be still.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30.

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I don't care what you've done. I believe you are precious to God and that He loves you.

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as the rooster crows.

today in the prayer room, I sat with my friend Jean for 4 long hours talking to her about redemption. i'm so wrecked. like a blubbery mess of feelings. she told me about two suicide attempts 14 years ago, taking in 200 pills, and some how surviving. the only explanation is Jesus knew Jean from the womb and had called her His own and saw who she really was when she couldn't. today Jean serves Jesus with the most beautiful and pure heart I've seen in a while. she shines love.

how He loves you and me. that's all I've been thinking about. He loves us as we are not as we should be. rich or poor or young or old or showered or filthy grace is grace is grace and we all are the rewards of His sufferings, His bride. I have been so wrecked thinking about how Jesus loves the unlovely. He touches the untouchables. He befriends the lonely. He heals wounds, raises the dead, lifts our burdens, he shares his meals and his laughter and his time and company with all those ignored by everyone else, and this is the working of redemption. his heart! 

i was listening to a Jon Thurlow set and he started singing a song from Peter's prospective. I relate to Peter so much. he is a passionate disciple, who deeply loves Jesus. sometimes he forgets who he is, and doesn't know why he does the things he does, but Jesus knows all things, Jesus knows the truth about Peter, and see's in Peter what sometimes Peter doesn't see in himself. that Peter loves Jesus, and longs to obey Him. it's not Peter's zeal, its that His love is strong. it's not Peter's strength, its that He's faithful.  the lyrics? sure!

Its been a long dark night, it started at the supper. You said that You'd die soon, I said that I would die to. You took us to the garden and then You went off to pray. You asked me to keep watch but I couldn't stay awake. Then Judas showed up with a large crowd of people. Then they seized You, and we all ran away. The dearest friend I've ever had is in His darkest hour. I said I'd never leave Your side and now I'm hiding like a coward. And why am I feeling all this anger? Why am I leaving you in danger? And why am I acting like were strangers? As the rooster crows. 

Lord, you know all things. You know that I love you. Lord, you know all things. You know that I love you. Lord, you know all things. You know that I love you.

I hear you saying, "All of your fountains are in Me. I have everything you need. Keep coming back to me. Those who call upon My name, they will not be put to shame. Keep coming back to me."

be encouraged, beloved of jesus. he never gives up on you, and he is passionately pursuing you. he see's you and knows you and he loves you through and through, just as you are. he's not into condemnation at all. his grace big. his love unconditional. his arms are wide open.

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Simple Devotion

Pretty much, what I've been learning is how God yearns for us. He is jealous of our time, our affections, our gaze. And there is not a place that is more home than spending time with him, giving our affections to Him, lifting our gaze to Him. This is what we were made for, and nothing makes us more alive than just BEING with Him, becoming ONE with Him. Meditate on Jesus. Reflect on His love. Simple devotion, I will not withhold. I won't overlook BEING with God. I don't even have to read my bible. I don't even have to think of spiritual things to say or talk to Him about. I can sit in my room, I can be walking outside, I can be in the grocery store, and I can just engage God, and this is what He longs for and this is what I will give Him, with no reserve.

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Moving With The Seasons

Tumblr homies! Its been a few months. A bunch has happened. I mean, like, a ton. I don’t actively think of tumblr because I’ve been quite busy, but tonight I am just feeling it so here goes my messy, feeble attempts of describing defining moments that have been occurring in my sometimes mundane and average life. Enjoy!

I’ve written of the past months and failures at Bethany, in Minnesota on here but very hesitantly. I’ve deleted most everything I’ve vulnerably shared because of how painful it is for me. Lets say, I made mistakes, I came back home to Texas and I am thankful for Jesus’ faithful love and pursuit of me. He never abandoned me in those dark, dark months of bitter change and heart ache. He was closer than ever before. I am new in Him. He never will see again the things I did. Forgiveness, grace, mercy. This is what He came to do. Through it all, my heart has become increasingly more broken and burdened for the lost and those who don’t belong. As in, I have wept for hours, longing to reach more, with the glorious gospel, of the love of Jesus.

I started my fast food job at Whataburger, in the middle of December. I had been very isolated and alone prior to working at Whataburger, so my job in some sorts has played a big part in saving me from thinking to much and dwelling too much in the past and reliving mistakes. In addition to that, making new friends. Well, not people I trust with anything, but people who can make me smile and laugh, and people I can share Jesus with. I still starve for Christian fellowship, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that has been so very dark, and I’ll get to that part soon!

So, I officially met the one man who could be described as the love of my life. This is not a joke. I have known him for about two months, and we have a confidence in each other about each other. We are dating because we believe very firmly we are going to get married. Everything is in line. Our dreams and our passions and our beliefs and interests and we are going the same places and its so beautiful how it all came about. His name is Brent and I simply adore him. He is beautiful, kind and humble in heart. Falling in love with him is like falling deeper in love with Jesus and this is exactly how I want it, this is how it should be. He has quickly become my best friend, and I want nothing more than to serve this wonderful man forever, and learn to love more perfectly, and explore Jesus with him, and go to the poorest of the poor, the least of these, burning bright, salt and light, with him.

With that being said, in April, he is coming down to Texas, one way flight, and he is escorting me up to Ohio where I will work at a restaurant he got me a job at, live with his parents or a lady he knows who is big into the house of prayer in his hometown. Everything is going very smoothly, like it was always suppose to happen, like it was laid out before we were formed. Our Father had the best for us in mind, from the very start. Brent is the best for me, and I think I might be the best for him.

I have noticed that I have been moving with the seasons since graduating high school. I’ve gone North in the beautiful, warmer months, and South in the colder months. I'm like a bird and I never want to stay in one place, at least not any time soon. This is a very exciting thing, because Brent and I are going to be nomadic, minimalist missionaries living out of our van, ministering to the poor and the broken and the lost on the streets in the cities that we go. We have no college degrees, no long term plans, and we cling to Matthew 6, do not worry about your life. Our Father will provide! Our lives will testify to this, and I'm so ready to get started.

It's beautiful because I know that marrying Brent is going to be diving head first into my calling in God, and it's so thrilling for me to think about. How God has lead us so far in our relationship, I can't imagine the beauty and the love and the people and places He has for us. I have such a happy, content heart. I'm so satisfied in God, in His love. I'm so happy to see how after all, He had it all in His hands, in His plans, every thing I did to screw up things at Bethany, He used to restore me, and send me further into what He has for my life, and I love how He is taking my life and joining it with the life of another. When I say yes to Brent, I'm saying yes to his callings, his dreams, his heartbeat and ministry. And those things are the same as mine, for the most part. We are doubling up, two by two, going out for Jesus. I can't wait to keep you posted on this adventure that awaits us.

Peace out, & love

Madisson Brooke White

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Instead of using Scripture as a weapon of exclusion, may we learn how to embrace it as a glimpse into the way of love.

Mark van Steenwyk 

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Palo Duro Canyon is beautiful.

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I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

Mother Teresa

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Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30

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Under Grace

"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained by keeping the law, Christ died for nothing." Galatians 2:21.

This is something the Lord is teaching me over and over again, as I always tend to forget that duh it's only by grace and I go back to just trying to live by a checklist in the faith.

For example:

-Read the bible for one hour per day, or two if you want to be extra spiritual and near to God's heart.

-Pray at least three times a day, definitely when you wake up and when you go to bed, any extra is recommended.

-Mustard up emotions when praying for extra conviction and sincerity when repenting or whatever else.

-Go to church at least 2 times a week, plus a life group or bible study, maybe even more if you can find more.

-Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.

-God is so pleased with you now!

  But, it is not our actions ever that are going to put us in right standing with Him. What is that scripture, it says something like all of our righteous acts are like filthy rags before Him. It was never God's intention for us to go through a bunch of motions and routines. It was always God's heart for us to be set free from living under pathetic attempts to be justified by keeping rules, and for us to live under the simplicity of the magnificent grace of Jesus Christ. No one can boast in themselves now. Our only boast can be in Him, in His great love, in His abundant grace. Did you see the scripture at the top!? If we could have been justified by keeping rules, Christ would have died for NOTHING.

"Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the SPIRIT (grace), are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh (law)?" Galatians 3:3

"You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have FALLEN AWAY FROM GRACE." Galatians 5:4

So, what? Do we not read the bible? Do we not pray? Do we not go to church? No, in fact, we will even more, I believe. It won't be out of a place of rules and religion and a desire to be justified by works, though. Because, we understand it isn't by works, but by grace, and we just have to simply believe in that grace. It's tough to grasp that simple gospel sometimes, that is why we have to become childlike. When we understand, and I mean constantly reflect on the fact that it is nothing we can do that could make God pleased with us, but by grace He is already pleased with us, it will drive us so far into a pursuit of God's own heart.

The difference is, I don't do works to gain God's approval or acceptance or pleasure over me. I do works because of God's approval and acceptance and pleasure over me. That...is simply beautiful. Grace is not cheap, haha. Grace is free. There is a misconception that you even have to work for grace; that is ridiculous. Grace is a fruit, abundant and everywhere, and it will never go out of season. You can go to the place of grace and gather as much as you can hold as often as you would like. This is good news!

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The days of unforgiveness are over; frustrations are over. Offence is not permissible! You shouldn't even consider it, you should crush it in your own soul, in your own temptations and never justify it because it is never God. 'Cause if God was offended he wouldn't have sent His Son and you wouldn't be sitting here filled with His Spirit. And if He loved you this way we ought to love others this way. The bible says that.

Dan Mohler

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Words and Trees

I just had a vision. This is very rare for me so I know this must be important. I have been having such a restful, refreshing, silent time with Jesus tonight. Waiting on Him to speak to me as I silenced the external and internal noise. At one point, I sighed of joy and leaned my head back on my bed and closed my eyes and opened my mouth just breathing. This is when it happened. I saw a tree spring forth, rooted in my mouth. This tree was green, it was full of leaves and it was delightful and beautiful. It gave people joy to be around it, they enjoyed all it had to give, such as shade, such as fruit, such as a place to rest. I saw another tree as well, rooted in my mouth. This tree was dead, it was ugly, broken branches, pointy sticks, the trunk was split down the middle and this tree was barely standing at all. It did not appeal to people, it wasn't inviting, it did not offer anybody anything. This is the revelation on it. The words of life bring about life. The words of death bring about death. The words I choose to speak to others, full of life or full of death, effects which tree I am. The words I choose to say to another do not define the one the words are spoken to, but define me, the one who spoke. How I speak of others is how I speak of myself. How I love others is how I love myself. If one speaks of me in life or in death, their words do not define me but themselves. Their words towards me effect their tree and not my tree. Because your tree reflects the words you say, not the words you hear. So in an instance where another is speaking death to me, I should still choose to speak life in the midst of death. In an instance that another speaks life to me, I can choose to claim that life, and also speak that life. In an instance that another speaks death to me, I can choose to claim that death, and also speak that death. This is how words from another can effect our tree personally. Because the life or death of our tree depends on the words we choose to claim and speak over ourselves. This means that our words, if received, have the ability to bring life or death to another. And the words we speak to others tie directly into the words we speak to ourselves. So, let our words be peace. Let our words be thought out and taste sweet on our lips as they flow. Let them be honest. Let them be pure. Let them be genuine. Let them love another well. Choose life, to speak and to claim; it brings about fruit, of the Spirit and of the Harvest.

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When you feel lonely, when you feel unwanted, when you feel sick and forgotten, remember you are precious to Him.

Mother Teresa

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Transfiguration Revelation

This makes my heart pound with desire. Jesus is on a high mountain with Peter, James and John. He transfigures before them. Suddenly Moses and Elijah appear. Peter says, "AH! Good thing I'm here, Jesus! I can assemble tents for You, Moses and Elijah. I can do this for You, I can do that for You..." While Peter was still telling Jesus all the things he could do for Him, the God of Heaven, Yahweh, speaks from the heavens, interupting Peter, saying, "This is my Son! With Him I am pleased! Listen to Him!" Peter, James and John bite the dust, and they tremble on the ground in fear. Jesus touches them on the shoulders, "Get up. Do not be afraid." And they looked up, "and they saw only Jesus." OMG TEARS. I know this means that Moses and Elijah were gone but just the wording of this translation has some prophetic meaning. When Jesus touches you, when He changes your whole messed up life. When He says to you, "Rise from the dust, lift up your eyes." When you look up, He is the apple of your eye. He has captured your gaze. You see only Jesus. You know only of Jesus. You've seen someone so beautiful that you cannot even look away. He is everything. You are so unquestionably in love with Him that you have no time to see anything else. There is a song by Jenn Johnson called, "A Little Longer," and it reminds me of this passage concerning Peter. The song starts off asking God, much like Peter, "What can I do for You? What can I bring to You? What kind of song would You like me to sing?" God cut in, saying, "Listen to HIM!" The end of the song, God answers, "You don't have to do a thing. Just simply be with me. Let those things go, they can wait another minute. Wait. This moment is so sweet. Will you please stay here with me?" Concern with doing things for Jesus when all He ever wanted was to be alone with you. To have a real friendship and enjoy real fellowship with you. He wants to speak to you. But often we busy ourselves trying to DO things for Him. But He shows us in this that the best thing you could ever do for Him is to spend time with Him because He loves you and desires your company. What could we really give to Him? What could we really do for Him? The only thing He wants is what He died on a cross and bought at the price of His perfect blood for, and that is you. All of you. With all your broken, messy mistakes and with all of your black eyes and bruises. He wants you to just come to Him. He wants you to know His love. He wants you to know His peace. He wants you to hear His voice. He wants to take you up into His arms and embrace you like you have never been embraced but He cannot unless we humble ourselves before Him and just simply ask, like a small child looks up to his daddy and asks for anything he wants or needs, so we are to our Daddy.

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1 Kings 19:7

"The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched Elijah and said, 'Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.'" Whoa. When I read this I had a moment. Right before the angel came a second time, he obviously came a first time and told him to eat. Between the two commands to eat for strength to journey on, Elijah took a nap. THIS IS ME. THIS IS YOU. The journey the Lord is going to take each of us on, it is too much for us in our own strength. GODS WORD is like that food that gives strength to the body, but instead it brings strength to the inner man. We need to consume it. We need to chew on it. It goes inside of our beings and gives us strength and wisdom to carry out the call of Christ in our lives. And say we stop continually eating this food, or being in the Word of God. We fall asleep. When we stray from the Word of the Lord we become all together weary, physically, emotionally, spiritually. We become a dry river and the deer within us is panting for water again. This is when the angel comes another time. Reminding us of the remedy. Eat, for the journey is too much for you. In other words, don't make the Word of God a lolipop you lick every now and again. Make it your tent, and camp out for days in these words. Rest in the green pastures of this Word. Drink from the Fountain that doesn't run dry in this Word. This Word, and not only the writen words in this book, but also the very spoken words of God to you personally, this is what will be your strength in the journey the Lord has you on.

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UPDATE

So, I graduated highschool 30 days ago! God has taken me on a crazy adventure ever since. I moved 280 miles away from my home soil to this unknown place called OKLAHOMA CITY. I don't have any friends, I don't have a home church, and I've never been happier. There is a peace like a river in my soul. I'm where I'm suppost to be. I love it so much here! I took a trip last week to Minnesota to see my ministry school, and went through 6 states in 13 hours (Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, Minnesota). I loved Minnesota. The people were so beautiful. The city was so culturally diverse. The people were so friendly and had such strong northern accents. The school was so wonderful and I knew in that moment this was unquestionably God's plan for me for the next few years. To spend time with fellow Jesus lovers, seeking Him, knowing Him, loving Him, and loving people and loving our city and being love to people. YES PLEASE. I applied like crazy to a bunch of jobs and had my first interview at Michael's last Monday, and left the interview feeling odd, and then on Tuesday went to Texas to see my mom for a day and while there had this God inspired idea to look for work baby sitting. I went to sittercity and found this lady with 3 kids looking for a baby sitter from 4:30-6:30 Monday through Friday, I had this bizzar feeling of "YES" in my Spirit so I sent her an email, she invited me over to meet the kids and babysit a few hours the very next day. I walked into her house and what do you know! She had worship music blasting! Peace and joy filled me up. Her name is Kate, and she's an adorible YOUNG lady who just finished college to be an OBGYN. She moved to OKC one week ago, while I moved here two weeks ago. She's a white, single mother with two black boys, 10 and 9, and a hespanic little girl, 7. It's so confusing, because they sometimes call her Kate and sometimes call her Mom. I have this feeling she adopted these darling children. The kids and I got along really dang good. They are so fun and we laughed a lot! Putting them to bed is the best because they have quiet time and I read the bible to them and devotions. And when I'm in that home I feel God's presence, His joy, and His life pulsing through the atmosphere. It leaves me hungry and thirsty for more of God. And Kate, she's lovely. We already are good friends and I'm just thankful God gave me the opportunity to know her and her children. And I'm more than pleased that HE gave me this job in HIS goodness and strength and favor. I was so blah about the thought of working at Michael's. It just was not God. I didn't feel Him in it. It would have just been a burden. BUT THANKS GOD! I got a better job with awesome, life giving, joyful kids in a home full of JESUS! So, yeah. I'm doing very good. I'm content right now with one friend and Jesus and my babysitting job. I'm excited to see what God has in mind next. I'll write more when I have other stories to tell. Peace. Keep serving Jesus, He's faithful and He loves you!

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today hurt bad

It's father's day, you know. It's also the day I move out of my dads house. I didn't plan that, it just kind of ironically happened. My mind all morning was attacking, and I was thinking of every possible thing my dad would say or do to me when I told him that this is my last day in Texas. I was not expecting what actually happened.

We went to see Man of Steel, I met him at the movies with Cannon, my brother. After the movie, in the parking lot, my dad just kind of looked at me, and the look was a sad look. And my heart sank. He said, "You won't be staying at my house anymore, will you?" I just started crying and hugged him. And I told him my plans and he didn't look angry or disappointed; just sad. And when other people are sad I can see it in their eyes-and it hurts me, it's hurting me now. Because I love my dad so much...

I also said goodbye to my sweet, 6 year old little brother Ridge. He doesn't know it will be months before he sees me again, because he would have gone ballistic, but it just is the saddest thing because that little boy is my best friend.

Everyone turns 18 and moves out, no big deal, it seems. Why is this the most painful thing for me? I've literally been crying in my hands for hours. I can't stop feeling even for a second. My heart feels like it's being ripped out and I don't know how I'm going to possibly survive when I say goodbye to my mom in a little over two months. But I know that this is just the tearing away, and it hurts and it sucks, but in a little while, things will be better, healed, and made whole.  Yes, amen. 

I'm leaving for Oklahoma tomorrow; for the rest of the summer. Jesus is here with me, and I have peace. Jesus is here with me, and I have a friend in Jesus. Jesus is here with me, and everything is going to be okay. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

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I want community.

"Then one of them, named Caiaphas, who was high priest that year, spoke up, 'You know nothing at all! You do not realize that it is better for you that one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish.' He did not say this on his own, but as high priest that year he prophesied that Jesus would die for the Jewish nation, and not only for that nation but also for the scattered children of God, to bring them together and make them one." John 11:49-52.

...but also for the scattered children of God, to bring them together and make them one. 

I'm crying because I have no community in my life. I have no friends passionately pursuing Jesus. And I look at this scripture and I know that Jesus died to bring the Children of God together, to make us one, so that we can go and invite the lost into our family. I want to be that intimate with fellow Children of God, that it could be described as, we are one.

I want to join with people. I want to live with people. I want to eat with people. I want to worship with people. I want to seek with people. I want to come together, even if it's only a few Children of God, and I want to be so close and so open and so human-with all flaws and sorrow and joy and love. I want to share everything with these people. I want to spread the gospel with these people.

I've been becoming more and more convinced that we are not meant to live life alone, do life alone. Jesus lived and breathed and moved around His followers. And yes, He did leave and spend time alone with His Father. But Jesus lived in community. And the desire has been in me all last semester, a yearning to find intimate and tight knit community and strengthen and encourage one another in the Lord. We were made for one another.

I might be a hippy for Jesus but I don't care. When I say I want to live in community all of my life, I mean I want to live with my best friends that I have not even met yet, and do life with them and eat meals with them and follow Messiah with them.

Oh, my heart longs for this. It is this deep void and like your belly grumbles when it is hungry, so this void has been grumbling in increasing measure this year. I don't know why it's intensified so much, except maybe that I'm about to begin meeting people who will fill this void for community in my life. I'm hoping, oh please.