Film Life

I'm a bit of a nerd and I like too many things.

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Update: I forgot this existed again

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I’m back (until I forget this exists again) and flailing over this guy.

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So I did my video interview for the bbc production scheme. I’m going to die 

[you-are-so-replaceable]

Casualty ready to throw punches for this DISRESPECT, go on hun👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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Are we ignoring the insane number of General Hospital episodes too? Or does that somehow not count either, being classified a soap opera? 

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Right, today I'm accepting my "foibles" and making no apologies. I am like this. I don't care if I sound ridiculous, stupid, obsessive, childish etc etc. I am being put on the waiting list for an autism assessment soon and I feel like knowing how I act but being unable to stop is part of it. So if it turns out I am, fine, that makes it less embarrassing. If I'm not, well I'm not going to change, my brain doesn't work like that. Don't like it? Just ignore me.

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So I went to the GP this morning and just splurged everything. I was shaking and my heart was exploding inside my chest. Back on meds, see if they work, if not switch meds, autism assessment, and see if I need extra support. I AM SO DRAINED. I was meant to go into Uni to work but I can’t face it. I saved this gif as “I’ve never seen anyone look so sad” so I thought it was fitting, even if the text isn’t quite (though I do feel like I ask myself that everyday, with that same face).

I have also started to accept that this (Berena/re-discovering Jemma) has affected me more than I thought. I can watch episodes no problem, but I’m so fixated on it my dissertation isn’t going anywhere, and it is only a textual analysis which isn’t what I re-started Uni to do. It’s taken over, Jemma has taken over. The fact I am aware means that if I do have autism, which I suspect I do, it’s obviously high-functioning because I don’t have an issue reading people’s feelings, just things like eye contact, social situations, and, most prominently, getting so fixated on one thing I find it hard to do/think about anything else.

I ramble, I do apologise 

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Being told you can’t use holby as a case study because someone has all ready written about it (I know, i’ve read it, I know who wrote it, it isn’t similar) s to just do lesbian representation and audience reaction and then, a week later, being told to scrap the audience case study aspect all together. This was the entire reason I restarted Uni. (I may be able to use Holby again though, but I don’t know how an ordinary textual analysis works at dissertation level)

[holbyfess]

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YES. Bernie tried to address it - i’m not falling for Jasmine buying her THREE bottles as a present - and then she just apologised when she was RIGHT and ACTUALLY SUGGESTED the South of France a la the vineyards for her sabbatical - facepalm. (high-key HATE that), and yet it’s never truly brought up. She is an alcoholic, it’s not a joke.

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Today’s mood...when Serena goes to see her great-niece and Bernie is left to think about what they said “I can’t leave, and I can’t stay” Bernie always just says what she thinks Serena wants to here. The little softy.

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Credit to the wonderful soul that made this. 

This is me, now. Most of the time, actually. I’ve not got either of my essays in on time due to several anxiety attacks and crying fits. I’m not good at this life business and attempt two at this masters degree is failing fast. 

[jemmaredgraveeee]

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These are so much better than mine, but I’d like to add; 

Wolfee

Wolfenstein (well she says German words sometimes and I like the game)

Ms ‘my life is as messy as my hair’ 

Totally doesn’t miss the army, what do you mean I say it all the time? 

Legs 

Coward on legs - I honestly said that, out loud, at about 3 in the morning  

Whiskey’s best friend

Dick - this happens A LOT 

Sexy sapphic tree

Beanstalk apocalypse - I don’t know, don’t ask 

Leaning tower of Hawaiian pizza 

Baby Bramwell 

and probably many more, I seem to come up with so more with each re watch. I may need help.

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I’m uploading a survey soon about lesbian representation on television (or just berena, I haven’t actually finalised that yet) for my masters dissertation and would appreciate it if anyone could take the time to fill it out. I know this mattered to so many. Literally the only reason I decided to complete my degree, after a long break for reasons I don’t wish to do into. was this storyline. I don’t know how I noticed it but I read a spoiler page somewhere (I don’t like soaps, so I don’t know why). I probably saw it was lesbian representation going down the pan (again), and that Jemma Redgrave was in it, and decided to watch. I caught up on everything I could in days, using most of my mobile data on the train, and watched the second to “last” episode of Berena, ‘Love Is’, live and immediately decided I needed to write about it. 

So thanks Holby City, you’ve now made me very stressed and I am completing my degree solely because of what this one storyline did to me so quickly. I’m dedicating my degree, if I graduate, to Jemma as it’s mainly her “fault”. 

[midlifelez]

Catherine Russell fans: can follow Catherine on Twitter and know when she thinks she might need a wee.

Jemma Redgrave fans: have to assume Jemma is still alive because she liked an Armando Iannucci tweet 11 days ago.

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True :(

[berenamemes-blog]

You’ve heard of elf on a shelf.

Now get ready for

[daisydoctor13]

[daisydoctor13]

Blame @sasstermasters-quarter for this. I promise I’ll stop

[berenamemes-blog]

Amazing job

Confess as OP it nevertheless somehow took me ages to get the second one

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I thought I’d stopped finding these funny, turns out I hadn’t 

[marvellouslymadmim]

Bernie: So the other day, my wife says to me–

Serena: Berenice.

Bernie: Hmm?

Serena: You’re talking to me. I am your wife.

Bernie: *puppypuppypuppy!smile* Yes, yes you are.

Serena: You’re going to start every sentence with the wife bit, aren’t you?

Bernie: Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Because you are my wife.

Serena: Are you going to do this all day?

Bernie: Possibly.

Serena: …

Bernie: …

Serena: …

Bernie: My wife gets annoyed when I-

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We all hoped, still hope for this (though I’m beginning not to, as it seems to me Bernie loves Serena more than Serena loves her)

[alphabet-mafietta]

British Soaps be like

Holby: You know what our faithful LGBT fanbase would really love? what if we careful craft this beautiful love story between two women over two years only to kill it off (metaphorically of course, we can’t actually kill the lesbians, there’d be uproar!) in the space of five minutes at the end of a mediocre episode whilst simultaneously transplanting one of the relationship’s personalities into a cheating arse who allows it to happen with little remorse? Oh! and just so we’re all clear, we’ll have her catch a bouquet of flowers at the end just to show that she won’t be marrying the “love of her life” anytime soon and will likely have a male love interest by the time 2019’s out?…

Corrie: Hmm, that’s good but what about you have one of the lesbians try and shag a man to have a baby, because that’s the only way you can have babies right? then break up the relationship because all the heartache and shit we’ve put these two through to get to where they are now definitely needs more drama!

Emmerdale: Fuck that! lets stab the lesbian for Christmas!

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Seriously, when will it end! Someone please learn something.

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back on here...my hair is still, somehow, messier than my life.