I really think hospitals and doctors that work with pregnancy and pediatricians need to make more literature available for how to, ya know, work with kids? Ā Because the more conversations we have about spanking (and how itās ineffective and harmful and does more bad than good), the more I realize that a lot of people donāt know the alternatives. Or like, anything about child development or where misbehavior stems from.Ā
So, as someone who went through childhood development classes in college, works with kids for a living, and knows multiple people who specialized in childhood education, here are some pointers when you are working with kids:
1. Model emotional response for kids. Children are learning how to recognize and respond to their own emotions. All the way up through high school, childrenās brains are still developing, and the emotions they are learning to process become more complex. So with really young kids, the easiest way to help them with this is to model emotional self awareness and self care.Ā
āOh wow, mommy is feeling angry because the cat made a mess. Iām going to clean this mess and then go sit in my room in the quiet for a short break so I feel better.ā
āYou know, I am feeling very sad about not going to the park because it is raining. I bet some hot chocolate and a book would make me feel better.ā
āHuh, Iām feeling kind of cranky and hungry, but daddy wonāt be home for dinner for another hour. I bet Iāll feel better if I eat a little piece apple while we wait.āĀ
2. Understand what causes child frustration and work to preempt it.Ā
-Transitions (from one activity to another, getting in the car, etc) can be stressful, especially if the activity or location they are leaving is fun. Give kids a warning when this is going to happen. With young kids, give them about 5-15 minutes of warning (ā10 minutes until we are going to leave the park and go home. Do your last thing.ā), with older kids, just give them a time frame. (We are can play at McDonalds for 30 minutes, but then we have to go grocery shopping, ok?)Ā
Not being able to communicate what they want to is frustrating. Babies can learn simplified baby sign language months before they are verbal. Kids may not know the words for what they are trying to say. Be patient and help them find the right words. On a similar note, donāt ignore kids. If you really canāt respond to their question right away because of something else, at least tell theĀ āYes, I heard your question. Iāll answer you as soon as Iām done talking on the phone.ā
Not being able to make choices or having too much choice can be overwhelming. Give kids a limited, reasonable selection of choices.Ā āDo you want apple slices or juicy pears on the side for lunch?ā is much better thanĀ āWhat do you want with your sandwich?ā or just giving them apple slices.Ā āDo you want to give grandpa a hug or a high five?ā is better than demanding they hug grandpa right away.Ā
3. Understand that kids are people to. They will get hungry, tired, an annoyed just like adults do. Sometimes you have to be flexible and give them time to self care. Talk to them, explain things to them, let them be people and not just dolls. Ā āBecause I said soā is really unhelpful for a growing kid.Ā āWe canāt buy Fruit Loops today because we are already getting Frosted Flakes. We only need one cereal at a time.ā is going to do you a lot more favors.Ā āDonāt pick up the glass snow globe. It belongs to grandma and can break easy. She would be sad if we broke it on accident.ā is better thanĀ ādonāt touch that.āĀ
And look, no parent is perfect. No baby sitter, no teacher, no care taker is going to be awesome all the time. And no kid is going to be perfect. They will cry and have tantrums, and not be able to tell you what they need, and be stubborn sometimes. Sometimes they need space, or quiet time. Sometimes they need attention and validation.Ā
But kids learn from every interaction they have, so adults who yell and hit and insult children when they misbehave raise kids who yell and hit and insult others when they feel like theyāve been wronged.Ā
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