So. What has been going on.
Went to Newcastle, the greatest decision. I worked, I played, I was happy (but sometimes sad, but that is okay). My brain when down down down and I ruined it and now it is broken and dusty and I’m trying to fix something that I don’t know will be fixable, either way it might not look the same as before, maybe better? maybe worse? maybe simply meh?
I am back in my home town, which does not feel like home. I have been trying to compartmentalise my thoughts and my relapse while I am here and trying hard to get to my goal: contentment, but I keep getting lost and contentment keeps running away from me.
Along with compartmentalising my brain I have been trying to compartmentalise my surroundings in this old new place, as, with my brain, it is full of stuff and bad air.
stuff stuff stuff
sort sort sort
crate crate crate
clean clean clean
repeat repeat repeat
stare stare stare
I have not made drawings in a long time, the 5th metatarsal on my right hand was cracked and I have found it challenging to draw, even the idea of drawing makes me sleepy and fills me with chest pain.
I went to a group last week of other humans who draw and paint and make and craft. Maybe finding solace in such a group will help? Maybe they can give me the boost to start chiselling away at this massive obstacle in the way of making and drawing? Or maybe it is gone and that skill has run away too.
A big assessment is next week, maybe I will find out what is wrong with me…and see if the answer will give me a guide to help me out.
I am lonely. I am homesick, even though it has been 18 moons. I miss my home.
Gale is still with me.
Stoick, Meadow, Poppy, Daisy and Snufkin have moved on, along with newcomers who didn’t get a peep on here, Mymble, Yuki and Kratos. I also had a fish called Hobgoblin. I miss them all so much.
Now I have a Too-Ticky and a Ninny I share my room with, along with Hemulen (Bristlenose Plecostomus), the Fillyjonks (ottocinclus), Thingumy (kuhli loach) and many many Magikarp (platys).
I would like to start talking on here again. I am not on socials. I want to keep hush hush.
I also helped and taught tea cup humans for a while. It was fun, but the big loud shouts scared me too much and gave me a fright. I’m still trying to learn how to control that.
I am very tired.
Hello