worn out sketch pad all too familiar to your eyes.
- “thank you…i’ll get going now.”
- your steps were quick going back to your room, hands trembling as you clutched onto the sketchbook you had gifted her for her birthday. you hadn’t the slightest idea why sae-byeok would leave this, and for you no less, but you still held it gingerly as if it were her you were holding onto. the last piece of her left upon this earth.
- carefully you pulled back the cover, seeing a note fall out from between the pages. you ignored it however at the sight that greeted you, making tears prick at the corners of your eyes.
- pages upon pages of sketches, each similar to the figure that greeted you each morning you met their gaze through the mirror. lined that replicated the ones on your face, colors similar to the emotions displayed with each expression. towards the beginning it was a simple practice of the shape of your eyes and the style you left your hair in, while the progression of the pages began to show poses you hadn’t realized you’d been doing. your eyes closed to show the smile upon your face when you joked with her. the small purse of your lips when you had nagged at her for not allowing you to peek at her drawings. the flush of color on your cheeks during the cold of winter and the eased expression when you had fallen asleep under the stars. you stopped at the end, her last drawing, showing you in the rain with damp hair and droplets sliding down your face, with a rough sketch below it of you and her embraced in each other’s arms.
- tears splashed onto the pages, one by one as your heart began to ache even more at the sight before you. had she known she was going to leave? did she realize of her limited time and left you this as a gift in her memory? sae-byeok sae-byeok sae-byeok. the name would forever leave you in tears at the what if’s.
- a small sob caught in your throat, desperately trying to wipe away your sorrows as you opened the letter she had left you enough to see through the blurs of your vision. it spoke of a game in which she had played, with a large sum of money if she were able to complete it. 6 games, with the consequence of a free invitation to the afterlife if she were to fail or disregard the rules. apparently she had played the first one, only to be sent home due to a majority vote by the other players. the game masters left her an option to return if she wished, and it appeared with her absence, you were able to guess what she had chosen.
- “oh sae-byeok…” you sobbed, reading the last of her letter that ended with her signature. your cries shook within the depths of your ribcage and left a pain so unbearable you wondered if it’d ever go away. it was all there, plain and bare for you to see. to understand why she did what she did. and yet you didn’t want to believe it. didn’t want to realize that the colors you had painted and the stars you had hung were not enough for her in the end.
- “if i win this money, i can get my mother out and i can pay for the house. i’ll live with her and my brother, and i can give you more than what im able to give you now. so please wait for me. give me one week. by then, i’ll return to you, and you’ll let me say my answer to your confession.
and if i don’t, i’m sure this sketchbook will say what i couldn’t.
