You can call me Moon! I am an adult woman who loves to write and is learning to draw. I will be posting art, writing fanfic, and reblogging all things I like about all Transformer iterations I like. Currently watching Armada and G1 for the first time, reading the Windblade comics, hoping to read the rest of the IDW comics soon, and rewatching Animated and One endlessly because I will never get enough.
My main blog/Star Wars blog: @moonstrider9904 | my AO3
My Fanfic
I'm working on these fics but am publishing really slowly. Thanks for understanding!
Saturation in Delay, Love in Anger (aka Scion AU)
TF Animated AU | Starscream x Female Cybertronian OC | Long fic
Aqua Regia (aka Regis AU)
IDW AU | Starscream x Female Cybertronian OC | Long fic
Chokehold (aka Sovereign AU)
TF One AU | Starscream x Female Cybertronian Reader | Long fic
Sweet Heat Lightning
TF Armada | Starscream x Female Human Reader | One shot
Impasse
TF Earthspark | Starscream x Female Cybertronian OC | One shot
earthspark starscream x cybertronian oc rigel (click to read her profile)
word count: 4.5k
synopsis: The war ended with a surprise twist that spoils Rigel and Starscream's plan to overthrow Megatron, instead ending in Starscream's captivity. Downtrodden, Rigel visits Starscream to say goodbye.
author's note: not sure if this is ever going to be a full-on longfic, but i got the idea for this scene and wanted to write it. enjoy even though it's sad.
tags: established relationship, canon-typical language, character death mention, angst, sad.
my masterlist | read on ao3
The setting sun would paint different landscapes on the terrestrial sky depending on where on the planet the viewer was standing. Factors ranging from the altitude to the surrounding environment and even the particles in the air had an influence on the resulting piece, and as the Autobot Rigel gazed up at the deepening blue sky with orange specs reflecting the receding sunlight, she began to understand the humans’ fascination with art and their constant need to reproduce their memories on canvas or photography. Multiple qualities about humans resulted endearing, but perhaps that one was her favorite.
Currently, the sunset was a perpetual glow of a soft orange. It wasn’t as bright or saturated as other sunsets she’d seen, and she would almost describe that tone of orange as pastel due to the many clouds and the pollution lingering in the air. The fading sunlight reflected off the bottoms of the clouds, and the parts of the clouds that didn’t receive any light held a soft gray to them, a shade similar to some of the accents on Rigel’s own body. She realized this wasn’t the most striking sunset the Earth had seen, but it was beautiful to her just the same. She wanted to stare at it until the twilight became night, hoping the clouds would show her the kindness of dissipating if only to let her look at the stars and the planets that could then be observed from that very spot in full darkness.
From nearby, a Decepticon watched her.
Not as a predator stalking his prey, but as an admirer of science gazing upon his latest discovery. Curiosity like that one had eluded Starscream for hundreds of years, and yet as he stood watching her from a few meters behind her while she witnessed the growing twilight, he remembered what it was like to exist before the war, before his Decepticon allegiance, before he became enthralled in the life of a downtrodden warrior. At that moment there was peace, just enough of it for him to observe the details he’d forgotten how to admire. The pale purple color of her armor’s plating, the gray accents, the doors on her back that happened to look like wings resulting from the Earthly vehicle mode she’d adopted, the two round antennae crowning the back of her helm that yielded her signature silhouette, the thrusters on her heels as a result from his modifications...
What a specimen. What a femme.
“Look at him,” spoke a feminine voice from behind Starscream, her tone exuding mockery she didn’t attempt to hide. “He’s gone, isn’t he?”
“Gone, lost, doomed,” replied a masculine voice, less amused.
“Screwed,” said the female.
The male snickered. “Absolutely screwed.”
“I get what he sees in her, though,” said the female. “She’s cute and she’s petite.”
“Careful, he’ll fight you,” rasped the male.
The peace with which Starscream gazed upon his Autobot ally morphed into a frown when he looked over his shoulder at Skywarp and Thundercracker, his siblings, identical to him if not for the different color schemes, the former black and purple while the latter kept a bold blue with a touch of red.
“Are you two done?” Starscream challenged them in a high-pitched screech of a voice.
“Are you?” Skywarp smirked at him. “You’ve been drooling over her since we all got here.”
As Starscream angled his full body to face his siblings, he heard shifting behind him. He faced her once more; with the sunset now behind her, Rigel had an ethereal, almost divine glow around her. And still, somehow, in her regality, she deemed Starscream worthy of looking at. She had spotted him much, much earlier, seen him among all the Decepticons, picked apart the senseless fighting to gaze truthfully into what he was. She’d understood, she’d stayed, and now there she was, ready to be his equal and rally the Seekers for what was yet to come. Starscream couldn’t help a soft smile.
“Oops, there he goes again,” Skywarp mocked.
“Will you get to the damn point, Starscream?” Thundercracker took a step forward towards his brother, glaring at the Autobot. “What are we all doing here?”
Rigel walked toward Starscream in silence with an air of grace. When she stopped beside him, Starscream looked at his brother and sister once more and let his awe-stricken adoration fade for the time being; it was important to get down to the real reason he’d made arrangements for that evening.
“We’re ending this war,” Starscream began as he looked at Skywarp and Thundercracker. “We can all agree Megatron should fall, correct?”
“I don’t see how that involves your faux-conjunx,” Thundercracker glared at Rigel while Skywarp looked at the Autobot with mild apprehension. “This is a Decepticon matter.”
“If you’re fighting against Megatron, you’re fighting for the same reason as the Autobots,” Rigel stated.
“You Autobots want to see Decepticons gone,” Skywarp added. “We just want to get rid of Megatron.”
“The Autobots want peace, and getting rid of Megatron is the first step to achieve that,” Rigel said. “With him gone, negotiations and treaties will be a lot easier. You can keep the Decepticon name and identity under a new leader, one who understands there are more important things than war.”
“I take it it’s redundant to ask if you support Starscream as leader,” Thundercracker remained defensive.
“Kissed him yet?” Skywarp teased.
“Skywarp,” Starscream snarled.
“And where does your girl enter in all of this once you’re leader, Starscream?” Skywarp asked before looking over at Rigel. “Are you gonna flash the red eyes, or will you stay an Autobot and keep Starscream in line?”
“I’m not arranging this to keep things the same with different names,” Rigel defended. “I want things to change.”
“Don’t we all,” Thundercracker said.
“Autobot or Decepticon, it’s only a fraction of our identity,” Rigel continued. “Cybertron has suffered because its people have forgotten that, because they’ve equated different badges to ill will. We can coexist.”
“Clearly,” Thundercracker mused, smirking at Starscream, who softly shook his head.
“I’ll support Starscream as Decepticon leader because I know he cares more about Cybertron than anyone alive,” Rigel said. “More than me, even. Optimus won’t condemn Starscream. He’ll be willing to work together to make Cybertron prosper, and I believe real progress can be made with both of them as leaders.”
“Optimus did always strike me as reasonable,” Skywarp intervened. “Very high and mighty, but he’s probably the only one who can actually pull it off.”
“So, you see why we can form an alliance,” Rigel persuaded.
“I see why you could get involved,” Thundercracker said. “I don’t see why we need to side with the Autobots.”
“We’ll remain Seekers,” Skywarp said. “Decepticon Seekers. To take Megatron down. You Autobots will be helping us, not the other way around.”
“It doesn’t matter to me so long as Megatron is defeated,” Rigel answered.
“The other Autobots won’t see it that way,” Thundercracker said.
“We just need Prime’s support,” Rigel gently stepped forward, feeling she was starting to get to them. “Optimus won’t turn a blind eye to an opportunity to bring peaceful times. If he agrees, the Autobots will follow. Trust me, not a single one of them will oppose a plan to finally bring Megatron to dust.”
“The fact is, fighting against Megatron will keep an alliance with the Autobots solid until Megatron is gone,” Starscream intervened. “If that works—and it will—the truce can remain and we can start to rebuild.”
“But what happens after that? Will we go back to Cybertron?” Skywarp’s question was infused with hope.
“Yes,” Starscream answered.
“With what territory?” Thundercracker asked. “What sovereignty? Who gets to decide that?”
“All those questions will be addressed when the time is right,” Rigel said. “But you will have your territory on Cybertron as well as sovereignty over it.”
“What about the energon reserves?” Thundercracker asked.
“It’s only fair for them to be controlled by Autobots as well as Decepticons,” Rigel answered.
“Yeah, in a perfect society,” Skywarp rolled her eyes.
“With me as your liaison, it’s possible,” Rigel answered. “But none of our speculation will matter unless we get rid of Megatron.”
Skywarp and Thundercracker exchanged looks, after which they looked at Starscream.
“You trust her?” Thundercracker asked him.
“Yes,” Starscream answered without a stutter. He then looked at her, and his gaze seemed to soften. “I’d trust her with anything.”
Skywarp faked a gag and then chuckled. “You’re funny when you’re hopeless over a femme.”
Meanwhile, Thundercracker paced forward and positioned himself in front of Rigel. She was well aware that he was identical to Starscream in everything except the paint of his chassis, but there was something to him that made him scarier, angrier, far more menacing. It was as if Thundercracker was the physical manifestation of all that was gritty, and as he glared at her, he slightly bared his teeth. Thundercracker towered over her in hostility, so much so that Starscream lay a hand on his shoulder and was ready to push him away from her, but Rigel stopped him and gave him a slight nod, unencumbered by the blue Seeker ready to rip off her armor. Seeing her resolve to face him head on rather than to let Starscream neutralize him made Thundercracker earn a tad of respect for her, but he’d need more than that.
“We’re fed up with tyrants who take advantage of us and humiliate us,” Thundercracker grumbled.
“I know you are,” Rigel said. “I’ve seen how he treats you. I want to bring him down for all he’s done to the Autobots and to Cybertron, but also to you.”
“Then I better not see any of you blue-eye goodies double-crossing us,” Thundercracker said.
“You have my word,” Rigel answered.
Thundercracker looked at Starscream, but his gaze didn’t soften. He then looked at Skywarp, the youngest, when she walked up next to him, and in her gaze he saw a gleam of trust as she looked at Rigel, the mysterious Autobot who’d seen through the intricate webbing of the war’s violence. Finally, after the sun had hidden under the horizon and darkness was beginning to envelop the Earth, Thundercracker met Starscream’s gaze again.
“What are your orders?” Thundercracker asked.
Satisfied, Starscream gave a confident smile to his brother, and beside him, Rigel smiled up at him trusting fully that brighter days would finally arrive. With that thought, she let her gaze drift momentarily at the sky above her, where her eyes settled on the first star that began to shine in the night.
Ten days after the war’s end.
GHOST Headquarters.
How were they supposed to know Megatron would pull a stunt like that? The war had raged, the Decepticons had neared their victory, and the most vile tyrant that the heavens had ever seen decided he’d rather go down the right side of history, swaying any forces still loyal to him toward the side of the Autobots. Meanwhile, the Decepticons who stood against him, who were the only ones who’d opened their eyes during the war to Megatron’s long years of abuse and were willing to bring him down on their own terms, turned out to be the villains who were now to be imprisoned in the deepest levels of GHOST headquarters.
It was punishment enough to never see a real sunrise ever again, confined in steel walls barely able to hold your size. But to be condemned to that fate after a war having followed the leader of your faction, who had decided to switch sides, rendering the rest just a tad too late to react… it was despicable.
And Rigel’s hard gaze and bitter frown emanating from her bright blue eyes did nothing to hide her true thoughts on the matter.
The elevator sped down the seemingly endless levels of GHOST, the deepest of which held the brig where the remaining Decepticons were to live out their sentence. Everyone had advised her not to go down there: Optimus, Elita, Bumblebee. Megatron had too, but she’d never willingly oblige him. It would take forces greater than the magnitude of Cybertron itself to get her to be polite to him. She didn’t care what anyone had told her about Megatron’s change of heart, and she certainly didn’t pay any attention to any of Megatron’s so-called warnings regarding Starscream. He was the last being to have any grounds to stand on when it came to the “monster” he created.
It was just who she was headed to see, unsurprisingly. During the war, she’d always found there to be more to Starscream and she’d seen very clearly the way he was always the outlet of Megatron’s worst moments. Starscream had said to her, on one of their first secret meetings, that her kindness toward him was what begun to sway him into taking a stand against the tyrant. After several rendezvous, the two had begun to form more than an alliance, looking forward to each other’s company more with every meeting. The protruding benefits had been mutual: Starscream had found a way to give Rigel the ability to fly with an integrated booster system, and she had offered a way to fix his voice box and make his speech more like what it was before Megatron had damaged it at the very start of the war. The badges on each of their chassis made it difficult for them to acknowledge the growing bond between them, but they sealed their affection not long before Starscream introduced Rigel to the other Seekers, only weeks before executing their own plan to bring down Megatron. The war would have ended on peaceful terms. But Megatron, genuine or not, beat her to it.
And now, things were as they were.
The elevator door opened with a gentle hiss from its hydraulic system, and Rigel stepped out of it and paused, hardly able to keep herself moving. It wasn’t that she couldn’t face Starscream, but rather the fact that she knew she wouldn’t be allowed back there regularly after this final encounter. Rigel always tried to be one to accept things as they were and admit when things were beyond her control, but this was one situation in which she deemed the status quo complete scrap rust. Her hesitation gave time for a human guard to approach her, his confidence and presence admirable due to how Rigel towered over him. She wasn’t even that large by Cybertronian standards, but she still outsized and outranked the guard by far.
“Cell 22-A, Lieutenant,” the guard said to her. “I’m afraid I’ve been asked to remind you to make it quick.”
Rigel kept herself from frowning at the guard. After all, he wasn’t the one who’d imprisoned Starscream and the other Seekers. The tact with which the guard addressed her did surprise her—was everyone in that facility aware of her prior relationship to Starscream? She wasn’t in the mood to ask.
“Thank you,” Rigel answered quietly. “I know my way to it.”
Rigel made her way through the halls and wordlessly acknowledged any other Seekers she encountered in the cells, feeling her spark sink just a bit deeper with the sight of each one of them. Her mind continued to scream at her how unfair this was, both to the ones who were imprisoned and to the ones who had been lost in the final battle. In a way, it was a mercy when Rigel finally reached cell 22-A, for the sight of Starscream distracted her from her mourning, but only momentarily.
As the head of the Seekers, Rigel saw every one of them in him. She had grown to adore the sight of Starscream, but seeing him through the ray shields of his cell, sitting on the ground with his head low, was that of nightmares. He realized she was there and tilted his face up, letting her see a glimpse of a smirk though he was incapable of hiding his own disdain. Rigel focused as much as she could on the blue gleam of his eyes, which had adopted that shade the first night he had pledged himself to her, and she to him. It was a breathtaking sight, those beautiful blue eyes, but as Rigel smiled at him in brief encouragement, she felt her spark sinking again. She wouldn’t be granted the chance to get used to his blue eyes.
“I’m surprised they let you in here,” Starscream broke the silence.
Rigel managed another brief, sad smile. She’d come to like the sound of his voice after she fixed his box.
“I’m the one who didn’t let them say no to me,” Rigel answered. “Unfortunately, one meeting is all they allowed.”
Starscream stood up and walked toward the ray shield. “Better than nothing, I suppose.”
“Oh, come on, Starscream, none of this is good,” Rigel answered. “The war’s over, but our peace means a tyrant’s in our ranks. I don’t trust him.”
“You know I don’t, either,” Starscream replied bitterly.
Rigel sighed, regretting her outburst. Aware she wouldn’t be allowed to visit or talk to or contact Starscream in any way, she didn’t want this last encounter to be a sad one, and if there had to be sadness in it, she at least didn’t want to spend time talking about Megatron.
“Did I hear you be addressed as Lieutenant?” Starscream seemed to know what she was thinking, and he too would rather keep the conversation centered around Rigel.
“Yeah,” she answered, unexcited. “I just hope I can do something good with the rank.”
“You will,” Starscream said.
“I was helping you during the uprising,” Rigel stated. “Either I should be in here with you or you should be out there with me.”
“You have Optimus’ vote of confidence,” Starscream told her. “He’d name you a Prime right now, I know it. But I have Optimus’ counterpart to vote against me.”
“It’s not fair,” Rigel insisted on stating. It wouldn’t change a thing, she knew it, but she wanted the stars and the heavens to know she wasn’t okay with it.
“No,” Starscream replied bitterly. So much for keeping the encounter light. A dense silence lingered between them as Rigel kept her gaze on the ground, unable to look at Starscream fearing she’d begin leaking through her eyes. In those moments, Starscream managed a glimpse over her shoulder where the guard had begun to hover, and he knew his time with her was running out.
“Can you please just tell me one thing?” Starscream asked mournfully.
“Anything,” Rigel met his gaze.
“Thundercracker…?” Starscream’s voice faded with the last syllable as the memory of his brother falling from the sky flashed through his mind.
Rigel couldn’t bring herself to answer, and she knew that the way her gaze saddened and tears formed at her eyes would give away the truth. Seeing her reaction, Starscream pressed his eyes shut and seemingly had a difficulty keeping his head upright.
“I’m so sorry, Starscream,” Rigel said. “He made it to the Med Bay. Ratchet treated him, but he didn’t make it.”
She wanted to meet Starscream’s gaze again; hell, she wanted to hug him in condolence, but grief and shame took over her and all she could manage was to weep. “I broke his trust. I gave him my word—no Autobot would double cross any Seeker. He chose to trust me. And in the end, I couldn’t even save him. Now he’s… gone.”
“It wasn’t an Autobot who shot him down,” Starscream said lowly. “I saw. You can release your guilt on that front.”
Starscream knew he’d have plenty of time alone in that cell to mourn Thundercracker, and though the pain still crept into his newly blue eyes, he looked up at Rigel and found it easy to keep himself grounded. He wondered to himself what he would reach for to keep his sanity once Rigel left the brig; he hoped the memory of her would be enough.
“Rigel…” Even if she kept him grounded, Starscream struggled to find words to say to her.
“I’ll get you out of here somehow,” Rigel promised.
“Don’t fight them, Rigel,” Starscream warned.
“I won’t let things stay like this,” she insisted.
“I know you don’t want me to be in here forever, but you can’t change that alone,” Starscream said. “You’d have to go against Megatron to do that, and I know where that leads. I don’t want that for you.”
Rigel’s chest heaved at his words, and the liquid energon tears poured down her faceplate once more. “It’s just not fair…”
Starscream sighed, his voice falling to a defeated whisper. “I know.”
Rigel looked up at him, eyes gleaming in heartbreak.
“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” Starscream said. “You have a rank now. You have options. Use them well.”
She shook her head. “I can’t think of options right now.”
“Sure you can,” Starscream said. “You have the hardest helm of any bot I’ve ever known. You’re going to get back up there, find what you’re best at in this new world, ascend ranks until everyone calls you Prime, until you even manage to outrank Optimus himself. You’ll find yourself a nice Autobot to keep you company—”
“Stop,” Rigel begged, barely able to stifle the sob that overtook her words. “My spark is yours, Starscream.”
Starscream smiled, humbled. He’d at least have that to hold onto as well, the knowledge that he had Rigel’s favor. It was worth more to him than anyone would ever know. For a moment, it felt strange to gaze upon her with such admiration as she cried in front of him, but that thought faded quickly within Starscream. He was merely witnessing more proof of the strength within Rigel, the strength with which she’d chosen him, to rally with him. It was that strength that let him know she’d be fine. And with that thought, Rigel looked up at him again and let one of her hands travel up to the ray shield, resting it on its transparent surface where he then placed his hand over her palm, cursing the field of energy that separated them.
It was then that the ray shield flickered before shutting off, leaving Starscream and Rigel dumbfounded at the taste of freedom they were presented with. Rigel noticed Starscream glancing over her shoulder and she turned to face in that same direction. She saw the guard who had welcomed her into the brig as he was cautiously revealing himself from the turn of one of the halls, holding one of the panels he used to control the cells. He gazed upon them apprehensively, almost guiltily. He laid his gaze on Rigel and gave her a brief, solemn nod as he looked into her Cybertronian blue eyes.
“Make it short,” he said.
The guard disappeared behind the hallway, and Rigel looked at Starscream again with no intention of wasting a single second. She threw her arms around Starscream’s shoulders, having to leap to do so. Her feet were off the ground; Starscream was much taller than her, and he never had any trouble carrying her. It was something he liked very much. But he felt her nimble figure tremble in his arms, and for a moment, fury raced through him. Rigel wasn’t mistaken on how unfair the circumstances were, but Starscream didn’t feel injustice against himself as much as he felt it was toward her.
“Hey,” Starscream whispered.
Fearing he’d begin saying last wishes to her, Rigel was quick to quiet Starscream down with a kiss which he returned with tenderness. With their lips locked, the moments of silence drew on, until at last Rigel parted the kiss and looked Starscream in his eyes. Gently, she brushed a hand over his jawline, and he took one of his hands to tilt her chin up as he carefully set her feet on the ground. There they looked at each other, silently, until Starscream knew he had to let her go. The sight of her sparkling eyes would end him, but even then, he knew it would be worth it. Starscream was sure he’d rather succumb to Rigel’s raw essence than rot in that prison but letting her know that would only heighten her sorrow. He instead focused on making her leave him as easily as he could.
“I’ll always root for you from down here,” Starscream said softly.
Rigel looked as if she’d begin crying again, but she kept it together. “I’ll always think of you.”
Sharing one last kiss with him, Rigel then took two steps back and separated her body from his. She gazed intently into Starscream’s eyes and was barely aware when the ray shields powered up again, separating her from him once more. When she made sense of the finality of the ray shields, she felt the tears moving towards her eyes again. She could also tell Starscream was trying to be as calm as he could for her sake, but she could always see through him. He was as wretched as she was.
“Go,” Starscream whispered from inside his cell, barely audible.
But Rigel couldn’t bring herself to move her feet, not yet.
Somehow, Starscream managed to find a way to soften his gaze, silently telling her everything would be okay. “Go.”
One last look. That was all she’d have. Rigel made it a good one, and with the force of millions of vectors, she willed herself to move from the spot where she stood, first walking backwards to continue gazing upon Starscream, memorizing the details of his wings, the vents at the sides of his face, the shimmer of his blue eyes, until she reached the hallway where the guard waited for her and she knew she had to go.
Rigel had never had to do anything harder than it was to turn her back on Starscream that day.
Barely keeping hold of herself, Rigel glanced at the guard. “Thank you.”
The guard couldn’t find words to answer her, and even if he could, Rigel didn’t stay long enough to have heard them if he’d said anything. As she walked away, her metallic steps echoed through the brig’s heavy, eerie silence. Knowing he wouldn’t have to walk the Lieutenant out, the guard couldn’t help but turn the corner of the hallway one more time; it wasn’t as if he could do anything about the situation, but what he’d just witnessed moved his soft, human heart. It was clear the giant robots were capable of love and heartbreak, and he had his own experiences that helped him sympathize. When he looked at the infamous Starscream, who was focused on anything but the human, he felt a heaviness in his chest at the sheer heartbreak in the mech’s eyes. He’d lost a brother, he’d let a great love go, and he’d have to remain imprisoned for the rest of his days in that brig. In his cell, Starscream turned his back on the world with a grim growl, and all he could do right then was succumb in his cell to the realization there was no getting out.
Not yet, at least.
The guard returned to his post at the brig’s entrance only to find that Lieutenant Rigel was long gone. She’d already taken the elevator back up—he could only imagine how hard that had been for her too. Silently, he wished her the best; he had a feeling she wouldn’t be returning to that brig again.
I'm writing an Earthspark!Starscream x Rigel one shot that may or may not become a full length fic. It's sad 😉 so if I have to suffer writing it, you all must suffer reading it. It's Fic Author Rule number 1, I'm afraid.
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chapter tags: canon typical violence and discussions, swearing.
synopsis: in the aftermath of her battle with starscream, rigel's reluctance to confront her feelings for him is challenged by his proposal to make things up to her.
you could go anywhere
“Good as new.”
Ratchet had managed a hint of a smile as he looked at Rigel and said the words when he was finished with his work, but all he found was the sight of her looking away from him with a bitterness he was all too familiar with.
“You… okay there?” He asked her.
Rigel visibly relaxed her chassis as she acknowledged Ratchet, softening her gaze at him. She knew he wasn’t the one to lash out at.
“I’ll live,” Rigel replied as she swung her legs over the large metallic furniture Ratchet had adopted as a medical table. Her voice was low, flooded with remorse, with a small yet dense hint of disappointment. “I’m not the first Autobot to have her metal dented by a Decepticon.”
“But you are one of the few Autobots I know of who’s survived multiple one-on-ones with Starscream,” Ratchet said as he took a seat next to Rigel, not missing the way her gaze faltered to the floor beside her when he named Starscream. “Rumor has it you could’ve ended him.”
“Is that so?”
“Bumblebee caught a glimpse,” Ratchet said. “But he can at times embellish stories.”
Instead of looking at the ground beside her, Rigel stared directly in front of her as the vision of Starscream lying below her flashed before her. She could hear him admitting his surrender, telling her to end him, and the thought made her shudder.
“Could have,” Rigel said. “I chose not to.”
“No one condemns you for that,” Ratchet answered before getting up with the signature groan of an old-timer. “A new day comes tomorrow, soldier.”
With that, Ratchet walked out of the med bay. For a few moments, Rigel remained in silence with her thoughts. Ultimately, Ratchet was right, and she wondered for a second if he’d said that same phrase to many other bots back during the war. None of her pondering or brooding would change anything, though, and when she settled on that final sentiment, she stood up and left the med bay as well, heading directly for her quarters. Medical procedures always left her in serious need of a recharge. She’d been discharged of any other duties for the day by Optimus, anyway.
A part of her disliked that her entire squad could tell how badly she’d been affected by the whole affair, but she supposed it was only normal they’d pick up on it and decided to let it be. It’s not like they knew why, anyway. Not even she could name exactly why she was so upset, partly out of confusion, mostly out of fear.
When Rigel opened the door to her quarters, the familiar sight brought a wave of respite over her. She entered and closed the large doors behind her, heading for her pod to get the rest she so much desired, but a quick glance up at the miniature windows near the ceiling revealed a piece of debris outside one of the glass panes. Rigel glared at it; the silhouette matched that of one of his drones.
Rigel thought of ignoring it and trying to recharge, but she knew she wouldn’t get an ounce of rest with that thing there. For her sake—not for Starscream’s—she climbed up the wall for those last few feet she needed to reach the window and opened the large pane, bringing the drone inside. Already knowing how to operate it, she maneuvered the device to reveal whatever little message Starscream wanted her to get, and its content wasn’t the least bit surprising. It did, however, make her want to roll her eyes.
In the millennia I’ve been online, I’ve never been wrong, but I was wrong about you today. Come to the hangar, I want to make it up to you.
Just like him to end up being smug and obnoxious. But after all that day’s events, Rigel didn’t find herself with the energy to roll her eyes, nor to do anything other than discard that message and be done with it. Rigel opened the compartment between her shoulder blades and brought her bow out, unsheathing an energon arrow that she carefully held onto as she slowly, quietly, pressed into the drone to deactivate it entirely, after which she hid it underneath her pod to not be seen again until she could safely dispose of it. It was the only way to make sure none of the Autobots would find it, and the only way she wouldn’t be bothered by it again.
As she fell into slumber, Rigel accepted the possibility of there being more. The days went by, and each one brought a new drone, a new one of Starscream’s feeble attempts to fix what he and Rigel once had, whatever it was. Every drone that appeared near Rigel’s quarters was one that she quietly discarded, and the more days went by, the less interest she had in reading the messages, not even for the sake of amusement. Perhaps that would have been different if any of her femme friends from back home were with her; she knew Chromia and Windblade would certainly get a kick out of it, and maybe they’d all be laughing at Starscream with a few glasses of energon.
But that wasn’t the case, and so long as it wasn’t, Rigel would continue to discard them, drone by drone. Nearly two Earth weeks had passed and Rigel felt she’d become an expert in not even looking at what Starscream had to say, but there was one drone that drew her gaze, prompting her to stop cold as she tried to process the myriad of emotions that swarmed in her core at the sole two words written on it: Orionis Prime.
She stared at it. Those two words were the insurance the drone needed to keep her from destroying it; she hated that Starscream pulled that stunt, but a small part of her began to admire his sheer audacity. Having gotten rid of the others, Rigel didn’t quite know how Starscream had gotten to that point, and she had no way of knowing seeing as the charred retired drones all lay lifeless beneath her pod with any sequence there could have been. It may have seemed easy to treat that one like all the others, but those two words… they would move oceans within her, change her prerogative entirely, and Starscream knew it.
The smug bastard, she thought to herself. As she shoved the drone beneath her pod, struggling to make it fit neatly among all the others, she exhaled deeply settling on the fact that it wasn’t surprising that Starscream would use that against her for his own gain.
Rigel tried to go on about her day like she had for the past couple weeks. She went on patrol, put up an optimistic front for the rest of the Autobots, spent some time with Sari and with Cherry, made Bumblebee’s day just a little harder by teasing him alongside Prowl, and for most of the time, she succeeded in acting like the telltale drone wasn’t still under her pod. When she finally returned to her quarters to retire for the day, yet another reality had settled in: Starscream didn’t just do things, and he didn’t just tease. He was spiteful, but a scheming warrior like him was never wasteful. For him to go through all that, admit his own fault, and choose such lengths to get Rigel to go back out to the hangar, he had to have something to say other than “I screwed up.” Climbing onto her pod and swearing she could feel the drones lumping through the solid metal beneath her, Rigel evaluated her options. She could stay put and tolerate the incoming drones, or she could go see what this was about and deal with the aftermath when it happened.
Either way, it was her choice. The wiser choice probably would have been the first option, to tolerate and wait for Starscream to finally find something better to use his time with. She’d eventually find something better to focus on with the Autobots as well.
But much like the first drone that was on her window the other day, she knew that if she didn’t go and see what this was about, it would make sure to eat her alive. And with that, she didn’t even last ten minutes lying in her pod before jumping out of it and making her way out of the base with all the stealth she could muster. If anyone asked, she could still just pull the need for a night drive under the stars as an excuse.
The drive toward the hangar was as fast as it was decisive. Rigel didn’t think she’d ever driven at that speed on Earth’s soil before, although that was the last thing that should have been on her mind. The only thing that would be really useful to think about was getting to the hangar in the first place—she knew Starscream’s capability to surprise others first-hand, but she could anticipate he’d be waiting for her outside the hangar when she arrived. And sure enough, when the hangar was in her sights, she could make out his silhouette near its entrance, already waiting for her under the stars.
Rigel made sure to stop and transform at a safe distance, and though she didn’t want to senselessly lash out at him, she also wouldn’t try to mask her contempt. Her efforts to remain leveled allowed her to see his face as he gazed upon her, and it was an expression that felt alien on him. In those few seconds she looked at him, Rigel could almost believe he truly was sorry for having doubted her, and for having hurt her.
“I would’ve pulled the Orionis Prime card sooner if I knew how effective it would be,” Starscream couldn’t help a touch of his signature cockiness, but the look of remorse on his face didn’t leave him yet.
“Listen to me,” Rigel stomped at him, her glare piercing through his red eyes. She stopped just a few feet away from him, baring her teeth up at him, size difference be damned. Even with her curiosity, Starscream still deserved to have a piece of her mind. “You sure have a way of getting what you bloody want, but it’s about time you learn that I am fed up with your stupid grin, your obnoxious smugness, just—you! I’m fed up!”
Starscream’s gaze softened, curving his lips ever so slightly into a smirk. She didn’t fear him. He loved that she didn’t fear him. It was a merit entirely hers to be in his presence and speak so freely against him, and Starscream hoped she realized that.
“Now, what the slag do you want?” Rigel growled. “What could possibly be so important that you couldn’t stop trying to get a hold of me for two bloody weeks after having bent my door and cracked my glass?”
When Starscream was certain it was his turn to continue the conversation, he turned around and began to make his way inside the hangar. Dumbfounded, Rigel stared at him until he reemerged from the hangar, solemn but only slightly amused.
“Come in here,” Starscream said.
With a huff, Rigel followed after him and stepped inside the hangar. She stopped just after the entrance while Starscream went deeper inside, crouching between bits of rusty metal from the ceiling that was disintegrating.
“I’ve been staring at every piece of primitive aircraft around me for months, and I think I finally found a way to repurpose it,” Starscream began. “This metal won’t sustain space travel on its own, but the Nemesis has plenty for me to make an alloy.”
“The Nemesis?” Rigel intervened.
“Its engines are busted, too, but I don’t need them,” Starscream continued. “All I need are their fuel cells. If I combine them with the internal combustion components of these engines,” he gestured at the humanmade aircraft, “I can find a way to synthetically manufacture fuel in flight.”
“Get to the point,” Rigel said.
Starscream turned around and met her gaze. “I may have stumbled upon a way to go home.”
The mention of home intrigued Rigel, and Starscream noticed. Her gaze, while unchanged, seemed to gain a glow that let him know he was on the right track.
“So?” Rigel feigned disinterest.
Starscream couldn’t help but chuckle, but he made sure not to appear like he was mocking her. “So, if I’m right, and I can make anything close to a ship, I’m going back to Cybertron, and I want to take you with me.”
“Be serious,” Rigel said.
“I am being serious,” Starscream walked up to her without anymore amusement, just a true desire for her to hear his words. “We make the journey back to Cybertron, we both get to go home.”
“And what then?”
“That’s the best part of my plan,” Starscream raised a finger, smiling with what Rigel could almost confuse as genuine excitement. “You get to turn me into the Elite Guard.”
“There’s only so much honor that looks good on you, Starscream,” Rigel answered. “You’re starting to cross that line, and I’m having a hard time believing what you say.”
“You have plenty of reasons not to trust me, but you already trusted me once,” Starscream’s excitement faded, and now he looked at Rigel with his most sheer, unfiltered being. She feared she was seeing him for what he truly could be—determined, deadly intelligent, even honest. “I tried to live up to your trust and failed on my own when I doubted you, and I know how bad of a mistake I made in losing an ally like you.”
“You hurt me,” Rigel averted her gaze, crossing her arms in front of her.
“I did,” Starscream admitted, taking one step closer to her. “But I want your forgiveness, and if there was no chance of me getting that, you wouldn’t be here.”
With wide, tender eyes, Rigel looked up at him and gave him the gift of a hopeful gaze.
“I have never been more wrong about anything or anyone,” Starscream said. “But I can get you home, and to prove my true intentions, I’m willing to let you turn me in. You’ll return to Cybertron as the Autobot who brought down Starscream, and you’ll be well on your way to ascending ranks and getting what you’ve always wanted.”
Rigel faltered for a moment, but eventually she uncrossed her arms and looked up at him with her desires to fight him fading away.
“And what about you?” She asked. “Are you just going to sit pretty in the Cybertron Stockade after that?”
“Eventually, I’d break out,” Starscream smirked. “But that doesn’t have to reflect on you. You get the title and the glory you deserve, and I get back to Cybertron to continue what I should be doing.”
“Rallying the Decepticons?” Rigel placed her hands on her hips.
“I won’t be another Megatron,” Starscream growled. “But the Autobots aren’t giving Cybertron its best life, and we both know it.”
Rigel sighed. She hesitated to admit it out loud, but he was right. Looking into Starscream’s eyes, she found herself at a crossroads. He was right about one thing: whatever he did after they were both back on Cybertron would be his choice alone. He could return to Cybertron on his own, and as much as she didn’t want another war for Cybertron, it would have nothing to do with her if it did. She could at least gain the opportunity to return home. And, in doing so, a trip in deep space with Starscream was beginning to sound alluring to her.
They’d be alone, entirely isolated from the rest of the universe, quite literally. Together.
And that was when she stopped herself and took a step back, shaking her head at the fact that she had even considered it.
“No, no, I can’t,” Rigel said.
“That’s the Autobot badge talking,” Starscream said. “You know you want to go home. I want to give that to you.”
“Hell will break loose on Cybertron if you return, and I won’t be a part of that,” Rigel said.
“You don’t mean that,” Starscream said. “You know that going home matters more to you than anything I do.”
“But I do care what you do!” Rigel looked him in the eyes. “I do care if you get caught, I do care if you unleash a war on my planet. I do care if you get hurt, and I care if anyone gets hurt because of you!”
She stopped herself again, pondering on the words she’d just said. They hardly made sense to her, and all she could know for certain was that they’d really come out of her mouth. In a rare whim of regret, Rigel scolded herself for lacking such control, and seeing her distress, Starscream held his hands in front of him carefully, trying to calm her down.
“Think about it,” he said as his gaze involuntarily softened.
“Dammit, Starscream,” Rigel snarled and averted her gaze, not quite sure what to say to him next.
“I know how much you want to leave this pathetic planet—”
“The Earth is not pathetic,” Rigel answered. “It deserves our respect as much as Cybertron or Caminus.”
“And you just admitted you care—”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” Rigel snapped, meeting his gaze again. “I admitted no such thing.”
“Let me make it up to you, Rigel,” Starscream’s voice lowered in frequency, giving him an alluring touch, and Rigel doubted he didn’t know what he was doing. “Let me take you home.”
She faltered. Her anger momentarily faded into the gentle resolve to say yes, but she came to her senses quickly enough, and Rigel turned her back on Starscream, heading back outside.
“Goodbye, Starscream,” Rigel answered. “I’ll find another way home.”
“Wait,” Starscream reached a servo out to her even though she couldn’t see him, and he was glad to see she stopped. He didn’t really think she would.
Motionless, Rigel hesitated to look at Starscream again. Her lack of action had Starscream doubting again, but finally, she turned around and looked at him with a hard gaze. But Starscream could tell it wasn’t sheer anger towards him. Rigel was in doubt—conflict, rather. She longed for Cybertron far more than he did, and he suspected she’d begun longing for him the way he had. Getting her to admit that would be a battle of its own, but it wasn’t number one on his list at the time. Starscream had a plan that involved leaving Earth, and in his confidence, if not arrogance, he still believed there was a chance of Rigel going with him when she looked at him with those eyes that wanted to run to him, but refused to do so.
“My frequency,” Starscream said. “Register it.”
Rigel looked far outside the hangar. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Starscream.”
“Do it,” Starscream spoke in that same low tone. “I’ll stop pestering you with drones. If you ever change your mind, call me.”
Rigel lay her gaze on him one more time and she sighed. Yielding, she walked back inside the hangar up to Starscream and held her left wrist out where he could enter the code on the HUD.
“I’m only doing this to shut you up,” Rigel growled.
“Keep telling yourself that,” Starscream smirked, seeming more like himself. “So, do you forgive me?”
“No,” Rigel frowned and took her wrist back when he was done dialing the code.
“What’ll it take?”
“Goodnight, Starscream,” Rigel evaded the question as she turned around to leave again.
Starscream was almost willing to let her leave in silence. Almost.
“I know you care about me,” Starscream spoke up just as she reached the large exit. “I don’t know why, but you do.”
Rigel refused to look at him again, but she did straighten up her posture as though to solidify her resolve. “Neither do I.”
She didn’t see the way Starscream’s smirk widened, but she could almost feel him doing it. The words she’d said were true—the cause was still lost on her, but she was beginning to feel more than disgust towards Starscream, to feel herself coming closer to accepting his offer, and that was the very reason why she had to bolt.
And with no more words, Rigel transformed into the beautiful Porsche and drove away as fast as she’d arrived, thankful for the roar of her engine that could mitigate the swarm inside her core.
WTF is up with Bayverse Starscream being a literal fucking badass in the first movie?! There are sequences there that go seriously hard, from the very transformation sequences to the fact that he's legit a threat whenever he shows up, like, YES THAT IS WHAT WE WANT TO SEE!!! YES they gave him the freaking F-22, the coolest fucking fighter jet of all time, and then they did ALL THAT, YES THEY DID
WTF is up with Bayverse Starscream being a literal fucking badass in the first movie?! There are sequences there that go seriously hard, from the very transformation sequences to the fact that he's legit a threat whenever he shows up, like, YES THAT IS WHAT WE WANT TO SEE!!! YES they gave him the freaking F-22, the coolest fucking fighter jet of all time, and then they did ALL THAT, YES THEY DID
I know I said like two months ago that I was ready to start writing again and then I never posted anything and I'm first and foremost really sorry about that. I hate to think about anyone maybe having expected me to post something and then me not living up to that... and I realize it might sound a bit like my ego's really high, thinking I have fans or something of the sort on here. I promise you that's not the case.
What I'm really trying to say is that I know I acknowledged my blog a while ago and then I disappeared. While I've been away from tumblr, I haven't forgotten about the projects I have here nor the love I have for each one of them. Life has been... lifing. Nothing bad! Actually, things have been quite lovely. Save for one big breakup. But after said breakup, I harnessed all that pain and managed to make myself my best version yet, and I'm really proud of how far I've come.
I think that because of that growth, I also reevaluated the plot of Saturation in Delay, Love in Anger, at least for how Rigel eventually gets together with Starscream, so I'm rethinking the following three or maybe four chapters and that's also one very big reason why I didn't put the next one out when I thought I would. Aside from that, life is still busy with work and my master's and all, but it's all good things I want to keep in my life and I promise you (and my inner author/fangirl) that I will make it work somehow.
Not sure anyone's actually reading this. I know we all have our lives and I don't expect anyone on the big tumblr site to actually keep track of my writing updates or my blog. If you do, thanks. You're actually very sweet for that. If you've read this far, I appreciate you taking the time to read me and I hope life is being kind to you, wherever you are.
tags: fluff, cuteness, self-indulgent hurt/comfort, soft starscream, brief mentions of depression. dividers by @uzmacchiato (cover and starscream divider made by me)
synopsis: after seeing you cry one day, starscream feels a duty to protect you.
ao3 | main masterlist
That large empty hallway deep within the Autobot base had become Starscream's own little space. It was where he retreated when he needed to think, where he swung his saber to blow off steam, or sometimes just to have some room alone when Hotshot and Sideswipe's friendliness became too much to be around. It was all still strange to him, this whole deal with the Autobots, the Earth, the minicons, the humans.
It wasn't so much the kids, really. They weren't very different from the minicons, if Starscream thought about it. But you, you were a whole other story. Older, refined, experienced - an open book, and yet, a whole world unkown. For all the time you'd been around each other, Starscream felt he still knew nothing about you, and what was worse than that, he felt he wanted to know more. But he barely knew how to ask a fellow cybertronian for help or a conversation. How, in all of the worlds he had stepped on, would he ever know how to talk to you? How would he know how to respond whenever you talked to him?
It had happened before - you'd look at him with a friendly smile and ask him how he was feeling, or how he was adjusting to life with the Autobots, and the giant mech who'd been brave enough to challenge Megatron himself directly would be rendered speechless in your presence. Starscream wouldn't be surprised if by then you thought of him as a blubbering idiot. He knew it was a cruel thing to think of himself, but it wasn't as if he'd done much to change that image. As he kept swinging his saber, all alone in that hall of his, his mind kept racing with glimpses he'd gotten of you over the past few days. From the smiles you'd given the Autobots to the relaxed stares into nothingness when you weren't the center of attention, Starscream had memorized each look of your face, the way your eyes settled on your pretty face with the different expressions, whether you were happy or sad.
And with that last thought, Starscream stopped sparring. He sheathed his saber back into his wing and let out a sigh when the image that haunted him came back into mind. It had happened days before that. You'd thought you were alone in one of the labs, and the lights inside were dim so that the only thing illuminating you was the glow of the screen in front of you displaying something or other you were working on - it didn't really matter. Starscream got the sensation you weren't upset over whatever you were working on. He figured there had to be something else.
And, truly, he hadn't meant to linger, much less to eavesdrop on you, but the sight of you all alone in the dark and in silence had caught his attention when he'd only ever seen you smiling and laughing around the Autobots and the kids. He was standing outside of the lab, barely making up his mind to enter the lab and talk to you, when your body became small in your chair and quivered softly with the little sobs that escaped you. It didn't last long, but it felt eternal for him, and he didn't have it in himself to reach out to you. What if he scared you, or if you felt worse because you'd been seen?
In the end, Starscream knew he didn't reach out only out of consideration for you. You were something new and dautning to him when you were your usual, joyful, sunshine self. He didn't have the slightest clue how he could begin to be worthy of you in your sorrow. Still, days had gone by, and you had made your appearances with the Autobots and the kids as if nothing had happened, smiling at everything and getting things done, not once complaining about any pain you felt, but Starscream knew otherwise. The sound of your quiet sobs and your sniffles would be forever ingrained in his mind, and the more days went by, the worse he felt about doing nothing about it.
For a nanosecond, Starscream got the image of holding your little human body in his hands, shielding you and lifting you up all at once, and maybe then he'd see you smile at him again and everything would be okay. Returning to the present, Starscream's lost gaze found the exit of his private hall, as though the closed door beckoned him to go and find you. He could feel his circuits inside nearly making his body move against his will, but before either of his feet left the ground, Starscream stopped himself and looked the opposite way, turning his back on the door and the idea of finding you. You were a beautiful human girl who probably needed many things before you would even think of needing a giant jet with issues of his own. With that thought, Starscream decided you'd both be better off that way.
Defeated by his own machinations, Starscream began to walk toward the other end of the hallway. His mind finally went quiet for a second, allowing him to hear the faint metallic steps that suddenly emerged behind him, and he stopped his own to turn around to see his minicon, Jetstorm, peeking from behind the hall's enormous door. As usual, the minicon was quiet, merely staring at him the way he would whenever he tried to convey something. Starscream sighed. When the minicons did this, it usually meant they expected something from him, something better and kinder than what he believed he really was.
"Jetstorm?" Starscream angled his body to face the minicon. "What is it?"
Seeing that Starscream had responded, Jetstorm emerged fully from behind the hall followed by Runway and Sonar, the other two minicons who formed the Star Saber. The three minicons walked in line formation over to Starscream and stopped only a couple meters in front of him, looking up at his towering chassis with those same big, bright expecting eyes.
"What?" Starscream questioned, frowning. At times, he wished the minicons would just speak, even if their silence was part of their charm. It would be so much easier if they could just tell him what was on their mind instead of him having to come up with every possibility and voice it. He had enough on his mind already.
But seeing that Starscream wouldn't budge, the three minicons exchanged looks amongst themselves and then ran around Starscream to position themselves behind his feet, pushing him in the direction of the hall's exit. The three minicons didn't have nearly enough strength to make Starscream move even an inch, but it was clear to Starscream that they wanted him to leave the hall. What for, he still had yet to figure out.
"Alright, I'll move," he grumbled. "But get farther away, I don't wanna step on any of you."
The minicons beeped happily amongst themselves and ran toward the exit, waiting for Starscream there. When he reached them, they ran a bit further and stopped to wait again, repeating that as they led him through the halls, past the main laboratory, and to the outside of the base where the sun was shining brightly on a mid summer afternoon. There seemed to be nothing of note as the minicons led Starscream around the base's perimeter. No danger, nothing out of the ordinary. Why the minicons were acting up that way became even more of a question to him until, on one of the balconies near the top of the base, he saw you.
He stopped in his tracks. You were wearing a light orange sundress that made your figure seem even softer than it usually did and with his seeker eyesight, Starscream was able to make out the fabric's lazy patterns around the hem of the skirt and the top of the bust. Your hair was let loose and the summer breeze lifted it freely, and the sunlight reflecting off you made it look like you were radiating light and warmth of your own. When he was just getting over how adorable you looked, Starscream noticed Swindle was next to you, holding your hand and hauling you closer to the balcony not unlike his other three minicons were doing with him.
He couldn't believe it. Starscream had been outmaneuvered by his own minicons for the sole purpose of setting him up with you. If he wasn't so nervous about the prospect of coming face to face with you without any other cybertronians around, he would have actually laughed - it wouldn't surprise him if the minicons left you alone with him for bonding purposes. With his mind spiraling, the only thing capable of snapping him out of it was the sight of your human eyes falling on him and, like the radiant being you were, you smiled at him. He read a note of nerves in your eyes too, and you gave yourself away even more when you tried tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear, unsuccessful due to the wind making it rebel.
Hesitating for one last moment, Starscream looked down at his feet where Jetstorm, Runway, and Sonar once again pushed him forward. By then, he knew the minicons wouldn't relent until he was in front of you on that balcony, so he swallowed his nerves and took the final steps to reach you. The only thing that comforted him was that you appeared just as nervous as he was, until he thought of the possibility of you simply not wanting to be around him. Slag, he'd dig a hole through the mountain and disappear into it forever if that was true. He didn't think he could live with the shame.
"Hi," you said softly, smiling up at him.
And that was enough. His racing thoughts quieted, and Starscream managed a soft smile in return.
"Yeah... hi," he said.
Just as Starscream finished his greeting, Swindle ran back inside to the base, leaving you there on the balcony, and you noticed that on the ground, Jetstorm, Sonar, and Runway ran off too. Starscream's own gaze had fallen on the minicons for a bit, but you caught his attention again when you let out a giggle.
"Do you know anything about this?" You asked, gesturing at the retreating minicons.
"No," he replied when the bots were out of sight and it was time to meet your gaze again. "All I know is they're persistent."
"Yeah, Swindle quite literally has an iron grip," you soothed your wrist.
"He didn't hurt you, did he?" Starscream frowned.
"No!" You said. "No, he didn't. Don't worry."
Starscream gave a little nod and averted his gaze, trying to keep his composure. He reminded himself not to overreact, to be as gentle as he could. You deserved that softness.
"So, why are you here?" You asked him.
"They brought me here," he answered.
"I know, but why?" You raised a brow, and all the while, the smile hadn't left your face.
Finally, Starscream let out a soft laugh and was able to relax. "Well, they're perceptive. And they have this annoying habit of knowing everything."
Your smile widened and you couldn't help but look downwards, suddnly feeling nervous in Starscream's presence, but your nerves weren't alerting you of anything or telling you to run. Your own mind was racing at the thought of being alone with him. Since you'd met him, you'd known there was more to him, and a part of you had always longed to be with just him and finally see the real him, to see him let his walls down. Your cheeks were hot, and not just because of the sunlight hitting you directly, which you then began to feel like it was just a little too much. Your eyes squinted in the bright light, and no sooner had you done that than Starscream angled his large body to use his wing to cast a shadow over you. When he did, you looked up at him, amazed.
"Better?" He asked you.
You chuckled. "Yes, thanks."
He smiled softly in return, remaining silent. Looking at you, he pondered on the memory of seeing you all alone in the dark, sniffling. It contrasted starkly with the sight of you now, and though his first instinct was to suppress the words, they still pressed at him until they came out.
"Are you really okay?" Starscream asked cautiously, so much his raspy voice came out in a much lower register than usual.
Upon hearing the words, you physically moved back a bit, unsure what to do for a moment. Your first instinct was to answer that yes, you were okay, everything was fine, but something about having Starscream of all bots asking you that made all your emotions swirl within you, each one conflicting with your tendency to put on a mask and say it was all fine, rendering you speechless.
"I don't know what you mean," you said.
"I-" he hesitated, knowing he'd admit he was listening in on you that night, but it was too late to stop it. "I heard you the other night. Saw you. You were crying."
"That was you?" You asked softly, not as a challenge. Still, Starscream appeared embarrassed.
"I didn't think you'd see me," he answered.
"I didn't, but I heard you," you anwered. "Well, I didn't know it was you, I just heard steps."
He looked away, remorseful. "Right."
"You're a giant robot walking around a metal base," you couldn't help but chuckle. "You're not exactly stealthy."
When he looked at you again, Starscream had a serious look on his face, and you knew he wanted an answer to his question. You sighed, and with the breath that left you, so your walls came down.
"These haven't been my best days," you answered barely above a whisper. "I mean... I'll live, obviously. But it's been a hard week. A hard month, actually. Things at home, they're not so great. They were, but slowly they morphed into this thing and, well... it's been hard. Lonely."
You stopped yourself from talking anymore, knowing you'd cry again if you went on. You looked up at Starscream's eyes, and the sight of his gaze on you, so soft and caring, was almost enough to get the tears running again. He seemed sad too, but you didn't know if he was sad to see you upset or because your words reminded him of something he himself had to go through. It was probably a mix of both - he didn't talk much about what made him break off with the Decepticons, but you knew there was something intense lying there. Maybe it was a talk you'd have when he was ready to open up more.
"I'll be okay," you reassured. "I'm not always okay, but I will be."
"I didn't think you'd feel lonely around all of them," Starscream gestured at the Autobot base. "But I think I know what you mean."
"You feel lonely here too?" You asked him.
"This isn't about me," he stopped you.
"Starscream," you pronounced his name, and as it filled his audio receptors, he could only think how beautiful it sounded in your voice. The effect it had on him was foreign, and it made his solid metal figure soften, if only a little.
"It's different with me," he said. "I was a Decepticon. These Autobots are right to be wary of me. It's best if I'm alone."
You stared out into nothingness and thought each of your words carefully before speaking them. "Maybe you don't think it's best if you're alone. Maybe you want someone to see all of you, even the parts you think are bad, and still want to stay with you."
The words resonated between the two of you, and you both remained silent as they sunk in. After they did, you looked up again and met Starscream's gaze and felt a tenderness emanating from him as he looked at you.
"Is that what you want too?" He asked.
"I think it's what we all want," you answered, and you couldn't help but smile as you looked at him. His giant golden eyes, the engines at the side of his head, his wings. Everything about him captivated you, making you feel small and great all at once; he was truly magnificent. And as he saw you smile at him after all your sad talk, Starscream got a puzzled look on his face, and it all but made you giggle.
"What is it now?" He asked you.
"I..." you paused to smile at him wider. "I was wondering if you'd let me do that. For you."
The confusion in his face softened into something that resembled humility, and a small smile appeared on his lips. Looking at you, it was clear to him that he did want to let you do that, and he wanted to do the same for you if that was what you wanted. At that moment, he couldn't think of a single thing about you that would be bad, and he didn't think he'd ever find one. Even under the shadow of his wing, you were a being of pure light to Starscream, and to have you in front of him offering to be his safety, the one who cared for him and accepted him... he'd drop to his knees in gratitude if it didn't mean losing sight of you.
Starscream had no doubt that you saw him as this spectacular being, this gigantic robot who could weild powerful weapons and face off tyrants, living to tell the tale, and yet there you were, offering him the purest, simplest of gestures that could soften everything that had gone cold in him. In his eyes, that made you far more wonderful than he could ever aspire to be, and he knew he had to cherish that. He had to cherish you, to keep you safe, to protect you.
"On one condition," he answered, holding his hand out with his palm facing up, resting it next to you on the balcony. "You let me shield you from anything that's hurting you."
Your gaze went from his hand to his eyes, your own pooling subtly with tears of gratitude and disbelief at the idea of someone caring so much for you.
"You really mean that?" You asked.
Starscream smiled. "Think about it. Anything that tries to get to you will have to go through me."
You grinned at the thought and, with no more pondering, you walked up and climbed onto his hand, taking a seat on his palm with the skirt of your dress draping softly over your legs. It took you a few seconds to grow accustomed to the movement of his hand as he pulled you closer to his face, but it was a feeling you'd welcome often in your life. Being so close to him only strengthened how you already felt about him - Starscream was amazing. You leaned forward and rested both of your hands on the heel of his palm, looking up at him with that heavenly glow of yours. He had to admit you looked adorable in that position, with your dress and that cute smile rounding out your cheeks and making your eyes glow. It made him smile wider, and he wanted to voice it, although he feared a lack of words would betray him.
"You're, uh..." he hesitated. "You're pretty."
You giggled. "You're quite handsome yourself."
Starscream gave a light chuckle and looked away, making you think how cute he was when he was bashful. He then looked at you again, and the confusion had returned to his features once more.
"I'm not sure what happens now," he admitted.
"Well," you said. "I don't know how you do it on Cybertron, but here on Earth, when two people admit they care about each other like we do, it's normal to kiss."
He appeared startled, and you laughed to yourself thinking if he was capable of blushing he would.
"Oh," he said.
"Here, lift me up."
Starscream did as you said and lifted his palm closer to the top of his chest. When he settled there, you stood up and leaped from his hand to his collar and stepped closer to him where you perked on your toes and rested your palms on his chin. From there, you leaned forward and, with a big grin, you pressed a kiss to his upper lip. Somehow, you felt his whole body soften at the sensation of you kissing him, and Starscream let out a low, pleased hum. When you parted, you saw him smiling, and the sight was so beautiful you had to lean in and kiss him again, and again, until you were both a sonnet of giggles basking in each other's light.
When you were done with kissing for the moment, you turned around and took a seat on his left shoulder with your feet dangling carefree from the edge. With you there, Starscream felt he just might be worthy of all the good things that had been offered to him, and to begin to honor that, he walked away from the base to higher ground, where the view would be nicer and you could both enjoy it. As he did, four pairs of eyes watched the two of you wander off, and at such a sight, Starscream's four minicons beeped happily amongst each other, celebrating their triumph.
