No, but why

It's all nerdy things, book things, music things, and bad jokes over here.

[alrightevans]

[lady-arryn]

[newsiearms-blog]

#grandma #it’s me #anastastia

[mamalazzer]

Oh my god I’m crying

[knockfivetimes]

I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself

[star-spangled-jackass]

don’t be

[thishartominefeelz]

I’ve been waiting for this my whole life

[dovalbun]

RIGHT so when I started my sociology course in college, my teacher stated us off with 

‘well I guess we have to do icebreakers. i’m Jon, and I fear bears. why do I fear bears? because bears can run at 30 miles per hour and Chester Zoo is 30 miles away. that means a bear can be outside this door in an hour. why would a bear be here? because they can smell fear and I fear them.’

[janeaustentextposts]

[femmedionysus]

I feel like the real peril of growing up Christian that no one really talks about is how deeply veggie tales songs get embedded into your fuckin head like a ticking time bomb of inanity

it could be decades later and you’re minding your own business in line at the grocery store or on the bus or trying to fall asleep and from the depths of your brain comes “the bunny, the bunny, ooh I love the bunny”

you’ll never be free

[rivertamit]

I heard someone mutter “miren al pepino” under their breath the other day and was struck by the horrible combination of blind rage and camaraderie.

[maxevvans]

[rivertamit]

I love them so much.

[milamai]

Epilogue

by Milamai

[drawingwithdinosaurs]

[monkeysaysficus]

I was not ready

[jumpingjacktrash]

unmute this

[areyouahauntedpotato]

I’m fucking crying with laughter right now, genuine tears in my eyes

[rivertamit]

two things:

1) this broke me and

2) what is this song because I need it

[gen-erich]

I, too, require this song.

[rivertamit]

UPDATE: I found the song and it is far more incredible than anything I could have imagined.

[sparkitors]

[quinnandersonwrites]

Oh my god.

[rivertamit]

Btw, these are but a small sampling from “Texts from Jane Eyre” by Mallory Ortberg and that book is a damn DELIGHT.

[forgamers]

[thunder-thighs-sfw]

Favorite video of all time, always reblog

[megatome]

this is easily the best one. the slight facial expression change once he finishes talking. the horribly unnatural fall into the water. the nailed swimming animations. the ragdoll. this man is a national treasure

[drawingwithdinosaurs]

[monkeysaysficus]

I was not ready

[jumpingjacktrash]

unmute this

[areyouahauntedpotato]

I’m fucking crying with laughter right now, genuine tears in my eyes

[rivertamit]

two things:

1) this broke me and

2) what is this song because I need it

[wingedcorgi]

maybe it’s…. subtle.

[elsiesnuffin]

I’ve spent some time wondering at Dumbeldore’s rational for hiring Gilderoy Lockhart and I’ve reached the following conclusion.

When Dumbledore met Lockhart, all he thought was “Oh, this is going to be hilarious.”

[angusburnsides-deactivated20230]

I always got the vibe that Dumbledore was like, “there is no possible way for this man to be a Death Eater,” and hired him on the spot.

[alkatyn]

I like the idea of Dumbledore overcorrecting all the time. First professor was a death eater? Lets get one who definitely isn’t. That one was an egoistical jerkface? I’ll hire literally the most humble and unassuming human on Earth. Lupin got kicked out by a bunch of parents? Lets go for a man who is incapable of taking any shit from anyone…. etc.

[mzminola]

And as Umbridge was the Ministry’s pet spy, he replaced her with his long-standing pet spy…

[rivertamit]

If anyone else is having an emotionally hard time reading all the new sexual assault/harassment revelations over the past forever-it-feels-like and reliving all the shittiest things that have ever happened to you, I offer you the following:

-solidarity to yell right along with you if you’re furious -comfort and encouragement and virtual hugs for when you’re hurting and exhausted -full support if you choose to disengage from the news/discussions to take care of yourself -dumb puns and show suggestions and animal pictures for when you need distractions -kind words and pep talks if you need them Feel free to message if you want or just know that you’re not alone.

[teathattast]

Throckmorton

[tredlocity]

Your cousin Throckmorton, the skateboarder.

[rivertamit]

No, it gets better.

Look at lines two, THEY CALL HIM THROCKY.

[rivertamit]

I deeply love Lord of the Rings, but I need to make a statement: Tom Bombadil is a dumb and pointless character.

Sure, maybe there’s more to him in the other stories, but I’m talking about in the trilogy where he is just a dude who like to dress badly, hang out in the woods, sing all the time, and not give a single fuck about the world ending.

Oh, he’s crazy-powerful magical, you say?  If he’s not going to use it (for good, for bad, for freaking cool fireworks), I DON’T CARE.

And you know what?  HIS SONGS AREN’T EVEN GOOD.

“Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow! Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!”

THOSE AREN’T EVEN WORDS, TOM.  GO HOME, YOU DO NOT WIN THE RAP BATTLE.

[mydearthisbe]

The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.” 

“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”

“A different hipprogriff.”

“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”

“Prove it.” 

[twelvemonkeyswere]

no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies

[thesanityclause]

Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book

[septimusprime]

Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.

[dreadpiratemary-deactivated2018]

Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.

[zero0000]

“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”

[animatedamerican]

it got better

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like

You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them

And there is literally no common sense

Anywhere to be found

Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve 

[kat8porgs]

Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up

The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.

But, but, but, you know the one person

the one person

who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?

Severus Snape.

Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.

‘Severus, he is my cousin.’

And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it

That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’

and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’

and just

Spare. Snape goes spare.

[laurathia]

Picturing Snape as Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Oddparents now.

[mariana-oconnor]

Gerald White eventually becomes a fully registered animagus. When he turns into his animagus form right in front of Snape, Snape’s bursting at the seams, just pointing at him and spluttering:

‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG - THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’

And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”

And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”

Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.

“Pure coincidence,” Gerald says. “My aunt was into Roman mythology. Has to happen sometimes.” Then he pauses to give Snape an overly concerned look. “Are you alright, Severus? You’re looking a little red.”