Rev. Jess, FLR.

Personal Blog of Podcaster/Editor/Graphic Designer: Rev. Jess Smith.

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The Church Absurd: Pilot Episode is available now!

https://soundcloud.com/fatlulzradio/the-church-absurd-pilot-dogman-grace-bud-and-gas-stations

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Welcome!

Thank you so much for checking out our page! We look forward to making you laugh. Check out our Listen Now page and start listening!

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Spun (2002) Review

Let's get personal. I am a recovering drug addict. Throughout my high school years, I was addicted to painkillers. I have been clean from all pills since May 31st, 2011. It's been a long journey since then, and I'm glad I did it. I was a fucking asshole when I was on them. I did a lot of shitty things and fucked over and manipulated a lot of people. However, since getting clean, I became obsessed with movies about drug use. There's a fucking lot of them, but of all of them, Spun really affected me the most.

Spun is the story of Ross (Jason Schwartzman), a meth addict in denial, who is on a quest to score some dope. He travels to his dealer's house for what ends up being a futile effort, but he meets Nikki (Brittany Murphy), who can get him some. This leads to him meeting The Cook (Mickey Rourke), who offers him free dope, provided he acts as The Cook's driver. This leads us into the three day adventure into the dark depths of addiction.

Every performance in the film is great. However, Brittany Murphy, Mena Suvari, and Mickey Rourke certainly stand out. Mena Suvari is almost unrecognizable in this movie. It's a total image reversal when you compare it to the way she looks in American Beauty. Brittany Murphy plays her role as a "clearly emotionally damaged, yet maintaining a veil of happiness" perfectly. To me, this is her best performance, especially a specific scene on the open road. Mickey Rourke is a scumbag in this film, but, fuck, is he likable. He maintains a cool throughout the film, which makes his arc substantially more interesting.

Now, right off the bat, there is so much to this movie that goes unnoticed. The editing alone will make you feel like you are tripping. Think of every drug use sequence in a film, but it's happening throughout the entire movie. Although it's a dark comedy, it's edited like a horror film. And, trust me. Being an addict is a goddamn horror film. The score for the film (composed by Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins fame) fits perfectly for the mood. The writing is vulgar, but extremely realistic. The themes are dark and disturbing. This is the life of an addict. It's supposed to feel dark and disturbing.

This 100 minute tour of drug culture is a must see in my honest opinion. It's certainly not as bizarre as Naked Lunch, and definitely not as preachy as Requiem For A Dream, but to me, it's certainly the most realistic (most likely because it's partially based on true events.) Make sure you watch the unrated Director's Cut, however. The R rated cut is fine, but it's important to see the film as it was meant to be seen. It's much more effective and pure that way.

5/5

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Todd and the Book of Pure Evil Series Review

Throughout the history of media, there have been plenty of shows that don't get the time they need. This is almost always due to the network pulling the plug (sometimes it's certain events like a cast member dying or a writer's strike). Ever notice how a good majority of cancelled TV shows are well received? I mean, you got shit like Firefly, Arrested Development, Deadwood, The Jeff Foxworthy Show (okay, that's a joke.) My point is, they get cancelled by the network for stupid reasons. Meanwhile, the putrid shit that MTV, TLC, and all those other reality-show-obsessed-septic-tanks-that-pass-as-television-networks shit out every season continue to thrive, and they aren't the only ones who are guilty of this. HEY, CW! WHY THE FUCK IS SUPERNATURAL STILL A THING? THE SHIT DIDN'T NEED TO GO PAST SEASON 5! It's in this realm of brilliant-but-cancelled, where we find Todd and The Book of Pure Evil. This show was given to us by our friends in the Great White North. To sum the show up, imagine this: The gore and horror elements of Evil Dead, the teen comedy of Scott Pilgrim VS The World, the metal themes from Deathgasm, and high school element of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide and the end result is this show. The show follows a metalhead stoner, Todd, who has dreams of being a metal god. Taking advice from three mysterious parking lot dwellers, he finds the fabled Book Of Pure Evil. He reads the book, chaos ensues, the book escapes from his possession, and he realizes he must find the book and destroy it before it causes real damage. The show then takes on a "monster of the week" format and what follows is 26 episodes of fun. It's a wild fuckin' ride, for sure. As with all shows, some episodes are definitely better than others. However, as with most brilliant-but-cancelled shows, there isn't a "bad" episode. Every single episode has at least a few memorable moments, a high volume of laughs, and some great practical effects. It's a great show to turn on when you want to shut your brain off and just have fun, since the humor is definitely not intellectual. There's plenty of jokes about weed, jerking off, and dick jokes, with plenty of uncensored profanity, since it's Canadian. I mean, the "wise" janitor is played by Jason Mewes. What do you expect? Of course, when you reach the end, be prepared for disappointed. Todd suffers from the inevitable cliffhanger ending, as do most cancelled shows. The final two episodes end one storyline, but begins another and ends on a total downnote. The only hope we have for a legitimate ending is an animated film that has been pitched, but so far, it's not even in preproduction and the show hasn't even been on for 5 years. Basically, it's seems to be lost forever. Sad, really. But, it is a must see for horror fans, metal fans, and Canada fans. Protip: Both seasons are cheap as fuck on DVD from Amazon with a shit ton of special features. 5/5 WATCH IT NOW!

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Her (2013) Review

I've always liked Spike Jonze. His work with the Jackass crew never failed to make me laugh and his directing of Charlie Kaufman penned scripts are among my favorite films. When I first heard about his first full length, self written and directed film that wasn't based on a pre-existing property, naturally, I was excited. It had a lot of things going for it, including an excellent lead with Joaquin Phoenix and an extremely interesting concept.

The film follows a lonely man named Theodore, who makes his living writing personal letters for people who can't express their emotions well. He purchases a new operating system for his mobile device that is, in a sense, a living thing. Her name is Samantha (voiced by Scarlett Johansson) and the only thing she lacks is a human body. Slowly but surely, a romance develops between the two.

A little background on me: My wife and I started out as a long distance relationship, heavily focused on phone calls. We were together for six months before we stood in the same room together and because of no actual physical contact, the emotional aspect of our relationship was the main focus for those six months. Because of this, I felt a definite connection to how Theodore is feeling in this film.

The relationship between him and Samantha is, in a sense, a long distance relationship. They can't really physically do stuff together, spend the majority of their time talking to each other, and the only choice for intimacy is phone sex. It's an interesting way to look at the film and is kind of an unintentional metaphor. It even has moments that a person who is in a long distance relationship will experience (friends and exes not understanding and mocking you for it, a sense of jealousy, a slight panic when you suddenly can't get a hold of them, etc.)

The film itself is beautiful. The cinematography is top notch, the writing is smart and funny, and the performances of the actors are definitely worthy of the acclaim they received, especially Phoenix. However, it's not a movie you can just turn on to shut your brain off and veg out on the couch. The average movie goer who spends most of his entertainment budget on Michael Bay movies or Zack Snyder projects will not be able to get into this. It's just too strange for them. Then again, all of Spike Jonze's movies are, even the ones he didn't write. I mean, look at Being John Malkovich or Adaptation.

All in all, if you go into this movie with an open mind and a willingness to take it in, you will find an amazing film.

5/5

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Workaholics: Series Review

Recently, I finished the final season of Workaholics. I've been a fan of the show since I decided to give it a chance in 2014, picking up the first two seasons in a combo pack that I found at a Buybacks. After, the first two seasons, I was hooked. I figured it would be good to review and rate the seasons in case anybody was thinking of giving it a shot.

The show was created by internet comedy troupe "Mail Order Comedy" and was based off of a web series they used to do. Usually, I'm not into most Comedy Central shows besides South Park since most of CC's programming these days is a show given to a comedian who is "hot" at the moment with a simple format that gets old quickly (Jeff Dunham Show, Nick Swardson's Pretend Time, Tosh.0, The Jeselnik Offensive, etc.)

The show follows three 20-something telemarketers: Blake, Anders, and Adam. Living in Rancho Cucamonga, they spend their free time doing what youth does: partying, watching TV, smoking weed, and getting into crazy shit. With an interesting group of side characters (including their dealer and some of their co-workers,) the guys end up with 86 episodes over 7 seasons.

The humor is spelled out for you in the first episode, in which the guys have to scramble to find clean piss for a random drug test that the office is doing. The show is definitely for the younger generations, with plenty of references to shit from the late 80s and 90s. Basically, I don't think anyone who watched Andy Griffith Show when it aired for the first time will be able to get into this. But, isn't it nice to have a show geared towards younger generations that isn't shitty MTV reality shows?

As the seasons progress, the characters become more fleshed out, yet in 7 seasons, they do ignore some ideas that could've made for an interesting episode. For example: Adam is obsessed with body building and guys who are ripped, while also being completely delusional about himself and it's revealed through things that he says and interactions with his family, how strange his upbringing was. Not to mention that in one of the last episodes, he's shown to have been extremely obsessed with a former roommate. Why they didn't decide to do an episode in which he's outed as being, at least, bicurious is beyond me.

The weakest link in the show's run is the third season. While there is nothing inherently wrong with it, it's the longest season at 20 episodes. In my opinion, they may have bitten off more than they can chew with it, because it has the most forgetful episodes in it. They learned from their flub-up, however, as every season after stuck to 13 or 10 episodes. Because of this, you have 10 to 13 episodes per season in which the writing is more solid, leading to memorable moments throughout each episode.

As with all comedy, sometimes the jokes don't land, which is fine. You can't win them all. You can tell that some scenes rely heavily on improv from the three guys, and since they are best friends outside the show, their chemistry comes through on screen really well. These are guys you want to hang out and spark up a blunt or crack open a beer with. Not to mention that the shit they get into would make for an interesting day for sure. I recommend you give the show a shot and see what you think. I picked up the complete series on DVD from Amazon for 23 bucks or you can watch all episodes on Hulu. If this sounds like a show you can get into, you won't be disappointed.

Here's the ratings by season:

Season 1: 5/5

Season 2: 5/5

Season 3: 4/5

Season 4: 4/5

Season 5: 4.5/5

Season 6: 5/5

Season 7: 4.5/5

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Rob Zombie's "31" (2016)

With Halloween fast approaching, it's only natural that I'm on a horror movie kick. So, I sat down and watched Rob Zombie's latest film "31" again.

The film follows five travelling carnival workers who are taken hostage and put into a sadistic game of survival and murder in an abandoned power plant against a group of psychotic clowns.

The film itself is Rob Zombie returning to his roots as a filmmaker. His first three films (House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, and the Halloween remake) were heavy on brutality, sadism, and gore. That is the reason they were effective. His following two films (Halloween 2 and The Lords of Salem) showed an experimental side, with a heavy focus on symbolism. I enjoyed those two as well, but can definitely see why people did not like them. Rob Zombie's movies are already polarizing so a change in form didn't really help. So, when I saw the trailer for 31 and saw what it was going to be, naturally I was excited.

Upon my first viewing of it, it was the same experience I had with the first three movies he did. One thing is for sure, Rob Zombie can't write dialogue worth a shit. It's pretty simple. Whenever a character says something, it's most likely going to have the word fuck in it or some other "dirty" word. The only movie that had any decent dialogue in it was Devil's Rejects and the best lines were someone else's quotes ("I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.) So, don't worry about the dialogue. Just focus on what's happening.

What's happening is death. Plenty of death. Since there are only five abductees, and one of them is Sherri Moon Zombie, it's easy to pick out who will be a corpse by the end of the film and frankly, there's not enough real character development for you to give a shit. So, you don't get emotional invested in the "heroes" which makes it a tad more satisfying when they bite the big one. This may sound like a bad thing, but it's a horror movie. Can you tell me any of the original camp counselors' names in Friday The 13th off the top of your head or even a single character trait about them? I didn't think so.

So, now we move on to the villains. Each antagonist is a clown with a name ending in "head" (Sick-Head, Death-Head, Sex-Head, etc.) They are hired to do the killing by three high society aristocrats. Fair enough.

They all have their different looks. One is a dwarf that is dressed like Hitler, another is a big German in a tutu, etc. They are all extremely intimidating and play an effective game of cat and mouse with whoever they are pursuing. The real stand out is the final clown, also the main antagonist, Doom-Head (played by Richard Brake). Clearly, it's not just about the money for him. He's legitimately fucking nuts and it works perfectly. He's the first character we see in a brutal opening scene and we are just counting the minutes until we see him again.

Moving on, let's talk the violence. It's the standard Rob Zombie brutality. However, thanks to the pricks at the MPAA, it's a bit tamer than it should be. The film was slapped with an NC-17 a few times, before finally being cut to an R. Rob Zombie has said that an unrated cut would be released, but we are still waiting. Fuck the MPAA. Seriously.

In conclusion, while it's not Zombie's best feature, it's definitely not his worst. With a solid kill count, some cool villains, and a great soundtrack, you could certainly do a lot worse. Although I was bummed out at the lack of Sid Haig and Bill Moseley, Richard Brake kills it as Doom-Head. There's some good stuff here. I recommend you check it out.

3.5/5

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The Top Ten Bad Horror Movies That I Love

Not ranked in terms of love, just listed.

10. Stay Alive: The Director’s Cut (2006)

This movie is not good. Not good at all. It’s a cheesy as shit, supernatural horror movie that was pushed heavily by Game Informer, simply due to its plot. The film tells the story of a video game (that is basically a Resident Evil/Doom clone on PS2) that kills you in real life if you die in-game. Few things are redeemable in this film. The biggest names in it are a post-puberty, mid-Malcolm Frankie Muniz and one of the McPoyle Brothers. The rest of the crew is just sort of there. It’s worth seeing once for sure, simply for the novelty of it. I think I love it because I watched it so much when it came out. I searched through so many Exchanges, Blockbusters, and Wal-Marts trying to find it. When I finally did, I wore the DVD out.

9. Thir13en Ghosts (2003)

This big budget horror movie, inspired by William Castle, was the first from Dark Castle Pictures. It had a decent team of producers, including super-producer Joel Silver.

It tells the story of a family who moves into a futuristic house after inheriting it from a sketchy uncle. Everything seems cool at first, but, SURPRISE! There’s a gaggle of ghosts in the basement. What follows is a ridiculous haunted house movie with some decent effects and a decent cast (Tony Shaloub, Matthew Lillard, F. Murray Abraham, etc), but also insanely stupid writing. My dad and I watched this movie once together. My sister and I watched it about 20 times in 3 months. They had a special feature on the DVD that was individual stories about each ghost, and we had each one memorized. If you’re looking for a fun time with a bad film, you really can’t go wrong with this one.

8. Bride of Chucky (1998)

This movie is, without a doubt, the beginning of the end for Chucky. Admittedly, all of the Chucky movies are stupid. Yet, this one has something about it. At least, they were smart enough to go with horror-comedy with this one. I was 5 years old when this came out and I fucking loved it.

Chucky is back, baby, and ready to walk down the aisle. Along the way, two teenagers in the same situation get taken hostage by the two dolls, and what follows is a stupid, plot-hole filled, campy mess. But, goddamn, it’s entertaining.

Going back a few years later, it’s clear that I was an idiot as a kid. The whole movie is stupid, but hey, at least it’s funny. That is the one thing it has going for it (well, that and seeing Jennifer Tilly in leather outfits). It gets bonus points for the first Chucky kill, in which Chucky takes out a guy who is, in no way whatsoever, a Marilyn Manson ripoff.

7. Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror (2006)

Hey, kids? You like Snoop Dogg? You like Tales From The Crypt? Well, you’ll dig Hood of Horror. This anthology film tells three stories in the Hood of Horror, each one hosted by Da Cribkeeper himself, Snoop D-O-Double G.

Each story has an urban take on common horror movie tropes, which, admittedly, is an interesting concept. It also has a decent cast of “anything for a paycheck” actors like Ernie Hudson, Jason Alexander, and Danny Trejo. However, it is not good. It was released by Xenon Pictures, who I’ve only ever seen one other movie from which was TV: The Movie (from the other Jackass guys that aren’t Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera), which I absolutely hated. But, something about this one really stuck with me. It’s stupid for sure, but man, it’s a lot of fun.

6. Rob Zombie’s Halloween II: Unrated Director’s Cut (2009)

Once again, I’m going with the Director’s Cut because it is a better film. However, this does not make it good.

As much as I love Rob Zombie’s movies, there’s no denying that the sequel to the 2007 Halloween reimagining is definitely his worst one. He decided to add a lot of symbolism and hidden themes to a slasher film. They are certainly interesting, for sure, and it’s the reason I love it. But, there’s no denying that Rob Zombie cannot write dialogue to save his life. By focusing on the symbolism and less on the brutality that the first one was chock full of, it made the film suffer as a whole and it doesn’t feel like a sequel. If anything, it feels like some kind of weird arthouse version of Michael Myers. However, when the kills finally do happen, they are the standard brutality we have grown to expect from Rob Zombie. Plus, it seems that Rob Zombie shot his symbolism wad with his 2012 film, Lords of Salem. His latest film, 31 (2016), brought us back to brutal sadistic violence that he became known for with his Firefly family movies. Still, it’s worth seeing once.

5. Tusk (2014)

As a Kevin Smith fan, I love this movie. As a movie fan, I can admit that it is terrible.

The film inspired by a phony classified ad was made for a small budget and made less than 2/3 of its budget back at the box office. I saw it at an evening showing, the day it opened, with my wife…..and no one else. Not one single soul was in the theater besides us.

It tells the story of a podcaster who goes up to Canada and gets turned into a walrus by Michael Parks. Need I say more? Add a ridiculous Johnny Depp cameo, and you got a movie. If you don’t listen to any Smodcast network podcasts, you won’t get the movie or any of the inside jokes it contains and you aren’t expected to. You will probably hate the movie, to be honest. But, that’s okay. My wife hated it because she thought it was supposed to be serious. Then, she heard the podcast during the credits and she loved it.

4. Vampire’s Kiss (1987)

Here’s a shocker. There’s a Nic Cage film on this list that isn’t The Wicker Man (2006).

Vampire’s Kiss tells the story of a big shot at a publishing company who has a night with a neck biter and slowly goes insane, believing he is one of the undead. It is an attempt at psychological horror, but it ended up being an unintentional black comedy and it is the performance that should’ve won Cage the oscar.

This movie is campy, overacting gold. Nic Cave doesn’t chew the scenery. He rips it’s heart out, drinks the blood, cooks it up and swallows it whole. The whole movie is just him trying to one up his overacting in the previous scene. It is glorious. The movie is fucking awful, but it is glorious. Buy this movie, now. Don’t hesitate. It’s perfect for a group watch.

3. My Name Is Bruce (2007)

Bruce Campbell is a gift from the heavens. The man saved the world from the Deadite plague, not only in modern times, but in the middle ages. That being said, this movie is beyond B movie status. It was made for 1.5 million, grossed just under 200 grand at the box office, and was doomed from the get go, due to the extremely polarizing fan potential.

Bruce Campbell is recruited by a small town to fight a killer demigod who is threatening their small town utopia. It’s a super meta, super cheesy, fan service comedy horror movie that is by no means a good film.

If you don’t like Bruce Campbell, which makes you a terrorist in my book, you will not like this movie. However, since I view him as the 10th World Wonder, I fucking love this movie. It’s Bruce Campbell. Enough said.

2. Knock Knock (2015)

Keanu Reeves has such a strange film career. This is probably the best example. As much as I love Eli Roth, there’s no denying that this movie is terrible.

A devoted husband and father gets stuck in the fight for his life after he bangs two flight attendants and they decided to kill him. Along the way, we get to see so much overacting that Nic Cage would be so proud.

Keanu Reeves is the reason I love this movie. Specifically, the climax, in which he delivers a monologue in an attempt to defend himself. IT WAS FREE FUCKING PIZZA!

1. Freddy VS Jason (2003)

I fucking love this movie. As a kid, I had the entire NOES collection and had watched all the FT13s multiple times. When this was finally released in my 4th grade year, it was like Christmas. Looking back, yes, it is bad. Really bad. But, man, I love it.

The nu metal soundtrack, the one liners, the clearly-a-Jason Mewes-ripoff stoner character, the stupid fights, the thrown together story. My god, it’s fucking brilliant.

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So, I just rewatched the first John Wick and viewed the sequel for the first time.

The first time I saw John Wick, (Chapter 1, I guess, since they gotta be pulpy and call the movies "chapters." Motherfucker, it's a movie. Not a book.) I was really baked in my apartment in Cleveland so I didn't remember much of it, except for that cool sequence where the discount Hans Gruber was singing that Baba Yega (spellcheck?) song. Upon a rewatching, I grew more appreciative of it. The nightclub action sequence alone is worth the price of admission from a cinematography standpoint. But, the writing and characters are all interesting. The "show, don't tell" method that they utilize in the beginning is perfect for setting up the tone and when they tell you who the hell John Wick is, it does surprise you. You add a fantastic supporting cast with the likes of Ian McShane and Willem Dafoe, and you got a damn good movie that is substantially better than it should be. Way to go, Keanu. This definitely makes up for Matrix: Revolutions (which I will cover eventually.)

4/5

Sequels don't tend to live up to expectation, especially when they are written by the same person. There are a few exceptions like Crank 2, Hostel: Part Two, Mad Max: The Road Warrior, etc. Thank the dark lord, Satan that John Wick: Chapter 2 is one of these exceptions.

By amping up the violence and action, expanding on the Continental and it's league of assassins, and not killing a puppy, the sequel brings more interest to the viewer and it will not be one I'm forgetting any time soon. Pretty much everything you'd want in an action film is here, along with a noir feeling to the more talky scenes. It's easily one of the few movies that were worth a shit from a big studio this year. The only thing gripe I have is it's ending, which is a just a sequel set up. However, since the sequel is happening and the writer proved himself, I'm willing to not hold it against the film too badly.

4.5/5

If you haven't seen these, watch them. They are definitely perfect for a good time and you'll be intrigued with the expansion on the universe of John Wick that the sequel brings.