Rejected Thesis Titles

This summer, I have to decide what to write my undergraduate thesis on. Some ideas are better than others -- and these are the worst.

[rejectedthesistitles]

This 19th Century Reviewer Really Likes Classical Myth, But It's Also "Revolting and Hideous"

"[Children] need to know much of the ancient mythology; but they may be made conversant with its power, richness and beauty, without being initiated into its revolting and hideous details.”

-Christian Register, review of Nathaniel Hawthorne's A Wonder Book for Girls and Boys, November 22, 1851, p. 186

So, wait, what about myth did he actually like??

[rejectedthesistitles]

You know you're a good Latin major when...

the amount of Greek in your thesis will vastly outweigh that of Latin.

Whoops?

[apriki]

happy Ides of March all y’all plebeians

[languageguru-blog]

What Do We Get From Latin?: Ululate

Definition: to utter howling sounds, as in shrill, wordless lamentation  wail     (Dictionary.com)

Origin: Latin, ululo, ululare - to howl, shriek, or celebrate/proclaim with howling.

Read More

[rejectedthesistitles]

Ululation is one of my favorite classics-related things, and, on occasion, it's also what my thesis makes me do!  Ululululululululululu....

[sandandglass]

[afromentionedafrodite-deactivat]

english major life

[rejectedthesistitles]

Marge - you're close, but it's more like I'm having difficulties with book characters...

[missingstreet-deactivated201605]

Quiz: Jay-Z Lyric or Line From The Great Gatsby?

This is the best thing I’ve seen all day.

[rejectedthesistitles]

This is awesome.  I will never listen to Jay-Z the same way again.

[rejectedthesistitles]

Number of words in current thesis section draft: 9.

Number of words in current thesis section draft that are part of a pun: 9.

Scholarship can wait.  Tonight I'm not making no argument cause I be wordplaying.

[rejectedthesistitles]

Medea's Family Reunion: An Awkward Occasion

Attendance would be low, of course, since Medea would have killed most of her family already.  And this is why "Medea's Witness Protection" would be the sequel!

[whatshouldwecallmeclassics]

When Latin students read Catullus 16

(Thanks magistraomahony for the submission!)

[rejectedthesistitles]

Spot on - I absolutely must have looked like this when we first read it freshman year.  (And while we're on the subject of Catullus 16, you can see check out one of the earliest Rejected Thesis Titles posts, which was inspired by this infamously obscene poetic gem.)

[rejectedthesistitles]

'Dancing With Myself': A Psychoanalytic Interpretation of Beyonce's Super Bowl Halftime Show

Seriously, there's gotta be something good a psych major could do with this, right?

[rejectedthesistitles]

The Procrustean Bed in My Dorm Room: or, Why I Continue to Sleep All Contorted Even After Leaving the Confines of a Twin Extra-Long

A wonderful guest submission from English major (and hobbyist Classics fan) Christy T.  If you're unfamiliar with Procrustes' deal, Wikipedia has you covered on this one.

[rejectedthesistitles]

The Sopranos + Philosophy = Thesis?

Classics major Florencia F. writes to inform us of a fantastic real life, genuine, bona fide article title that comes pretty close to blowing my mind.  To set the stage, this title comes from Richard Greene and Peter Vernezze's The Sopranos and Philosophy: I Kill Therefore I Am (Popular Culture and Philosophy) (Open Court Press, 2004).

Pretty good so far, right?  I know!  And the title itself doesn't disappoint.  Ladies and gentlemen, the University of Arizona's Mike Lippman presents...

"Know Thyself, Asshole: Tony Soprano as an Aristotelian Tragic Hero”

I love this.  I really do.  Brilliant.  Thanks for sending this in, Florencia!

[rejectedthesistitles]

I Can't Tell You What It Really Is, I Can Only Tell You What It Feels Like: Rap and the Deconstruction of Sociocultural Signaling

Guest submission from sociology major Susanna S.  The implications for our conceptions of reality are upsetting...

[rejectedthesistitles]

Fffffgehoiaksmd?: The Physiological Effects of Alcohol on Thesis Writing

The methodology for this horrendously-conceived Neuroscience thesis would be to have another drink with each new page and chronicle the disaster that ensued.  I imagine that, by page 18 or so, this paper would come to such an enlightening conclusion as: "I noww undrstnad why people r alwsauys sayung that    that OMFG I JuST SPILLLLeD WINE IT'S EVErYWHRE GROOSS".

[rejectedthesistitles]

T-Swift and the Swan: A Modern Interpretation of the Leda Myth

I imagine this as a film thesis, inspired by the myth of Leda.  Here's a production still:

(Image source: BuzzFeed)

[rejectedthesistitles]

A Job Application Asked Me For My Thesis Title

And I had two reactions.  At first I freaked out a bit, like so:

 (Most accurate.)

 (Also pretty close.)

 (I wish I could make this face.)

But then I thought about this blog, said "If they only knew..." to myself, and felt pretty badass:

[rejectedthesistitles]

'Baby When We're Touching In the Dark, Can You Feel It?' 'No.': Ke$ha's 'Supernatural' as Critical Theory of Erotic Ghost Encounters and the Re-Interpretation of Aeneas and Creusa

Book II of the Aeneid contains a beautifully heartwrenching episode where Aeneas tries to find his lost wife, Creusa, in the mayhem of the destruction of Troy, only to encounter her ghost.  She tells him it is too late for her, but that he must save himself so that he can take their son and go start Rome (she's slightly less direct, but you get the idea).  As he leaves, he tries to embrace three times, but his attempts are in vain - he cannot touch her.   Ke$ha, meanwhile, is pretty sure she had sex with a ghost a few times and wrote a song about it.  (To hear her explain the concept of "Supernatural," you can listen to her commentary on Spotify or watch this interview.)   Put the two together, and BAM.  Disaster.