[ID: an image set titled “The Difference Between BDSM and Abuse.”
1: a cycle for BDSM shows: communication, agreement, scene/play, aftercare, debrief.
A cycle for abuse shows: abuse, guilt, excuses, honeymoon, planning, setup.
Communication - Both partners still down and talk about what they would both like out of the scene. They discuss things that are off limits and safety measures that need to be put in place to ensure both people are safe.
Agreement - Both partners agree to what is on and off limits for the scene play/training scene - This is the time when both partners can take part in the scene they both discussed and agreed upon.
Scene/Play - This is the time when both partners participate in the activities that were previously discussed and agreed upon.
Aftercare - After an intense scene, both partners can be physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. Cuddling and relaxing within each others arms allows both partners a chance to reconnect as they come down from the scene. This is a good time to drink water and eat food to replenish any spent energy
Debrief - When both partners are ready, they can sit down and discuss what they enjoyed about the scene, what did not work in the scene and how they can both do to improve upon future scenes together
Abuse - A physical or verbal form of violence is committed against another person
Guilt - The abuser becomes worried about being caught and the potential consequences
Excuses - The abuser will shift blame, make excuses and rationalize in any way they can to avoid taking responsibility of their actions
Honeymoon - The abuser becomes the perfect partner, bringing gifts and doing all the things the victim has always wanted them to do. This is done to ensure the victim stays in the relationship.
Planning - The abuser starts to feel a loss of control and begins planning ways for them to regain control
Set-up - The abuser waits for a time when their abuse can be justified
Image of a cuffed stick figure saying “please spank me” whose partner is preparing to strike them.
The use of bodily sensations to elicit pleasure
A form of consensual power exchange where both participants are empowered
Before anything happens, each participant must negotiate and come to an agreement
Creates excitement to see your partner
Creates, relies upon and builds trust
Is designed to help fulfill the desires of both partners within a safe environment
Opens communication and supports an environment where both parties can talk freely about their thoughts and emotions
Has rules, limits and boundaries that must be respected at all times. There are even safety measures in place to make sure none are crossed.
Image of a stick figure holding their hands in a defensive position and saying “please don’t hit me” whose partner is preparing to strike them.
A way to cause physical, mental and/or emotional damage or harm to another person
It takes away another person’s power
Nobody knows when or how it will happen, and nobody ever negotiates or agrees to it happening
Causes most people to fear and be afraid of their partner
Destroys any and all forms of trust
Is the cruel and violent treatment of another person
No communication, and no support
Abuse breaks the law! There are no rules, limits or boundaries. It shows no respect towards the victim.
4: a stick figure on the left bows and says “I love serving you.” A stick figure on the right is on a phone call and says “please help me!” Text reads:
We all need to work together to end abuse. This is why people who enjoy BDSM work so hard to ensure what they do is not abusive. When performed by responsible consenting adults BDSM is not abuse.
Citations read: BDSMtrainingacademy.com; abuse references: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects htm
