today's bird is this green heron inspecting a bug
Hes inspecting that bug real well
Claire Keane
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h
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Not today Justin

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oozey mess
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@retrogier
today's bird is this green heron inspecting a bug
Hes inspecting that bug real well
Bittern at the grocery store
old German lady gave me acupuncture today
she lifted up my shirt, saw my top surgery scars, and immediately went "WHOA! What caused THIS?"
my fellow comrades, it took every atom of my strength not to just say the funniest lie I could think of on the spot.
sometimes when I'm eating something or holding a small object I like to hold it out for my cat to smell as if I'm earnestly consulting her for a second opinion, like mm-hmm yes, Miss, What Is The Verdict? And she smells it very delicately and says nothing and has exactly the same facial expression she always does, because she's a cat. But I hope she feels that I value her opinion
I had to take a piss test for a job I got hired at today, and this is the name of the fuckin company that makes the tests
i hope everything gets easier soon. or at least funnier. amen
would it krill you to have a little shrimpathy?
The Great Lakes should have their own very small species of whale
hhhrrrnnffgg,, STURGEON !
STURGEON !!
die
Sharp-tailed Grouse (Tympanuchus phasianellus)
© Jack Lefor
why hide this in the tags bestie
One time I tried to say “take care” after ringing up a customer. I opened my mouth and for some reason I was unable to make a noise except for a very small “t-eh” sound initially and by the time I remembered how to make words I had to shout across the store for them to hear me. What I ended up saying was “Take over!!!” after which they glanced back at me uncomfortably and left without another word.
I am haunted by that interaction to this day.
I worked at a bilingual call centre and once tried to end a conversation by saying either “salut” or “au revoir” but I combined them into “savoir!!” So i just said “to know!!” To the customer and hung up
Grey Heron
my chicken &yup i vaporized him
sometimes when I'm bored, I go through the list of recent bad faith Wikipedia edits that have since been reverted. a lot of them are politically contentious/offensive topics that attract crazies and trolls in general, but sometimes there are completely innocent inoffensive articles that people attack for no reason. some guy yesterday vandalized the article on the chemical element francium
Francium IS a stupid element. It has a half life of 22 minutes and barely exists at all, only naturally occurring as a product of the extremely rare alpha decay series ²³⁵U ➝ ²³¹Th ➝ ²³¹Pa (𝜷 decay) ➝ ²²⁷Ac ➝ ²²³Fr (1.38% chance). There’s less than a gram of it on earth at any given moment. It has no uses to anybody and it isn’t even the most reactive group 1A element due to relativistic effects fucking up its electron binding energies. Stupid substance.
If you somehow asked a genie to get you a gram of Francium in a sealed vial so you could do an experiment with it, the genie would just give it to you because the enormous amount of radioactivity it produces would instantly vaporize the sample and cook you alive. Absolute dogshit isotope and its synthetic siblings are just the same but worse
found the guy