
shark vs the universe

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Acquired Stardust
Sade Olutola

Discoholic đȘ©
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Claire Keane

ç„æ„ / Permanent Vacation
we're not kids anymore.
d e v o n
Jules of Nature
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
wallacepolsom
trying on a metaphor

romaâ

@theartofmadeline
hello vonnie
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

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@rivertamit
#grandma #itâs me #anastastia
Oh my god Iâm crying
Iâm sorry I couldnât help myself
donât be
Iâve been waiting for this my whole life
RIGHT so when I started my sociology course in college, my teacher stated us off withÂ
âwell I guess we have to do icebreakers. iâm Jon, and I fear bears. why do I fear bears? because bears can run at 30 miles per hour and Chester Zoo is 30 miles away. that means a bear can be outside this door in an hour. why would a bear be here? because they can smell fear and I fear them.â
I feel like the real peril of growing up Christian that no one really talks about is how deeply veggie tales songs get embedded into your fuckin head like a ticking time bomb of inanity
it could be decades later and youâre minding your own business in line at the grocery store or on the bus or trying to fall asleep and from the depths of your brain comes âthe bunny, the bunny, ooh I love the bunnyâ
youâll never be free
I heard someone mutter âmiren al pepinoâ under their breath the other day and was struck by the horrible combination of blind rage and camaraderie.
I love them so much.
Epilogue
by Milamai
I was not ready
unmute this
Iâm fucking crying with laughter right now, genuine tears in my eyes
two things:
1) this broke me and
2) what is this song because I need it
I, too, require this song.
UPDATE: I found the song and it is far more incredible than anything I could have imagined.
Oh my god.
Btw, these are but a small sampling from âTexts from Jane Eyreâ by Mallory Ortberg and that book is a damn DELIGHT.
Favorite video of all time, always reblog
this is easily the best one. the slight facial expression change once he finishes talking. the horribly unnatural fall into the water. the nailed swimming animations. the ragdoll. this man is a national treasure
I was not ready
unmute this
Iâm fucking crying with laughter right now, genuine tears in my eyes
two things:
1) this broke me and
2) what is this song because I need it
maybe itâsâŠ. subtle.
Iâve spent some time wondering at Dumbeldoreâs rational for hiring Gilderoy Lockhart and Iâve reached the following conclusion.
When Dumbledore met Lockhart, all he thought was âOh, this is going to be hilarious.â
I always got the vibe that Dumbledore was like, âthere is no possible way for this man to be a Death Eater,â and hired him on the spot.
I like the idea of Dumbledore overcorrecting all the time. First professor was a death eater? Lets get one who definitely isnât. That one was an egoistical jerkface? Iâll hire literally the most humble and unassuming human on Earth. Lupin got kicked out by a bunch of parents? Lets go for a man who is incapable of taking any shit from anyoneâŠ. etc.
And as Umbridge was the Ministryâs pet spy, he replaced her with his long-standing pet spyâŠ
If anyone else is having an emotionally hard time reading all the new sexual assault/harassment revelations over the past forever-it-feels-like and reliving all the shittiest things that have ever happened to you, I offer you the following:
-solidarity to yell right along with you if youâre furious -comfort and encouragement and virtual hugs for when youâre hurting and exhausted -full support if you choose to disengage from the news/discussions to take care of yourself -dumb puns and show suggestions and animal pictures for when you need distractions -kind words and pep talks if you need them Feel free to message if you want or just know that youâre not alone.
Throckmorton
Your cousin Throckmorton, the skateboarder.
No, it gets better.
Look at lines two, THEY CALL HIM THROCKY.
I deeply love Lord of the Rings, but I need to make a statement: Tom Bombadil is a dumb and pointless character.
Sure, maybe thereâs more to him in the other stories, but Iâm talking about in the trilogy where he is just a dude who like to dress badly, hang out in the woods, sing all the time, and not give a single fuck about the world ending.
Oh, heâs crazy-powerful magical, you say? If heâs not going to use it (for good, for bad, for freaking cool fireworks), I DONâT CARE.
And you know what? HIS SONGS ARENâT EVEN GOOD.
âHey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow! Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!â
THOSE ARENâT EVEN WORDS, TOM. GO HOME, YOU DO NOT WIN THE RAP BATTLE.
The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. Thatâs literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, âSorry, Buckbeak flew away.âÂ
âThereâs a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.â
âA different hipprogriff.â
âIâm⊠pretty sure thatâs the same hipprogriff.â
âProve it.âÂ
no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies
Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book
Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.
Remus: Erm⊠this is our new order member, my⊠cousin Gerald. Gerald White.
âMr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!â âOh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesnât wear glasses. That wouldnât make sense.â âWell have Mr. White take off his glasses then!â âHe canât he needs them to see.â
it got better
Itâs honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesnât collapse every other week because like
Youâve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them
And there is literally no common sense
Anywhere to be found
Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself SteveÂ
Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but Iâd like to bring up
The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. Heâd buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldnât but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.
But, but, but, you know the one person
the one person
who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?
Severus Snape.
Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that itâs Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so⊠so affronted.
âSeverus, he is my cousin.â
And Sirius would love it. Heâd love the fact that Snape just hated it. Heâd be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it
That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like âexcuse me, Iâve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think theyâre attracted to glassesâ
and the magical community is like âshit, yeah, youâre rightâ
and just
Spare. Snape goes spare.
Picturing Snape as Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Oddparents now.
Gerald White eventually becomes a fully registered animagus. When he turns into his animagus form right in front of Snape, Snapeâs bursting at the seams, just pointing at him and spluttering:
âHEâS A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG - THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.â
And Remus calmly says:Â âThatâs absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, peopleâs names donât have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. Thatâs ridiculous.â
And Snape yells:Â âShut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!â
Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.
âPure coincidence,â Gerald says. âMy aunt was into Roman mythology. Has to happen sometimes.â Then he pauses to give Snape an overly concerned look. âAre you alright, Severus? Youâre looking a little red.â