You Sleep, I Yearn. ( Ryland Grace x Reader Oneshot. )
Title: You Sleep, I Yearn. Pairing: ( Implied ) One-sided - Ryland Grace x Reader. Rating: K. ( sort of..... agnsty please im sorry. ) Words: 4.7 K. Summary: You and Rocky have a much needed heart-to-heart and some things are said that can't be unsaid.
It was quiet on the ship. Not a terrible thing for your ears to be blessed with, the faint hum of the electronics whirling around you is familiar and now comforting after such a long while in space.
Ryland, the blonde haired, sometimes-in-the-cloud Molecular Biologist was asleep in the dormitory where you also were, sitting on the floor and propped against the xenonite enclosure that belonged to the five legged Eridian who had the same Petrova Line issue as Sol.
You could hear the soft taps of his claws against the floor, the resonant tones that exuded from his carapace. All welcome as your eyes feasted on Ryland’s breathing, almost in perfect sync with Rocky’s movements. You knew you should have been asleep as well, you could just hear the computerized voice scolding you.
More efficient if Grace, (Last Name) sleep at same time. Waste time if spread out. You’d heard it from Rocky many times before, given time was of such high value, more to Earth than to Erid. Their Petrova Line, while a problem, wasn’t going to cause such drastic issues as soon as your planet would.
You envied him in that way. He had so much more time, he could spend it researching and diving into aspects of the Tau Ceti system that you and Ryland could only dream of and unlock more mysteries than just the unfortunate circumstances that rested in the Petrova Line itself. But Earth was dying. People were dying. You were on a mission, and unfortunately, spending an extra 29,000 seconds sleeping when you could just combine it with Ryland’s 29,000 seconds didn't tighten into good enough logic.
Your lungs drew a small breath in, co-mingling uncomfortably as your ribcage expanded. Not satisfactory in any way, just to keep yourself grounded. Without Ryland there to talk through the stillness, your own pervasive thoughts would consume, the notions of Earth’s demise during the time it took to get to the Tau Ceti system and the ultimate fate she and her people would face if you weren’t to succeed this mission. There was something off about the emotional weight in the air. About the way that Rocky was moving, which sounded crazy, but hey. Spend enough time around an Eridian who relies on echolocation to even sense your presence and you’re bound to pick up a few things about reading the room. And hearing the room. His usually scampering noises were muted today. Softer, more subdued. Definitely less energetic than usual. You exhaled softly, letting your head tilt back against the xenonite. “Hey, Rock.”
Quiet.
Rocky didn’t answer right away as you readjusted your body, leaning more against the wall so you could look over at him in the dim casted light of the dormitory’s lowest luminance setting. With parted lips anticipating speech, you watched him. Limbs moved with the same careful precision over his work, the choice today being the chain to be used in your fishing excursion above Adrian in a few days, but…
There was a pause between motions that normally wasn’t there. Your eyelids squeezed shut before re-opening, making the assumption that… Your vision was faulty, and not Rocky’s movements. Maybe you did need to sleep. You thought and looked at his three-digit, five-claw tactic and still saw the same languid stanza between motions.
“Hey…” You repeated, softer this time as it drew more into empathy. Maybe he was homesick, like you were. Given your estranged evolutions leading you down the same paths, it made sense to think that Eridians had a similar basis of thought-provoking emotions and attachments.
There was a low chord that answered you this time. It sounded almost… Heavy and was so resonant that the computer didn't bother to even pick it up and offer you a word in response. Something about it made you feel sad, a frown tugging at your face. “You okay?”
There was an intention to pause this time. You could see Rocky moving his carapace so he was facing towards you instead of away which was previously the case. Your eyes softened at that, though, the emotion was imperceptible to the genius engineer. He had to know though, based on the hushed tone of voice you were using what the general consensus was with your expression.
His fingers clicked together like they so often did when Rocky was searching for the correct words. He was quick witted most of the time, so for him to sit and contemplate was… Mildly concerning. “State not optimal.” You straightened a little once your brain processed the implied meaning. “What’s wrong?”
“Today ♫♩♩♩♪♬♬ with Adrian.”
You blinked, mouth opening and closing a few times as you looked at the computer to make sure you weren’t mistaken. That was a word that had never come up in any form since your time meeting Rocky. The tonal shifts and riffs used to express it seemed complex, notes layered upon chords and you tilted your head.
“I don’t… understand that word, Rock. Can you explain it?”
Rocky shifted slightly closer to the wall as if the sounds he was making were going to wake up Ryland. “Time-cycle acknowledgement of mate selection.”
It took you a moment to unravel that one. Sometimes, talking to Rocky was like talking to a philosopher who talked in code. A very specific code and you weren’t allowed to have the legend to decode. Humming softly, you tilted your head against the xenonite and let the coolness seep into your temple. “Is that… important?”
Your voice hesitated, an idea of the meaning floating around but like the true back and forth of two different life forms communicating, you needed more information before coming to the conclusion. Rocky was faster at it, a point of contention at times when you and Ryland took longer to put puzzle pieces together and Rocky was… Impatient. But… Rocky seemed like he wanted to talk about this, he was just going around it carefully. He went quiet for a moment, his claw motions coming to a languid pace. “Significant marker of continued shared existence.” Smiling more to yourself, you nodded, “Like, a celebration?” “Not celebration.” That was adamant. “Recognition of bond persistence over time.” It finally clicked for you as you leaned over, typing with one finger into the computer. ANNIVERSARY.
“We call that an anniversary, there’s different types but the basis is the same.” Your voice was intentionally gentle and whether Rocky cared about that or not, you didn't know but you were sharing what you would consider to be a tender moment so the harder vocal tone wouldn’t have felt right.
“It’s a measure of time, annually for Humans, to mark a significance in their lives that altered their choices and futures. Sometimes it can be as simple as moving jobs, or more complex like the date of birth.” That had its own conversation you’d explain when you had time, but you pressed forward.
“In the case, it would be…” You hesitated, “A romantic intent.” Rocky clicked before letting out a low chord, something thoughtful but also something a little… Sad. He reached up almost subconsciously and let his claw graze against the beautifully colored dual circular mark on one of his arms. Wedding band, your mind went straight to that conclusion, eyes admiring the chic and gorgeous color even in the dim light. You wished you could touch it without his atmosphere burning you.
“Concept aligns. Is anniversary with Adrian.” Rocky concluded.
“That must be hard. Being away for it. From them.” You were hushed, readjusting your shoulders so you could look at him properly. He’d stopped working at this point, setting the chains down on the ground.
“Yes.”
The computer chimed simply but you could hear the melancholy in the way the sounds were coming from his carapace. He tilted towards you as if seeking some sort of comfort and there was a twist in your stomach at the fact that you were only able to give comfort in the form of words. “Mate bond reinforced at these intervals. Physical presence is preferred.”
You let out a quiet breath, huff of sorts at that. So, your kinds were not so different after all. But, Erdians were still Hermaphrodites and you did wonder if the physical presence indicated the next start of an egg cycle. Not the time and place to ask, you filed it away to ask later when Rocky wasn’t so… blue. “I understand.”
It got quiet again, the hum of the ship sinking back into the forefront mixed with the continuation of Rocky working xenonite into chains. You found your gaze back towards Ryland, his front side facing you, propped on his side as comfortably as he could in the otherwise uncomfortable plush of the Hail Mary bedding.
You could see the tuft of his blonde hair peeking out from under the blanket that he had rather cutely tucked over his face to block the light, but honestly? It was more to block Rocky’s gaze even though the echolocation assured no true form of privacy. Ryland had to know that, but still, watching him sleep was… Endearing. Different from Rocky who looked at it as a necessity, a social norm to keep alive. Your heart did another shift in your chest at that thought. About the 23 other Eridians that made their way to Tau Ceti with him but died. The days and nights, all blurring in the concepts of space, he watched them sleep and then not wake up. It felt selfish to think you were alone when Ryland was with you.
Rocky… Truly was alone for so long until the Hail Mary showed up, and he was missing his anniversary to save his planet. There was something oddly poetic in that and you respected the Eridian that much more for it.
“Question.” There was a shift in resonance as Rocky moved a bit to get back into your line of view as you had been staring at the scientist across the room. The tone used that mixed with the computer program was changed, back to curiosity but seemed to still carry that quiet weight. “Yeah?”
You whispered, forcing your eyes from intent focus to glance at the alien next to you who was clattering his digits together as if trying to tie together some complex calculation. You smiled at that. Maybe he was, he was able to focus on more things than once so maybe this conversation was just a secondary action. “(Last Name) have mate, question?”
The question should not have surprised you but something about it landed softer than you expected. Deep and cutting without intending. You heard from Ryland a few days ago that, while in the ‘Don’t Go Crazy Room’ he had been asked the same thing.
And while you deeply yearned for the conclusion from Ryland regarding that, you didn't press and kept it tied-up professionally as he explained to you that Rocky did in fact have a mate. Seems like it was a heady topic on board a ship were there was very little gossip.
There was no point in pretending. You shook your head curtly and glanced down at your socked feet, letting one of your hands reach down to fiddle with the extra fabric. You must have grabbed a pair of Ryland’s without thinking, they were a little big.
“No. Not really.”
“Clarify.”
“I mean I…. Spent time with people, cared about them a lot.”
The idea of having to explain dating was not on your bingo card for the day so you found yourself tip-toeing around certain phrases that you knew he would understand with implications involved. “But nothing permanent. Nothing like what you have with Adrian.” You turned towards him again with a smile of encouragement at his very long lasting relationship.
Rocky made a contemplative note as if he were trying to figure out what to say without sounding… Offensive. “No stable pair bond formed.”
“Right.”
“(Last Name) desire one, question?”
That required you to really sit and think. Hesitate wasn’t the word as you rolled the idea through your head over and over again. Obviously, you went on a suicide mission. You weren’t going back to Earth and had to cut ties with the desire that Rocky mentioned, but he was still in the dark about it. You and Ryland agreed to tell him just… Never agreed to a time or place. It was never just a you decision anymore, it was a ‘You and Ryland’, and there was less of a lonely solace in that as you nodded. “Yeah… I think I did. It just never worked out.”
“Unsuccessful attempts?”
You huffed softly, closing your eyes and shrugging your shoulders. Rocky didn't know how he came across sometimes, you couldn’t blame him for moments of brashness. In fact, they were often another source of comfort and kept the mission grounded when it needed to be.
“That’s one way to put it.”
“You are currently without mate.” Rocky said.
The bluntness should have rubbed you the wrong way, but as you trailed your eyes back towards Ryland and the steady nature of his breathing, one of his hands now curled against his chest, his upper half pointed towards you still, peaceful and so far gone in whatever dreams fluttered behind his eyelids, his lower half somehow contorted and pressed against the mattress.
There were a few strands of his blonde hair in his face that you felt your fingers twitch at the desire to brush them aside and let your touch graze against his sharp cheekbones and trace the curve of his dark eyelashes. Worst of all, you… Wanted Ryland to actually let you do that. You dug your fingernails into your thumb and tried to get that out of your mind.
Rocky shifted slightly, thoughtful as he observed the stagnant air and stare your body was exhibiting towards Ryland. “You experience distress due to this.”
“Sometimes.” You admitted. There was another long pause and for a moment, you thought that Rocky was done and that he had gotten all of the information he needed and came to his own conclusion on things without saying he was done.
It happened sometimes, and life would go back to normal. As normal as it could so far from home, with a five-legged alien who could see through walls. It felt like your skin was a bit prickly at the fact that… Rocky was still pointed towards you, and there seemed to be a minute shift to his carapace towards Ryland. This silence was different, your shoulders drawing in on themselves. It felt heavier, shaped by everything he’d shared with you about Adrian.
“Suggestion,” Rocky said, cutting the air with a metaphorical knife. “Grace is viable candidate for mate bond.”
The words hit the air and didn’t quite land like Rocky expected, you could tell. Not from his face - Eridians didn't really have expressions in the human way that you were used to, but over time and extreme proximity, you could read him like a book.
It was simple, really based on how his arms moved his carapace, how the shift of rock-like structures at the top shifted and how he twisted himself. It was like a subtle recalibration of sorts, equal to if the ship had briefly lost gravity and then found it again without major consequences.
Something about the way he looked at you told you clearly that he meant what he said and that there was no translation error from the computer system.
The faint hum of the Hail Mary suddenly felt too loud, too aware of itself. Even Ryland’s steady breathing behind you seemed to pause in your perception, like your mind had decided to listen to everything at once and now it was a loud mess of culmination at what the Eridian just threw scientifically into the air.
You’d say recklessly, but nothing Rocky did was reckless. It was always based on observations… Your eyes widened. What did he observe that drew him to that conclusion?!
“Y…” You scoffed a bit, shaking your head, not too adamantly but enough to get the point across, “I think you’re misunderstanding something, Rocky.”
Rocky didn’t backtrack. He rarely did. He was… Stubborn.
“Compatibility high. Shared mission. High stress environment. Mutual reliance. Emotional stabilization observed.”
The way your throat tightened at the words felt painful and every breath that came into your lungs was pointed like a knife. “That’s not…”
You began slowly, carefully, but the words died in the air. It was so much easier to deflect than to answer truthfully, you knew, but even deflection came at a cost. “You’re wrong. There’s nothing between Grace and I. I’m a little… Offended you even brought it up.”
“Explain. Rocky made logical assessments from many variables noticed over time. (Last Name) have no assessment mentioned. Stupid debate.”
A quiet breath came out of your nose, almost incredulous, caught on the edge of a laugh but it didn't quite make it there and you sounded like a strangled animal but still remained fragile. You were yelling at yourself not to look at him, if you had even a second’s control over your own thoughts. But of course you did.
Your gaze found Ryland again, drawn to him like it always was, like he was the only thing in the room full of a thousand buttons that did a million different things.
The slow rise and fall of his shoulder beneath the blanket felt almost hypnotic, like a rhythm your body had learned without asking permission to remember. Your eyes lingered longer than they should have and decided to take in the delectations he had to give.
The way the dim light caught against his tanned skin, the way it played against his beard and captivated hairs to appear more golden than blonde, the subtle shift in his breathing pattern, the… Gravity of his entire presence. Known to you for so long, but you chose to shove it aside. And now? It felt ridiculous really, how easily your brain was about to unravel around the simplest him. How the noises that were in your head became gentler.
“I do care about him.”
The words come carefully and quietly, like admitting them to anyone but yourself might break something that had been non-spoken for so long. Out of your peripherals, you could see Rocky cease. Not silent, never was, but still in the only way that you imagined he could be. And nothing about his stance yelled at you that he was going to gloat about being right in the first place, or laugh at you for crumbling so easily. That urged you to continue, the lack of judgement, your voice lower now as if the other human in the room would wake up if you spoke too rashly. And yet, there were still flickers of raw fragility around the edges of your chosen words that hurt you more to say than anything. “Ryland, I mean…I--- I care about him a lot. More than I probably should, considering the circumstances of the mission.”
You fingers began anxiously picking at the seam of your sleeve. “He… Makes it easier, you know. Being here. Being… myself.”
A small exhale escaped your lips, shattering into the air. “I guess I… didn't realize how much I needed him..” The words dies in the air but you both know what was to be said. I didn't realize how much I needed him until right now…
You stop talking for a minute and let your eyes trail towards some part of the room where Ryland wasn’t. You couldn’t say what you were going to say looking at him, guilt tearing you apart from the inside as it flashed against your lungs like an ugly whip. “I can’t… Do anything about it.”
Rocky tilted slightly. “Cannot care?”
You shook your head immediately. “That’s not the problem, Rock. I do care.” Your voice caught in your throat, it was barely a whisper but the Eridian detected it without issue.
There was a brief second where you wondered if Rocky would understand the infliction in your voice at that and the undertones of which it implied. You cared for Ryland, that was the problem.
The confession hung there, suspended between you and the hard xenonite wall behind you. You picked at the sleeve a bit more aggressively, feeling the twinge of string come undone. The truth came out in a steadier thread, your voice collected and even despite the truest desire to scream in confliction. “I think… If we try to define it like that… If I turn it into something like what you have with Adrian…” There was a hush in the air as you drew yourself into a ball, your knees against your chest, leaning against the wall that captivated two atmospheres, “I don’t know if I could survive it going wrong.” Rocky clicked behind you - echolocation markers to check your status, along with Ryland’s though… Something told you this was more about yourself at the time. Your gaze flickered down to the metallic floor and you forced yourself to trace the patterns there, seeking some distraction. “And it would go wrong, Rock. It always does. Especially in cases like Ryland and I. Cases of forced proximity and loneliness. Humans are pack animals, we desire the connection others give us. It wouldn’t be fair to Ryland… To…” You swallowed hard and squeezed your eyes shut. “Force him into something that he wouldn’t even think about on Earth. So I just don’t… Call it that. I don’t call it anything.” Rocky processed your emotional dump in silence. There was no point in him interrupting it, you would have just gone on and words would have gotten tied together. He was trying to do what he did best. Shape the words you shared with him into logical and relatable pieces that he could metaphorically hold and understand that way. There was still no judgement, no harsh resonance from him as if he… Understood the emotional depth of which you were coming from. And maybe he did.
“Love.” You stiffened at that, glancing your glassy eyes towards the computer to confirm that it was what you heard. You swallowed back a small lump in your throat at the thought that Ryland had a discussion with him and had to go into the deep fundamentals of human nature to even begin to describe that.
You wanted to be in the room when it happened, just to have an excuse of why Ryland even brought it up in the first place. There was a pang in your chest. Probably talking about some old flame, someone he left behind on Earth… That was the cynicism talking. Love itself had so many realms, and you were immature to think it only held true to one type. But this… You squeezed your knees softly. You wanted to think about it. How Ryland would describe that, what examples he would use, if you would come up in any shape. You wanted that personal lesson and for a split second, your irrationality got the best of you and you felt… Jealous of Rocky because he got it instead of you.
“That is not…” You started reflexively, but it was pointless as the denial felt sour on your tongue. You couldn’t bring yourself to even finish.
All because your eyes betrayed you again, drifting towards Ryland. Towards the absurd, grounding fact that he was even there at all, alive, real, tangible, asleep two meters away from you in a metal coffin drifting between stars. Earth’s two saviors. A brilliant Molecular Biologist, and a stupid, underqualified fool who couldn’t even keep their emotions in check. You exhaled shakily, comparing the motions to Ryland’s smooth breathing that kept themselves uniform and tight.
“Maybe…” You admitted finally, barely audible. The word felt too big in your mouth like you might gag on it; too dangerous to leave unguarded because it would choke you to death. You forced another round of saliva down your throat, trekking into a mandated steadiness, like your voice was a system you could stabilize with ease. “But I’m not doing anything about it.”
Rocky’s claws resumed their slow tapping, softer than before. Not work this time. Just rhythm. “Why not pursue if (Last Name) feels emotional distress due to adamant denial of complex human desire for mate, question?”
A humorless breath escaped your parted lips. “Because we’re here to save Earth.”
Your voice was a touch above a whisper, tears threatening to come from the corner of your eyes at the confession that would never see the light of day. “And because I like what we are right now… even if it hurts a little. I don’t want to ruin it trying to turn it into something it might not survive.”
Silence enveloped the ship once again, but this time, it wasn’t empty. It felt like a… Shared understanding between you and Rocky, slowly forming a shape in a language neither of you fully spoke but somehow understood. He shifted once, and then settled against xenonite a little bit closer to you. You followed suit and readjusted yourself to lean against it more purposefully. “Human behavior strange.” You smiled slightly, tired and far away as you brought a hand up and wiping a stray tear off your cheek. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“Grace sleep with proximity to (Last Name) often.”
Your face warmed instantly. “Yeah…”
“Behavior suggests trust bonding.”
“I know what it suggests.”
Rocky didn’t reply right away. The faint, rhythmic clicking of his claws continued behind you—soft against metal, precise, almost soothing in its consistency. It echoed just enough in the small space to remind you that you weren’t alone, even as everything else seemed to fall quiet.
“He doesn’t know, and… I’d like to keep it that way.” You explained to the Eridian.
“Would knowing alter mission parameters?”
“Probably.” That hurt. Your voice cracked, “Yeah.” “....Understand….” “Thanks, Rocky.”
And that was the part that scared you the most. Not the possibility of rejection, you’d get over that, or even the prospect of reciprocation, as exciting as that would be. Just… Change. Everything between you and Ryland was supposed to be steady and focused. And you were alive just long enough to matter and to save Earth. End of story.
Your eyes pulled back to Ryland without permission.
Still on his side, still half-wrapped in that patch-work blanket that never seemed like enough, a relic from home, his shoulder rising and falling in a slow, even rhythm. The dim overhead lighting softened everything about him, including your gaze as you silently said goodbye to the idea of ‘what could have been’.
Your arms tightened slightly around your legs, the fabric of your sleeves bunching under your fingers as you held yourself there. The air felt cooler the longer you sat still, brushing faintly against your face, your hands, the tip of your nose. You barely noticed it compared to the warmth that came from just… looking at him.
“I can live with a little hurt.” That was low enough that it almost blended into the hum of the ship, imperceptible to most everyone, except Rocky. “I can’t live with losing him.”
The words settled into the space between you, heavier than anything Rocky had said, heavier than anything you’d been trying to avoid. For a moment, all you could hear was the ship, your breathing, his breathing—separate, but close enough to blur if you didn’t think about it too much. And for a sweet moment, all you could hear was your breathing intwining with Ryland’s. Separate, but close enough to blur if you didn't think too much about it. And you chose not to.
Behind you, Rocky’s tapping slowed, then stopped altogether.
There were no more interruptions. No more logic, or questions. Just… Quiet. You swallowed, your throat tight, and let your eyes stay where they wanted—on the steady rise of Ryland’s chest, on the small, unconscious movements that proved he was still there, still within reach, still something real in a place that rarely felt like it.
“I’ll just watch him sleep… That’s enough for me. And hey, Rock?”
“Yes, question?”
You smiled softly, letting your head rest on your knees. “Happy anniversary.”
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