Chapters: 15/? - The fic is unfortunately incomplete and remains at 14 chapters + 1 domestic fluff extra but its ok we can cry about the unwritten plot together!!
Google Translate works pretty well most of the time
I’m at work so the most I can do is spill a little tea.
Below the cut please:
This chapter has a lot of faces we don’t see too often.
Tsunakawa probably got Amou to do his work in school.
Yashiro flustered as fuck at his office.
Nanahara standing his ground to Yashiro.
Amou making this face.
“Did you leave Doumeki behind for his sake or for yours?”
No one can piss someone off the way Yashiro can. Kamiya…. What a good son you have become. I hope we learn your birthday one day.
I never thought we’d get the moment Yashiro made up his mind. But here it is.
And…..
We win!
I'll leave this here, and speculate later on what dumb thing Yashiro is going to do next to worry us, because we still have an entire volume to go (I hope!). For now, I think I'll just enjoy the Summer.
Yoneda is absolutely unstoppable. We already have the new previews for the latest Saezuru chapter, which is drawing closer and closer to the climax of this final arc. This time, there are two specific details that caught my attention that I just couldn't leave unaddressed.
The Parallelism of the Snow
First of all, the cover image shows Doumeki and Yashiro under a snowfall—a clear parallel to the very beginning of Doumeki’s story within the Sakuraika group. It is snowing in the exact same way it did the day Amou handed him over to Tsunakawa. It seems this crucial part of the story, which began on a snowy day, is coming full circle and closing under the exact same weather.
Two Sides of the Same Coin
This brings me to the second preview image: Amou requests a meeting with Tsuna to apologize. While the surface-level reasons are clear, there is a much deeper history between these two characters.
Amou and Tsunakawa were university classmates, meaning they have known each other for many years. In the Saezuru universe, they represent two sides of the same coin:
Tsunakawa, on one hand, is a successor by inheritance.
Amou, on the other, is Misumi’s illegitimate son, who became a boss through pure meritocracy and power.
Consequently, even though they have only met a handful of times throughout the story, they show an incredibly close bond through the sheer weight of the favors they dare to ask of and grant each other.
Chapter 37 Chapter 66
Loyalty and Favors Within the Yakuza
Back in chapter 30, Amou asks Tsunakawa to talk to the other bosses so they won't accept Hirata into any Sakuraika subgroups, and Tsunakawa agrees. Their conversation is deeply fascinating because Tsunakawa questions whether it wouldn't be easier to just put out a formal notice that Hirata is exiled, ensuring no one takes him in. That’s when Tsunakawa talks about loyalty and drops a heavy line: "A man without a group is dead." Pushing someone to those extremes is no small decision.
Against all odds, many years later, Amou turns to Tsuna for help once again—this time to take in Doumeki. Going completely against his own convictions of not accepting the "leftovers" of other clans, Tsunakawa complies. This is exactly why Amou goes to apologize to him: he knows perfectly well that Tsunakawa made a massive exception solely out of that surreal friendship they share.
The Illusion of Freedom
Furthermore, I love how Yoneda always positions them in spaces that are simultaneously vast yet enclosed: golf courses and fishing ponds. These are artificial, man-made environments that, despite seeming immense, are completely fenced in. It captures the very essence of Saezuru: even if you feel free, the yakuza remains your prison. Perhaps that’s why they look for these specific settings for their private meetings; it grants them a subtle illusion of freedom that, due to the realities of the mafia world, can never truly be real.
I’m eagerly looking forward to the rest of the chapter. Thank you so much if you took the time to read through my ramblings about something that seems as simple as an apology between friends!
"Beneath the city, two hearts beat
Soul engines running through a night so tender.
In a bedroom locked,
In whispers of soft refusal
And then surrender."
"Jungleland" - Bruce Springsteen & the E-Street Band
Yeah, this picture feels like surrender. Both resigned to fate and wrapped up in each other against the cold world.
He’s irritated, his temper even shorter than normal. His bad feeling has only amplified, and he’s tried again and again to contact Izaya, who has gone completely silent.
By noon, Shizuo has thrown three of their targets across the city, as well as a client, who was just checking in with Tom about progress. Tom, patient as ever, approaches Shizuo cautiously while Vorona hangs back, a sour look on her face.
“Hey, man,” Tom says.
“What.” Shizuo has his phone pressed to his ear. He’s been calling Izaya all day but there hasn’t been an answer.
“Are you good? You’re kind of…in a mood today.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” Shizuo scoffs when his call goes to voicemail again. He stuffs his phone back in his pocket and gives Tom his attention. “Izaya is– Ugh, it doesn’t matter. Sorry, I’ll try to do better.” A small, familiar pit makes itself at home in Shizuo’s stomach. He doesn’t want to make things harder for Tom, who has always been kinder to him than he’s ever deserved.
“It’s okay,” Tom says immediately. He claps Shizuo’s shoulder. “I know you don’t mean it. But you’re scaring everyone off, which is bad for business.”
“Yeah,” Shizuo says, the pit digging deeper. “I’ll get it together. Vorona can handle it and I’ll hang back.”
“She can definitely handle it,” Tom agrees, looking over at Vorona, who is very clearly trying to pretend she isn’t listening. “But if you need to go, you can. It’s really no problem.”
“Are you sure?” Shizuo asks. The urge to get back to Izaya is stronger than normal, but he doesn’t want to abandon Tom and Vorona. They have a packed schedule this week.
“Oh, yeah. Nothing too crazy today. If your…uh, Izaya, is being a pain in the ass–”
“He’s not,” Shizuo interrupts. He doesn’t know why he said it, but he knows it’s true as soon as he does. Vorona stops pretending not to listen and moves closer, a frown on her face. The pit in Shizuo’s stomach begins to bubble with rage as Tom and Vorona both behave as if they know Izaya at all, as if they know the way he is better than Shizuo, who has been dealing with him since…fuck.
When did he meet Izaya? High school, right? Why does it feel like it’s been so much longer?
“Shizuo-senpai,” Vorona says, breaking through his reverie, “are you certain you are needed elsewhere?”
“Yes,” Shizuo replies, his jaw tight.
Vorona nods. “Affirmative. I will stay here.”
“Thanks.” Shizuo regrets his earlier rage, then promptly decides he doesn’t care anymore, because it’s not like he acted on it.
“Yeah, you heard her, we’re good,” Tom says with a smile. “Just hit me up after you handle whatever you have to.”
“Will do,” Shizuo says hurriedly, not needing to be told twice. He breaks out into a run, his skin already itching with the urge to have Izaya back in his arms.
***
When he bursts into Izaya’s apartment, he realizes two things immediately: Izaya isn’t home, but Shizuo isn’t alone.
He whirls around when he hears a shuffling noise behind him. He turns, hackles raised, but he relaxes when he sees it’s just Izaya’s secretary, who looks as surly as always. She regards him with her nose wrinkled.
“Why are you here?” she asks him, and Shizuo blinks at her.
“Where’s Izaya?” He takes note of what she’s doing. She’s on the floor behind Izaya’s desk, papers scattered all around her.
“How should I know? If anything, I thought he’d tell you where he was going,” Namie says, and then she goes back to shuffling through the papers.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Shizuo barks, stomping forward. He doesn’t pretend to understand the relationship Izaya has with this antagonistic woman, but he knows Izaya doesn’t allow anyone to go through his things, especially when he isn’t around.
“Following orders,” Namie replies, her tone bored. She lifts her head to glare at him. “Don’t ever raise your voice at me again.”
Shizuo opens his mouth, closes it, counts to ten. She has a point. Yelling and throwing his weight around never has a positive outcome on his life, and he won’t feel any better even knowing she deserves it.
“Fine,” he replies tersely. “What orders? From Izaya?”
“Of course not,” she says. “From the Awakusu. Starting today, I work for them, apparently.” She doesn’t seem happy about it, but she never really seems happy about anything.
“What?!” Shizuo moves forward again, ready to wrench her away from Izaya’s things. “What do you mean? They were here? Where the hell–”
“Izaya left, okay?” Namie shouts over him. “Obviously he’s not here, you imbecile. Those men came in here, talked with him, and then they left together. But not before informing me that I’m now their employee, and they need me to organize all of Izaya’s things before I meet them tomorrow.”
Shizuo’s blood, which was just boiling, suddenly turns ice cold. He stares blankly at Namie, who keeps talking as if he isn’t present.
“Honestly. I never liked doing work for those men anyway, but to think they’re trying to order me around. Just because Izaya’s in trouble doesn’t mean I should have to deal with the fallout.”
“Izaya’s gone…” Just like that, Izaya is gone. He’s somewhere else with powerful men who want him dead, and his presence inside Shizuo’s very soul is vacant, too. Izaya isn’t just being quiet, he’s absent. He’s completely missing, and Shizuo was off somewhere else doing shit that didn’t even matter.
“I don’t see why you’re so worried,” Namie says, reminding him of the fact she’s there. “Wherever he is, he’ll be calling for you shortly. It’s not like he would go anywhere without his little boy toy.”
Shizuo very much wants to throw her through the window, but he refrains. He needs more details, and if he kills her, he won’t learn anything.
But it’s very, very difficult to form words, and even more difficult to keep his composure. His fuse, which has always been too short, has been almost nonexistent since becoming a werewolf. Izaya’s potions can only do so much.
“Did they say anything to you at all about where they were taking him?” he asks, voice strained. She studies him.
“God, please tell me you don’t actually love that little weasel. You know he’s fucked in the head, don’t you? You’d be better off dating literally anyone else.”
“Answer my fucking question!” Shizuo yells, and surprisingly, she does.
“No, they didn’t tell me anything except that they were taking over Izaya’s affairs, and that he would be working directly with them from now on. Izaya didn’t say anything at all. Now would you go away? I’m busy, and you’re almost as annoying as Izaya is.”
Shizuo also wants to be far away from her, so he doesn’t argue, but he does swipe through a pile of papers on top of the desk before he stomps out of the apartment, taking a bit of satisfaction from her outraged cry.
***
He storms down the sidewalk, not knowing where he’s going. The urge to be with Izaya, the constant, needling feeling, is growing stronger, and he has no idea where Izaya is. He growls, feeling useless and pissed and helpless all at once, and he barely notices everyone giving him wary glances as they steer clear of him.
Shizuo has no clue where the Awakusu operate from or where they would take Izaya. He calls Shinra, hoping at least for an address, but Shinra doesn’t answer. Shizuo grinds his teeth together, getting more angry and antsy by the minute, and he’s so worked up he almost misses a familiar scent passing by him.
He stops where he is and turns to see Akane skipping into a nearby cafe, and that redheaded executive, Akabayashi, is with her.
Shizuo charges towards them, uncaring about the scene he’s likely to make.
“Oi!” he shouts, barreling past someone else trying to enter the cafe. He nearly runs into Akabayashi, grabbing his shoulder and forcing the man to turn around and face him. Akabayashi, for his part, just raises an eyebrow at Shizuo, an easy, smug grin curling his lips.
“Well, well. We meet again,” he says, and then he rolls his shoulder in Shizuo’s grasp. “Let go of me before we have a problem.”
“Fuck that, we’ve got shit to settle! Where the fuck is Izaya, huh?! Where’d you assholes take him?!” Shizuo bares his teeth and leans in close, seeing too much red to notice anything else.
“We’ll talk like adults or not at all, kid,” Akabayashi says. He rolls his shoulder again, more forcefully this time. “Let go.”
Shizuo doesn’t.
“Or not. Hey, I don’t really care what happens to that brat of yours. He’s got it coming,” Akabayashi continues, and finally, Shizuo is capable of enough reason to know he needs to cooperate.
“Fine. Let’s chat then.” Shizuo releases him.
“Good.” Akabayashi turns to Akane, who is hiding behind him, staring up at Shizuo with clear and complete terror. Shizuo finally realizes everyone in the shop is staring at them, and he feels himself flushing at the fear on all their faces.
He hates feeling like this, like he’s a bomb about to detonate, but he doesn’t know how else to feel when Izaya, who is in his very fucking soul, is missing and will likely be dead by morning if Shizuo can’t find him in time.
“Are you alright to order on your own?” Akabayashi asks Akane, putting his hand gently on her head and mussing her hair.
“You…aren’t fighting, right?” Akane asks, looking between them.
“Nah, I’m too old for fighting,” Akabayashi assures her, and what a lie that is. Shizuo recalls fighting him very vividly, but he nods along when Akane turns back to him.
“No fighting,” he agrees. He kneels down to her level. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”
“I’m not scared!” she argues immediately. “I just don’t want anyone to fight you but me!”
“We’re going to step outside for a chat,” Akabayashi informs her. “Can you be a big girl and order me a black coffee when you get to the counter?”
“Too late for coffee!” she tells him, and he laughs.
“Come on, I’m old! Take pity on me. Running after you isn’t as easy as I make it seem.” He pushes her along with the same gentle hand. “Go on, go order. Get whatever you want. I’ll be right back.”
Akane takes one last scrutinizing look at them before she runs towards the counter.
“Ugh, she’s going to be all sugared up for our trip. Oh well. Maybe she’ll crash at a reasonable hour.” Akabayashi goes to the door and opens it for Shizuo. “Well? Make it fast. You’ve got until she gets our order.”
Growling under his breath, Shizuo stomps outside, Akabayashi following after. They step to the side of the building, away from everyone walking by.
“Where the fuck is Izaya?” Shizuo asks before he even stops walking. Akabayashi tilts back against the wall, seeming completely at ease.
“He’s being dealt with.”
“Where is he?”
“With Shiki.” Akabayashi crosses his arms, looking Shizuo over. “You’ve got some really bad taste. A pretty face isn’t worth all this, is it?”
“Shut the fuck up! Tell me what I need to know! Izaya is gonna fucking die if–”
“Is that what you think?” Akabayashi laughs softly, shaking his head. “Man. You have no idea what that thing is.”
“Izaya isn’t a thing.”
“Well, he sure as fuck isn’t human or anything like it, so forgive me on the vernacular.”
Shizuo glowers at him, but for once in his life, anger isn’t his most pressing emotion. He’s scared. Scared of losing Izaya, of never seeing him again, of being completely helpless to stop whatever Izaya is going through right now. The Awakusu-Kai has something on Izaya, something that keeps him on a short leash, something that makes him crumple to the floor in pain when it’s used, something that makes Izaya hurt.
“Please,” Shizuo says through clenched teeth, and Akabayashi sighs.
“Izaya is a pain in the ass. You should know that better than anyone else. Do you even know half the shit he’s done? He fucked with kids. He’s hurt countless people. Is that the kind of person you want to beg for? Think this through. Everyone says what a dimwit you are, but I know better. You’re sharp. Tell me, do you really want to save someone like Orihara Izaya?”
Shizuo feels cold in a way that has nothing to do with the changing season. He clenches his hands into fists as he mulls over what Akabayashi is saying. Shizuo knows Izaya is an asshole, and he’s known it for a long time. No one knows Izaya better than Shizuo, he’s sure of it. No one else should get to decide his fate.
Izaya is his.
“I do,” Shizuo says, and Akabayashi scrutinizes him for a moment before shrugging.
“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. That witch isn’t helpless, no matter what he’s made you think to the contrary. He’s at the headquarters in Shinjuku. Tall building, top floor because Shiki has a dramatic flair even if he won’t admit it. Security is tight. Everyone is there right now, figuring out the next steps.”
“Oh yeah? Then why aren’t you there too?”
Akabayashi looks over Shizuo’s shoulder, his gaze unfocused.
“Season’s changing. The little miss wants to go to a hot spring, and her dad wants her out of the city. Good call, I say. Nothing good will come from us hanging around here anymore.”
Shizuo frowns, feeling like there’s a deeper meaning to Akabayashi’s words.
“You sound like you’re running away,” he accuses, and to his surprise, Akabayashi doesn’t refute it, nor does he rise to the bait.
“Like I said, season’s changing,” Akabayashi says again. “I’m getting too old to keep up.”
“Okay?”
“I told you before, I’m not as hot-headed as I used to be. I don’t pick fights I don’t have to, and I damn sure don’t like to fight when I can’t win. You’ll know what I mean someday.” He hums. “Looks like our time’s up.”
Shizuo turns to see Akane has exited the shop and is looking around in search of them. Realizing he isn’t going to get anything else from Akabayashi, he steps aside, allowing the man to pass.
“Wait,” Shizuo blurts suddenly, remembering he still doesn’t have an address, “which building is it in?” and Akabayashi barks a laugh.
“Like I’d tell you. Figure it out.” He steps past Shizuo, who reluctantly allows it. “And tell that witch of yours not to look for me. Consider me retired.”
Shizuo watches him go, and for some reason, he feels the same way he used to in school when he got an exam back and realized he flunked miserably, like he should’ve done better, like he knew the right answers but still wound up picking the wrong ones anyway.
***
Evening arrives, and with it, so do storm clouds. Shizuo is itching in a way he can’t scratch, ready to pull his own skin off and dig in deep. He needs Izaya, needs him like he needs air, and he’s being suffocated.
He trudges along mindlessly, searching for something, anything that will give any sort of indication to where Izaya might be. He doesn’t know why he can’t feel Izaya in his head anymore. He never thought he’d miss the feeling of someone reading his thoughts, but suddenly his own mind feels too vast, too lonely, like it doesn’t know what to do with itself and keeps drawing blanks.
“Fuck,” Shizuo hisses, scrubbing his hands across his face. He sinks into a squat right in the middle of the sidewalk, letting people walk around him. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
He could call Celty. He knows she would drop everything to help him, but he doesn’t want to endanger her. The Awakusu is very aware of creatures like Celty and might have ways to hurt her or worse.
Shinra isn’t answering, which isn’t unusual. It’s likely he’s being kept busy with work to distract him from this very situation.
Shizuo would rather bite his own tongue off than ask Tom or Vorona to help him.
He’s completely on his own here.
“Get up,” someone says, and Shizuo huffs to himself, wallowing in misery.
“Fuck off. Go around me.”
“Heiwajima-san, get up.”
Shizuo lifts his head to see that damn vampire hovering over him, looking as irritated as Shizuo has been all day.
“Why are you here?” Shizuo asks, and the vampire scoffs at him.
“Why are you? Get up, I’m serious. You’re making a spectacle of yourself.”
Shizuo stands and trails after the vampire, who is wearing a ridiculous cloak to cover himself from the setting sun. Shizuo glares at his back, willing him to drop dead in the middle of the sidewalk, but it doesn’t happen.
“What was your name again?” Shizuo barks, and it brings a sense of normalcy to the situation when he receives an incredulous laugh in response.
“You’re such an idiot,” the vampire says, and yeah, Shizuo thinks that’s probably fair.
***
“What were you even doing? Were you going to sit there and wait for Izaya to fall out of the sky into your lap?” Tsukumoya asks after he’s pulled Shizuo to a less crowded area.
“Fuck off! I was trying to think!”
“Don’t hurt yourself,” Tsukumoya snarks, and Shizuo growls at him.
“And where the fuck have you been, huh? At least I’m doing something!”
“I don’t need to look for Izaya. I know where he is.” Tsukumoya scowls at Shizuo, the mutual hatred resonating between them. “Why he trusts you more than anyone else is beyond me. I’ve never once seen you use critical thinking skills.”
“You know where he is?! Then why the fuck are we standing here?” Shizuo asks, shoving Tsukumoya, who rolls his eyes in response.
“Because of security? How have you lived this long? I’m seriously asking.”
“I don’t give a shit about security! I’ll tear them all apart with my bare hands if they get in our way–”
“Which is a terrible plan. You aren’t dealing with normal people here, okay? There are more members of the Awakusu-Kai than you know of, and many of them are from our world–” Tsukumoya starts.
“Don’t say our. I don’t want to get lumped in with you,” Shizuo interrupts, and Tsukumoya sighs loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“And many of them are from my world, so they’ll be prepared to deal with us if we just barge in,” Tsukumoya finishes. “We’ll do better if we can remain undetected.”
Shizuo curses and pulls out a cigarette. He’s smoked almost an entire pack today during his frantic search, but since it’s the only urge he can satisfy right now, he can’t seem to make himself stop.
“Okay, so do you have a plan, smartass?” Shizuo asks.
“I can get us where we need to be,” Tsukumoya says. “What happens after that is entirely up to you.”
“Wait, why just me?”
“How should I know why? Izaya chose you.” Tsukumoya’s voice doesn’t change, but Shizuo can detect an underlying bitterness all the same. “He’s placed his life in your hands. I hope for his sake you’re not actually as stupid as I think you are.”
Shizuo blows a cloud of smoke into Tsukumoya’s stupid face.
“So we sneak in and then you think they’ll just let us walk out with Izaya? We’re going to have to fight them either way, whether it’s going into the building or exiting. Why not get it over with?”
“Have you forgotten already that Izaya can’t just leave?”
“Of course I haven’t! That’s what I’m saying! We go in, kill them all, and then Izaya is free to do whatever he wants!” Shizuo inhales his cigarette smoke deeply, trying to use it to calm himself down.
“It doesn’t work like that. We won’t be able to kill everyone there, no matter how invincible you think you are. And even if you are–” Tsukumoya’s voice gets louder when Shizuo opens his mouth to argue, “they’ll kill Izaya before letting you whisk him away. Don’t you understand even that?”
Shizuo throws his hands up. “So we sneak in, find Izaya, and sneak him out? They’ll kill him if we do that, too!”
Tsukumoya’s eyes narrow even further as he observes Shizuo icily.
“Izaya is truly doomed. I don’t know what he sees in you, but he’s clearly wrong on this one.”
“Fuck off!” Shizuo throws his spent cigarette down and immediately lights another one. Plenty of people are glaring at him as they pass, both from his loud voice and the secondhand smoke, but Shizuo couldn’t possibly care less. “What you’re saying makes no sense! I don’t know how to get Izaya out of there because he’s never told me shit about how to help him!”
“He can’t,” Tsukumoya supplies, and Shizuo roars in frustration.
“I KNOW THAT! Fuck, do you really think I don’t know that?! I know he couldn’t tell me anything about it, but that doesn’t do anything for us now, does it?!” Shizuo growls, rubbing his free hand across his face. “He’s suffering and I can’t help him! Do you think I’m happy about it?!”
Tsukumoya studies him, some of the frost leaving his expression. His shoulders droop, and Shizuo feels himself relaxing a bit in response.
“Okay,” Tsukumoya says slowly, “talking about this is pointless, isn’t it? You really are just going off instinct alone. Izaya was right about that much.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means you’re just like a dog,” Tsukumoya says, and right when Shizuo decides he’s had enough and is going to simply break Tsukumoya’s legs and force the vampire to take him to Izaya, a portal is opening underneath him, and he’s falling through it with a yelp, tumbling through and smashing his head against something hard and solid.
He sits up, a groan of pain escaping him. He can feel something wet dripping down his face.
“You still don’t know how to land properly?” Tsukumoya’s voice asks from above him. Shizuo turns toward it, but can’t see the vampire clearly. Wherever they are is very dark, the only light source coming from Tsukumoya’s eyes, which are lit up with an inhuman glow. “You hit your head.”
“And whose fucking fault is that?!” Shizuo hisses.
“Keep your voice down. We’re not exactly welcomed guests.”
Shizuo grumbles, rubbing at the forming knot on his head. He can tell from the vampire’s demeanor that they’re likely inside the building Izaya is being held in, and his suspicions are confirmed when Tsukumoya speaks again.
“Izaya is still alive. They’re discussing his fate now.”
“How do you know that?” Shizuo asks, but he feels his stomach unclenching at the knowledge Izaya is still breathing.
Tsukumoya doesn’t answer him, of course. Shizuo has learned to expect as much. He stands and grips the wall, trying to find his way in the darkness. Tsukumoya scoffs at him.
“Why are you acting like you can’t see in the dark?”
“Oh, right,” Shizuo says, and then his vision adjusts almost instantly.
“Unbelievable,” Tsukumoya mutters to himself.
Ignoring him, Shizuo looks around. They’re in an empty office. It looks completely unused, no computer on the desk, no files to be seen, no books on the shelves.
“Where is Izaya?” Shizuo asks.
“In the room down the hall. He’s unconscious, but he’s okay. The executives are meeting in the conference room next door to him, and there are guards posted outside both rooms.”
Not every executive, Shizuo thinks to himself, seeing Akabayashi in his mind.
“The two main enforcers are missing since Izaya killed one and the other left the city,” Tsukumoya says, seemingly reading Shizuo’s thoughts..
“Yeah, lucky us,” Shizuo says, and Tsukumoya shakes his head.
“When will you learn there’s no luck when it comes to Izaya,” he says, but Shizuo gets the feeling it’s a rhetorical question, so he doesn’t bother answering it.
“So now what?” Shizuo asks.
“You tell me,” Tsukumoya replies.
Shizuo grumbles, wracking his brain for anything that might help them.
“They have something of Izaya’s,” he says softly,. “If we can get it back, they won’t be able to keep him here.”
“Yes,” Tsukumoya says.
“Last time, that Shiki guy was the one who had it. He reached into his pocket and did something, and then Izaya was on the ground, screaming.” Shizuo flinches at the memory.
“Do you think it’s on him now?” Tsukumoya asks.
“Probably? I can’t think of where else they would store it.”
“Then the best course of action would be to take it from him before he can use it against Izaya again.”
“Yeah.” Shizuo’s voice drips with sarcasm. “Easy.”
Tsukumoya snorts. “True enough. Maybe if we look around this place, we can find something to help us out. Worst case scenario, I’ll–”
He pauses, his head tilting before he shoves Shizuo out of the way. The door crashes open, splintering into chunks of wood, and then a group of men are barging in, their weapons drawn.
“Figure something out!” Tsukumoya yells, and then another portal is opening, taking Shizuo away from the scene.
***
He lands in a heap in another empty room, hitting his head again. He can hear confused shouts from the men as well as muffled booming noises from whatever the vampire is doing to them. Shizuo scrambles to his feet, giving up on remaining undetected. The Awakusu already knows they’re in the building, so what’s the point anymore?
Nothing matters but getting to Izaya.
Shizuo slams out of the room, narrowly avoiding a bullet from the man guarding it. He roars loudly and slams the man’s head into the wall, wincing at the sickening crunch he hears before he hurries forward.
Izaya, answer me! He calls through their link, but he receives nothing in reply. He bares his teeth, feeling the urge to burst out of his own skin. He’s far past the point of withdrawal now, his heart pounding in his ears, his entire body trembling, his clothes soaked through with sweat. He’s almost completely incapable of rational thought anymore. All he can seem to focus on is Izaya being so close to him, and yet so far away.
Izaya!
He pushes into another room, growling when he finds it empty.
IZAYA!
He shoves through another door, his mind filling with rage and static and desperation.
Izaya, Izaya, Izaya!!!!
He barrels through everyone standing in his way. He feels the sting of something hitting him but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t even know how to anymore. He’s on autopilot, running on fumes and adrenaline, and it’s not until the floor opens under him once again that a rational thought finally crosses his mind before everything goes black:
I fucked up.
***
Shizuo opens his eyes to find he’s back inside Izaya’s childhood home.
Groaning, he sits up slowly, his head aching. He hates those stupid portals so much, and the next time someone tries to use one on him, he’ll wring their necks until their heads pop off.
“Stupid magic bullshit,” Shizuo mumbles, and then his eyes fall on Izaya, who is a kid here, his eyes wide as he looks Shizuo over. Shizuo sees the twins in their crib and the ghost in the corner, and realizes he’s right back where he started in these memories of Izaya’s past.
“You’re bleeding,” Izaya says softly, and Shizuo lifts a hand to his head, huffing when it comes away stained with more blood than before.
“Yeah, courtesy of your magic friends. How hard is it to warn someone before you make the fucking floor disappear?!”
Izaya merely observes him, his head tilting to the side.
Cute.
Izaya flushes. “You’re older than you were before.”
“I am?” Shizuo looks himself over and sees Izaya is right. Izaya is a child here, as he usually is in these dreams, but this time, Shizuo is his actual age, and he has the same injuries as he currently does in the waking world.
“Is this how you normally are?” Izaya asks.
“Uh, yeah. I told you I don’t know how these dreams work, but I’m actually an adult, and so are you. We’re the same age.”
“Right.” Izaya looks off to the side. “I haven’t met you yet.”
“You will. You know, later.” Shizuo doesn’t know what to say or what to do. Izaya just looks so fucking sad.
“I’ve sensed terrible things to come in the future,” Izaya says, and it’s not the first time he’s said so. “Things for myself, especially, but I don’t know how to stop any of it. I don’t think it can be stopped.” He curls into himself, resting his chin on his knees.
Shizuo is struck with the urge to pick him up and shield him somehow from the future that awaits them both.
“You’re the realest vision I’ve ever had,” Izaya continues, and Shizuo moves to crouch in front of him, taking Izaya’s small hand in his. “I forget them sometimes, when they’re over, but… I always remember you.”
“Izaya, tell me how to help you,” Shizuo pleads. “What can I do?”
“I don’t know,” Izaya says. “For some reason, you seem…different. In more ways than your age. It’s like you’ve…lost something?”
“I did. I lost you.” Shizuo’s grip tightens. He loosens it when Izaya winces, but Izaya is immediately clenching Shizuo’s hand with both of his own, his nails digging into Shizuo’s skin and leaving angry red indents in their wake.
“No, never,” Izaya says, and everything about him seems to suddenly glow, lightening up the dark space around them. “I gave it to you and only you.”
“What does that mean?” Shizuo asks, desperate, but then the scenery shifts, and he’s suddenly a kid again himself, sitting on a bench, a young Izaya in his lap.
“I’ll take whatever you give me as long as it saves you,” he hears himself say, and then Izaya is kissing him, and something solidifies into place.
***
For the second time, Shizuo finds himself in an unfamiliar place. He tries to brush his hair out of his eyes but he finds he can’t.
I can’t move my arms.
He tries again, but they’re plastered to his side, and when he finally blinks the blurriness out of his vision, he realizes he’s tied up.
He uses his full strength to try and break free, but for once in his life, his strength isn’t enough.
“Heiwajima-san, we were wondering when you would join us,” a deep voice says, and Shizuo turns to see Shiki sitting a few seats away from him, flanked on both sides by two bodyguards that probably have otherworldly abilities like the vampire warned him about.
“Where’s Izaya?” Shizuo rasps, his voice hoarse from all the shouting he’s been doing.
“He’s here. We haven’t harmed him,” Shiki says.
“Bullshit. I’ve seen you fuckers harm him!” Shizuo flexes again, but the ropes somehow tighten against his body on their own accord.
“If you keep struggling, those ropes will eventually wrap around your neck,” Shiki says, looking almost bored. “Calm yourself, and we can have a chat.”
Shizuo hisses low in his throat, using his legs to try and lift himself from the chair. Once again, the restraints tighten, and Shizuo finds he can’t take a deep breath.
Shiki merely observes him.
“Are you done now? Do you finally believe me?”
Shizuo glares at him with all the hate he can muster. “What did you do with Izaya?”
“I told you, he’s fine. He’s alive. He’s simply not part of this conversation.” Shiki adjusts himself in his seat and folds his arms on the table in front of him. Shizuo looks around to see they’re in a conference room. All of the chairs are empty aside from the ones Shizuo and Shiki are occupying.
Above them, another booming sound can be heard, as well as muffled screaming.
“Your friend is very skilled,” Shiki says, looking up, and Shizuo realizes he means Tsukumoya.
“He’s not my friend.”
“Associate then? Well, whatever he is to you, it’s clear he’s trying to help you retrieve Izaya-san.” Shiki leans forward. “You understand why I can’t let either of you do so.”
“Like hell I do!” Shizuo roars, and the ropes tighten, wrapping themselves higher until they constrict his airflow entirely.
Sighing, Shiki looks up at the man to his right. The man grunts in understanding, and the restraints loosen, allowing Shizuo to take a full breath. He chokes on it, gasping so loud he barely hears Shiki’s next words over the sound of his own coughing.
“Izaya-san cannot be allowed to continue operating freely as he has been.”
Shizuo lifts his head, blinking tears from his eyes as he gathers himself.
“Why?”
Shiki is silent, studying Shizuo with a steady gaze. He looks wise beyond his years, like he’s seen much more than his age suggests.
“Tell me, Heiwajima-san, do you really believe Izaya-san has always used his powers for good?” Shiki asks.
“This again,” Shizuo mutters under his breath. He shakes his head. “I don’t need anyone to tell me how fucked up Izaya is. I know better than anyone else. He’s a flea bastard, but he isn’t anything I can’t handle.”
“I see.” Shiki leans back, seemingly deep in thought. “So you believe you’re fully in control of yourself and your decisions right now.”
Shizuo pauses, narrowing his eyes at the implications. Shiki observes him before continuing.
“Izaya-san is incredibly skilled. He’s the most powerful of his kind I’ve ever seen. Manipulating others is nothing to him, so you understand my concern when you say you, the person closest to him, and the one he’s most obsessed with, is completely unaffected by him and his abilities.”
“Tch.” Shizuo flops backwards into his chair. “You think he’s controlling me?”
Shiki hums. “Maybe not completely, but can you say you’re free of his influence?”
Shizuo thinks of the bite on Izaya’s neck and flushes slightly, but when he speaks again, his words are steady.
“Izaya didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t want him to.”
“Mm. Interesting.” Shiki shifts in his chair, the corner of his lip twitching. “What has Izaya-san told you of his involvement with us?”
“I know it wasn’t a real choice. You fuckers didn’t tell him he was signing his whole life away! Especially that bald guy–”
“Kine-san,” Shiki supplies helpfully.
“Yeah, him. You took advantage of a kid. Izaya didn’t even know how to use his powers yet before you had him on a leash.”
“Yes, that was by design,” Shiki says mildly, and Shizuo wants to tear his head off.
“What the FUCK–”
“Heiwajima-san, you feel strongly for Izaya-san. It is admirable, but your feelings for him may not be your own. The fact of the matter is, you know nothing of what he really is, or what his kind has done in the past.”
Shizuo wants to argue, but something, a small presence in his mind, is telling him to calm down and listen.
Izaya?
“Witches are a rarity now. They’ve been hunted almost to extinction, usually before they come of age, because of the atrocities committed previously. The other realm received the worst of their wrath, but ours wasn’t unscathed. I won’t bore you with a history lesson, but there is a reason an organization like the Awakusu-Kai exists. We keep the order between the realms, ensuring no one becomes mad with power.”
“Screw that. You just keep all the power for yourself,” Shizuo says. Shiki gives a noncommittal hum.
“It’s not as black and white as that. When someone wields an unfathomable amount of power, it does terrible things to their mind. It helps to have another source there to provide a system of checks and balances. Of course, the system isn’t perfect, and you won’t hear me say it is, but if the alternative is one individual acting in his own selfish interests, then yes, a leash held by many is a better choice.”
“It’s torture! Izaya would’ve chosen death before being under someone’s control! Don’t act all mighty about what you’re doing, you bastard!” Shizuo thinks of the little Izaya in the past, recklessly trusting in Kine, desperate to have someone like him to relate to. He thinks of Izaya allowing himself to get injured to see how long he could postpone his own healing. He thinks of Izaya, alone in his apartment, getting shit-faced drunk because it was the only thing he seemed to have control over. Shizuo bares his teeth, anger surging through him, bolstering him.
“If it was such a big fucking deal in the past, you could’ve just killed him as soon as you found him, but you didn’t. You made sure to control him, to use him for your own needs, and if he did anything else, you made his cage even smaller! What did you think would happen? Did you think he’d follow your orders his entire life without ever fighting back?!” Shizuo can remember Izaya’s words from before, the ones that pissed him off for reasons he didn’t fully understand at the time.
“If you’re going to be hated, you damn well better be useful. That’s the way it is.”
“Heiwajima-san, I’ll say this again,” Shiki says, his voice gentle. Coddling. “Izaya-san has completely manipulated your involvement in this situation. I don’t know exactly what he told you, but to say Orihara Izaya-san has ever followed our orders would be generous.” Shiki’s neutral expression shifts a bit, something darker taking its place. “In fact, it’s safe to say Orihara Izaya-san has been acting in his own interests since we met him. Every attempt to work with him has failed, so my dim-witted associate made a desperate ploy to take away Izaya-san’s favorite toy in an effort to force him to be more cooperative. You know already how that played out.”
Shizuo thinks of that scarred-up executive that turned him into a werewolf. The one Izaya killed for him.
“Why should I listen to anything you say?” Shizuo barks, unable to stop himself from getting defensive. “Izaya’s an untrustworthy asshole, but so are you. And I…” His hands tremble at his sides. “It’s not like what you’re saying. Izaya isn’t controlling me. He didn’t tell me everything, I saw it for myself.”
Shiki’s eyes widen slightly. “You saw it?”
Shizuo starts to respond, but pauses when he realizes Shiki is laughing at him.
“Oh, I see now! He’s shown you all you need to see! Yes, that does sound like him. I’m sure he made you think he didn’t know how he was doing it, too! That it was all outside his control.”
Shizuo doesn’t respond, but that’s a response in itself.
“Heiwajima-san, come on. Surely you aren’t this dense. You were his enemy, once. You know how he is. He will do anything, say anything, to give himself the upper hand. There is nothing that witch can’t and won’t do to keep you where he wants you.”
“You’re wrong,” Shizuo says, but it doesn’t sound convincing to even himself.
“I hope for your sake, I am,” Shiki says, and it seems almost sincere. “Messing with one’s emotions is the kind of thing we wanted to stop Izaya-san from doing, but of course he would find a way around us.”
There’s another loud noise above them, and bits of the ceiling crumble onto the table. No one but Shizuo reacts to it.
“Now then, I’m glad you stopped by, Heiwajima-san. There is a matter I wanted to discuss with you, free of Izaya-san’s influence,” Shiki says.
“You talk too much,” Shizuo grumbles, and he squirms in his seat. “All you fuckers do is talk, you, Izaya, that damn vampire. Pretty sure I’ve heard more bullshit in the last few months than I’ve heard my whole life.”
“Then I’ll get straight to the point: what if we agreed to let Izaya-san live so long as you cooperate with us?”
Shizuo blinks at him.
“Huh?”
“I admit, it’s not the best solution,” Shiki says, looking sour, “but as you know, I’m in a bit of a bind when it comes to enforcement. And, as much as I would love to rid myself of Orihara Izaya-san, his power is of too much use. It would be a waste to dispose of him so soon.”
“Meaning you don’t have anyone else to take his place,” Shizuo spits.
“And that,” Shiki agrees. “There isn’t anyone else in either realm that can hold a candle to Izaya-san at this time.”
“Like hell I’d work for you. You’ll just keep hurting Izaya over and over, the way you’ve been doing all this time, and then you’d have something on me, too,” Shizuo says.
“No one is forcing you to accept,” Shiki points out. “But we would rather work without a witch than one who isn’t amenable to us and our mission.”
Shizuo grinds his teeth so hard he tastes blood. “So work with you or you’ll kill us both. That’s basically what you’re saying.”
Shiki hums. “Killing you may or may not come to fruition based on your future actions, but Izaya-san’s fate is sealed, yes.”
Shizuo studies him, trying and failing to figure out a third way out of this mess. He still feels a presence in his mind, one that isn’t himself, and it comforts him enough to not lose his temper so much he winds up strangled by the ropes wrapped around his body.
“Okay, so,” he begins, thinking over his words as carefully as he’s capable of, “say I agree to work with you. What then? What happens to Izaya?”
“Izaya-san will cease his operations as a freelance informant and move into one of the many houses owned by the Awakusu. He will not interact with anyone else without my approval.”
“That’s worse than killing him,” Shizuo says. “Why not let him stay as he is? If you’re using me against him, he won’t be so reckless.”
“He will not be receiving any more chances from us, Heiwajima-san. This is as good a deal as either of you are going to get.”
“Well,” Shizuo says with a drawn out sigh, “I refuse. So now what?”
There’s silence in the room as the fallout of his words settle around them. Shiki has a look of incredulity on his face, as if unable to believe what Shizuo just said.
“Well?” Shizuo snaps. “What now? Are you gonna kill me, or what? I want out of this damn chair.”
Shiki stands slowly, the men behind him standing back to allow him room.
“Do you have any idea who you’re protecting so fiercely?” Shiki murmurs, seemingly to himself. He steps into Shizuo’s space, hovering over him. “You’re still thinking Izaya-san is the victim in this scenario?”
“I don’t give a fuck, to be honest,” Shizuo says. “All these games you guys play, they’re so annoying. All you do is go back and forth trying to one-up each other. It pisses me the hell off. All any of you do is talk, talk, talk, and it’s about fucking nothing. You’re just a bunch of wannabe control freaks and I’ve got no desire to get involved with it.”
Shiki laughs again, shaking his head. “How incredibly simplistic of you.”
“I’m not the kind of guy to get involved with stuff that doesn’t concern me,” Shizuo says, shrugging as much as he can. “Izaya wouldn’t be happy with the option you’re giving me, so it’s a no. If that’s simple, then it’s simple.”
Shiki studies him a moment longer before reaching into his pocket. Shizuo sits up straighter, remembering that morning in Izaya’s apartment.
Almost immediately, Izaya begins screaming from somewhere over their heads.
“Izaya!” Shizuo shouts, kicking at Shiki, who is still standing over him. The ropes tighten, but Shizuo doesn’t care, can’t care. All he cares about is Izaya, who is here somewhere, hurting.
“Is your answer still ‘no’?” Shiki asks, and the screaming continues.
“Fucking STOP it! If you’re gonna kill us, then just kill us!” Shizuo yells, fighting against the ropes with all he has.
“Think it over carefully,” Shiki says, barely audible over Izaya’s cries.
Shizuo can’t. He can’t, he’s failing Izaya, his Izaya, his, his, his–
The soothing pressure in his soul spreads. It calms him, lessening the red in his vision, letting him focus. He realizes the thing in Shiki’s hand is…a folded sheet of paper?
Shiki sees him looking at it and pulls it properly from his pocket. Indeed, it’s an old sheet of regular notebook paper, frayed at the edges, worn out over time. Shiki unfolds it and holds it up for Shizuo to see clearly.
At the bottom of the page is Izaya’s signature, impeccably neat despite his age when he signed it. The rest of the page is blank, likely hidden from Shizuo because it doesn’t involve him.
A contract?
Shiki crumples it in his fist, and Izaya screams again. Shizuo manages to push the chair forward, but it topples over, and he crashes into the floor, the ropes moving across his entire body, slowly tightening. Black spots dance across his vision as his airflow constricts. He can barely make out Shiki’s face as the man kneels next to him.
“This is what you were searching for, wasn’t it?” Shiki straightens the paper out, smoothing it with careful hands. “Once this contract is destroyed, Izaya-san will no longer exist. It was a failsafe put into place long ago, to stop him from acting out for his own enjoyment. Witches are rarely of sound mind, and I’m sure you’ve noticed Izaya-san is no exception.”
Shizuo can feel himself beginning to lose consciousness. He fights to stay awake, knows somehow that whatever it is he needs to do, he needs to do it now.
“It would have been nice to work with you, Heiwajima-san, but I’ll respect your decision. Don’t worry, Izaya-san will join you shortly.”
Shizuo’s decision? Is that what this is?
He just wants Izaya to be free.
He hears himself in the past, the words echoing in his mind, “You’re giving me your heart?”
“My soul,” Izaya had said. “What’s left of it. What I didn’t sign away.”
Shizuo scoots his body forward. He uses the last of his strength to lift himself up enough to blurrily make out the shape of the paper, and then he chomps down on a corner of it with his teeth.
“You won’t break me.” Izaya had said back then. “You can’t.”
“What–!”
Shizuo pulls his head back with all his might. The paper rips with a strange sound that reverberates around the room, and Shizuo feels something surging into him like a tidal wave, and then leaving him just as quickly, traveling like a wave from the shore back to sea. The air itself seems to pause, everything stopping all at once, no sound around them, not even their breathing.
“What have you done…?” Shiki asks, his voice trembling, and then he’s grabbing at his head, folding violently into himself with a sickening crunch, as if every bone in his body broke at once. The ropes around Shizuo loosen, and as he sits up, he realizes the other two men resemble Shiki, a grotesque pile of gore that barely looks like anything anymore, much less a former person.
Feeling sick, Shizuo hurriedly leaves the room, running back up the stairs to where Izaya was being kept. The floor is filled with the same horrible piles of flesh. It’s impossible to tell them apart from each other, not that Shizuo would know any of their faces anyway. Izaya isn’t here anymore, and neither is that damn vampire.
Hissing, Shizuo finds the door to the roof access, and it’s open, beckoning him forward. He takes a deep breath, feeling nervous for some reason, and he steps into the darkness of the stairwell, making his way up to where he knows Izaya must be.
When he steps onto the roof, time seems to still.
Izaya is at the edge of the building, balancing on the railing with effortless agility. His head is tilted back, a smile appearing on his face as the rain finally begins to fall. He lifts his arms up to the sky, laughing loudly as he’s soaked to the bone.
Shizuo barely notices Tsukumoya suddenly appearing right beside him. Both of them are too focused on Izaya, who is ethereal, glowing from within as he plays in the rain as if he’s never truly experienced it before.
“Izaya…” Shizuo says softly, and Izaya finally acknowledges them, tilting his head as he observes them.
His eyes are bright and red.
“Shizu-chan saved me just as I knew he would!” Izaya says jovially, hopping down from the railing. His landing is silent, as are his footsteps as he moves closer to them.
Beside him, Shizuo feels Tsukumoya take a miniscule step back.
Izaya stops in front of Shizuo, looking him over before putting a hand on his shoulder. Immediately, all the low-level pain that was plaguing Shizuo disappears, and he realizes he's been healed. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He simply stares at the beautiful creature in front of him, unable to form a coherent thought.
“What’s wrong, Shizu-chan?” Izaya lilts. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking about that nonsense Shiki-san was spouting?” He laughs, and the space around him seems to become weightless, as if everything is simply bending to Izaya’s own gravity. “He was just mad you weren’t listening to him.”
“Izaya, you…” Shizuo tries, and then he throws his arms around Izaya, pulling him into an embrace so tight it has to hurt. Izaya doesn’t emit any sounds of pain, just settles into Shizuo’s arms and smoothes his fingers through Shizuo’s wet hair.
“Poor Shizu-chan,” Izaya coos, “so far in withdrawal. You must’ve been in so much pain. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be away from you for so long.”
Shizuo buries his face into Izaya’s neck, breathing him in deeply, greedily, only finally beginning to calm down as the boiling in his veins dulls to a low simmer. Safe, Izaya is safe. He’s alive and he’s here, in Shizuo’s arms, exactly where he should be.
“Good job, Shinichi,” Izaya calls, and Shizuo growls in response as that damn vampire receives praise. “You brought Shizu-chan to me.”
“Izaya…” Tsukumoya trails off, and Izaya laughs again, his hands settling on Shizuo’s shoulders to better balance himself.
“You’re both so quiet. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were afraid of me.”
Now that Shizuo’s brain isn’t completely overwhelmed with the intense need to get back to Izaya, he lifts his head to glare in irritation at the rainclouds above them, only just registering that they’re all completely soaked.
“Can we go? I’m sick of this place,” he says.
“Yes, me too,” Izaya agrees. “In fact, I’m sick of Tokyo. What if we traveled around a bit?”
“And go where?” Shizuo asks.
“Anywhere but here. Anywhere we want!” Izaya rests his forehead against Shizuo’s, staring at him with an intensity that isn’t the least bit human. “You’ll go with me, right, Shizu-chan?”
They both know there isn’t anything Shizuo wouldn’t do for him by this point. Shizuo nods, and Izaya smiles so sweetly that it’s easy to forget the mangled bodies he left just below their feet.
Izaya moves towards the stairwell, and Shizuo takes his hand, squeezing it with his own, feeling the magic surge under Izaya’s perfect skin. It’s part of Izaya, moving with him, completely in sync, just as it's always been. Shizuo closes his eyes, swallowing thickly, a familiar feeling of dread settling in his stomach the way it always does when he knows Izaya has been up to something. Izaya looks up at him, a wicked glint in his eye, and Shizuo thinks of Akabayashi, of Shiki, and of Tsukumoya, who is resolutely staying far behind them, as if unwilling to get any closer.
Shizuo can’t help but wonder if he set Izaya free so much as set him loose.
